Bella Cigna

by Wendi Dass

  “Eduardo,” she said in an exasperated tone. She rushed to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. The light from the kitchen illuminated his tear-stained face.

  He pulled back. “Leave me alone!”

  The harshness of his tone forced away the words she hastily prepared in the cab ride over. She hesitated then took a seat next to him. “I don’t want to take the job, Eduardo. I want to stay with you.”

  He flinched then gazed at her as he stood. “None of this makes any sense. I don’t understand.”

  His eyes looked wounded; his tone sounded panicked. Sarah jumped to her feet. “The interview was a mistake.” She positioned herself in front of him. “I was scared, and I…I panicked.”

  His expression softened. He let out a sigh as he placed a hand on her cheek. “I know you’re hesitant to make a commitment.”

  “No, it’s not that. It’s—” As she wrung her hands, a twitch unsettled her cheek. “—it’s…something else.”

  “What?” He dropped his hand and lowered his gaze. “What else are you keeping from me?”

  Her heart pounded, and she struggled to steady her voice. “I—I…” She closed her eyes, and somewhere in her mind, she heard Tosca’s aria, Vissi d’arte, vissi d’amor. Clinging to the second line, she let the aria sing through her. “I love you, Eduardo, and I hope you’ll still love me after I tell—”

  “Sarah,” he interrupted. “I’ll always love you.” He reached for her.

  No. She needed to tell him—now. No more delaying. Pressing a hand to his chest, Sarah held him back. She let the pounding of his heart beneath her fingers calm her. “I have a medical condition, Eduardo.”

  He furrowed his brows.

  “Nothing life-threatening. It prevents me from…makes it difficult for me to…”

  His gaze searched her.

  She shifted her attention to the floor. “To conceive.”

  The muted hum of forced heat deafened Sarah’s ears. Eduardo’s chest tightened under her hand. The thumping of his heart marked the passing of each dreadful second. One beat, two beats…six beats.

  “Are you sure?” he asked.

  She nodded.

  His face twisted, and he stepped back. “So, you’re saying you can’t have children?”

  Sarah wrapped her arms around her stomach. “Not without assistance. Even then, I’m not sure.”

  His gaze flicked from her to the floor. He walked to the dining room table and sat facing her.

  Sarah searched his face for a sign of the empathy Sister Maria promised but found none. Her legs wobbled, and she propped her knee on the couch for support. “Please,” she pleaded. “Please say something. Anything.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me this before?” He stared at the table.

  His tone was a mixture of condemnation and disappointment. Sarah struggled to stay upright. Would he ever forgive her?

  Chapter 34

  “Geeze, Sarah, don’t look so green.” Anna shoved a skimpy dress into her suitcase. “I haven’t seen someone so upset since Veronica found out she was knocked up.”

  Sitting atop Anna’s bed, Sarah dug her fingernails into the mattress and shot a glare at Anna.

  “You know, the girl who eloped with the German?”

  Sarah intensified her glower.

  “What? She had morning sickness, so that, combined with the shock, hit her hard.”

  “Anna,” Sarah nearly shouted, “that’s hardly an appropriate example.”

  “Oh, right. Sorry.” She stood on top of the suitcase, garments oozing out the seams, and crouched down to zip it. “Eduardo wants time to think, eh? About what?”

  Sarah expelled an audible breath. “I suppose whether he wants to settle for someone like me.” The truth weighed heavy on her chest.

  Anna frowned. “Would you stop degrading yourself? More likely he’s questioning your trust—why you kept so much from him.”

  “Well, the truth is all out now.” She closed her eyes. Why hadn’t she told him before? Why?

  Anna hopped off the half-zipped suitcase and gave Sarah a sidelong glance. “You love him, don’t you?”

  Sarah nodded.

  “I’ve never loved anyone before.” The black in Anna’s eyes frosted over, and silence ensued. Then Anna blinked, furrowed her brows, and pinched her lips. She wrapped her hands around Sarah. “Guess you’re pretty upset, huh?”

  Embraced in Anna’s bear hug, Sarah’s throat tightened, and she swallowed hard. How she’d managed not to cry since leaving Eduardo’s the previous evening, she wasn’t sure. She’d existed only in a daze. Her conversation with Meredith, her bedtime cup of tea, even her restless sleep felt surreal. Had she even eaten dinner? Breakfast?

