Outlaw MC: The Complete Boxset

by Ethan Egorov

  “I was in foster care for a long time, Spencer and me. But he was too young to remember what our real parents were like.” I tighten at the memory.

  “Were they horrible?”

  I just nod.

  “Yeah. The usual stuff, drugs, petty crime. More often than not they were arrested for something, I remember being four and staying home a lot, in one little room with Spencer.” I shake my head a bit at that. At least he didn’t cry a lot or make much trouble, it’s like he knew that things were hard enough.

  “You took care of him?” She asks. I hear the shock in her voice and wish it weren’t there at all, but it is just the truth, I am not trying to score any points.

  “I had to. But I don’t let him know about all that, he doesn’t remember. Maybe he blocked it out or something, I don’t know. But it wasn’t until junior high or so when we were in and out of foster homes and he started getting into trouble. I couldn’t if I tried, I had to much—anyway. My life is better now, and I owe it to the club. I probably would have washed out, and Spencer would have too if I didn’t drag him here.” I exhale with the end of my short life story, not much has happened at all. It’s not like hers, she told me in passing but because it was easy too. She doesn’t remember her mom much either and I know that makes her sad sometimes.

  She grins at me softly, “That’s very big brother of you.”

  “I guess I’m good at that.” I smirk.

  “You’re good at a lot of things. You’re a good ‘non boyfriend’ for starters.” She giggles and kisses my cheek; it makes me feel warm inside and it becomes just another thing she can do to me.

  “I guess I am.” I hold her tighter into a hug, wishing I could freeze this moment. Here in the club that means so much to me, and Paige, who I never thought would capture my heart, but she has.

  I can only hope she lets me capture hers.

  I have been waiting for the ball to drop for a while now.

  Waiting for the other shoe, the bad side to all the good.

  But it hasn’t really come yet.

  Paige was right, I got a letter in the mail about a week later detailing my five hundred dollar fine and ten hours community service. It’s completely over the top but only because that cop has it in for me. I look over my shoulder and expect to find him sometimes, but I don’t.

  All I see is Paige, and our ‘not dating’ dates. For the past few weeks, I meet her at the club and take her somewhere for dinner, go back to either of our places. And sometimes we just talk, it isn’t always sex and I like that about us, that’s not all that it is about.

  She gets me. And I know that sounds crazy but it’s the truth. She doesn’t ask me about things going on with the club, not even when I had to leave for a couple days and came back with a busted lip. She doesn’t insert herself in my affairs and I stay out of hers, even though there is a big difference. But still, it doesn’t even worry me that she is a lawyer because even though she could probably turn me in and get a huge payday, she doesn’t.

  So that’s all it’s been, me wooing Paige and dealing with the club. My busted lip came from going over to the Devil’s Princes with Darius and getting into it with their pres, but it was some of their other members that we didn’t get along so well with. It was his fault, but I had to have his back, cue fight. We waited for the next drop but none of them tried to intercept, it’s like they are playing us and I can’t get my head around the game yet.

  The guys at the club help out, Spencer tries to help but I don’t want him in the middle of a gang war, if it comes to that.

  So I am still kept waiting for the other shoe to drop.

  “I don’t see why you can’t tell me where we are going. I need to know what to wear. What to do with my hair.” Paige giggles over the phone and I laugh. I’m sitting in my office at the club, having my regular mid-day phone call with her, while she is on her lunch break.

  “Just come as you are. We’ll be naked soon enough anyway.” I chuckle and lean back in my chair.

  “Okay, Roland.”

  “Just be ready at seven. It’s never fun when you leave me waiting on your couch. This is a real date, Paige.” I say, though I wonder what her response will be.

  Her long silence does half of that.

  “A real date?”

  “Yes, sweetheart. The kind where I pick you up, say nice things, and we go about our night together. It’s been what, two months now? Unless you plan on skipping town, I don’t see why we can’t make this official.”

  “Official?” She asks, as if she plans on repeating what I say for the rest of this phone call. I don’t know why she is so nervous about this; it doesn’t make sense.

  “Yeah, like you’re my girl. Official. I’m not going anywhere Paige; I don’t plan on running around on you. Just trust me.” I tell her.

  “I do trust you. I just… don’t want to.” She exhales.

  “I don’t know what that means, sweetheart. What are you telling me?” I sit up alert in the chair and get a bad feeling in my chest.

  Her silence lasts too long and it kills me.

  “I’m saying… I don’t think we should go on a real date, Roland. As much as I want to. I’m not ready.” Her voice softens until it is only a little more than a whisper.

  “So where does that leave me?”

  “Things don’t have to change, Roland.”

  “Because you don’t want them to. You just want me to wait forever with virtually no hope. So where does that leave me?” I ask again and start to wonder if I even want the answer. If I even want to know what is in store for me, with her.

  I want her of course; I want her badly. To be mine. Not to temporarily think that she is mine and then wake up to find her gone. Or telling me that she doesn’t want me after all, like she is about to.

