by Ethan Egorov
“No. It’s interesting.” Her answer makes me half smile with relief. I scratch at my beard thinking I should trim it as I distract my thoughts. Just thinking about this with her has me reacting, my cock growing stiff in my boxers.
“Good.” I swallow and finish my coffee as it wakes me up even more already. “You should buy yourself some groceries.” I remind.
She giggles, “Yes sir.” She says it as a joke, but she has no idea how much it pleases me.
I stay on the phone with her for a bit talking about nothing in particular. It’s nice, having company other than the guys I already know at the club.
“What are you doing tomorrow night?” I eventually ask.
“Um, I don’t know. Watching trash TV.” She giggles. Her natural humor refreshes me, the way she is so carefree all the time, happy about nothing in particular. I don’t want to take that away from her with my darkness but I’m already in too deep now.
“I’m taking you out to dinner.” I say firmly.
“Like a date?” She checks. I chuckle under my breath at her.
“Yeah, Amy, like a date.” I sigh. She is silent for a few seconds before reacting.
“Okay. Sure.” Her voice is shaky, and I can imagine the blush fanning her cheeks, but wish I was actually seeing it.
“I’ll pick you up at six.” I say. I would go tonight but I already know I’m seeing Kit at the club and I’m not ready to lie directly to his face yet or be with him the same day. If I ever tell him, I need to choose my moments. He already has other shit going on with his dad’s company now and I don’t want to get in the way of that. Or make matters worse for him. But tomorrow I don’t go to the club at all, it’s kind of like a day off. From violence, being me.
“Okay. Sounds good.”
I swallow, “I’ll text you later, I gotta go.” I hang up before she can say anything. Something about going on a real date with her suddenly has me nervous, or worried mostly. That it won’t go well. That she’ll tell Kit I hurt her and then he’ll run me over. He can be violent too if he wants, especially over Amy. Around when we first met, he brought her to the club and some prospect hit on her in a less than respectable way. He beat him with a crowbar from the garage and we all watched. That was the last time she came around, but the first time we knew not to mess with his sister. Now that I know him, he was still riddled with grief from his parents dying. But it was still pretty jarring, and I like myself the way I am without crowbar damage.
I guess the question is if I like Amy more.
“What’s up with you?”
“What?” I look up at Kit from where I sit in the garage, on an old tire and hubcap he just took off a truck.
He gives me a funny look from under the hood, grease staining his face as per usual in this place.
“You look more like the living dead than usual.” He snickers. I almost roll my eyes at him before agreeing that he’s right. After getting nearly no sleep and then stressing all morning, I look how I feel. Exhausted and anticipating seeing Amy. Like I said, I texted her all day yesterday, even when I was supposed to be working.
“Yeah, um, I didn’t get much sleep.” I lie, well it is mostly the truth.
“Oh. Why?” He goes back to working and I feel slightly better when he isn’t looking at me the whole time. I twiddle my fingers and try to come up with a lie. This is exactly what I was talking about. I just didn’t expect him to come to the garage today. Apparently, he disagreed with Emily on something and went out for fresh air. I was coming back from a club meeting when I saw him. Couldn’t exactly run in the other direction.
“No reason. Um, Olivia is thinking about moving.” I find an excuse, and it’s a true one. I talked to her this morning and that’s her new plan, to move away from town. She’s the only family I have left here but I can’t hold her against her will.
“What for?” He laughs once.
“New job.” She works for this marketing company and sells stuff, but I never really listen when she is explaining it. All I know is some sort of promotion might move her halfway across the country. I’ve been close to my sister pretty much my whole life, we’ve never lived apart either. So, I don’t understand why she would want to leave. I thought she liked it here. But I didn’t have much time to talk to her before she had to go.
“Oh. That sucks. Has she decided yet?” He asks me. He gets easily concerned, invested in this problem that isn’t as deep as my liking to his sister. I feel bad again that I’m keeping it from him.
