I jumped in a cab and glued my face to the window, looking out for famous landmarks like a typical tourist. Even though I’d been here a few times, I was still filled with excitement. Josh said that he’d be taking Sunday off to spend with me, so we’d see all the sights together. When I was here last Christmas, never did I imagine that the next time I’d visit I would be coming to see my boyfriend performing at a sold-out gig. Crazy.
As the taxi pulled up at the venue, Josh’s tour manager came out to greet me.
‘Hey, Emily, how you doing?’ said Bruce, shaking my hand. He was a big guy. His round stomach hung over his baggy blue jeans. I guessed he was maybe late forties. Despite being bald on top, he’d scraped the hair he had at the sides and the back into a short ponytail.
‘Great, thanks. You?’
‘All good, honey,’ he said, leading me through the back door. ‘Your boy is just finishing up. He’ll be here in a sec.’
‘Okay, thanks,’ I said, sitting down on the small black sofa and taking off my coat.
‘Hey!’ As Bruce left, Josh came into the room, picked me up and spun me around. I loved it when he did that.
‘Hey!’
‘You’re wearing my favourite jeans!’ he said, squeezing my bum. I’d worn a backless silky red vest top (and no bra was required, which I’d discovered was an advantage of learning to love my small boobs) and my fitted black jeans, which clung nicely to my bottom. As well as being comfortable and making me feel sexy, I knew Josh liked them too, which was a bonus. ‘I love when you wear them, but I think I like them even more when I get to take them off. Mmm…’ he said, glancing at his watch. ‘Do we have time?’
‘That all depends on you…’ I said, stroking his chest.
There was a knock at the door.
‘Come in,’ said Josh, still holding me tightly.
‘Sorry to interrupt, but Bruce asked me to let you know that doors open in half an hour and there’s already a line forming,’ said a guy in his twenties, hovering nervously.
‘Okay, thanks for letting me know,’ said Josh as the door closed. ‘Well, maybe that’s telling us to wait. I can be quick, but I don’t want to. I want to enjoy you. Properly.’
‘Mmm, me too,’ I said, staring into his eyes. I still couldn’t quite believe I was here. With Josh. In New York. ‘So do you need me to help you with anything? Get you anything? Do anything?’
‘No, thanks, Em,’ he said, releasing me and then sitting down on the sofa. ‘Oh actually, now that I remember, there’s three packets of M&Ms on the table, so if you wouldn’t mind picking out the red and blue ones and putting them onto a crystal dish for me to eat with a silver spoon, that would be great.’
‘Fat chance!’ I laughed. ‘The day you go all diva on me and start requesting silver spoons is the day I stick that silver spoon where the sun doesn’t shine!’
‘And I thought you loved me.’ He chuckled. ‘So you wouldn’t pick out my favourite M&Ms? I’m so hurt!’
‘You’ll get over it!’ I poked him playfully in his side. ‘But tell me, seriously: do celebs actually have assistants to do stuff like that?’
‘Yes, it’s actually a thing. I’ve heard of people requesting a hundred white doves, for their coffee to only be stirred anti-clockwise…all sorts. There was even a rumour that one rock star asked for a bald-headed toothless prostitute. Now that was probably made up! Well, I hope so anyway. Who knows? As you can see, I’ve also become very high maintenance since you last saw me.’
‘So what’s on your rider, then, Mr Big Shot?’ I asked, scanning the room.
‘Two bottles of chilled mineral water.’
‘What else?’
‘That’s it. Can’t drink too much or I’ll want to go toilet in the middle of the show, but I still need to keep myself hydrated.’
‘Do you need to do your sirening voice warm-up thingy?’
‘Already done.’
‘You’re sure I’m not distracting you?’ I stroked his cheek.
‘Nope. I love you being here. The soundcheck went well. I’m ready. Actually, Em, you know what you could do to help relax me?’
‘Name it.’
‘Just lie here. Rest your head on my chest. These past few weeks when I’ve been alone at night, that’s what I dreamt about. Just hearing your heartbeat and breathing in your scent and that shampoo you use. I should have taken a bottle just to sniff whenever I missed you.’
