Bella Cigna

by Wendi Dass

  “Yes?”

  “I wanted to tell you yesterday, but then…” He tightened his hold on the steering wheel. “Then I see you with this guy—this kid. And I know it’s probably nothing, but I can’t help thinking.” He ran his hands through his hair. “Listen, you broke off things because you said you weren’t ready to date, but then here comes this guy. And let me tell you, if he hasn’t dated you, he’s sure as hell dreamt about it.”

  “Eduardo, wait. Marco is ju—”

  “Marco?” He threw his head against the head rest. “Great. He even has a name.”

  “He’s a friend of Anna’s. He has a thing for me.”

  “I could tell that much.”

  Wriggling her hands, she cursed Marco. If only she could explain to Eduardo that Marco meant as much to her as Antoinette meant to him. Leaning over, Sarah pried his right hand from the steering wheel. “Eduardo, I promise I haven’t dated anyone since you. I haven’t even thought about it.”

  He relaxed his hand in hers.

  “To be honest,” she continued, “I haven’t thought about anyone but you.”

  “Are you sure? Sure you’re ready to date again?” His voice was light with shallow breaths.

  Eduardo softened his dark eyes to a milk-chocolate brown. Sarah nodded and squeezed his hand.

  As he smiled, he pressed his fingers into her palm. “Because if I have to go through the agony of letting you go again—and that was just after one date—I might just join the priesthood.”

  No sooner did the words leave his mouth than she lunged across the seat and kissed him.

  ****

  Time suspended over the next few days. Afternoons were spent strolling through the park, with Sarah’s head nuzzled in the breast of Eduardo’s leather jacket. Conversations lingered over dinner in quiet restaurants, well past Sarah’s bedtime. But the goodnight kisses, the gentle tug of Eduardo’s teeth on her lip, with no worries of a student wandering past in the hall, were what Sarah wanted to bottle up.

  Thoughts of his touches stayed long past recitations of the state capitals and well into the night. They remained when she woke and lasted until she received his “good morning, bella cigna” text. When would his eager hands unsnap that first button? When would his tender kisses drift below her chin? When would he not take her back to her dorm, but instead ask her to stay the night?

  Their first date, so many months ago, was too soon for him to ask. But now, a handful of dates later, Sarah wondered when he might ask again. She lounged with Eduardo on the floor in front of his fireplace. “I can’t believe break is almost over,” Sarah said. “Anna comes back tomorrow.”

  “Another week”—he frowned—“until you’re back at work.”

  Sarah nodded.

  “Two until I have Lucia again.”

  “Two weeks?” Sarah sat up. “But I thought you had her every other weekend?”

  “As part of the custody agreement, Roberta has her through the week ending with Epiphany.”

  “So long?”

  “The gaps are always this long around the holidays.” Eduardo placed a hand on her knee. “Having you to spend time with has really helped. Otherwise, I’d just be working.”

  “Working?” Sarah gave a light laugh. “Who works through the holidays?”

  Eduardo gave her a sideways glance.

  Right. Antoinette. Neither of them said her name—hadn’t said her name since Eduardo ended things with her. Probably not the nicest Christmas present in the world, but from what Eduardo relayed, Antoinette was content to call it quits as well.

  “Can’t you renegotiate the terms of the custody agreement? You are a lawyer, right?”

  Laughing lightly, Eduardo squeezed her knee. “International corporate law isn’t quite the same. Besides, I can’t really blame Roberta.”

  Sarah tilted her head.

  Eduardo sighed, his gaze resting on the fire. The flames reflected off his glasses. “I wasn’t always such a devoted father.”

  Stiffness crawled up Sarah’s spine. Devoted father, or devoted husband?

  He glanced over at her. “I wasn’t unfaithful—nothing like that. Just…” He stopped, sighed, and then started again. “I met Roberta after returning from law school in New York. She was young and beautiful, and her father was a partner in the firm where I worked. I thought I loved her.”

  His voice was distant and cool, and his eyes an icy contrast to the warmth of the flames. Releasing a tight exhalation, Sarah felt the tension in her muscles ease.