  “I don’t know.” She whispers.

  I groan under my breath, not wanting to sound mad at her. Because it isn’t her fault, it isn’t her fault that she doesn’t want to let me in. But if she never planned to, she could have told me that in the beginning.

  “When did you know that? That you didn’t know if you wanted this or not.”

  “Roland—”

  “Because it could have saved us both a lot of time.”

  “Maybe we shouldn’t have this conversation over the phone.” Her voice cracks.

  I shake my head and know that I am not getting anywhere with her, that I probably never will.

  “We shouldn’t have this conversation at all.” I hang up and slam my phone on the desk in anger.

  “Fuck,” I groan.

  I don’t know how to wrap my head around this. It pisses me off that she even has this much control over me, I don’t get it.

  She comes out of nowhere and all of a sudden, I’m begging a woman to want me over the phone. It doesn’t make sense. She agreed to the date last night, in person. Maybe because we were naked and I just finished having her nine ways to Sunday but she agreed all the same, wondering what she should wear. Now this.

  Whoever had her before really put her at a disadvantage, and I don’t know how to prove myself to her.

  But at least that other shoe has finally dropped.

  14

  Paige

  If I knew life would be this good, I would have started over sooner, come here months ago. Each day I think about my ex less and less and all the hurt, I’ve even stopped tracing my finger and remembering a ring briefly being there. It feels good to grow. Even better that Roland is a part of that.

  He is just so charming and kind and rough around the edges but has a soft middle too. When he wants to at least. Most of the time I forget about the law-breaking past time that he has, I still worry about him though.

  He doesn’t tell me everything but apparently there is some other club trying to challenge them or something, I don’t really know. I just hope he doesn’t actually get hurt one of these days. When he left for two days and came back with an obvious punch to the face, I felt like it happened to me
too, and that’s pretty scary. It was a few weeks ago and he hasn’t left again, but I worry that one day he will go and end up in some sort of a drug war.

  I don’t know why he affects me this way, I tried to keep him at a distance so this very thing wouldn’t happen but that failed. I could only keep him so far when we were eating together and having all the sex in the world and occasionally sleeping in each other’s arms. I guess I should have seen this coming.

  I talk this over with Lauren all the time and she has no advice. Only that if I don’t feel like he is Jason, I shouldn’t be worried. But I know he was a good guy in the beginning too, there is no telling where I might end up with Roland.

  I don’t want to have feelings for him, but I do.

  Every day at work I smile to myself and walk around like I am the happiest person alive because of him. But I don’t want that to be true, because then he has power over me. I shouldn’t have gotten involved with someone so fast; I should have stayed to my agreement with myself. But… Roland rode his way in, easily so.

  I am sitting down for my lunch at my desk, glad that Kayla isn’t here to eavesdrop, there have been some awkward moments on that front. But it’s the only time I can talk to him during the day, until I meet him later.

  “I don’t see why you can’t tell me where we are going. I need to know what to wear. What to do with my hair.” I laugh to myself. He asked me on a date last night, a real date, and not a drive thru takeout one where we end up back at his or my place.

  At first, I was apprehensive but it sounded nice, fun. Now that I ask him what to wear, I imagine us going on an amazing date where I realize that I love him and don’t want to let him go. I stop eating my chicken salad and ruminate over that.

  “Just come as you are. We’ll be naked soon enough anyway.” His chuckle is deep and flies through the phone, settling me in the chair. It is only the fact that I am in public that I refrain from getting swoony, dreamy eyes.

  “Okay, Roland.” I giggle.

  “Just be ready at seven. It’s never fun when you leave me waiting on your couch. This is a real date, Paige.” He says and I laugh at the memories. It was only a few times, but sometimes I come back home and need to get out of the work clothes that followed me through the jail house and cells and shower it all off. Sometimes with him.

  But in the silence, my mind goes back to what he said, about it being a real date. And that image of me loving him and being left in the dark comes flooding back.

  “A real date?” I ask. My voice is shaky and I swallow it back. My mouth goes dry but I don’t reach out for my water to quench it.

  “Yes, sweetheart. The kind where I pick you up, say nice things, and we go about our night together. It’s been what, two months now? Unless you plan on skipping town, I don’t see why we can’t make this official.” His voice is humorous but every word just makes it all the more real for me.

  Being official sounds like the society parties I had to start going to, the smile I had to put on my face. Obviously, I won’t have to do that here but it would feel just as suffocating. Roland isn’t like that though; he has been patient and kind to me, understanding that it isn’t him that makes me like this.

  “Official?” I repeat again. I might sound stupid or like I am just repeating him but it is all I can do to try and wrap my head around it.

  “Yeah, like you’re my girl. Official. I’m not going anywhere Paige; I don’t plan on running around on you. Just trust me.” He says. His voice is so sure and I am everything but sure. I don’t know how he does it.

  “I do trust you. I just… don’t want to.” I take a deep breath. This conversation feels to heavy to be having in a place like this. I think about moving but I am frozen to the chair. I know at least that much—I trust Roland. I believe that he won’t hurt me and he will be there for me, I trust him.

