Always the Chaperone

by Murdoch, Emily E K

  “When was the last time you spoke with Miss Darby?”

  William had not intended his words to be harsh, but his brother flinched as though he had branded him with a hot poker. His shoulders slumped. “Over two weeks. She has not responded to either of my notes, and I heard she was being courted by Marnmouth.”

  The ladies around them chattered on as William tightened his grip on his brother’s arm. Now here, finally, was an explanation for that bad temper a week ago. “If she is truly meant for you, and you for her, you need to fight for her, Gloucester. Or someone else will win her.”

  John glanced at Charlotte. “About to practice what you preach?”

  William nodded wearily. “Something like that. I will tell you more in our rooms, after the concert.”

  Without waiting for a response, he pushed his way past the giggling girls as the conductor rose to the podium to a round of applause. The audience took their seats.

  “Excuse me, sir,” whispered a haughty looking woman. “But you are in my way.”

  William inclined his head in silent apology but kept his eyes on Charlotte. There was an empty seat in the row in front of her. He hoped no one would beat him to it.

  “Why,” he said quietly, dropping into the seat as the musicians began, “did you not come over and sit with me? John would have been pleased to see you.”

  He had to twist in his seat to look at her, but Charlotte did not meet his gaze. “I am here with Miss Catherine Morse and Mr. Timothy Barnes. Are you acquainted with Mr. Barnes or Miss Morse?”

  “No, I am not, nor have any wish to be,” he snapped. “And all three of you could have joined us, if you had wanted.”

  Her eyes still did not rise to meet his. “You had more than enough company.”

  William glanced over at John, who was seated with three ladies, all staring at William. In fact, the majority of the room appeared to be staring at him. He grimaced as he contemplated the gossip which would undoubtedly emerge from tonight’s behavior: an upstart duke who has no comprehension of civility, no doubt.

  He groaned. “Charlotte, you know me better than that. You know I have no interest in ladies parading before me. You are the only one I asked to dance.”

  “Shush!”

  The remonstrance was loud and furious, and William looked around to see the conductor himself glaring. Bowing his head in a silent apology, William gestured that the conductor should continue. The short man sniffed and tapped his baton on the music stand.

  He would get a reputation for himself, if he was not careful. It would not do to ostracize himself entirely from good society, even if he couldn’t help but act impulsively whenever around Charlotte.

  William waited for a few bars of music, then twisted in his seat to speak with her again. She was smiling—though it disappeared once she realized she had been spotted.

  Fire sparked in his stomach. It was all a game with Charlotte, a way for her to tease him, to tempt him but never offer him what he wanted.

  Well, he knew what he wanted, and he had asked for it enough times. Now he was going to take it.

  Ignoring the horrified gasps from the audience, William grabbed Charlotte’s arm and rose to his feet, pulling her along the row toward the aisle.

  “Your Grace!”

  Her startled cry didn’t slow him down, and neither did the startled whispers all around them. The notorious gossip, Mrs. Bryant, muttered to her neighbor, but William did not care.

  The moment he had touched her arm, even through his white gloves, the whole evening had come alive. Colors had appeared again, the music rose around him, and it did not matter that Charlotte was staring as though he had gone mad as he pulled her down the aisle to the door.

  The freezing night air hit his face, and he gasped at the shock of it.

  “What do you think you are doing?” Charlotte wrenched her arm free. “There are two people in there completely unchaperoned!”

  “To hell with them,” William said. “Finally, we can talk in peace.”

  Her glare had not disappeared as they stood outside. “Although you may find this hard to believe, I was actually looking forward to that recital—and the only reason I was invited was to act as Miss Morse’s chaperone.”

  He scoffed. God, it was good to be with her again. Why did every second not in Charlotte’s company seem like time completely wasted?

  “It was Mozart,” she was saying, “my favorite composer, and one who is indelicately played by most musicians. I should go right back in there and enjoy it with Miss Morse!”

  She moved toward the door and hesitated. William stood unmoving and silent.

  “You…you are not going to stop me?” Her expression held suspicion.

  “No. Charlotte, I think I have made myself quite plain. I like you. Though I hesitate to admit it to you, I…I am falling in love with you.” The words sounded strange spoken aloud, but William had to be brave. It was time to speak out. “I enjoy your company, your conversation. You have never been a chaperone to me, but a captivating lady. The question is, why do you insist on avoiding me?”

  “I am very much the chaperone for the next generation. My time has gone. I will never marry now,” she said, her eyes not meeting his as she added, “and I am not avoiding you.”

  That was enough for him. “You are doing it this very moment!” he exploded. “God’s teeth, Charlotte, but you have sorely hurt me this past week.”

  Was that a flicker of regret, of concern? Whatever it was, it had disappeared from Charlotte’s eyes as quickly as it had appeared.

  “I do not see how,” she said stiffly. “I merely was unable to meet with you for seven days. Surely your other…acquaintances have provided you with enough entertainment in the meantime?”

  William stared at her. “Entertainment? If I had wished to be entertained, I would not be here in Bath, full of rigid rules and polite nothingness happening every day. Charlotte, I am still in Bath because of you! Every day this week, I wished to see you!”