‘Weirdo!’ I chuckled. ‘My wonderful, sweet, lovely hair-sniffing weirdo.’ I kissed him gently.
‘So can you do that for me? Just for a few minutes?’
‘Of course I can, Josh,’ I said, resting my head on him. ‘I’d love to.’
By the time the support act had finished, the venue was packed. A lot of the places I’d seen Josh play at were just all black walls. This one had more character. It looked like a converted warehouse with a glass-panelled ceiling. Like his London gigs, the staging was kept simple. Just a mic stand, his guitar, keyboard and a drum kit. Bruce had said I could watch from the wings at the side of the stage, but I wanted to be in the crowd and feel the reaction from the audience.
The background music faded out and everyone cheered loudly. As Josh teased the first line of ‘Make You Proud’, they went crazy. They could hear him singing but couldn’t see him. Then he calmly strolled on stage and as he sung the second line and the drummer started playing, they completely lost their minds. It was incredible.
Just like in the videos I’d seen of Josh performing in LA, the crowd knew every word to his songs. Imagine that. Imagine that one day you’re sitting in your room in London, scribbling down some lyrics, pouring your thoughts out onto the page, and the next you’re in another country, performing to people who have connected with your words and love what you’ve written so much that they’ve learnt it all off by heart. That must feel phenomenal.
Hearing Josh perform ‘Rainbow’ certainly felt phenomenal. It never got old. Watching hundreds of strangers sing along to a song that had been written about me was nuts. Still so surreal.
As Josh sang the last line, he looked directly at me and winked. My heart flipped. Got me every time.
Before I knew it, the concert was over. It went so fast. I was already excited to come to tomorrow’s show. Thank you, Chloe, I said in my head. I needed to be here. I couldn’t have missed it.
As the security guard let me through backstage, I spotted Josh talking to Bruce whilst wiping his face with a towel and then his hanky.
I’d asked him why he always carried one. Most people just used tissues. Josh explained they were gifts from his grandma and he liked having a handkerchief with him, especially on stage. It was like a good-luck charm. Something that reminded him of her. So lovely.
After watching him perform and get all hot and sweaty, I totally understood why women threw themselves at musicians. I wished we could go in that dressing room and make love right now. But Josh had work to do. This was about him following his dream, and I was going to do everything I could to support him.
I hung back to give him his space and reached for my phone, for the first time all night. There was a message from Chloe. I was literally just thinking about her. And wow. An actual text. That must have been very difficult for her.
* * *
Chloe
So…? How’s it going? Glad you went? Was I right?
Me
Amazing! Yes you were. Thanks again for booking the ticket and forcing me to go. Your methods may be unconventional, but your heart is always in a good place. Love you xxx
Me
PS congrats on sending an actual text message! That’s what? The second one I’ve got from you this year? I’m honoured! And don’t worry about replying. I know it must have been painful, so don’t want to cause you any more discomfort by making you do it again. Will call on Tuesday. xxx
PPS go to bed! It must be what? Four in the morning over there?!!
* * *
I loved that woman. She really was
the best friend ever. I looked up to see if Josh was still talking. Just as I did, he spotted me.
He excused himself, walked away from Bruce and straight towards me. ‘Hey!’ He kissed me firmly on the lips. ‘So? How was it? What did you think?’
‘A-mazing. Oh my God, you were brilliant! I can’t even…there’s not a word spectacular enough in the dictionary to describe how fantastic you were!’
‘Really? You’re not just saying that? You can tell me if you didn’t like something.’
‘Seriously?’ I said, rolling my eyes. ‘Were you not standing on that stage? Did you not see the crowd’s reaction? Did you not hear them singing along to every word?’
‘Yeah, it felt good to me—great, even—but you just don’t know. I never want to get complacent. I want to keep getting better.’
‘Well, good luck! I don’t know how you’re going to do that! Actually,’ I said, ‘I do have one criticism…’
‘Yeah?’ His eyes widened. ‘Tell me.’
‘Too short. Over far too quickly in my opinion.’ I folded my arms.
