by Jillian Hart
Jada stumbled, disarmed by the magnitude of Frisco's bright smile. The wattage alone could stop her heart from beating forever, but she had to ignore her attraction to the man and the depth of her feelings for him. She set down her foot in the grass, forcing herself to take another step as if everything were perfectly fine, but a crushing pain squeezed her chest until she could not bear to stand, could not breathe, did not know if she could live if she didn't have him. Even just a little bit of him, a tad more time, one more smile, one kiss.
She was going to have to get used to being on her own without him. How foolish was that thought? It was somehow as if he were vital to her, to her life, to her well being, to her soul, when she hardly knew him at all. To do so, might take more than a lifetime to learn to love him with all the depth of his heart in hers.
Maynard stared hard at Frisco and stomped his right front hoof. He blew out an exasperated sigh and curled up his lip in great dislike.
"Huh. I've only had that happen once before," Frisco said. "And it was Chester."
"You may have a way with horses, but not with ponies," she said lightly, shakily, hoping her heart didn't sound in those words, that she was utterly back to normal, except without the faith or hope that she would ever be able to love the man. It was a known impossibility, and she felt every inch the loss of it, every inch the sorrowful lack of a good reputation. And that wasn't her fault, not at all.
"How about an apple?" Frisco continued to negotiate stepping forward through the grassy center of the country road, where the soft green blades of grass rustled like a symphony in the wind, where the yellow sun beamed around him, glancing across the curve of his shoulders and the arch of his hat, swallowing him completely from her sight.
Or maybe that was just her tears. It was hard to see anything through the blurring of her vision, no matter how hard she blinked. She felt hot and a little dizzy, sick at heart.
"That got your attention, okay, then, apples it is. Let's get you boys mounted up." Frisco swung Aiden up onto Chester, then Austin up onto Maynard. With reins in hand, he eyed the ponies carefully. Both stood still, studying him with what could have been defiance or simply suspicion he was lying about the apples. Promises, promises. "Come on, let's giddy-up, boys."
"Nothing's happening, Pa."
"I would say that's a good thing after Mr. Johnson's warning. No one's been bucked off, so that's a good thing. Come on, ponies. Let's get you home for grain and those apples. And carrots. I don't go back on my promises."
"Let me." Jada couldn't help going up on tiptoe to whisper into Maynard's ear. Those ears swiveled, pricking up to take in every word. His brown eyes brightened with mischief or temptation, it was hard to say which. She stepped back, giving the halter a tug. "Look, they'll be fine. I bet they make it all the way back to town."
"Not that it's far, but anything can happen between here and there."
"Yes, that's true. I see plenty of ways this can go wrong." She joked gently, full of warmth and affection for both the boys and the ponies, but especially for the man. Why couldn’t she breathe right, if at all? She loosened the top button of her collar and gave the fabric a tug. "At least there's a lot of soft grass. It will cushion their fall."
"Until we get to town."
"He-elp! May-nard w-on't sto-op!" Austin shouted out, his voice broken up into staccato syllables by the trotting pony who was gaining speed darting far away from everyone else, running straight down the road toward town with spritely, fast-moving hooves.
"Hey!" That's all Aiden could get out before Chester took off in a rearing start, charging after his best friend and buddy, nickering his delight at finally having his partner in crime.
"Uh oh. They are working together now to defeat the boys," Jada observed. "Am I wrong?"
"No. Maybe this is what Mr. Johnson meant. He did mention Chester's owner across the road paid him to take the pony so that they would not be together. They look like big trouble side by side," Frisco commented wryly. "What terrible thing have I done?"
"Reunited two friends." Her fingertips longed to brush his. But she was wise enough to hold herself back and pace away from him instead, walking faster after the tail-ends of the ponies disappeared over the rise up ahead. Why, the last thing she could ever do was to let her feelings continue to grow for Frisco. She felt foolish and the heartbreak hurt. Really hurt. "You've done something really good here, Frisco."