  Excitement pumped through his veins, and the desire to run, to punch someone, to kiss her, flooded through his mind all at once. What he wouldn’t do to have this woman!

  “I-I have heard differently.” Her words were controlled, but her eyes were full of emotion, threatening to overspill. “I have learned more of you, Your Grace, since we last met, and I am sad to say, I did not like it.”

  All the energy that was flowing through William, disappeared in an instant. “Learned differently? Did not like what?”

  Charlotte shook her head, clearly holding back tears. “And I am sorry to have joined the collection of ladies who fawn over you, sir. I should have known that you were not serious in your intentions toward me. Good evening, Your Grace.”

  Before William could say a word, before he could even think, she was walking away from him.

  Collection?

  “Charlotte, wait!” He rushed after her, moving ahead to prevent her from taking another step. “Do you not believe I should have the right to defend myself?”

  She glared at him. “Why would I want to hear about all the ladies you have bedded!”

  William stared at her. God’s teeth, he should have known his reputation from the army would not have stayed there. Why had he not mentioned this to her before? Why had he not been as open and honest with her as he had been with any gentleman?

  All this could have been prevented, and now he would have to suffer the consequences of his actions.

  She was still glaring at him, but he could sense her desperation for a genuine answer. She wanted to be reassured. She wanted all of this to go away, but she also needed the truth.

  “Charlotte,” he said quietly, “before I met you, it is true, I courted other women. Did you think I had never spoken with another lady before?”

  She swallowed, her gaze focused on his eyes. “No, that would be…I just do not understand, after having your choice, clearly, from the whole of France, why you are even considering me?”

 
; There was the truth, the pain, the fear. She was confused about his sincerity. William sighed with relief.

  “Charlotte, I find it strange you even have to ask.”

  “Well, I do,” she said fiercely, taking a step away from him. “William, you have been described to me as a womanizer, a rake. How can I trust a man with such a reputation?”

  He took a deep breath. “Dukes are supposed to have such a reputation, even if no one speaks of it. Would you tell me your brother never bedded a woman before he married?”

  “How dare you say—”

  “I meant,” he said hastily, “that nobles are almost encouraged to sow their wild oats, and so are men in the army. It is only when we wish to return to civilized society and we meet a woman who…takes our breath away and could very well be the one we wish to spend our lives with, then is the moment we realize our pasts are not what we would wish.”

  She stared at him, evidently unconvinced. “So, you regret your past deeds?”

  William did not hesitate. “Most of them. All of them, if they offend you. Charlotte, I have never hidden my opinions of you, my wishes for you, my desire for you. Is that not enough?”

  Had he gone too far? Had he pushed her beyond her limits, restrained as she was to the duties of society, unaccustomed to rebelling in even the smallest way?

  William watched as she hesitated, eyes flickering between him and the door. She was paralyzed with indecision, and it hurt him. Why could she not reach out to him, demonstrate once and for all that she cared for him, or did she not care enough?

  “Forget I said anything, please,” he said quietly, attempting to quell the pain in his voice. “I cannot turn back the clock and change what has occurred. So, if you wish to break our acquaintance, I will not contact you again. I hope you enjoy your recital, Lady Charlotte.”

  Turning away was the most difficult thing anyone could have asked of him, but William knew he had to do it. He could not chase this woman any longer, not without some sign of encouragement.

  He had walked five steps before her hand found his.

  “May I join you?”

  William smiled, his heart singing. “It feels so absolutely perfect, having your hand in mine,” he said gently as they walked leisurely down the dark street. “I have never experienced something so…so right in all my life.”

  Charlotte squeezed his fingers. “I…I think so, too.”

  “Then why do you not consider me a suitor?”

  She did not pull away. After walking in silence, she said quietly, “William, I barely know you.”

  “You know me better than anyone,” he said with a laugh. “Better than my own brother, I think at times. There I was, desperate to be close to you, and he was throwing those ladies at me, none of whom I wanted to speak with. You saw that the first time you met me, Charlotte, do not pretend you did not.”

  “And that first time was a few weeks ago!” Charlotte laughed, and he felt the tension in her hand. “William, I grew up with most of the nobility of England and Ireland, they are my cousins, neighbors, and friends. It was always assumed I would wed one of them.”

  “But you have not!”

  “Listen to me.”

  William swallowed the numerous objections he wished to raise and nodded.

  “For a lady of my family, you expect to know the person you marry for years before you eventually do. I do not mean an arranged marriage, although that is not unheard of. It is more…they are someone you know, your father knows, your mother knows. All his faults are a part of your own childhood. You know his family, too.”

  She lifted her gaze to his, and William could see they were bright with emotion. “You…you frighten me. Not because of who you are, but because I do not know how you became the person I see before me. A few weeks? A few weeks is not long enough to decide on buying a horse, let alone choosing a husband!”

  He could hear the fear in her voice. William squeezed her hand and tried to pour out the feelings overwhelming him. “Sometimes a month is all you need,” he said. “God, Charlotte, do you think I believed it would be this quick? I look at you and just know, I need you!”