I swallow and nod even though he can’t see me. “Oh, I don’t know. Not yet I guess.”
“Hm. Well hopefully she decides to stay.”
“Yeah, I can’t really make her, though.” I say. And I feel like I am alluding to something else. Anything else.
“I hear you. Amy is in the same boat right now.” There is a loud crash before he leans out of the hood with a guilty look, cursing under his breath. I make a face at him and he shakes his head.
“Needs a new engine, no fixing that one.” He shrugs.
I nod once but am still tense at the mention of Amy.
“Do you want her to stay?” I ask him. He wipes his hands and tosses the towel away.
“I mean, I’d like her to stay close. I worry about her. But like you said, I can’t make her.”
“Amy seems smart.” I say. I know she is smart, and not just med school smart either. She could pick me apart in seconds, get me to confess most of my dark secrets that I have never told anyone, not even at the club. Stuff about Mike, my dad.
“Yeah she’s smart. But she’s too nice. I’m worried people will take advantage of her.”
“What makes you say that?” I perk up. He looks at me dead pan.
“Every guy that’s ever been in her life has fucked shit up. I’m surprised she hasn’t changed and become a raving bitch, anyone else would have.”
I frown at him in confusion. “Guys like who?” I ask him. And I hope that he doesn’t think I’m prying too much; I just have never heard of this stuff before. Amy wouldn’t have told me this soon and Kit usually confides in stuff about his sister with me, so it’s not that out of the ordinary. I just shouldn’t look so invested.
“This ex she had in high school cheated on her. So did the one in college. And the other one had a girlfriend already. She’s had a pretty tough go of things.” He shrugs it off and starts putting his tools back. I think over what he said and fume inside, wondering what kind of guy would do that to her.
“Hard to believe anyone would cheat on Amy. She seems great.” I say. Instead of saying I already think she is great, because that would raise question. He stops what he is doing and gives me a look, half laughing.
“I mean yeah she is. Not that I would do this, but you know how men can be if they go too long without sex. Kind of ridiculous but apparently it’s true.” He waves his hands and I give him a look, confused as to how they’re dating but—
“Why would…” I make a face as it dawns on me but hide it away, so I don’t look too bothered over it. “Are you saying—”
His face draws as he realizes, “Fuck, she will kill me for telling anyone. Well fuck, you guys don’t really talk anyway. I guess I should be happy my sister hasn’t had sex because that would mean dudes aren’t fucking with her, but they already have, so.” He shrugs with a laugh and occupies himself with the tools again.
I stare at the cement floor, gaping a bit at all the new information. If I knew that she had no experience, not just none with guys like me but guys period… fuck I don’t think I ever would have said anything. I feel my skin paling and force the thought away to think of something else. Anything else.
It hardly works.
“You want to grab some food?” Kit brings me back to.
“Huh? Oh, um, I can’t. I have plans.” I glance at the clock that tells me it’s almost five. I should start getting ready… I have half a thought to cancel just because of how freaked out I am. It’s not that there is something wrong w
ith it or anything, but I thought I would be holding back on someone used to missionary with the lights off, not someone who only makes out on the couch.
“Plans?” He makes a face. Fuck. I forgot I never have plans that don’t involve the club.
“Yeah. With Olivia.” I stand and rinse my hands in the sink.
“Oh. Gotcha.”
“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
We shake goodbye and I stomp off to my bike, kicking it into gear a little too hard. I’ve got so much pent up frustration the first thing I think about fucking it away, but I can’t exactly do that. Not the way I want to. And I especially can’t with Amy, not this soon… I think I’ve really jumped the gun here. What’s worse is it doesn’t pull me away.
It only pushes me closer to her.
8
Amy
I think about Darius’s voice all day. After he called me that morning, I started to believe he is actually interested in me. Other guys never did that, I was lucky to get a few texts. And when he said he would text, he did, which was even more of a surprise. But talking to him was effortless, even though he had one-word responses a lot. It is just how he is, and I didn’t mind pulling something out of him. If I asked him about club stuff, he got more closed off, but anything else was fair game.
