The Inside Story

by Michael Buckley

  A moment later, Sabrina noticed Daphne’s arms were crossed in a huff again.

  “He would slow us down,” Sabrina said, though in truth she was relieved she wasn’t going to have to hang out with a talking garbage can.

  Daphne scowled and continued marching quietly.

  As they walked, the forest swallowed the road more and more, and soon the girls found themselves beneath a canopy of limbs and leaves blocking out the sun, and a surreal sort of déjà vu took over. Sabrina knew what was about to happen from seeing the movie—one of the few fairy-tale movies her father had allowed her to see. If she remembered correctly, they were about to meet the Cowardly Lion. He would spring from the brush at any moment.

  “The lion is coming,” Sabrina said as she peered around.

  Daphne nodded. “If he jumps out and scares me, I might wet myself. I wish we could get some kind of warning.”

  No sooner had she finished speaking than the monstrous beast hurled himself into the center of the road. The lion was much bigger than Sabrina had expected. His body was all muscle, and his paws were as big as tennis rackets. His enormous golden mane looked as if it could swallow a man whole, and his claws gleamed like beautiful daggers. He looked as if he were about to swat someone, but when he couldn’t find his target he crouched down on his haunches. His ferocious face turned to befuddlement.

  “Did you have an accident?” Sabrina asked her sister.

  The little girl shook her head. “No, but it was close.”

  The lion furrowed his brow and let out a roar that blew the girls’ hair back.

  “That’s not helping,” Daphne continued.

  Of all the parts of the wacky tale of Oz, the meeting of the Cowardly Lion was one Sabrina remembered well. “I think you have to hit him in the face. That’s what happens.”

  Daphne shook her head. “I can’t hit a lion in the face.”

  The lion roared loudly, then leaned over and whispered, “You have to. It’s in the story.”

  Daphne looked perplexed. “I can’t do it. It’s mean.”

  “Fine. I have to do everything,” Sabrina said as she strolled over to the lion. She pulled back and punched him square in the nose. Perhaps it was the angle of the punch, but the lion went down like a sack of potatoes and lay unconscious on the ground.

  “Did you have to hit him so hard?” Daphne said, leaning over the pummeled creature.

  “I barely tapped him!” Sabrina complained as she stepped over him.

  “Well, we can’t just leave him here in the middle of the road,” Daphne said.

  “You want to carry him?” Sabrina said. “He probably weighs a couple hundred pounds at least.”

  Daphne looked down at the hulking beast and sighed. A moment later, she stepped over the lion as well and the girls continued down the Yellow Brick Road.

  “Everyone seems pretty dead set on us sticking to the story,” Daphne said. “They look like they might have a breakdown when we don’t.”

  Sabrina shrugged. “People hate change. Remember how panicked Uncle Jake was when the Butcher, the Baker, and the Candlestick Maker changed the jelly in their doughnuts from raspberry to blueberry?” Sabrina picked up the pace. “C’mon. We’ll be old ladies by the time we get to the Wizard’s castle.”

  They hadn’t traveled more than a few steps when they came to a deep sinkhole in the road, nearly twenty feet across. Worse, it seemed to go on for miles in both directions. There was no way around it, and a quick glance over the edge showed it was nearly impossible to climb down.

  “This is one big pothole,” Daphne muttered.

  “You would think that a city made out of valuable emeralds would mean you could find a little money to fix the roads,” Sabrina said. “You’ve read this story. What did Dorothy do to get across?”

  “She used us,” a voice said from behind them. The girls spun around and found the Scarecrow, the Tin Man, and the Cowardly Lion approaching. They all looked very angry.

  “Hey, you heard what I said!” Sabrina said. “You knew I wasn’t barking.”

  “Of course we can hear you,” the Tin Man said. “But we all have a part to play, and your part is the dog. You two are causing mayhem. You can’t abandon major characters by the side of the road.”

  “Or in the middle of it,” the Cowardly Lion growled.

  “Believe it or not, we’re integral parts of this tale,” the Scarecrow said, as if his pride had been bruised as deeply as the lion’s nose.