"Me? Here I was going to give the boys purebred horses on their upcoming birthday this summer." He lowered her voice, chuckling, glancing up the road ahead attempting to get a better view of the twins when they came back into sight. They were still both on their mounts, not fallen off yet. "Who knows? This might be better. Maybe Chester and Maynard need another chance to be loved."
"Definitely. I sure like that, Frisco." Overwhelmed, she stared down at the tips of her shoes as she walked as fast as she could to catch up with the ponies and boys, kicking up puffs of chalk-dry dust. "I do think highly of you for that, for letting the boys keep the ponies."
"It's not up to me. I think the ponies are in charge. Do you think they will want to keep the boys?" Frisco's eyes filled with unspoken warm humor and true caring.
"I don't know why they wouldn't." Jada lifted her chin, determined to act as unhurt as possible. After all, a woman had her pride. "They finally have little kids to care about them again. What could be better than that?"
"Ponies who behave." The corner of his mouth quirked up in a grin.
"That may be a pipe dream." No matter what happened, she kept the hurt out of her voice. "I suppose there's something better than perfectly behaved horses."
"True. Love will do." Frisco's smile grew wider, full-fledged and dazzling.
Hard to resist. Her throat felt tight and achy, full of unwanted emotion rising up. She didn't trust her voice so she nodded silently, took a step sideways and away from him to put some much needed distance between them. Somehow she would save her heart from breaking too much. She took one more step away from him, needing the breathing room.
And an angry shout rose up behind her above the clatter of horse hooves and a loaded wagon rumbling. "Out of the way! Get out of the road, lady!"
She glanced over her shoulder to see a team of six horses barreling straight for her, dust rising up around them as if Hades itself were rising up through the earth, and the teamster on his wagon seat cracked a whip in her direction.
Before she could get run over and escape the loaded teamster's wagon going too fast to stop, something hard and steely wrapped around her elbow and tugged. Frisco's hand. She skidded to a stop against his chest on the side of the road.
"Careful there." Frisco's heartbeat thundered as he kept her close, cupping the delicate curves of her shoulders with his much bigger hands. She was so little and tiny, too dear to him. "I guess you didn't hear them coming. I should have called out a warning. The last thing I wanted was you squished beneath the wheels, so I hope you don't mind this closeness."
"N-no," she stuttered as if with uncertainty, but gentle humor warmed her words telling him he had done no wrong. Just like his lips twitching with the urgent need to kiss her again and cradle her against his rock-hard body.
Likely she knew it because she blushed, as if she felt this too, and shyly didn't meet his gaze as she stepped out of his touch. Wisely, within view of the town's street.
"I hope the boys are okay," she said shakily. "That Chester and Maynard aren't running away from them."
"Nope. It looks as if they aren't running away as much as running where they want to go."
"The boys are going to have to learn to steer them."
"And be in charge," he agreed.
"Is that wise with a pony?"
"Never." His words were meant to make her laugh, but her chuckle was short lived and without the musical notes of warmth he was used to hearing. Was something wrong?
The laughter didn't shine in her eyes or lighten her step as she swirled farther away from him. Kee
ping her eyes down, she tightened her sash at her slim waist, fussing with it with nervous fingers. "The boys will figure it out. So will the ponies. They are destined to become best friends."
"I imagine so. It will be an interesting but good journey. Is it me, or are the ponies causing a spectacle?"
"In this town it's hard to say." A band of what looked like outlaws, four or five men, rode down the street to stop at the gun shop midway down the block. Bandanas loose at their necks, revolvers strapped to both thighs, grips handy at their hips, at the ready.
The rough men dismounted, but the ponies didn't notice as they ran across the street and skidded to a stop. Austin slipped off and dangled, one foot on the ground hanging down, the other up at his ear hooked over the the pony's withers. Both animals dipped their mounts daintily into the water trough, ignoring everything but the delicious coolness of the water. Austin managed to slide off Maynard. Aiden dismounted and they both stood with silly grins.
