‘Josh,’ I said, taking my hands away.
‘Mmmm,’ he said, pushing his lips against mine again.
‘Josh, we should stop…’
‘Sorry,’ he said, stepping back quickly. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to—I thought you—I thought you liked me. Did I get that wrong?’
‘No, no, no! I do! I really do—that’s the problem.’
‘Problem?’ He frowned.
‘I literally could stand here all night and kiss you. Actually, no. That’s not true. I could probably only manage a few more seconds of kissing you before I invited you upstairs to my flat and then…’ My mind began to wander and imagine his hands all over my naked body. Jesus. I couldn’t believe I was actually asking him to stop when I wanted him so much.
‘Oh no. I wasn’t expecting—I didn’t…I just had to kiss you. I’ve wanted to kiss you for ages. And I just couldn’t wait a second longer. But we can take this as slowly as you want. I know you’re still healing from your ex, so if you’re not ready…’
‘No. Seriously, it’s fine. I’m ready. Ready to try at least. So, yeah, if we could take things slowly, that would be great.’
‘Of course,’ he said, leaning forward to give me a short, firm kiss. ‘No problem. I better go. Seven o’clock start tomorrow. Thank you for an amazing evening. I hope I’ll see you tomorrow? At Cuppa?’
‘Absolutely,’ I said, wishing that the night didn’t have to end. ‘Look forward to seeing you tomorrow.’
Chapter Twenty
There was no point in denying it. I was falling for Josh. Hard. If I’d had my way, I’d have gone to Cuppa when it opened at 7 a.m. I couldn’t sleep. I’d spent the whole night tossing and turning. Imagining him in bed with me, our hands all over each other. How he looked. How he tasted. Breathing in his delicious scent.
I’d woken up earlier than usual and taken a shower. I’d tried to hold out until nine, which was when I would normally go. First I attempted to distract myself with Facebook but got bored after about twenty seconds, so I logged off. After that, I loaded the dishwasher, then mopped the kitchen floor, but by 8.15 I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to see him. I did my hair, put on a bit of make-up, threw on some jeans and a top, and by 8.30, I was out the door.
His face lit up as soon as I’d walked inside. He finished serving a customer, whispered something to his colleague, stepped out from behind the counter and headed towards the doors, nodding for me to follow.
As I walked outside, he took my hand, pulled me around the corner of the shop, pushed me up against the wall and began to kiss me.
‘Mmmm…good morning,’ I said.
‘I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since last night,’ he said, gasping for breath.
‘Me neither,’ I replied, unable to hide my feelings.
‘Are you busy later?’ he said as he took my head in his hands and kissed me again. ‘I’d really like to spend time with you.’
‘I’d love to,’ I said, my heart pounding with excitement.
‘I should really be working—you know, on my stuff—but I don’t even know if I can concentrate. My mind is just racing.’
‘Mine too,’ I said, launching forward and thrusting my tongue in his mouth. I couldn’t help myself.
‘Jesus. What are you doing to me, Emily? I’m going crazy. But in the most amazing way. I need to go back inside, but I should probably wait,’ he said, looking between his legs.
‘Mmmm,’ I said, glaring at his hard-on whilst resisting the urge to touch it. Doing that wasn’t going to help either of us. ‘Glad you’re happy to see me.’
‘Oh, I am. Believe me. So,’ he said, stepping back. ‘Later. What’s better for you? We could either meet this evening. That way I could spend a few hours at home working beforehand. Or if you’re able to take the afternoon off, then we could go into town, maybe check out a museum or something? There’s a new exhibition at the V&A I’ve been wanting to see for a while if you’re up for that.’
Wow. He’s into art? I’d spoken briefly about my work as an illustrator, but I’d never really talked about the kind of stuff I used to like doing. Finally a man that shares my love of museums. Amazing.