  Anna squeezed her tighter. Sarah gave in, and the tears flowed. The reality that her relationship with Eduardo might be over washed away the numbness, bringing only heartache. She rested her weight on Anna and unloaded her emotions. Her tears gave way to sobs. Her shudders intensified to waves of spasms, her stomach clenching, and the muscles in her arms contracting. Finally, exhausted, she settled into a gentle sway.

  “Don’t worry.” Anna dabbed at Sarah’s cheeks with a tissue and swept Sarah’s bangs off her dampened brow. “He’ll call soon.”

  Did she want him to call soon? Sarah sniffled. What if he said their relationship was over?

  “I wish I didn’t have to leave you like this,” Anna said. “You shouldn’t be alone while you wait.”

  Sarah shrugged. She could talk to Meredith if she needed to—even Sister Maria. But barricading herself in her room and wallowing in self-pity seemed the most likely choice. Because clearly being a crybaby was the mature way to handle this situation. She rolled her eyes.

  “You know.” Anna drew out the last word

  A mischievous spark glinted in Anna’s eyes. The uneasiness swelled in Sarah’s gut.

  “I bet some proper English tea would cheer you up.”

  Sarah stared at Anna. “You’re not suggesting…”

  “I most certainly am.” She tugged on Sarah’s sleeve. “Come on. We’ve got some packing to do.”

  Five hours later, against her better judgment, Sarah found herself passing through the familiar automatic glass doors of Rome’s airport.

  Anna dashed toward the nearest, electronic check-in kiosk.

  At departures, Sarah paused to gaze at the cars zooming past the curb. The last time she’d been here, Eduardo drove one of those cars. She dropped her gaze to her shoes—Sister Maria’s shoes. They were the same shoes she’d worn on her first date with Eduardo—the same shoes she’d worn when she’d chased him down the school’s corridor.

  “What are you doing?” Anna returned.

  Sarah ran a toe in a line across the floor. “I’m not sure if this impromptu trip is such a good idea. Maybe I should stay here.”

  “So you can mope around all weekend?”

  Sarah flinched, pulled her foot next to the other but couldn’t think of a response.

  Anna grabbed her elbow. “Come on, you’ve already bought your ticket, and Sister Maria gave you the time off.”

  Sister Maria had been generous to pay her during her absence so long as she’d prepared the lessons for the substitute. With dirt-cheap airfare in Europe and Anna covering all lodging expenses, why should she stay at home and sulk? Sarah lifted her gaze. “Yeah. I guess.”

  Anna led the way to the kiosk.

  Sarah entered her information, took her documents from the dispenser, and placed them in her purse, brushing her phone. She gripped it. “Do you think I should let him know I’m going away?”

  “You’ll only be gone for a few days. Besides, his call will connect with your cell.”

  Sarah chewed on the alternatives—stiff conversations with Sister Maria and idle state capital recitations on her spring-jabbing mattress. At least in England, she’d have a host of tea shops to occupy her mind. She released her phone and darted a final glance at the cars streaming by. She sighed, grabbed the
handle of her rolling suitcase, and followed Anna to security.

  After a quick jaunt over the Channel and a stopover to drop off luggage at their hotel, Sarah stepped into the British Museum.

  “Come on!” Anna marched through the crowd.

  The echoes of tourists’ voices bounced off the acoustically perfected dome. “Slow down!” She caught up with Anna in one of the exhibit halls. “Geez, Anna. This isn’t a race.”

  Anna shot up a brow. “Of course not, this isn’t a race. This tour is a meticulously planned route to cover all the top exhibitions in minimal time.” She whipped out a folded piece of notebook paper from her pocket and snapped it open.

  She held a diagram so intricate in its red-inked lattices it resembled the plans for the next nuclear bomb more than a route through the museum. “Obsess much?” Sarah lifted a brow.

  Anna squinted her eyes. “This, my friend, hits all the contributions to science—with extra time built in for the mathematical ones—in just under two hours.”

  “Uhhh…nice, Anna, but if you don’t mind, I’d rather wander around. I’d only slow you down, anyway.”