"Look, they are going to get the hang of this. And see how joyful they've made their new best friends, the ponies." Jada dipped her chin, staring intently at the dusty toes of her shoes peeking out from beneath the ruffle of her pretty dress. He couldn't say for sure, but he guessed she sounded more than a little wistful and very sad.
"I see, and they are thrilled. I'm glad they saved the ponies," he said, just to make her smile. Would it work? He waited, watching the corners of her mouth tug up slightly. It wasn't the dazzling, full-out Jada smile, the one he'd come to adore. It didn't reach her eyes. It didn't reach his heart, and he felt lost, sorry for whatever reason or thing he'd done that made her smile dim like that.
"I've got to get back to work." Her voice had dimmed too, no longer holding that warm smile of a note. It was strained as she stepped back again, putting room between them.
Why? He didn't want her to go. But maybe there was a reason she did. She felt so distant, and he didn't know how to pull her closer, to bring her back to the warmth he knew was there between them. How did he fix it? Everything had been going so well, he'd thought. He didn't want it to end.
Impulsively, he took off after her, closing the distance between them. He took it as a good sign she didn't rush away and returned his good-natured grin over her slender shoulder as she came to a stop. Their gazes met, and he felt destiny touch his soul. The light within him brightened, so incandescent it dimmed all but her. The town surrounding him felt as if it disappeared from his sight, the noise of horses and buggies, of men and boys faded away until there was just the thudding beat of his pulse in his ears, and Jada. She smiled, and that rolled through him like forever.
You're my hope, Jada. He bit his lip to trap the words, leaving them unspoken, it was too hard to bare his heart, to show how vulnerable she rendered him. How much that caring for her had changed him. The words remained trapped on his tongue, right there, ready to shape his lips.
Say it, man, he told himself. Just say it before it's too late.
Then Jada's eyes saddened, as if she were unhappy or had no clue of how he felt and, as if feeling alone or disappointed, she dipped her chin, resigned, and took another step away from him. "Goodbye, Frisco."
Goodbye? That sure sounded final. He didn't like that. Nor could he ignore the soul-deep hush that settled over him, making him feel as if he were in the right place at the right time and destiny itself had touched him. Time stood still, as did his heartbeat and the air he breathed. It felt as if nothing was as important as this moment. He could not let her get away.
So, he caught her hand in his, hers so small, so soft and let his gaze sink into hers. As they stood together on sun-warmed streets and in the summer-scented breeze, he swore he could feel the song of her heart, the notes there that matched his.
A distant voice penetrated his thoughts. "Hey! Frisco Hayden! Get out of the road!"
26
What? He shook his head, surprised to see the sun so bright he had to blink his eyes, and more than one amused passerby looking as if they were wondering how the romance was progressing.
So, they were within view of half the town, huh? Well, that wasn't going to stop him. He squeezed her hand, warm within his, and his eyes found her blue ones and his heart stopped. Why, he could see right into her, to the chambers of her heart. He could see her caring for him and, yet, a sorrow, too.
He didn't like that sorrow, but he would fix it. He was going to love it away, that's what he'd do, and take that heart risk. He wanted her happy. From this moment forth, he would cherish her with everything he had, he would not hold back. She deserved to know how he felt, so he leaned in for a kiss, intending to do it with all his heart.
"No, please, Frisco." She took a step back, stopping him. "This is hard enough as it is."
Oh. He blew out a hurt sigh. So, she was going to break his heart. "Why are you sad? I can take the boys to my folks so you and I can talk. Maybe sneak in a kiss to make you smile."
"That isn't a good idea. There can't be anymore k-kissing." Her face rumpled with great agony. "You need to rescue the boys. They can't get back up on their ponies. Look."
"What?" He caught sight of Aiden trying to get Chester's right front leg and hoof out of the big water tub and failing, although the gelding looked delighted with himself. Austin was trying to climb aboard Maynard, but the pony sidestepped, leaving a four foot gap and the boy's leg up in the air.