‘That sounds perfect! Actually, it might be good for us to go this afternoon.’ I was still determined to take things slowly with Josh. But given the way my legs turned to jelly and my libido went into overdrive whenever I saw him, something told me that if we went out this evening and he walked me home, I might not be able to resist this time.
‘Great!’ he said, pulling me towards him. ‘Looking forward to it already.’ We started to kiss again.
Oh gosh. He was just too tempting. If we didn’t stop now, things could get really out of hand…
‘Come on!’ I said, tapping his bum. Any excuse. ‘You’d better go. There’s probably a load of tired customers queuing up to get their caffeine fix. I can’t let them be deprived because of me. And I wouldn’t want you to get fired either. I don’t need that kind of karma.’ After wanting to see him so badly, I deserved a medal for my self-control.
He took a deep breath and checked himself again.
‘Okay, give me a minute and I should be good. Provided, of course, that you don’t kiss me, touch me, look at me, or speak to me and you erase the last twelve hours from my memory.’
‘Go!’ I replied, resisting the urge to do everything he’d just said not to.
‘Yes, ma’am! Are you going to come?’ he said.
‘What?’ I smirked, my mind filling itself with naughty thoughts again.
‘I mean for your latte and blueberry muffin. Get your mind out of the gutter, young lady!’
‘Yes, I’ll be there in a sec. And, Josh?’ I said cheekily as he turned back.
‘Emily?’
‘I think I’ll definitely be coming very soon.’ I winked. ‘In a big way.’
Chapter Twenty-One
The next two weeks with Josh were magical. Like a fairy tale.
No. More than a fairy tale. I kept having to pinch myself to check that it was real. That this was happening. That Josh and I were really together.
That Wednesday afternoon, we’d wandered around the V&A hand in hand. I had always said I’d like to be with a man who loved art and museums as much as I did, and the universe had clearly listened, as they’d sent Josh to me.
In fact, at times I wondered if he loved art more than I did. Something I never even thought was possible. The fire that I saw in his eyes as he walked up close to each painting and examined it inch by inch was undeniable.
‘I love the creativity,’ he’d gushed. ‘You know? Looking at other people’s creations and considering how they brought their visions to life. The whole process they went through. The way what started as a seed of an idea blossoms and then becomes a work of art coveted by millions. I find it so just so inspiring.’
I did too. When Josh mentioned that, I couldn’t help but wish my work could be on display. Not necessarily in a gallery being seen by thousands of people or anything like that. Even if I knew just one person looked at my art every day and it made them happy, it would have been enough for me. I mean, yeah, loads of people saw my illustrations in adverts or leaflets all the time, but it wasn’t anything creative or exciting. It wasn’t the same.
We’d stayed there for hours and then agreed that as we hadn’t even scratched the surface of what the museum had to offer, we’d have to return again in a few weeks for part two. Part two. He was thinking ahead. To the future. Our future. Together. Yeah, I knew it was only weeks ahead, rather than months or years, but to me that was a sign that he didn’t want this to be a quick fling. He was making plans and including me in them.
Ever the gentleman, he’d walked me back to my door and, despite the fact that my street was still busy, he’d given me the most amazing long, passionate kiss as if the rest of the world didn’t exist. Mmm…
Eventually we’d pulled ourselves apart. Josh had said he’d better go back home and work, and I�
��d gone upstairs, then collapsed on my bed, groaning at the torture I was voluntarily putting myself through by resisting the temptation of sleeping with him. It was soooo hard, but I hoped the wait would be worth it. I wanted to be sure. Get to know him better. I couldn’t risk getting hurt again.
We’d seen each other on the Thursday afternoon too. This time he’d packed some snacks into a box with a blanket and we’d had a picnic in the park. Sounds silly, but it was another thing I’d always wanted to do with a guy. I remembered seeing those couples when I’d visited Dulwich Park on that walking group and wishing it was me. And now here we were. Josh feeding me bite-sized pieces of my favourite blueberry muffin (if I didn’t curb my addiction to them soon, I was probably going to end up looking like a giant bloody muffin), sipping from the bottle of Prosecco I’d brought along, all in between shamelessly kissing and cuddling as if no one else was around.