‘Phew! I thought you were going to say something much worse.’
‘Isn’t that bad enough?’ I laughed.
‘Well, I apologise. I know you do prefer it when it lasts a long time…’ He winked, then leant forward to kiss me again.
Wow. I’d just watched a talented, gorgeous singer perform on stage and then got to snog him afterwards. How lucky was I?
‘Josh,’ said Bruce. ‘Ready? We should get going.’ Josh’s face fell.
‘One sec, Em.’
Josh and Bruce walked over to the other side and seemed to be having a heated conversation for a few minutes. As Josh walked off, Bruce shook his head.
‘Come on, let’s go,’ he said, taking my hand.
‘So, which events are we going to tonight?’ I asked, guessing that there’d be a string of celebrity parties.
‘Our own,’ he said as we stepped outside.
‘Huh?’
‘Bruce had some party thing he wanted me to go to so we could do some schmoozing, but I told him I wasn’t in the mood. I’d rather just chill with you.’
‘Oh, Josh, don’t not go because of me,’ I said, resting my hands on his shoulders. Even though it wasn’t something I’d choose to do, I was fully prepared to do my best to enjoy any function we needed to attend, for Josh’s sake. ‘This is your career. Your dream. It’s your first time performing in New York on your own. I totally understand that you need to do these parties to move to the next level.’
‘Yeah, maybe. Maybe not. But right now, I don’t care. Screw the schmoozing. Sod the parties. The only thing I want to do tonight, all night and all morning is to be in bed with you. So as long as you have no objections, that’s exactly what I plan to do.’
Chapter Thirty
It was the end of a magical weekend in New York.
After the concert, in the taxi back to the hotel, Josh and I couldn’t keep our hands off each other.
The fact that he’d chosen me over going to those parties was a massive deal. I’d felt guilty, but he’d insisted that for him, it was a no-brainer, which made me love him more, if that was even possible.
Having called his earlier stage performance too short, Josh made sure his performance in the bedroom more than delivered. That saying about absence making the heart grow fonder and the sex wilder was definitely true.
On Saturday morning, Josh had gone to the studio and I’d met my parents for brunch. They looked well and Dad had brought printouts of the articles he’d been reading on Josh. Actual hard copies. Chloe would have been proud.
‘I listened to a few of your young man’s tunes and they do seem to have nice melodies,’ he’d said. ‘Very pleasing to the ears.’
‘You must be careful of those rock stars though, Emily,’ Mum warned. ‘There’s always lots of alcohol and women around. Especially with these good-looking ones. I remember when I used to go to concerts and see women throwing their underwear on the stage, so I dread to think how much worse it is these days.’
I’d rolled my eyes and told them that Josh wasn’t into the whole sex, drugs and rock ’n’ roll scene and they’d see that when they got to meet him next time we were over. Yes. I’d said next time and used the word we. I was finally trusting. Thinking ahead. Planning a future with Josh, without fear. That’s what this trip had done. It had helped me to become less afraid.
After brunch, I’d chilled in the hotel and chatted to Kat on WhatsApp. She’d messaged to thank me again for the link to an article I’d sent her last month about introducing a new boyfriend to your kids, which she said was helpful. Her relationship with Rob was blossoming. It was sounding really serious. Not only had he met her children a couple of weeks ago, but last night he’d even stayed over. That was a big move for Kat, and not a decision she would have taken unless she was confident it was going to last the distance. Rob was a great guy, though. I had a good feeling about him.
Saturday night’s gig once again was flawless. Josh was planning on shunning another after-party again, but when Adrian, who’d flown over for a couple of days, came into the dressing room to say that Sasha—yes, the zillion-selling, super-successful, superhuman singer Sasha—was going to be there and was interested in discussing featuring Josh on a single she’d be recording in New York in the next few days, there was no way I could let him pass up on an opportunity like that to be with me. No way.
I’d said I would come to the party, but if she did turn up, I’d head back to the hotel to allow him to discuss the details. That way he could go through everything freely without worrying about whether I was okay.
Sasha did turn up, and I have to admit, I was in absolute awe. She was stunning.