  “You can’t get through the story without our help,” the Tin Man said. “And if you keep making changes, you’re going to make the Editor angry.”

  “OK, let’s hit the Rewind button here,” Sabrina said. “Who is the Editor?”

  “Hush!” the trio cried in a panic.

  “What are you so afraid of?” Daphne asked.

  The Cowardly Lion dipped his voice to a whisper. “He oversees the Book. He insists we stick to the tale. If we make changes, he will revise us. Please, just take us with you.”

  Daphne turned to Sabrina. “Maybe they’re right. Maybe we need them.”

  Sabrina sighed. “Fine! But don’t get in the way, and do us all a favor—stop being so persnickety about every little detail.”

  “He’s not going to like this,” the Tin Man mumbled, but still refused to explain more about the mysterious Editor. “Lion, put Dorothy and Toto on your back and jump across this ditch. When they’re safe, come back and get the rest of us.”

  A moment later, the enormous jungle cat had jumped to the other side of the ditch and was on his way back for the others.

  It was only the first in a long string of obstacles. Soon the group came across another ravine, only this one was guarded by creatures with the bodies of bears and the heads of tigers. Their claws were long and horrible, and they looked as if they could slice through a man with a flick of their wrist. The beasts followed them onto the log they used to cross the ravine, and they were preparing to pounce when the travelers shoved the downed tree over the edge, sending the monsters to their deaths.

  Their next headache came in the form of a raging river. With so many people in the entourage, it took twice as long to cross as it should have. Worse, the Scarecrow insisted that he needed to strand himself on a pole in the center because that was the way it happened in real life. No matter how ridiculous and easily avoided the problems were, the three Oz characters felt compelled to follow the way things had gone the first time. Sabrina was frustrated and fuming. She knew the Scarecrow was hoping for a brain, but she was starting to think the Cowardly Lion and Tin Man might need one too. Even Daphne was irritated, and she never got angry.

  But it was the poppy field that sent Sabrina’s patience over the edge. She remembered the vast field from the movie and knew anyone who stepped into it would fall asleep and eventually die.

  “This is insane!” Sabrina cried. “The Yellow Brick Road is the only way to the biggest city in Oz, but it’s riddled with giant holes, vicious animals, a river without a bridge, and now these stupid deadly flowers. Where is the sanitation department to clean this up? You can’t have these kinds of dangers on a major road!”

  “Taxi service would also be a plus,” Daphne added.

  The Oz characters looked just as exhausted. “You and Dorothy ride on the Cowardly Lion’s back for as far as he can go,” the Scarecrow explained. “Then the Tin Man and I come along and rescue you. Then we meet the Queen of the Field Mice, who—”

  “Queen of the Field Mice?” Sabrina said. “There’s no Queen of the Field Mice!”

  “It’s in the book,” Daphne explained.

  “Well, you can just forget it!” Sabrina shouted. “If I haven’t made it clear already, we aren’t here to see the countryside and meet rodent royalty. We’re trying to rescue our brother from a lunatic bent on stealing his body. All of this is taking too much time.”

  The Tin Man gasped. “But the Editor will—”

  “If you tell me about your stupid Editor one mor
e time, I’m going to melt you down and make you into hubcaps,” Sabrina threatened. “We’re done with you and this stupid story.” Sabrina stormed off to a tree and sat down. Daphne followed and stood over her.

  “So what do you want to do?” Daphne said.

  Sabrina looked out over the sea of poppies and searched for an idea, any idea, but she was lost. She was satisfied after having had a good scream, but now that it was over she felt like she was stumbling through a maze that had no exit.

  “This is madness. I’m sick of these idiots. I’m sick of this story and I’m sick of walking. My feet feel like they might fall off.”

  “Mine too,” Daphne said. She sat down and took off the witch’s silver slippers. She rubbed her tired toes for a moment and then let out a scream that startled Sabrina.

  “Um, duh,” Daphne said as she picked up the slippers and shook them. “We could use these magic slippers! I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before.”