After that, I thought of our dinner date tonight all of two days. I knew I couldn’t get ready properly on my own, and I cued my friends for help. We weren’t the kind of best friends that divulged all our secrets, but we lasted through late nights of studying in med school and when I needed a pep talk, they were there.
Tish and Danielle show up around ten, huddling into my house. I grab some yogurt for us to snack on. I actually went grocery shopping but not because Darius told me to. Well, I think now because he told me to. I never thought I would go for that kind of thing. Knowing that he likes to be in control and all, but it’s not like we have actually done anything yet. Telling me I need to eat a real breakfast sounds like he just cares, but I don’t think he sees it that way.
“What if he turns out to be an absolute nut job?” Tish makes a face. Her overly curly blonde hair and blue eyes can trance anyone, and they do. All men. I don’t have blue eyes like that, mine are easily mistakable for gray and basically can’t decide what color they want to be.
“He isn’t. Kit wouldn’t be friends with him if he were.” I tell her. I finish my yogurt and set the container on the coffee table. The TV is playing, but it’s just a pop culture news recap. I never cared much for celebrities’ lives, but it is entertaining.
“As long as he’s hot. Is he hot?” Danielle giggles. She has dark hair and matching eyes. But she has a boyfriend, so she is less likely to go out a bunch, like Tish was. They are both the kind of people that can ace tests without much studying, though.
“You saw him. He’s the guy that took me home the night of my party.” I explain.
“Oh shit. He was hot. But he also looks like he could ax murder you.” She makes the motion and I frown at her. It sucks that people think of Darius that way. He’s actually very sweet, even though he only shows that to a select few people. If anyone. But I’m not about to spend my time explaining that to them.
“He wouldn’t. Anyway, I don’t know what to wear, he’s taking me out to dinner tonight.” I tell them.
“Wow, I did not take him for the dinner type.” Danielle says.
“He is?” Tish asks. She does it in a shocked way and I get that familiar pang of jealousy from her. She gets like that sometimes, but it was never worth arguing over. She is hotter than me, physically anyway, and always got more guys. When I dated Chris and Jason in med school, she did the same thing. But when Chris cheated on me, I never told either of them why we broke up. When Jason’s girlfriend showed up at the clinic I work at threatening me, I never told them about that either. I only told Kit because he promised not to beat them up.
“Yeah, he is.” I say firmly. She forces a smile.
“Good. You need to date outside your usual type.” She says, referring to the khaki wearing guys I am used to.
I nod, “Right. Let’s go upstairs.” I lead them to my room. It’s been my room ever since I was a kid. Once had a crib, and toddler bed, then a queen bed, the same one I have now. It’s all white furniture and reminds me how innocent I kind of still am. My closet is huge, though, a walk in that can fit a small couch.
“Okay, something sexy for sure. But like, still dinner appropriate.” Danielle starts and Tish agrees. I used to wonder how they got in to med school, but they reminded me not to ever judge people. We were paired for a group project and that’s how we started talking in the first place, back in the first year of med school. But they are smart. Book smart, at least.
“I don’t know about sexy.” I mutter.
Tish giggles at me and swats my leg, “As if, Amy. You need to show off these soccer legs at some point. Plus, it was probably the blue dress I let you borrow that got Darius interested in you anyway.” She adds. It’s a small dig, but just like her to say. Like her dress is the only reason he would want me. Little does she know he wanted me before, but I don’t tell her that. It’s not worth having to do this alone. But she is right, playing soccer through college got me a scholarship and amazing legs. I’m convinced it’s the only reason I can hold on to Darius’s bike as he drives like a mad man.
“What about this?” Tish holds out a pink dress I don’t even remember buying. Must be why she got it from the back depths of my closet.