Josh made me feel so at ease that I’d become less afraid about sharing my feelings with him and suggesting places for us to go. So when he’d walked me home, I’d asked him if he wanted to do something on Friday. As soon as he said he couldn’t, I regretted it. I was disappointed but took a deep breath and told myself not to worry. We could hang out on Saturday instead. So, I’d suggested we meet up then.
‘Can’t do Saturday, I’m afraid, Em,’ he’d said. Gutted.
‘Sunday?’
‘I’m working at Cuppa on Sunday afternoon…’ Maybe sensing my disappointment at rejecting three suggestions, he’d then said, ‘I can do Monday, though. Monday afternoon?’
Monday! I’d thought. My stomach dropped. That was a whole four days away. Sure, I’d see him the following day and on the Sunday if I went for coffee, but why couldn’t we meet on Saturday if it was his day off?
Then I told myself to be reasonable. We’d spent three afternoons in a row together and he obviously needed his own space. Well, at least I’d hoped it was that and not because he was getting bored of me already.
Thankfully, I hadn’t needed to worry. As he’d suggested, we’d met up again on the Monday afternoon and went for a walk along the Thames holding hands, then sat on a bench and just talked for hours. About our parents (well, Josh’s mum in his case, as he hadn’t spoken to his dad since he’d left them to live with another woman), who had both chosen to move abroad when they’d retired. His mum had gone to Spain three years ago and mine had headed off to New York last summer. I’d visited them at Christmas, and he’d gone to spend the holidays with his mum too.
I’d explained that I texted my parents once a week or whenever I could. I told him I wasn’t sure if I’d go back to New York this year, whilst secretly wondering what Josh’s plans for Christmas would be and if he’d like to come with me if I did. But then I told myself not to get carried away. After all, Christmas was in seven months’ time and anything could happen between now and then.
Josh was an only child like me. That’s why he’d grown even closer to his grandma after his mum had left for Spain. He didn’t have much family here. A few distant aunts and cousins, but that was it. His best friends, Doug and Phil, were both married and busy with their kids and work, so he didn’t get to see much of them, particularly now he was so focused on pursuing his dream.
We’d gone to the cinema on Thursday afternoon, but we’d spent more time kissing than actually watching the film…
He was busy again last Friday and over the weekend, so we didn’t see each other again until Monday, when we’d gone for a walk along the Southbank, and then two days later, this afternoon, as it was another sunny day in May, we’d gone back to the park, found a secluded spot and worked off the sandwiches and apple pie he’d brought along by rolling around on the blanket…
It had got very heated. I mean very. At one point when he was on top of me, I was actually ready to whip my clothes off there and then and just go for it. Not even the fear of getting arrested for public indecency was enough to stop me. Thankfully (well, then again, when you’re sexually frustrated, it’s difficult to feel thankful), Josh realised we were very close to letting things get out of control, so he’d jumped up, hard-on bulging beneath his jeans, and said we’d better pack up and head home.
Whilst he’d walked over to the tree opposite us to take a phone call (why he couldn’t talk in front of me, I didn’t know), I’d called Chloe on her house phone. There was no point texting her. Pretty sure she only checked messages once a month, so the old-fashioned approach, as always with her, was best.
‘SOS!’
‘Hello to you too, Emily.’
‘Are you busy? Please can I come round? Like now? Immediately?’
‘Dinner’s in the oven and I was just going to sit down with a cup of tea, so I do have some time, but you know the rules. No coming to my house until your challenge is over.’
‘Oh, come on! How much longer do I have left? Like two days or something? You’ve seen how much I’ve been going out. You know I’ve changed.’ I really had. Couldn’t remember the last time I’d gone on social media, and let’s face it, there were loads of things I could have posted. Dinner at Chez Pierre or maybe one of the many photos I took at the museums Josh and I had visited. But I didn’t feel the need to. If I’d spent time trying to filter the photos and thinking of how to write a witty caption, then I would have had less time to spend enjoying those moments with him, doing extra sketches at home or something more productive.