  But that didn’t go over well for me the last time. It hurt too much, now this all feels to real. I am almost glad this is over the phone, because if I were looking into his deep, dangerously warm eyes I would not be so certain.

  “I don’t know what that means, sweetheart. What are you telling me?” His voice goes from the even, warm humor to something deeper and darker.

  I stay silent so long that my voice rings in my own ear from the last word and his breathing starts matching mine.

  “I’m saying… I don’t think we should go on a real date, Roland. As much as I want to. I’m not ready.” I whisper and swallow back impending tears. I can’t cry here and I am almost going over my lunch break. But I can’t just hang up and run, as much as I want to. My finger itches to end the call and just avoid this conversation. But I don’t. I stay on the line and wait to hear how much what I said hurts him.

  “So where does that leave me?” His voice wavers but stays firm somehow. I imagine how he must look, his face contorted in confusion. I have only seen it when he is on the phone with someone from the club and never at me.

  But now I am doing this to him. Hurting him. That is never what I wanted to do. I should have known sooner but I am only realizing it now and telling him may be bad but leading him on could be worse.

  “Things don’t have to change, Roland.” I say, as if that is any better.

  “Because you don’t want them to. You just want me to wait forever with virtually no hope. So where does that leave me?” He asks me again and I still don’t have an answer for him.

  “I don’t know.” I whisper, falling silent after. I am stunned and frozen in the chair by my own doing. By all the things that I feared most coming to light.

  Roland is a good guy. After all this, he doesn’t blame me or get angry. I was right about him, and myself. And that’s why this is happening again.

  “When did you know that? That you didn’t know if you wanted this or not.” He asks slowly, probably as afraid of the answer as I am.

  “Roland—” I start.

  “Because it could have saved us both a lot of time.” He interrupts, his voice rising only a bit.

  “Maybe we shouldn’t have this conversation over the phone.” I say. My voice goes from being uneven to cracking with the threat of tears. I hold them back as best I can, burying my face in my other hand.

  He sighs and his breathing is cut off, “We shouldn’t have this conversation at all.” He says before ending the call.

  I stare at my phone, a little shocked, but that’s all that I expected. I wouldn’t want to talk to me either.

  I find it in me to get up and rush to the bathroom. Once in the safety of a stall, I let the tears fall, sobbing from my chest. I am fairly certain that I have just ruined my life all over again and I hate that it is over a man. Again.

  Roland is worth it though; he is actually good and I am the one that messed things up. I don’t know how to fix it, or even what to say.

  But I am hoping that the truth will work.

  15

  Roland

  I sit at my desk, a boiled pit of anger, just waiting to strike out or do something stupid. I stare at my phone and think of calling her back. I shouldn’t have hung up on her.

  But I was just so angry that I didn’t know what I might say to her. What I might have done is something I may not have been able to take back.

  Paige is special, she’s a good woman, and if I give her time, she might come around. But I can’t get stuck waiting for that day.

  So eventually I get up and walk out to the rest of the club. Some of the guys are posted out and having a relaxing Friday. Mine is shitty as hell.

  “Rafe, we’ve got a message.” Kit walks in, he’s a huge guy who is actually as mean as he looks.

  “What?” I bark back, not even worried about the side eye that he gives me when I do.

  “From the Devil’s Princes. Their pres wants to meet.” He hands me an old-style paper with their seal on it, that’s the way we do things so it’s all untraceable.

  All it has is an address. I frown at it because this is the last thing I need right now. I
fist it into a ball and toss it on the ground, having memorized it already.

  “Fuck. That’s just perfect.” I walk forward and straight outside, Kit follows me.

  “Let’s ride.”

  We return to the compound and I sit low on my bike, my body slumped with all the emotions I had to endure today.

  First Paige. And then the Devil’s Princes.

  At least it didn’t end on the same bad note as last time. He actually listened. Their pres is an older guy, with old ideas and a mean Irish streak that will let him do whatever violent act he feels like he needs to. But I am a reasonable guy. I have youth on my side, reason. And I used it to my advantage. I will be around far longer than he will and his territory will be left to a bunch of guys that shoot first and ask questions later. It’s why their club is smaller than ours.

  So we compromised, I used all the skills that Tank taught me. For the drug runs that pass their territory, they get a cut and if their guys cross us again, I have every right to eliminate them. Simple as that. It should work, until it doesn’t.

  Instead of waiting for that day, I focus on this one. Where I have to get my girl back.

  16

  Paige

  I leave the bathroom, picking myself up and dusting myself off and all that jazz. I have four cases to get through, and the work helps me keep busy so I don’t beat myself up in my head.

  But then the work is finished and I have nothing. I don’t know why I expect to find a text from him or missed call, but I don’t find one. The drive home is sappy and spent crying at stop lights. I realize how I really feel about Roland and it makes my heart ache, and I try to figure out how to get him back.