You know when you see someone on TV or in magazines and they look incredible, but you console yourself by thinking that it’s partly down to great lighting or airbrushing? Well, having seen her up close, that wasn’t the case. She was totally, utterly and undeniably beautiful. In fact, even more so in the flesh. Long legs, big boobs, amazing figure, glowing skin and long flowing dark hair. And she seemed nice. Not at all diva-ish. Just warm, friendly and down to earth. She smelt good too. Ridiculously so. Probably a scent from one of her many perfume lines. She breezed into the room like a queen and just had an aura about her that made you lose the ability to string a coherent sentence together. I can’t even remember what I said to her. Hello? Yeah, I definitely said that. But whatever came out of my mouth after that was probably a load of jumbled stuff about me loving her and her music. Cringe. Even Josh was starstruck, and he was normally quite cool around celebrities.
I’d stayed for a few minutes to be polite whilst everyone did the small talk thing and she’d gushed at how she’d been playing ‘Make You Proud’ on repeat ever since Adrian had sent all of Josh’s music to her manager and how she felt his vocals would be perfect for the song she was recording. That I thought was a good time to make my exit, so I’d said goodnight and left them to it.
Talking of pride, I was proud of myself. In fact, very proud. There I was heading back to the hotel alone whilst Josh was at a party with one of the most beautiful and successful women in the world. Of course, I did have worrying, jealous thoughts popping into my head. Come on. This was me. But each time they did, I batted them away, reminding myself that it wasn’t like they were there alone. There were dozens of other people at the party. Not to mention Bruce and Adrian. There was no reason to be insecure—well, apart from her being totally amazing. I reasoned that Josh loved me, and like he’d said loads of times, he wasn’t into all that celebrity culture. For him, it was all about the music.
I wasn’t sure what time he’d got back that night. I’d knocked out as soon as my head had hit the pillow, but when I woke up at 7 a.m., he’d just come out of the shower and so we’d gone out for breakfast, followed by a walk in Central Park. Then he’d got a call from Adrian and started jumping around like an excited puppy. When he hung up, he shouted,
/>
‘It’s on! I’m recording a song with Sasha tomorrow! Can you believe it? Can you actually believe it?!’
‘Oh my God, Josh! That’s major.’
‘It’s beyond major. I mean, I couldn’t say all of this in front of her yesterday as that wouldn’t be cool, but she’s been like an inspiration for years. Her songwriting skills are just flawless. Do you know she wrote “Heartbreak” in fifteen minutes? A billion-streaming, multi-award-winning song in fifteen minutes. I mean, who else can do that? Incredible.’
‘It really is, Josh!’ I said, hugging him.
‘Me!’ he said, pulling away to jump for joy again. ‘Me. Recording with Sasha. Sasha! Shit. Do you know her band, SASS, were just coming on the scene about a year after my old group started? That’s how long she’s been around. I remember Carl, Mickey and Todd, you know, the other guys in the band, had a massive crush on her. Well, of course, we all did, and when we got booked for festivals and stuff, they were always looking out for them on the bill. And here I am nearly two decades later about to perform a song with her. With Sasha. Fuck!’
He was like a hyperactive child who’d just binged on a thousand packets of Haribos. I got it. Sasha was one of the biggest female artists of all time. He’d had a crush on her? That I hadn’t realised. Then again, who didn’t? I remember all the guys I knew back then had been obsessed with her too. And probably still were. She hadn’t aged a bit. Like I’d said that night, she actually looked better… Nope, I’d said to myself. I will not let fear or jealously rule my thoughts. I trust Josh. There’s no need to worry. Sasha may be a mega star, but she’s not me (clearly). It’s me that Josh loves. After I’d repeated that a dozen times in my head, I’d felt a little better. It was a great opportunity and I was genuinely happy for him.
He told me that often with these collaborations, you just recorded your part separately and sent it over, so you didn’t even get to meet in person. So to actually be invited into the studio with the artist was a big deal. If his popularity had exploded now, when that single came out, he’d be well and truly famous. A household name for sure. Scary, but exciting too.
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