‘Actually, you have three days, if we say you started the challenge that Saturday when I briefed you on it in the coffee shop. You may not have long left, but we can’t have you relapsing. A deal is a deal. However, Brian has just got home, so I can pop out for an hour before we all sit down to eat. Is Josh working at Cuppa today?’
‘No, his shift finished this afternoon, so we’re just in the park, but as it’s about him, it’s probably better we don’t go there. I don’t want any of his colleagues overhearing anything.’
‘Why don’t I just come to the park, then? We can walk and talk.’
‘Brilliant! Thanks, Chloe. I need your words of wisdom. We’re behind the bushes. You know, at the back of the park.’
‘Classy. Yes, I know the place. Leaving right now.’
‘Everything okay?’ said Josh as he walked towards me, then wrapped his arms around my waist.
‘Yep! You?’
‘Y-yeah. All cool. I just had to…yeah, everything’s fine. Come here,’ he said, kissing me again.
I felt him against me. Oh God.
My hands crept beneath his T-shirt, up and across his smooth chest, then down between his thighs.
He grabbed my bum, then started kissing my neck and along my shoulders whilst he ran his hands under my top and started caressing my breasts. I’d forgotten that somehow my bra had magically become unfastened earlier. Thank goodness this part of the park was secluded.
I didn’t know how much more I could take before I quite literally exploded. My whole body tingled. Literally every inch of me was crying out for him.
‘Em…’ he gasped. I loved that he’d now started calling me that.
‘Josh…’
‘We’d better stop. It’s been a long time for me. I haven’t been with anyone for a while, and if we keep going, I’m not going to be able to control myself.’
‘I know. I feel the same.’
‘Shall we head back now?’ he said.
‘Actually, I’m going to stay. Chloe’s coming over to the park. We’re going for a walk.’
‘Oh, okay. I’ll go, then, as I’ve got loads to do tonight, but do you want to meet tomorrow?’
‘Sure,’ I said, feeling excited to see Josh again, but also wondering how I could without literally jumping him.
‘Great,’ he said. ‘Any ideas of what you might like to do?’
Rip your clothes off and have sex?
Calm yourself, Emily. You definitely can’t say that.
‘Erm, can I have a think and let you know later?’
‘Sure. Okay, I better
go, but one last kiss before I do…’
‘Mmm, of course,’ I said, planting my lips on his, ‘but I thought we were supposed to be stopping.’
‘I know, but I can’t seem to…I mean, this beautiful behind of yours, for a start,’ he said, running his hands over my bottom, ‘makes it very difficult.’ It was good to know he appreciated it. Ever since I’d started saying more positive things about my body in the mirror each morning, I’d begun to grow fond of it too. Hearing someone else complimenting my bum for a change was the cherry on top.
‘Yours is rather nice too,’ I said, my hands also getting carried away.
‘Oi! You two!’ boomed a deep voice behind us. ‘This is a public place, stop it!’
Shit.
We both dropped our hands and span around. Maybe I was about to get arrested after all…
Chloe. Bloody Chloe.
‘You frightened the life out of me!’ I said. Who knew she could make her voice go that deep?
‘Good! Get a room!’
Josh and I looked at each other and then burst into laughter.
‘That’s my cue to leave. Nice to see you, Chloe. Em, let’s speak later, yeah?’
‘Yeah, speak later.’
‘Erm, Josh…?’ said Chloe. ‘You might want to wrap your jacket—no, actually, that entire blanket—around your waist, you know? To cover the inner thigh area. You might take someone’s eye out with that!’
‘Chloe!’
‘Just saying, Em…’
Josh glanced down. ‘Noted. Thanks for the heads up…’
‘Yes, Josh. The head is literally and most definitely up,’ said Chloe.
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