Chapter Twenty-Eight
Over the past two and a half weeks, I’d thrown myself into as many activities as I could. I had done three life drawing classes, been on a walking group, continued the Spanish language lessons I’d started a few months ago, visited a museum and even begun prepping my living room wall so it would be ready to paint the windmill and tulip fields mural I’d dreamt of doing all those years ago. But, despite that, I still felt so empty. It just wasn’t the same without Josh here with me.
Things were going brilliantly for him in the States. We’d Facetime every night after the show when he got back to the hotel and he’d tell me how it went. I could see the joy in his eyes and hear the happiness in his voice. He was having the time of his life. He’d sent me some videos that his tour manager, Bruce, had filmed of him on stage. The crowds went wild for him. They knew all the words to his songs—it was crazy. I was so chuffed for Josh. He was doing it. He was living his dream. Making his grandma proud.
I missed him so much. His smile. His laugh. His warmth. Everything. Yeah, it was cool that I got to see him during our video calls, but it couldn’t compare to having him beside me. I wanted him to hold me in his arms. To rest my head on his chest and hear his heart beating. To breathe in his scent. Being away from him was unbearable. But I still couldn’t bring myself to go over there. It would be selfish. I’d mess things up for him. I knew I would. It was better if I stayed away.
Tonight I was going to Chloe’s for dinner. I hadn’t been there for a while. Just think. Before she’d set the challenge, I used to go a few times a week and would spend the rest of my days at home working or scrolling through social media or swiping on dating apps looking for love. But now, with work, all my new hobbies and seeing Josh, sometimes I only had time to pop round a couple of times a month. And I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d logged onto Instagram. Who would have thought that my life would have changed so dramatically? That I’d be busy going out, trying to start a new career, have new friends like Kat and have found the love of my life? Crazy.
‘Evening, Em.’ Chloe opened the door and gave me a big squeeze. ‘How are you, love?’
‘Great! I’m fine. All good. Really busy,’ I said, squeezing her back.
‘Hmmm,’ she said, looking at me suspiciously. ‘Come and sit down, love.’ She walked through to the kitchen and pulled out a chair at the table. ‘I’ve made us a nice chicken stew.’
‘Amazing!’ I smiled. Chloe’s chicken stew was as tasty as her cakes. ‘I need some good comfort food right now.’
‘Yes. I’m sure you do. And some comfort too. How are you? Really?’
‘I’m fine. Honestly.’
Oops. Adding the word honestly to a sentence when speaking to Chloe would automatically be taken as a sign that I was anything but…
‘You can tell me how busy you’ve been and how fine you are and put on the nicest dress and the prettiest make-up like you’ve done this evening, Em, but your eyes are telling me a different story. They’ve lost their sparkle. You miss Josh. Terribly. I can tell.’
‘Well, of course I miss Josh! He’s my boyfriend. He’s been gone for almost three weeks. That’s natural. But I’m not sitting around moping like the old Emily would have done. I’m focusing on developing my future. Keeping myself busy. The time is going to fly by. I know it will. I’m fine.’
‘Remind me why you’re torturing yourself like this again?’ asked Chloe as she got the plates out of the cupboard.
‘I’m not torturing myself.’
She put the plates on the table and folded her arms.
‘Okay, I might be a little sad. Like I said, I miss him, but it’s okay. It’s important for me to stay strong. To remember that I’m just sacrificing some of my happiness for his. Giving him the space to pursue his dream. I’m helping him. Trying to be selfless.’
Why is she rolling her eyes?
‘You might think you’re helping him and you might say you’re being selfless, but really, Em, you’re being selfish.’
‘What!’ I shouted. ‘How can you say that? I’m staying away for him. So he can focus. The last thing Josh needs is some clingy woman hanging around when he’s trying to make it big in America.’
‘Poppycock!’ she shouted back. ‘Firstly, you’re not some clingy woman, you’re his girlfriend and he loves you. He wants you to be there. Secondly, you say that you’re doing it for him, to give him space, but really you’re staying away for you!’
‘For me?’ I protested. ‘What, because I’m trying to develop myself and build a new career rather than running after a man?’