“I don’t think so.” I make a face. It’s strapless and probably won’t cover the bottom of my ass.
“Ugh. This?” Tish pulls out a purple one in the same fashion.
“Tish, it’s dinner, not a quickie on his bike.” I dead pan.
“Oh please, like that’s not going to happen.” She waves me off but this time I don’t let it pass.
“It won’t. I doubt anyone would want their first time to be on top of a Harley.” I say, and they both stop what they’re doing to stare at me. But knowing them, it takes a minute for them to get it.
“What do you mean?” Danielle asks, coming to sit next to me.
I sigh. I have been friends with them for four years and managed to get away with never saying this, but I guess that can’t last much longer. I have been thinking about it all day, too. Since Darius went all dominant on me. He must think I have had sex before and could handle at least that, but the rest… I don’t know. I do know that I want him more than I have ever wanted anyone, my body thrums for him even when he isn’t around. I try not to think about it just so I don’t start blushing in front of them.
“I mean that I have never had sex before.” I swallow. They are both staring at me in shock, or question, maybe both, before realizing that I’m not joking.
“Oh fuck… we had no idea.” Tish sits on the arm of the couch. I sigh and feel a little better at having disclosed that with them. I feel less like I am pretending. Sometimes they would go off in conversation about their worst hook ups in history and I would just say I’ve never had a bad experience, not lying about never having had one at all.
“Yeah, well… it’s true.” I exhale.
“Oh. Well, it’s not like it’s a bad thing.” Danielle says.
“Yeah, this actually might work out better for you anyway. No one’s disappointed you in that department. We aren’t so lucky.” Tish giggles. Danielle nods, though she lucked out now because she can’t stop talking about how good her boyfriend is sometimes.
“Maybe. But Darius doesn’t know. And I don’t want to tell him yet. So, I have to look nice but still…”
“Totally fuckable. We get it. You should have said before!” Tish waves her hands and goes back to scouring my racks of clothes.
While they both do that, I play on my phone for a while. Switching social media apps. Darius hasn’t texted me all day, but he did say last night that he would be busy with the club all day. I believe him. I never took him for the lying type. But now I’m more ne
rvous than before about our date. Because I don’t know how fast he planned to move, what he expected. I just hope I don’t push him away like I did all the other guys that got what they wanted somewhere else.
“Oh, this is absolutely perfect.” Tish pulls me out of my thoughts, Danielle agrees with her and she holds up the peach colored dress I bought last year and never wore, it still has the tag hanging on it.
The bottom is open and frilly while the top is fitted and low cut with a sweetheart neckline. It’s strapless and while I’m afraid it might fall off while I’m on Darius’s bike, I think it’s perfect.
“Yeah, it is.”
It’s been hours since my friends left, and I’ve gotten ready. I couldn’t eat all day because I was so nervous and I’m glad that I didn’t because the dress is kind of tight at the top. I curled my hair to be in loose waves and then did light makeup, knowing it would literally fly off in the wind anyway. I dabbed my rose water scent perfume and deemed myself ready, slipping on a pair of sandals.
I was right on time too, heading downstairs around ten to six.
“You can do this,” I whispered to myself, looking in the hall mirror one last time. I sat on the window seat by the front door to wait, and Darius was pulling up seconds later. I heard his bike before he stopped, even heard the heavy footfalls of his boots walking up to the front door. I waited for him to knock before standing and opening it.
I cleared my throat, my eyes taking him in with the setting sun behind him. His cut was on over a crisp white button up that made his tan skin look even more tan. Some of his chest hair peeked out, and the tattoos that rose up to his neck were more prominent. His jeans were a dark charcoal color, the fabric different too. I realize these are his nice clothes, and he wore them for me. The wind blows his pine and cologne scent my way, making me dizzy, but what really gets me is the bouquet of flowers he is holding. We stood there staring at each other so long it’s like we forget what we were doing here.