  Daphne slipped the shoes back on and scampered to her feet, pulling Sabrina up as well.

  “I guess I thought they weren’t real ’cause we’re in a book,” Daphne continued. “But this is no ordinary book. The fruit is real and so was the stream. Even the air we’re breathing is real. If all that’s real, couldn’t the shoes be real too?”

  Sabrina saw her sister’s point. “If Dorothy’s slippers work like they do in the real world, we can use them to teleport to the end of the story. We can skip all the dumb stuff and get right to the door. We could be waiting for Mirror when he and the baby arrive.”

  “Absolutely not!” the Scarecrow exclaimed as he stumbled over to join them.

  “That is not what happens!” the Cowardly Lion cried. He was practically sobbing.

  “Why do you care?” Daphne said. “We’re only skipping some stuff that doesn’t matter.”

  “Doesn’t matter?” the Tin Man said. “It all matters!”

  Sabrina brushed herself off and grasped her sister’s arm. She looked at the others square in the eyes. “What matters is that our brother gets rescued. This train is leaving the station. Are you on or off?”

  “But—” the Scarecrow cried.

  Before the trio from Oz could continue their argument, a strange pink creature scurried out of the poppies. It was the size and shape of a watermelon, with long skinny arms and legs that couldn’t keep its fat little body from dragging across the ground. It didn’t have eyes or a nose, or at least any that Sabrina could see, but it had a big wide mouth filled with hungry teeth and a tongue that licked the air. Sabrina had never seen anything like it. She made a mental note to stop skimming the books in the family library and actually read them from cover to cover.

  “Revisers!” the Scarecrow shouted.

  Sabrina turned and saw the Tin Man’s face. His steely expression turned to fear. “I told you not to mess with the Editor.”

  “Get us out of here, now!” the Cowardly Lion shouted as the pink monster scurried toward them. The three characters joined hands and clung to the girls.

  Daphne clicked her heels together and repeated three times, “There’s no place like the magic door.”

  Suddenly there was a sound like a balloon inflating almost to bursting and the world twisted into a knot right in front of Sabrina’s eyes. There was a snap and then several violent shakes. Sabrina remembered using the magic slippers out in the real world, but there had never been so much turbulence before. She found herself swirling around and around, out of control, until she staggered dizzily and the room came into focus.

  She and the others were in a circular room draped in green curtains and decorated with dazzling emeralds. A throne sat high on a pedestal across from them and a bright light hovered at the top of the ceiling.

  “This isn’t the end of the story,” Sabrina said, peering around for the door.

  “This is the Wizard’s castle,” the Cowardly Lion said. Sabrina thought he looked as afraid of the castle as he had of the twisted pink creature they had just encountered. “The shoes did not work because the door does not exist yet. This tale is not over.”

  Suddenly a roaring green flame erupted in the center of the throne. Inside the flame was an enormous hovering head. It was bald with sharp features and little eyes.

  “I am Oz, the Great and Terrible,” the head bellowed as thunder boomed. “Who are you and why do you seek me?”

  The Tin Man, the Scarecrow, and the Cowardly Lion fell over themselves in fear.

  Sabrina, however, was not intimidated. She may have only skimmed the story, but everyone knew that the head was a mechanical illusion created by Oscar Diggs, also known as the Wizard, or simply, Oz. Oz had no real magical powers, but his sophisticated machines created a convincing illusion for the people of the Emerald City. He had taken over the town and ruled it with fear, but his big green floating head couldn’t hurt Sabrina or her sister.

  Sabrina stepped forward. “We’re looking for our baby brother. He was kidnapped and dragged into this book, and we’re here to rescue him. To do that we have to kill the Wicked Witch and get her broom for you, so why don’t you do your little magic show so we can get on with it.”

  The head opened its mouth wide and Sabrina fully expected more complaints about respecting the plot, but instead she heard a deep, obnoxious belch.

  The girls looked at each another in disbelief.

  “I know that’s not in the story,” Daphne said.

  The head laughed. “Why would I help a couple of monkey-faced freaks like you two?”

