The First

by Mel Wildes

  “Tiffany? What are you doing here?” He was in shock as he glimpsed back at me briefly, watching my expression give away nothing.

  “I-I tracked your phone,” she said in distress, sniffling through her words. My pity dissipated at her confession. “Alfie, I love you. You have to marry me. I know you love me or you wouldn’t have said yes to begin with.” Her sweet sniffles quickly transformed into ugly tears. “I can’t live without you,” she managed to spill out through the tears. I watched Alfie grow tense. He had nothing to say but he was a gentlemen. Grabbing a hold of her shoulders, he drew her into one of his bear hugs. She began to wail as she clutched onto his torso. Leaning his head on her head, he looked over to me, expecting to see something, anything on my face. “Please marry me, Alfie. I can’t live without you. I know I can be a lot but I really do love you,” she begged and I looked at him, my heartstrings beginning to tug as that overwhelming feeling of love for him reemerged. “Please come back to me.” A part of me loved that he had chosen to not marry her, but another part of me knew that that feeling was just me backpedaling on everything I assured myself I would not feel. Alfie looked to me expectantly, waiting for me to answer her question. His eyes shrouded with need, but I didn’t know what for. We watched each other for the longest time before I realized the question he was asking with his silence. Friendship or…? I felt my own eyes well up as I clutched my arms and looked at him sadly. I would not go backwards. Tearing my eyes away from his, I turned away and ran up the stairs. Before I could reach for the door, Alfie’s shattered yet spiteful voice filled my world.

  “Alright. Let’s get married.”

  MATEO

  2008

  Looking through the store window, I took a moment to fully appreciate the effort someone had put into arranging this prom display. The dresses were magnificently displayed on slim, black mannequins. The silk gowns flowed down onto the ground like waterfalls into a riverbed. A beautiful sequined gown shimmered in the afternoon light and I carefully observed the accompanying male mannequin’s sharp tuxedo, its plastic arm cradling the arm of its plastic companion. Prom with Alfie was something I had dreamed of since middle school. I knew the dress I wanted to wear, the tux he’d wear and the horse drawn carriage we’d take. In my defense, I was thirteen when I dreamt up this dream prom. The one defining characteristic of that dream was Alfie and the mere fact that he asked me should’ve given me butterflies. But it had the opposite reaction. To Alfie, it was just a day to hang out with his closest buddy and create fun memories together. I didn’t know if I was strong enough to repress my unrequited love just to help him create a few good and lasting memories. Perhaps it wasn’t fair that I ran off on him after he asked, perhaps it wasn’t fair that I had ignored him all week but I just couldn’t let this final stage of my high school experience be shrouded with me hating Alfie for abandoning me on the dance floor so he could grind up on Clarissa or any other of the many willing girls in our class. The entire night would be thick with mischief, desire, the breaking of rules and it would be too hard to live through it with someone who just wanted a friend to help spike the punch.

  “Hola, gringa!” The familiar sound of Mateo’s voice broke me out of my haze. Looking away from the mannequins, I turned just in time to catch a glimpse of my friend before he swung his arms around me. “Dios mío, I haven’t seen you in ages!” he exclaimed into my curls. Mateo was one of Alfie’s oldest friends, beside me. The two met playing soccer in middle school. Throughout the years we had grown closer, Mateo becoming one of the few friends I had in school that wasn’t Alfie.

  “Stop!” I laughed, pushing him away as he attempted to give me a noogie. “Don’t call me a gringa!” I exclaimed as I attempted to adjust the curls he had ruined. He was a big guy, tall and stocky with luscious brown hair and the darkest eyes I had ever seen.

  “It’s a term of endearment!” he tried to defend himself, chuckling as he tried to mess my hair up again. I shot him an attempt at a scowl but couldn’t help but smile at his impish grin. “So, where have you been?” he asked again as we walked alongside each other, down the boardwalk.

  “Here and there. I’ve been trying to avoid human contact, especially the last few days,” I pointed out and his expression shifted to something more serious.