  “Well, I am not ready. You need to be patient.”

  William could not help but groan, pure frustration overwhelming him.

  It was a mistake.

  “Why are you so adamant I have to make a decision now?” Charlotte pulled her hand from his but continued to walk alongside him. “There is no rush.”

  “I am being honest.”

  She frowned as they passed a window with light streaming through it. “As am I, William, but I do not see why you cannot listen.”

  “I want you.” Even as he snapped, William felt the stupidity of it, but could not stop himself. “Charlotte, I am tired of going over this—I want you, and until I have you, I will keep fighting for you.”

  “Fighting who? Me? Are we at war? Do not try to convince me of your overwhelming affection for me!”

  William swore under his breath. This was not how it was meant to happen, not what he intended, but the desire and the need for her tested his patience.

  “Look, it is not as though I don’t have other options!” He cursed himself the second the words left his mouth.

  “Well, that is a relief, for I was concerned you may die alone!” Charlotte shot back. “I knew this was a mistake. I should have gone back inside the Assembly Rooms and listened to Mozart.”

  Was there a greater fool in the world than he? What had he been thinking? “Wait, Charlotte!”

  But she was almost running away. “You do not have to use me to pass the time until you meet another potential conquest, Your Grace. I shall keep you no longer.”

  He caught up with her, and there was genuine pain across her face. Christ in Heaven, how could he say he cared about her and then wound her within the same breath?

  “It is not like that!”

  “And I am sure we can find someone prettier, younger, and more charming in the recital,” she snapped as they turned the corner. “Give your brother two minutes. He never takes long!”

  “Stop!” he said.

  It was fortunate for William that there was no one else on the street, for they would have been horrified at the way he grabbed her shoulders and forced her to stop and look at him.

  Both breathless from arguing, William fought the desire to crush her into his arms and kiss that argumentative mouth. This was not the time to display his passion. He needed to make this right.

  “If you loved me,” he said in a voice far calmer than he felt, “then none of this would matter.”

  Was it his imagination, the way Charlotte avoided his gaze? Or was it merely shyness?

  “If you loved me, you would trust me, and a few weeks would be more than enough,” he continued in a low voice, dropping his hands from her shoulders.

  Charlotte did not speak for a long moment. “I cannot make the promise you want.”

  She looked torn, genuinely unable to decide, and it pained William far greater than anything had before.

  “You do not have to be afraid,” he whispered, taking a step toward her, so she tilted her head to keep looking into his eyes. “Ignore Society’s gossips. You must get accustomed to receiving attention after fading into the background for so long! Do you truly hide from the fact there may be someone out there who truly cares for you and wants to spend each day of their life with you?”

  Charlotte dropped her gaze to her hands. His whole body burned. If she wanted him, if she loved him, then she would know. This was not something in your life you could be unsure of, could it?

  William sighed. “God, Charlotte, I want you so badly. But I will not rush you. Your good opinion is something I will continue to seek. I will give you every proof I can of my honesty. Why would I want to speak to other ladies? You are the one who makes my heart sing.”

  She looked at him, evidently unsure whether to believe him.

  Words were not going to be enough. Pulling her into his arms, h
e placed a reverential kiss on her lips filled with passion and worship.

  When the kiss ended, he held her tight. “I mean it, Charlotte. I intend to earn you, even if you cannot see it.”

  Her eyes were bright. “I do not believe I fully understand you.”

  “Good,” he breathed. “I never understand myself when I am with you.”

  After several minutes of stolen kisses, he finally released her. “We should return to the recital, or I shall absolutely ruin your reputation.”

  “Out in the dark, alone, with William the Womanizer?” she teased.

  He groaned. “Please do not allow that to become your nickname for me, I could not bear it. Here.”

  He offered her his arm, and with just a moment of hesitation, she took it. His heart swelled as they walked up the steps into the Assembly Rooms, and they found two seats near the back as the conductor led the musicians into a swelling sonata.

  Charlotte was quickly lost by the performance. William hardly remembered a moment of it; he was captivated by her.

  Chapter Eleven

  It was the heat, Charlotte told herself. Sunday had brought the first proper sunshine of the year, and she had not accounted for this in her wardrobe. The organ music rose as the congregation filed into the church.

  Her cheeks heated at the memory of those words. Why was she so afraid? Why did she shy away like a wild horse any time William mentioned marriage?

  Someone coughed near the back of the church, which she ignored. She had found a seat in a pew near the front, as was befitting her status, and stared at the altar while Reverend Michaels prepared himself.

  Was this not exactly what she had wanted, what she had given up hope of ever receiving? Attention from a gentleman? A man, moreover, who was handsome, charming, and titled? Someone who cared for her?

  There was another cough from the other side of the pews, but Charlotte did not look around, too overwhelmed by her thoughts.

  She swallowed. It always happened without warning, the overwhelming emotions for her mother. Four years. Sometimes she could go an entire week without thinking of her, and all of a sudden, she remembered. If her mother had been alive, she could have asked her for advice. What would she have said? She would have liked William, that was certain.