  “I didn’t realize until later that she was just another challenge—I wanted to prove that I could give her things like her father did. I worked tirelessly to gain new clients and establish myself as the go-to man in the firm, only to spend my money frivolously on Roberta. And after we married, her father made me junior partner at the firm, and I worked even more than ever, feverishly establishing a strong clientele so I could open my own firm.”

  Sarah shifted closer, taking his hand in hers. His past, as painful as it was, made him the man he was today.

  “That was about the time Lucia was born. I was determined to provide her the best. I…I’m sorry to admit that I worked even more after Lucia was born. I thought money would be a better gift than my time.”

  Aching to remove his guilt, Sarah nuzzled into his chest and squeezed his hand.

  “I wasn’t surprised when she left me.” He rested his chin on her hair. “Lucia was only three. I was hardly home, and I was neither a good father nor a good husband. Not until they were gone did I realize what I’d lost. But my realization was too late.”

  He paused. “I never mourned losing Roberta. I’d known for some years we weren’t in love. But I will never forgive myself for losing Lucia.”

  Sarah let his confession breathe. The crackle of the fire was the only sound in the room. How was he so brave to bear his secrets—his flaws? Did he expect her to share hers, too?

  Blinking, she pushed away the thought. No. Tonight was about him, not her. “You’re a wonderful father, Eduardo. Lucia lights up when you’re around.”

  “When?” Eduardo snorted. “The all of four days a month I spend with her?”

  At the bitterness in his voice, Sarah jerked back.

  Eduardo turned, and tears glistened on his cheeks. He caught her hand. “I don’t blame Roberta, Sarah. I can only blame myself.”

  “No one’s perfect, Eduardo.” I’m certainly not.

  Sapped of his bravado, Eduardo sat lifeless.

  Sarah pulled her knees up under her and lifted his chin so he was forced to look at her. “Eduardo, if my husband had half the heart you do, I would forgive him for what he’s done. And if I were Roberta, or Lucia, I would forgive you, too.” For a moment, he didn’t speak—but his demeanor changed. His eyes filled with warmth, and his shoulders lifted.

  He sat forward, placing a hand on Sarah’s waist. “You have no idea how relieved I am to hear you say that.” He wrapped an arm around her hips and pulled her close, leaning into her as he lowered her to the floor. His lips danced on her skin, skimming her neck, then her chin, and stopped behind her ear. “Sarah?” he whispered.

  “Yes?” She shivered at his touch.

  “I want to make love to you.”

  Sarah couldn’t help but smile. She grasped his collar and eased him closer.

  He returned his mouth to hers, kissing her deeply, his hands wandering over her body. When they found her breasts, he threw his head back with a groan.

  A warmth spilled down her body, and she moaned.

  “Bella Cigna, tu sei perfetto.”

  Perfect? Sarah stiffened. He wouldn’t think as much once he knew of her secret—her flaws. What would he think? Would he want to be with her? Would he still be attracted?

  Eduardo pushed himself up. “You, um, don’t want to?”

  Oh no. How long was she lost in thought? “No,” Sarah blurted. She sat up, shaking her head. “I mean yes. Of course, I want to. I…I’m just nervous.”


  “Nervous? Why would you be nervous?”

  “I don’t know. I haven’t been intimate in so long.” She fought against wincing. Why had she drunk so much with Marco?

  “Too long.” He ran a finger up the outside of her thigh.

  Sarah shuddered at his touch. “Yes. Too long. I haven’t been with someone since, since…” She swallowed the words.

  “Your husband?”

  Sarah didn’t answer, but the guilt flamed in her cheeks.

  With narrowed eyes and pinched brows, Eduardo pulled back. He rose to his feet. “You said he was one of Anna’s friends?”

  Sarah bolted to her feet. “I did. He is. I mean, he was just—”

  “Just what, Sarah?”

  “A mistake.” She reached for him.

  He jerked away his hand. “Mistake? Mistake?” he repeated louder. He stomped toward the far side of the room. “Like the mistake you made when you ended things with us? Or was that all the same mistake?”

  She couldn’t lose him now—not after everything she’d gone through to win him back. Sarah chased after him. “Marco had nothing to do with you—us, I promise.” She clasped his shoulder. “This mistake happened before you and I ever went out.” Under her hand, a muscle in Eduardo’s shoulder contracted then softened.