Well, of course the boys needed him and right when he needed to stay with Jada and see if he could fix this. Whatever it was, he could feel her closed heart and the pain there.
"Come with me while I deal with the boys." He wanted to find some place quieter and more private to have this conversation. It wasn't right. He wanted to think about peeling off her clothes instead of letting her say a final goodbye to him. "We can go over to my place. I'll leave them with my parents. Just don't walk away from me, please."
"We can talk later." Biting her lip, she stepped into the side street, taking her closer to her place of work. "I don't mind the wait. That would be better."
"It wouldn't. You're too sweet for words."
"You have to stop complimenting me. Otherwise it's going to be impossible to stop liking you."
"Then don't do it." He caught her hand again with his much larger one and gently, as if he thought she was of great value, treasured to him. The caring and respect he had for her showed unmistakably on his face and flashed in his eyes.
Boy, did that make her feel guilty. Guilty because he might not like the real Jada Shepherd. The caring she saw in him—the all-out, adoring kind of affection that one day might know no bounds was a dream. The only thing she could ever want.
Sadly, it was the one thing she could never have.
How had she let this happen? She'd fallen for him. He'd claimed every piece of her heart. She'd let him past her defenses, charming him, and made her fall in love with him. Now what was she going to do?
At a loss, she could only stare at the dusty ground at her feet. She sighed, took a step, but his hand enfolded around hers held her back. She sighed again, squaring her shoulders, feeling the breeze against her face.
Just tell him the truth, she thought. Maybe he would understand. Was there a chance that she meant enough to him that he could love her? But how could she let herself believe that now? She couldn't, not really.
She didn't know what to say to him.
"Looks like your landlady isn't happy." Frisco nodded down the street.
Sure enough, there was Heather Pratt with a lawyer at her side and a legal-sized envelope gripped in one hand tapping down the boardwalk in the shop's direction. That couldn't be a good thing!
Well, if she'd needed a reminder of what was at stake in her life, then this was it. There was no escaping this moment with the hope that one day wonderful Frisco might cherish her. There was no holding on to what happiness there might have been. Heather, her lawyer and her envelope disappeared into the shop and closed the door. Frisco wasn't going to be able to understand or forgive. The
re was no possible way.
How could she ever let him know the truth? Now she realized her folly, her mistake, but she'd just wanted him to love her so, so, so very much. For, if he knew the truth, the high regard he had for her would fade. That tender caring shining for her in his eyes would end. He would no longer speak to her with gentleness in his voice. The way he looked at her, as if he thought she was of high worth, would cease. He would never look at her the same way again. He would think her a woman not respected enough to marry.
"I'm sorry, Frisco. I really am." That old shame filled her, and so did a new one for hurting him, for being the one to end this. Tears burned in her eyes, blurring her vision as she spun around and walked into the glare of the sun. Wind fanned the tears on her cheeks. Choking down a sob, she walked fast, leaving him behind.
"Jada, please wait." His footsteps padded, gaining ground, behind her, tracking her onto the boardwalk leading to the shop. She longed for that sanctuary, longed for the endless sweet comfort of just being in her sisters' presence. That was her future, with her family, and not wishing for a future with Frisco she could not have.
"Jada, you're crying. Are you okay?" The caring, tender and true in his voice, rang gently, still there. Not vanished yet. She longed to turn toward him, to let this one moment last as if she could hold onto it forever.
But she could not.
"I'm fine, really." She swiped at her cheeks. "Just a speck of dust blew into my eye, that's all."
"That's not the truth." He moved in closer and somehow she was standing still, unable to move as his thumbs brushed the dust and tears from her cheeks.
She sniffled, holding back even more tears. Why did he have to be wonderful? Did he know what he was doing to her? All this tenderness was too much, wanting to give in to accepting it was too great, this man she could not have. It broke her to the quick. She gulped in air, full of pain but she would do the right thing. It was the kindest thing to do for him, to do this now before he cared too much. "This has to end, Frisco. I'm sorry, I really am."