  “I heard about that shit-talker LaSalle. If it wasn’t for Alfie, I would’ve kicked the shit out of him by now.” The sound of Alfie’s name made me light up, despite my best attempt to suppress it. Even though we hadn’t talked much the last few days, I still held that stupid torch for him.

  “I’m glad you listened to him.” I skillfully avoided saying his name.

  “Oh man, look at that face!” He went in to grab my face with both his hands, stopping us in the middle of the boardwalk. I started to chuckle as he playfully observed my glowing cheeks from side to side. “I swear to god, Alfie is the luckiest son of a bitch.” I looked to Mateo in confusion as he dropped his hands, chuckling at me. “He’s got this babe here, a ride or die, and he’s bitchin’ and moanin’ around the locker room. He’s been in a foul mood all week, probably because of Clarissa.” I looked up at him, still confused by his observations.

  “What are you talking about?” I asked.

  “He’s been a bitch all week. But he’s got you, Zadie. If I had you like he did, I wouldn’t be your friend.” He winked at me, teasing me. I shook my head in return, unable to hide my grin. It was a short burst of happiness as I thought of Alfie being miserable, most likely because of me ignoring him.

  “Be careful, Mateo, I’m loyal. Keep sweet talking me and Rosa will hear about it,” I joked. He looked at me wide eyed as I dodged his attempts to noogie me again.

  “You wouldn’t dare!” It was in rare moments like this that I felt especially sentimental about high school. Come graduation, I would miss Mateo and Rosa, and their wildly explosive relationship. He would go to MIT and she would stay in California, studying at UCLA. I was just lucky I’d still have Alfie. That is if I hadn’t caused such irreparable damage to his ego by ignoring his prom proposal. High school was coming to an end and as I looked to Mateo, I just wanted to spend as much time with him before it all ended. I knew whatever hang up I had on Alfie wasn’t fair on our friendship. We didn’t have many of these days left and I wanted to be with him, even if it meant being with him as his wingman. As we reached the end of the block, Mateo swung in front of me, smiling mischievously.

  “I’m having a party tonight, gringa.” I bit my lip at the thought. “I know, I know. You’ve spent the better part of high school cooped up in your bedroom on a Friday night, but we’re only eighteen once. High school is almost over.” I looked at him, seriously considering the possibility of me attending a party. “Just imagine it,” he paused to wrap an arm around my shoulders, “it’s a hot night, the scent of spicy enchilada’s fill the air, the floor is vibrating from the DJ, morals become a little looser and then you see this,” he began to sway his hips, dancing sexily around me as I broke out into laughter. “You don’t want to miss all of this.” He continued to shake his hips as I raised my hands up in surrender.

  “Okay, okay. I’ll go if you stop!” I declared and he continued to dance around me as I made a silent commitment to enjoy my last weeks of high school with my friends, and most especially, with Alfie.

  MIRROR, MIRROR

  2018

  “U-ugh I don’t know about this.” Staring at my reflection in the mirror, I wasn’t too impressed by Tiffany’s choice in my ‘Best Man’ dress.

  “How bad can it be?” Penny asked from beyond the dressing room, clicking her heels into the floorboards with impatience. She didn’t want to be here, she wanted Alfie to be here and for us to hash it out and be done with Tiffany. After I told her about Alfie and my shared night, she became unresponsive in shock and I was pretty sure I broke her for close to ten minutes. It was only after I mentioned the agreement of friendship and Tiffany’s break down in front of her building that she revived herself, beginning
to go on about how immature Alfie was being for agreeing to marry Tiffany again and how stupid I was being by agreeing to resume my position as ‘Best Man’. As her heels clicked more aggressively against the floorboards, I became afraid to leave the safety of the dressing room.

  “Remember second year of college, you had a class critique and you told Ronnie Alvarez that her final textile design was ‘a cross between big bird and barney’?”

  “Oh yeah.” Her laughter echoed across the room as the clicking of her heels came to a stop, the memory of her old frenemy distracting her.

  “And do you remember what she did to you a year later when she asked you to be a bridesmaid?” My eyes continued to linger on the unflattering dress assaulting my vision.