  He tipped his head to the side, raising an eyebrow. “Before?”

  Sarah sighed. “It happened in the summer. I had too much to drink.”

  Eduardo turned, a crease marking his forehead. “But you don’t drink.”

  “Exactly.” Sarah released him and wrung her hands.

  He shook his head and furrowed his brows.

  “I don’t remember, Eduardo. I had a few drinks, and the next thing I remember is waking up in his bed.” Sarah forced herself to hold his gaze. The color in his eyes shifted from dark to light.

  For a moment, he stared, and then his laugh cut the silence. “Well, maybe I should get you a glass of wine.” He grabbed her hands and tugged her close.

  Sarah released a heavy breath. “Very funny.” She bent her head into his chest, inhaling his scent. “No wine. With you, I want to remember every second.”

  Chapter 25

  “What do you mean you didn’t sleep with him?” Anna shrieked.

  Sarah settled onto Anna’s bed, the rumpled comforter pushing into her thighs. The afternoon sun illuminated dust motes puffing from the bed. Sarah swatted them away. “I don’t know. I got nervous.”

  “Well, will you sleep with him?” Anna yanked clothes from her bag and shoved them into her dresser.

  Sarah twirled her hair. Bringing Anna up to speed on her relationship sent her back to her college days.

  “Well?” Anna slammed the drawer; a bra strap caught in the closure.

  “When the time’s right.” College reminded her of Meredith. She hadn’t even told Meredith about Eduardo yet. They hadn’t talked recently because Meredith was busy with the holidays: entertaining guests, putting away Christmas ornaments, and pleading with Amber and Steven that New Year’s Day was officially the time to take the artificial tree down.

  “Enough about me.” Sarah examined her friend. With dark circles under her eyes, Anna looked like she hadn’t slept in a week. “How was home?”

  “Home? Boston doesn’t feel like home anymore.” Anna plodded back to her half-emptied suitcase. “Nowhere does.”

  Sarah took a moment to respond. “Maybe Oxford will.”

  Anna heaved another pile of clothes out of her bag. “Maybe.”

  Where was her home now? Not D.C. Not Rome. Perhaps she and whiz kid had more in common than was apparent. Sarah shifted on the bed.

  Anna sniffed a tattered sweater, shrugged, and hung it up.

  Well, maybe not that much in common. Sarah’s phone hummed in her pocket, and she yanked it free; the tune of Verdi’s “Amami Alfredo” filled the air.

  Anna raised an eyebrow. “Amami Alfredo or Amami Eduardo?”

  Sarah stuck out her tongue and answered the phone. “Hi, sweetie.”

  Sweetie? Anna mouthed.

  “Bella cigna, I missed you today.”

  His baritone voice warmed her. “I missed you, too.”

  “That’s sickening,” Anna said.

  Sarah covered the receiver with her hand. “Would you stop?” she said, half-teasing, half-serious.

  “I was wondering if I might steal you away tonight,” Eduardo continued. “I got us tickets to Traviata.”

  “Really?” She sprang forward on the bed and widened her eyes.

  “Box seats.”

  Anna let out a long yawn.

  Jetlag. Even Anna couldn’t beat it. “I can’t pass that up,” Sarah said into the phone. “I don’t think Anna’s up to hanging out tonight, anyway.”

  “Pick you up at six?”

  “Sure.” Tapping her feet on the floor—she could already hear the brindisi playing—Sarah ended the call. A smile tickled her lips. Who knew giddy felt so good? “He’s taking me to the opera tonight.”

  “Oh yeah? Ends late, I bet.” Anna flopped in her desk chair, resting her head on a hand.

  “I guess.”

  “You gonna stay the night?” Anna eased her lips into a grin.

  “Maybe?” A flurry of nerves seized her stomach. Excitement? Trepidation? Maybe a touch of both?

  Anna rolled her eyes. “Tell me you have a gown to wear.”

  “Damn. I didn’t think of that.” She checked the time on her phone—one pm. She’d have to hurry.

  Anna dragged herself out of her chair and snatched Sarah by the elbow. “Well, come on then. We’ll have to go back to La Rinascente.”