  Anna humphed. “Fine but take my picture first. My arms aren’t long enough to get a good shot.”

  Sarah noticed the chiseled piece of stone behind Anna. The Rosetta Stone, the placard read. “What does the Rosetta Stone have to do with science and math?”

  “Code breaking is just another form of translation. A very sophisticated one.” Anna posed for the shot, pretending she held the massive rock on her shoulders.

  Using Anna’s phone, Sarah took the picture, wondering what Anna was talking about, but she wasn’t about to let IQ-through-the-roof Anna keep her from exploring the museum—especially if she only had two hours.

  She left Anna to wander through the galleries and let her hand frequently migrate to her cell phone. Mummies, Asian vases, and bronze filled the bountiful rooms. Masterpieces or not, the primitive works didn’t intrigue Sarah. They couldn’t compare to Michelangelos, Botticellis, or Vermeers.

  When she roamed into a Roman art gallery, she was drawn to a languid figure captured in heavily cracked plaster. A stark-faced woman stood on a shoreline, reaching for a departing ship. A man stood on the ship’s deck, his face turned to the horizon.

  Sarah dialed up her audio-guide.

  “Ariadne Waking on the Shoreline,” said a British-accented voice. “While scholars disagree on the consequence of the abandonment of the Greek goddess by her lover, Theseus, they all agree she left her home and suffered terrible sorrow.”

  The blood drained from Sarah’s face. What if Eduardo was on that boat? What if she was the one left behind? She pulled her phone from her purse—no missed calls, no voicemails, and no text messages.

  “So, is that really his boat?”

  Sarah turned and jumped.

  Anna stared at the painting.

  Sarah dropped her phone back in her purse. “What do you mean?” Sarah furrowed her brows.

  “You know? The ship of Theseus? Theseus’s paradox?”

  Anna gave her that look again. That I’m smart, you’re not look. Sarah exhaled against the tightening in her throat. Perhaps grad school would give Anna the intelligent company she needed for these conversations. “No, Anna, I don’t know, but I’d love if you’d enlighten me.” She looped an arm through Anna’s. “How about over a nice cup of tea?”

  “Fine,” Anna said with a dramatic sigh.

  Hopefully, a cup of tea would be the distraction she needed to forget about Eduardo. Sarah checked her phone again. Well….maybe?

  ****

  With Anna, Sarah traversed streets more congested than Rome’s and hopped on subways far cleaner and deeper. Along the way, she listened to Anna’s explanation.

  “You see, over time, every last board on Theseus’s boat was replaced, one at a time, as each one rotted or broke or whatever. So that at the end, no part of the original boat remained,” Anna said. “So—is the boat still the same? Is it fundamentally the same object?”

  What on earth is she talking about? Shrugging, Sarah followed Anna off the blue line train, and a recorded voice chimed, “mind the gap.”

  “It’s a classic thought experiment!” Anna climbed aboard an escalator. “I can’t believe you’ve never heard of it.”

  Sarah shook her head and boarded the moving stairs. Above, at street level, lights from the digital screens blared obnoxious ads—Piccadilly Circus. She placed a hand to a throbbing vein in her temple. The dreary London fog was doing wonders for her tanked mood. “Are we almost there?”

  “Almost.” A block later, Anna entered a glass door.

  Sarah stepped into the warmth of the café. The noise and shoulder-rubbing with strangers ceased. The pendant lights streamed a warm glow, a welcome contrast to the somber sky. And the smell… Sarah inhaled. Bergamot, vanilla, and fine black tea wafted in the air. She relaxed and took a seat at a small table with Anna and ordered a pot of tea and a plate of scones.

  Sarah sipped on tea better than any she’d ever drunk. The tea was strong; the bergamot was light and airy. She delved into an assortment of scones smothered in clotted cream. The new substance tasted like butter, only smoother and slightly sweeter. Sarah barely spoke to Anna during the tea; she was too preoccupied with heaping various jellies on flaky pastries.

  When only crumbs and puddles of tea remained, she leaned back in her chair and considered loosening the button on her jeans.

  “Told you.” Anna smirked.

  Sarah smiled back. “This does help keep my mind occupied…kind of.”

  “Don’t worry. Just give him time. He’ll call.”