‘You and I both know that’s an excuse. You can still work on your mural venture over there.’
‘I miss him like crazy,’ I said, ignoring her comment about working remotely. ‘I’d love nothing more than to see him.’
‘Flimflam!’ She crossed her arms and stood in front of me. ‘Words, words, empty words. If you wanted to see him, if you really missed him, you’d take action. You’d be there. Beside him. Supporting him. Instead you’re just being a big selfish scaredy-cat!’
‘I’m not!’ I said, still trying to convince myself.
‘You’re scared. Just like that scared little mouse that I found curled up on its bed feeling sorry for itself after Eric the todger proposed to that bimbo. You were in your flat wasting away, crying over some useless man, wishing that you could find a man to love you. Someone to adore and respect you, who you could have a deep connection with. Who you could spend the rest of your life with. And then, after you grew some balls and accepted my challenge, you found the man of your dreams along the way. A man that is everything you’d wished for and more. A man that wants you with him as he embarks on the biggest, most daunting, yet exciting challenge in his life, and what do you do? You run away. You run away and hide because you’re too scared. Again.’
‘I’m not hiding!’ I repeated, frustrated that she’d got inside my brain again and shone a giant spotlight on my fears. ‘I’m doing what you recommended all those months ago. I’m getting out and about. Developing myself. Doing things, new activities, making new friends.’
‘Your body may be going out, but your soul and your heart are still stuck inside. Inside a safe little bubble. Too afraid to break free and live life. Don’t you see? You’re stuck in a comfort zone, just like you were before.’ She sat down beside me and softened her voice a little. ‘Before, you were afraid to go out and meet people. You’ve conquered that fear. Fine, good, great, gold star. And I’m happy that you’re making progress with changing your career. But that isn’t enough. You also need to follow your heart. Trust. Take the leap. Go and see Josh.’
‘But I can’t. I’ve got to work,’ I said.
‘Sod work!’ She jumped up again.
‘What? I can’t just abandon my clients or stop painting again—give up my dreams. Surely you understand that!’
‘You’re being dramatic,’ she huffed. ‘No one is asking you to give up on anything! You can work from anywhere. Isn’t that one of the perks of working for yourself? Like I’ve said a billion times, all you need is your computer, your hands, your brain the internet and a phone. That’s it. I’m a technophobe and even I know that. You’re just making excuses! You can go a few days without painting surely and use that time to work on your marketing. Or I’m pretty sure if inspiration strikes, they sell paint and brushes in America. And if your day job clients need you, they can call you or do that FaceTalk thing.’
‘Facetime…’
‘You know what I mean. But you and I both know it’s not your customers that need you right now. It’s Josh. He needs your support. Keep pushing him away like this, and if you don’t want to be there for him, they’ll be millions of other women who will…’
‘Stop!’ I banged my hand on the table. ‘I hate it when you say things like that! It’s cruel. I shouldn’t have to follow him everywhere. If he really loves me, he’ll be faithful.’
‘I say those things to get your attention
and make you think. This isn’t just about other women or not trusting him. It’s about being supportive. This is a big deal for Josh. If the roles were reversed, wouldn’t you want him to be there for you? Look how much he’s been supporting your dream. He helped get you out of your artistic rut. Encouraged you to paint again. The strongest couples, the ones that stand the greatest chance of going the distance, support each other. That’s what I’m trying to say. I mean, look at you. You’re miserable. Whilst he’s happy that things are going so well out there, Josh still knows a big part of him is missing. You. If you love him like you say you do, put your fears to one side and go and bloody see him. Even if it’s just for the weekend. Didn’t you say he’s playing in New York this Friday?’
‘Yes, but—’
‘But nothing! Archie!’ she shouted. ‘Downstairs now, please. And bring that flat computer thingy.’
‘Yes, Mum,’ he groaned from upstairs in his typical disinterested teenager tone. A couple of minutes later, Archie skulked into the kitchen, clutching an iPad.
‘Do your World Wide Web wizardry stuff and book Aunty Emily a ticket to New York, please.’