  “She made me wear a goddam onesie down the aisle in front of four hundred guests. Oh honey, that bitch best prepare herself for my rev…” she paused for a moment and I leaned against the dressing room wall in defeat. “Oh no, she didn’t. Did Tiffany ‘Ronnie Alvarez’ you?” she asked with concern.

  “She did.” I sighed as I slammed the door open to reveal the fluorescent pink dress, with all its feathers and sequins. The dress was boxy and cut at my ankles. There were no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

  “Oh good lord, I can’t look directly at it.” She turned away and I didn’t blame her. “That girl has it out for you. What did you do? You know other than sleep with her fiancé?” She peeked at me over her shoulder and I scowled in her direction.

  “They were broken up!” Slamming the door shut, I attempted to reach for the zipper, but was unsuccessful.

  “Yeah, yeah. Well with that dress, she has to know something.” I gave up reaching for the zipper and instead collapsed onto a couch in the room, in defeat.

  “She doesn’t know anything. Even if she did, she wouldn’t believe the thing she knew. She couldn’t comprehend someone who was marrying her was capable of sleeping with someone like me. This here,” I said as I grabbed a hold of a chunk of fluorescent feathers, “this is just general disdain for her.” Releasing the dress, I had finally had enough of this day.

  “Girl, please choose something else for me. Tiffany doesn’t need to know until the day and by then it’ll be too late to change anything,” I begged and she opened the door, already a few steps ahead of me.

  “I got you.” She held a bunch of dresses as she entered the room. Placing them on a rack beside me, she did her best to shield her eyes from my current outfit. “I got these babies for me, but they’ll work on you.” I looked on with trepidation.

  “We might need to get bigger sizes.”

  “They’ll be figure hugging on you, in all the right places!” she laughed as her phone began to buzz. I looked through her choices as she pulled her phone out.

  “Oh girl, uh, I’ve got to go.” I looked away from the dresses and focused my attention on her skittish behavior.

  “Where are you going?” I was nervous about having to choose a dress on my own.

  “Umm,” she began. I already knew she was about to lie. “I have a meeting with a potential client. They need a dress and I…ugh…make them.” Her eyes were glued to her phone as she began to back away.

  “But you promised you’d help!” I attempted to guilt her but she continued to back away and I followed, still draped in the god-awful dress.

  “I’m sorry, but you know I got you, girl. I called in reinforcements so you wont be alone.” I paused at her words. There was only one person she would call in this situation.

  “Oh, you best not have.” I started for her but Alfie was suddenly there in the women’s dressing room, looming over me.

  “I told you, I got you. Ugh, thanks Alfie!” She kissed him on the cheeks and he returned it. I watched her attempt to escape the daggers I was throwing at her from across the empty room.

  “I got you, Penn,” he called out. His eyes were unwavering on the atrocity I was still wearing. I gulped a little as I backed away from him, trying to shield him from the hideousness of the dress and me in it. “What on earth are you wearing?” he asked with a grin. I ran into the dressing room and he followed close behind. “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” he said, using his hand to block me from slamming the door shut.

  “Don’t look, Alfie. It has the power to burn the retinas,” I warned. I attempted to shut the door but he was stronger than me.

  “Yeah, I can’t unsee that. Why are you wearing it?” he asked and I rolled my eyes.

  “Your fiancée.” The word still had a bitter aftertaste despite how hard the two of us were working on resuming the friendship. “She’s got real taste.” I couldn’t help myself.

  “Tiffany is making you wear this?” he asked with disbelief, reaching for the feathers at what was supposed to me my waist. “There’s no way you’re standing beside me in this.” Releasing the feathers, he moved past me and reached for the rack. He shifted through Penny’s choices carefully. “These are good, try these on.”

  “That’s the plan. Get out and I’ll try them on.” Alfie looked at me for a good minute, testing me. He wasn’t going to budge and there was no way I was getting changed in front of him. “Out,” I commanded but he continued to ignore me, taking a seat on my couch.

  “Zadie, I’ve seen you naked. Plus, you’re going to need help getting in and out of these.” I bit my lip, attempting to suppress my annoyance and embarrassment. He wasn’t making this easy.