  The ship of Theseus sailed in Sarah’s mind—sailed farther. Was Eduardo on it? “I’m trying my best not to think about it.”

  Anna stood. “Good thing you’ve got tour-guide extraordinaire.”

  “Good thing.” Sarah rolled her eyes.

  In her mind, the boat crested the horizon. Choppy waves enveloped a frothy blue sea.

  She downed the last drop of her tea, popped the button on her pants, and followed Anna out into the street. If only she knew whether Eduardo was sailing away.

  ****

  Early the next morning, Sarah arrived in Oxford with Anna. While Anna explored the city with other prospective graduate students, Sarah stayed back in the hotel room. The cramped space had lead-paned windows overlooking medieval buildings, towering spires, sandwiched row houses, and manicured lawns. The town begged to be explored, but Sarah plopped on the full-size bed she would share that night—if Anna even went to bed, that was—and pulled out her phone. No word from Eduardo.

  Anna’s advice echoed in her mind. Give him time. Hadn’t two days been enough time? She tapped her feet on the footboard. Maybe her phone wasn’t working. Flipping to her text messenger, she found a slew of texts from her mother and Meredith—all unanswered. Right. She’d seen them before—had forgotten about them when she hadn’t found one from Eduardo. A ton of emails filled her inbox, too. She scanned through them; maybe she’d overlooked something.

  An email from the principal of Hyattsville Elementary caught her attention. Subject: Job offer enclosed.

  Sarah’s heart went into a flutter, and a trembling spilled down her arms. Would she really have to use her fallback plan?

  No, she couldn’t think about returning to the States, not now. She needed to wait for Eduardo. With a shaky hand, she turned the ringer to high, placed the phone on the nightstand, and lay back on the bed. He would call soon…wouldn’t he?

  ****

  That evening, Sarah hiked herself onto a stool at an Old English pub, examining the fluctuating bars on her phone.

  Anna sat beside her, leaned up to the lacquered bar, and rattled off an order.

  Arching her back, Sarah adjusted herself on the stool. “How’d the visit go?”

  Anna scooped a handful of pretzels from a bowl on the bar and shoved them in her mouth. “Stellar.” She spoke through bites.


  The bartender placed two froth-filled tankards in front of them.

  “You ordered me a beer?”

  “Looked like you could use one.” Anna took a swig.

  Sarah dipped a finger into the foam and licked off the froth—malty and yeasty. Her stomach soured; she swallowed hard. “So, have you made your decision? You will start in the fall?”

  “Need to check out the nightlife first.” Anna swept her gaze over the bar.

  “Here”—Sarah slid the glass toward Anna—“offer them my drink.”

  Anna shrugged but didn’t refuse, keeping the full brew next to hers on the counter.

  Sarah ordered a ginger ale and sipped while she examined a crowd of young people gathered in the back of the pub. They weren’t as rowdy as the bunch she’d met at the club in Rome, but they enjoyed themselves all the same. Darts whizzed to boards. Beer mugs clanked in the air. A fútbol match played on a big TV. Anna would get along just fine here.

  As her stomach returned to normal—whatever normal was these days—she prepared to fill in Anna on her news. She took a slow inhalation before she spoke. “Heard from the school today; I got the job.”

  Anna opened her eyes wide. “So soon?”

  Sarah nodded.

  “When do they want an answer?”

  “As soon as possible.”

  Anna chewed her lip and circled a finger on the rim of her glass. “Well, having options is nice.”

  Sarah slid open the menu and sucked on her straw. Yes, she had options—sausages and mash or shepherd’s pie, Yorkshire pudding and roast or fish and chips, and…stay in Rome or move back to the States?

  Was that decision even up to her? She glanced down at her phone, and her heart sank. Or did it rest in Eduardo’s hands? She shoved the phone in her pocket and pushed the menu across the bar. “I’ll have the fish and chips,” she said to the bartender.

  “Likewise.” Anna peered over Sarah’s shoulder at the young people in the back. “I think I recognize one of the other prospectives. Mind if I join him for a bit?”

  Sarah tipped her soda in Anna’s direction. “Enjoy yourself.”

  “You sure?” She tipped her head to the side and softened her brows. “Want to come with?”