‘What?’ I gasped. ‘Chloe! No! You can’t!’ What was she playing at?
‘Ignore her, Archie,’ she shouted. ‘Aunty Emily needs to arrive by Friday morning. Lunchtime at the latest. Here,’ she said, reaching into her handbag. ‘Use my credit card. As you know, normally I’m a cash person, but I keep this for emergencies.’
She cannot be serious. I couldn’t just swan off to New York on a whim. Friday was just three days away. It was too short notice. And it’d cost a fortune. I know Josh had said before that he’d pay, but I couldn’t let him or Chloe shell out all that money for me.
And when did Chloe get a credit card?
Archie tapped away on the iPad.
‘What’s your full name, please, Aunty Emily?’
‘Emily Louisa Robinson,’ snapped Chloe before I had a chance to answer.
He continued typing, then started entering Chloe’s card details.
‘Done!’ he replied. ‘You fly out from Heathrow Friday morning and return on Monday night.’
‘Monday night?’ My eyes widened. ‘But—I can’t. What about w—?’
‘Thank you, Archie,’ Chloe cut me off again. ‘I’ll get your aunty to write her email address on a bit of paper so you can send her the details later, or you can write them down for her now?’
‘Mum. Seriously!’ Archie scoffed. ‘This isn’t the 1950s, you know, or whatever century it was when you were young. Aunty, can you just type in your email address here, please, and I’ll send it to you now?’
Type in my email address…? Going to New York this Friday? I was still trying to take it all in.
‘Watch your mouth, Sonny Jim!’ Chloe shouted. ‘I wasn’t even born in the fifties. And I’ll have you know I’m still young!’
‘Whatever, Mum.’ He rolled his eyes.
I took the iPad from Archie, jaw still on the floor, typed in my details and handed it back.
‘Sent!’ he said. ‘You went to New York recently, didn’t you?’
‘Yeah, last year.’
‘Cool. So you won’t need the Travel Authorisation thingy. Just read through the details in the email about checking in and whatever and you should be sorted. You’re so lucky, Aunty Emily. Getting to go to New York. I’ve always wanted to go. Wish Mum would buy me a ticket just like that,’ he huffed.
‘Stop sulking, Archie. Like I said, this credit card is for emergencies only, so don’t get any ideas about cloning it or storing it or whatever sneaky people do with card things. This is an emergency of major proportions. I had to stop your Aunty Emily from throwing away a chance at lifelong happiness. We needed to get her to New York before she ruined the best relationship she’s ever going to have. And as you’ll learn when you grow up, Archie, you can’t put a price on true love.’
‘If you say so, Mum.’ He rolled his eyes again. ‘Well, if you’re not booking me a ticket, then I’m going back to my room. Have fun finding your happiness or whatever, Aunty. And if you go and live out there, please can you and your rich, megastar boyfriend send me a ticket? Seeing as I helped out and everything?’
‘Archie!’ shouted Chloe as he smirked, then disappeared from the kitchen.
And just like that, I was going to New York.
I was off to the Big Apple. To see Josh. The apple of my eye and the love of my life.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
‘You came!’ said Josh, picking me up and spinning me around. ‘You’re actually here!’
I threw my arms around him and we kissed for what felt like hours, but seconds at the same time. Long kisses with Josh were never enough.
I couldn’t really believe that he was in front of me either. Since the ticket had been booked, I’d hardly slept. I was so excited to see him, I felt like a kid counting down to Christmas Day. Josh had screamed when and I’d told him over Facetime. ‘You’re really coming? Seriously?’ He’d grinned. ‘Don’t joke, Em. Oh my God! That is the best news I’ve heard all day. No—all week. All month!’ he’d shouted. Then we’d say ‘just two more sleeps’ or ‘this time tomorrow we’ll be together.’ And now the moment we’d waited for had arrived. After three weeks apart, we’d finally been reunited. I was so happy I could burst.
‘Sorry I couldn’t come and get you at the airport.’ He squeezed me tighter.
‘Don’t worry! I knew you’d be busy today. Thank you for the tulips,’ I said, admiring the bouquet that was on the table. ‘They’re beautiful.’