  “Fine.” I gave in with a grunt, slamming the door shut behind me. I noticed him observing me through the mirrors as I attempted to reach for the zipper again. It was a futile attempt as I puffed out in frustration and looked to him impatiently in the mirror.

  “Need help? All you need to do is ask.” I whipped my head away from the mirror and looked at him as he sat back enjoying it all. He crossed his arms across his chest as he sat back comfortably. I just wanted this to be over. I didn’t know how long I could be in this room with him before the old feelings reemerged. I had done so well the past few weeks since he reunited with Tiffany. Marcus and I were better than ever, we were constantly going out and I loved spending time with him. Alfie and I resumed our pre-Marcus routine and things were starting to look up. But of course, Penny had to throw a wrench in our progress.

  “Can you please unzip me?” I asked and his piercing eyes watched me carefully. His hair had started to grow back the past couple of weeks, and I loved the way it fell over his forehead again. It reminded me of the boy I first fell in love with.

  I really had to stop this. We were choosing an outfit for his wedding. I had Marcus and he had Tiffany. Looking away from him, I focused on the rack and watched him stand up in my peripheral vision and make his way toward me. I began to tense as his hands brushed my curls aside and reached for the zipper. They lingered at the top for a moment, the warmth of his skin giving me goosebumps. As he dragged the zipper down, it loosened around my torso and I held it up to stop it from falling to the ground. I did not need to be near naked in front of him. Turning around, I faced him and I noticed his eyes looked shrouded in something. It was the same look he had in his eyes every time we stood this close in proximity.

  “Why do you still wear it?” he asked as he stepped closer and reached for my neck. I was shocked at first until I noticed what he was looking at.

  “You made it for me.” I stepped back and reached for the locket he made me in high school. I barely spent a day without it around my neck. It wasn’t something I ever noticed since it had melded to my person a long time ago. “It’s like having a part of you everywhere I go,” I confessed. He looked down at me with surprise as he reached for it, fiddling with it. Biting down on his lip, I felt an unwanted need to bite down on it too. I shook myself out of the haze when I remembered why we were here and what we were here for. “Ugh, dress. Turn around,” I commanded and he broke out of his haze on my neck, reluctantly turning around as I reached for a dress on the rack and slipped out of Tiffany’s dress. Throwing it to him, it landed on his head and he shook it off in surpri
se.

  “Goddammit, this thing is hideous.” He laughed as he grabbed it and threw it over the door. Briefly he peeked behind him, looking at me as I barely got the dress over my hips.

  “Alfie!” I scolded him and he looked straight ahead, unapologetic. Quickly slipping the dress on the rest of the way, I looked into the mirror and appreciated the midnight satin as it cascaded over my curves beautifully.

  “Can I look now?” he asked.

  “Yes, you can look,” I agreed as I faced a different mirror and observed the dress. As he turned, I watched his eyes shift from anxiousness to awe.

  “Wow,” he murmured as he stepped closer, his eyes lapping up every curve. I watched as his eyes traced the way the dress barely covered my breasts, the way it dipped at my waist and continued to cascade over my wide hips and protruding stomach. His eyes were devouring every last bit of me and it was driving me insane, despite my best efforts.

  “Excuse me, miss.” A soft voice from outside the dressing room brought me back down to earth and I looked away from Alfie, slamming the door open with enthusiasm.

  “Yes!” I exclaimed, a little too thankful for her arrival.

  “I have some complimentary champagne for you and your…fiancé,” she began and I readied myself to correct her before Alfie slipped in beside me, arms around my shoulders.

  “Wow, this is what I call exceptional service. Thank you.” He offered the girl a handsome smile as he ignored the two glasses and grabbed the cheap bottle of champagne from her hands. The young shopkeeper looked up at Alfie in shock and awe, then at me and back at him in confusion. She couldn’t understand the connection but Alfie didn’t give her the chance as he winked at her and began to close the door. “My fiancée and I will enjoy this.” As the door shut and the click of the girls shoes quickly disappeared beyond the dressing rooms, I looked to Alfie in shock.