  Sabrina glanced around the room. Standing not far from where they were was a tall green screen. She stepped over to it.

  “Never mind the man behind the screen!” the head bellowed as Sabrina pushed it aside. Standing behind it was a very familiar ragged-haired boy in a filthy green hoodie.

  “Puck!” the girls cried.

  On the floor next to him, tied tight with rope, was the Wizard. A green gag was shoved into his mouth and it was clear by his groans that he was not happy. Puck, however, looked as amused as Sabrina had ever seen him.

  “Hello, Grimms,” Puck said. “Are you having as much fun as I am?”

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  z rules!” Puck exclaimed.

  “How did you get here?” Sabrina asked.

  “After I stepped into that crazy book I was tossed inside a tornado. I got spun around at a million miles an hour and then was flung all the way to the Emerald City. It was awesome!”

  Daphne looked down at the Wizard. His hands were bound tightly. “What’s his story?”

  “His guards found me and locked me in a cell,” Puck said, giving the man a healthy kick in the rear. “The Wiz here figured out I was from the real world pretty fast and begged me to help him escape the Book.”

  “Escape the Book? Oh, dear,” the Scarecrow murmured.

  “That’s what he said,” Puck said. “I agreed to help, but knowing him like I do, I figured he would somehow double-cross me, so I decided to triple-cross him first. Then it dawned on me he might try a quadruple-cross so I immediately skipped the quindruple-, sexdruple-, and septdruple-, and went straight to the octdruple-cross. He never saw it coming! Once he turned his back, I tied him up and took over as the Great and Terrible Oz. The people either don’t know the difference or don’t care.”

  “Yeah, they keep treating me like I’m Dorothy,” Daphne said.

  “What about you?” Puck said, turning to Sabrina.

  Sabrina’s face turned bright red. “I’m Toto,” she mumbled.

  “Who?”

  “I’m the dog! Are you satisfied?”

  Puck burst into an obnoxious, horsey laugh. “I’ve been telling you that you were a dog since we first met. If we’re getting married, you’re going to have to go to the doctor and see what they can do about your face.”

  Sabrina seethed. “What are you talking about?”

  “Us . . . getting married,” Puck said. “You’re my fiancée.”

  It took several moments for Puck�
�s words to sink in. Puck couldn’t have called her his “fiancée,” could he? But the look on Daphne’s face—an expression filled with thrills and romantic giggles—confirmed that her ears were not playing tricks. She was certain her own face was glowing as red as a stoplight.

  “We’re married in the future, right?” Puck continued. “You told me we were. At first the thought of marrying you made me sick. I mean, really physically ill. I was barfing and fevered. I spent a few days in bed with the chills, but then I realized, hey! Getting married might be the best thing that ever happened to me. I’ll have someone to wait on me hand and foot. Having a wife is practically like having a slave, and I could really use the help. I hope you can cook, Grimm. I like to eat.”

  “A slave?!” Sabrina cried. “Is that what you think a wife is?”

  “Of course,” Puck said. “But before we get to that, we need to start planning our wedding and the reception. I was thinking we could have it in Pompeii, you know, where all those people were killed by the volcano—it’s very romantic.”

  Sabrina thought she might explode like a volcano. She considered whether to strangle the boy now or in his sleep.

  Daphne stepped between them. “We need you to fly us to the Wicked Witch’s castle. We have to kill her and get her flying broom. We think it’s our only way into the next story.”

  “Stop! STOP! STOP!!!!!!!” the Tin Man shouted. “You people don’t understand what you are doing. You can’t just skip ahead. Lots of stuff happens in between. The Editor will know!”

  “Are they complaining about this Editor person too?” Puck said. “The Wizard was crying about him before I shoved the gag in his mouth. Personally, if I was going to terrorize people, I’d come up with a better name than the ‘Editor.’”

  “True, the ‘Editor’ is lousy as a scary name,” Daphne said.

  “Stop saying his name!” the Cowardly Lion whined.

  “Do we have to take them?” Puck asked as his wings popped out of his back. They were pink and enormous, and with just a few flaps they lifted his body into the air.