‘You’re welcome!’
‘So how come you’re here at the hotel? I thought you had to be at the studio.’
‘Yeah, I do, but I told Bruce that I needed to see you.’
‘And he didn’t mind?’
‘Of course he did! But I reminded him I wasn’t going to be a machine like I was in the band. I’m a grown man now. I know that I need to work hard and I’m not afraid to do that, but I also need to take time out for important things. For special people that make me happy. In the long run, everyone benefits. If I’m happy, I perform better and write better songs. And I’m better when I’m with you.’
‘Oh my God,’ I said, my heart dancing. ‘That is the loveliest thing anyone has said to me. Thank you. I bloody love you, Josh. Come here and kiss me again.’
‘Kiss?’ he said, nibbling my neck. ‘I want to do more than kiss, young lady. It’s been an eternity since I’ve seen you, so our bodies have got a lot of catching up to do.’
‘Yes, they have…’ I unbuckled his jeans and pulled them down along with his boxers.
Josh scooped me up in his arms and carried me to the edge of the bed. I yanked my tights and thong off as quickly as I could. He pushed my dress up, then entered me.
Oh God.
I wrapped my legs tightly around his waist and watched him sliding in and out.
Jesus. It felt like heaven.
How had I survived this long without him?
With every thrust, I felt like I was going to come. But I had to hold on. Even the fantasies of him I’d had floating in my mind whilst he was away couldn’t begin to compare to how it felt to have him here, right now, inside me.
‘Want to go on top?’ he said.
‘Yes!’
He pulled out, whipped off his jeans from around his ankles, lay on the bed and then I straddled him. Josh gyrated his hips beneath me whilst I moved up and down.
Josh lifted my dress up over my head, then unclipped my bra. ‘Gorgeous,’ he said, squeezing my nipples. ‘I have missed these so much.’
I leant forward and Josh cradled my breasts, ran his tongue around them before taking each one in his mouth and sucking slowly. We grinded into each other, harder and harder.
He slid his hand into his mouth, then rubbed his wet fingers over my clit.
Holy shit.
He always knew exactly where to touch me.
‘You still like it there, I s
ee.’
‘Yes…’ I gasped. ‘Don’t you dare stop.’
‘Yes, ma’am!’
As I moved my hips backwards and forwards, his strokes became firmer.
Game over.
I tried, but there was no way I would be able to hold on now. I was hanging by a thread. I could feel the sensations building. Like a volcano about to erupt.
‘Come with me, Josh…’ I panted.
As the words fell from my mouth, I felt the blood rush through me. His body tensed beneath, and as he continued stroking me with one hand, he used the other to grip my bottom.
That was it. I let out a long scream. I couldn’t help myself.
Jesus Christ.
It was so good to release.
Josh must have felt it too as he also finished loudly. God knows how noisy we’d have been if we’d waited for two months.
I collapsed on his chest.
‘Fuck,’ Josh gasped. ‘I knew I missed you but…wow. That was amazing. I’m so glad you came, Em. You have no idea.’
‘Came as in the incredible orgasm you’ve just given me or came as in flying here to New York?’ I teased.
‘Both,’ he said, stroking my bum. ‘And now that you’ve come all this way, to show my gratitude, I need to do something extra to make it worth your while.’
‘Mmm…’ I said, planting kisses on his soft beard and along his broad shoulders. ‘I like the sound of that. What exactly did you have in mind?’
‘Well,’ he said, stroking in between my legs again, ‘by dedicating the next few hours to making you come again and again and again…’
After we’d spent some time catching up in bed, Josh went to the venue for the soundcheck. I’d offered to join him, but he said he wanted me to see the show for the first time tonight to get the full experience.
I texted my parents to let them know I’d landed safely and we arranged to have brunch tomorrow. I’d considered inviting them to the show but realised they’d end up grilling Josh, which was the last thing he’d need after performing. And now that I was here (and man was I glad to be), I wanted to spend as much as possible of the precious time we’d have together all by ourselves.
Love Offline Page 24