  “Right.” Sarah got to her feet.

  “We can stop by the lingerie department, too, for when you come to your senses.”

  Sarah smiled. What would she do without Anna?

  “You know sex with Italians is way better than with Americans.”

  Sarah gasped. “Really?”

  “Oh, yeah. It’s like their dinners—deliciously drawn out.”

  “Oh,” was all Sarah could manage. A sudden heat rushed her belly. Maybe a detour to the lingerie department wasn’t a bad idea after all.

  ****

  Sarah contemplated the contents of her overnight bag. A change of clothes. Check. One brand new pair of black, silky underwear. Check. She reconsidered her mental list. Better make that two pair—just in case. She threw in a lacy red pair. Fuzzy teddy bear slippers? Why not? She tossed in those too.

  Now for toiletries: toothbrush, makeup remover, floss. She picked up a strip of condoms—another gift from Anna—and hesitated. What if Eduardo questioned her choice in contraception? What if he asked why she wasn’t on the pill? She dropped the condoms on her lap. Maybe she should tell him. He’d laid his baggage on the table. Shouldn’t she, too?

  She sighed, surveying the emerald green gown that hung over the door. Did she really want to spoil tonight’s fun? If she didn’t stay the night, she could steer clear of any talk of contraception or that might hint at her flaws—her secrets.

  Her phone dinged, and she picked it up. Her mom. She hesitated then swiped the phone to accept the call. “Mom, I’ve been meaning to call,” Sarah fibbed. She drummed her fingers on the back of the chair. She hadn’t spoken to her mother since her departure. How many days ago was that? Five? Six?

  Mom gave a light laugh. “I know you’ve been busy.”

  “A little.”

  Wait. She stopped her fingers from dancing. How did her mom know she’d been busy?

  “I saw Amber and Steven the other day to drop off the gifts I bought in Rome. Meredith says to call when you get a chance.”

  “That’s nice.”

  “So…you’ve been seeing a lot of Eduardo? He really is such a dear. And Lucia…”

  Mom kept talking, but Sarah tuned her out. Seeing a lot of Eduardo? How did she—?

  Oh no. Sister Maria. They couldn’t have. But how else would she have known?

  “He really is ju
st perfect for you, dear,” Mom said.

  “Uh-huh.” Sarah rushed to the curtains and peeked out. Across the courtyard, Sister Maria’s light glowed.

  “He’s handsome, charming…”

  Had Eduardo told Sister Maria? Or had she seen? Sarah cradled the phone on her shoulder, closed the curtains, and snatched up the strip of condoms.

  “Did I mention he’s handsome?”

  “Yes, Mother.” Sarah stuffed the condoms in a drawer.

  “But the best part is he already has kids. Well, a kid.”

  “Mm-hmm.” Sarah collapsed into her desk chair.

  “And Lucia is absolutely darling, isn’t she? You two are already practically like family.”

  Sarah sat up straight. Could she poke her nose any deeper? “Family?”

  “The way you two dote on each other, you’d think she was your daughter.”

  Sarah’s mouth rounded into a smile. “Lucia would be a perfect daughter.”

  “Of course, she would, dear. And don’t think Eduardo hasn’t noticed how close the two of you are.”

  “You think?”

  “I know.”

  Sarah shot a glare toward the window. Of course, you know.

  “Trust me, Sarah. This one’s a keeper.”

  Silence hung on the line, and her mom’s statement echoed in Sarah’s mind. The best part is, he already has kids. She tugged open the desk drawer and pulled out the sheet of condoms. If Eduardo wasn’t interested in having more children, then perhaps she could put off the infertility conversation until later. Taking a deep breath, she let the air expand her belly, and calmness washed over her. “Mom, I’m sorry to cut our conversation short, but I’ve got some things to do.”

  She hung up, walked over to her bag, and placed the condoms inside. Would they open the door to more questions? Would she even have need for one?

  Chapter 26

  Eduardo eased the car to the front of the theatre. As the valet approached, he leaned toward Sarah. “You sure you don’t want to catch tomorrow’s show?” He motioned with his eyes toward her bag in the back seat.

  “Very funny,” she said.