by Jillian Hart
"That's not how I feel." He didn't stop caring. He didn't stop being true. "Let me fix this, although I'm a numbskull. What did I do and how do I repair this? Give me a clue, would you? Have pity on me. I'm just a man and I haven't courted a woman in ages. Forgive me."
"I would, but it isn't that. It's you, you've been wonderful. It's me, and what's wrong can't be changed. It just won't work out."
"Because you've stopped caring. I don't think that's true. You are too easy to read, pretty lady." Handsome crinkles dug in around his eyes. Caring tugged down the kissable corners of his mouth. He looked hurt but his affection for her remained. "Can you tell me? I figured we were getting on very well. Am I wrong?"
"No, you aren't." She couldn't stand to hurt him, not him. Her heart cared too much. She placed her hand on his chest, where his heart thudded beneath her palm. This wonderful feeling she wished she could feel for the rest of her life. If only.
If only.
She drew a small breath, wishing, just wishing that there was another solution, another way to end this without hurting him. "Believe me, you'll want to end this now. Really. It's best."
"For who? I'm asking you to supper anyway. Come out to the ranch and see my place. I'll pick you up."
"I have to say no."
"No, you don't. I won't take no for an answer, how about that? Don't say goodbye yet, pretty lady. You don't know how very much I want you to have supper with us. I'll cook."
"You, a man? Always the reason to say no."
"I see that sparkle of humor. You want to say yes."
"I can't. This is a final no. A no for now and forever."
"No, don't say this, Jada. Please. Give us more of a chance." A muscle jumped along his jaw, a man fighting heartbreak and a man trying to save what could be for them. "Maybe I could make it a more attractive offer, not that I'm a fair to middling cook. I take you over to Virginia City, that's not far from here, they have a real a fancy place to eat."
"I wish, but no. It's an offer I can't accept." She lifted her hand from his chest and took a step back. She needed the distance, although she did not want it.
"Is it the twins?" He arched one eyebrow over his unguarded, too vulnerable gaze.
"No." She wanted him to know, needed him to know. "Never that. I'm rather fond of them."
"Okay, then, that's one thing on my side, in my favor." He towered there, a big mountain of a man, casting his shadow over her. He looked strong and helpless and vulnerable all at the same moment. "Let me just bare my heart. I never really knew if I would feel this way about anyone. But then you came along in my life and just walked right into my heart. I hope that I'd done the same."
You did. She bit her bottom lip, determined to trap the truth inside and not let it out because if she did, then he would know not only the truth about her past and reputation but the one in her heart, the tenderness she felt for him. But she had to let go and do it now, no good could come from letting him believe there was a chance.
So, she took one step away from him and then another, and with every step the connection between her heart and his remained. If she had to fall for a man, why did it have to be him?
"Goodbye and that's a final one, Frisco. I wish it wasn't." More tears burned her eyes, blurring her view of him, making it easier to turn away. Was she dying inside? That's how bad her heart hurt as she tugged open the shop's front door. "I really wish it could have worked out. You'll never know how much."
Before he could answer, she tumbled inside, shutting out the wind and his shadow. But the heartbreak only intensified, hurting razor-sharp as if it never intended to let go.
If only she could have given a different answer, but he never would have loved her enough. Before she could turn around to watch him walk away down the street, already missing him, already needing to keep him in her sight, just needing him, Mindy spoke.
"Jada." She swirled away from the little table of pattern books and swept closer. "Oh, good, you're here. Heather Pratt is waiting for you in the little room you use for an office. With her lawyer."
"Yes, I saw them on the boardwalk, so I'm prepared." Jada dipped her chin, keeping as much of her face hidden by her errant, blow-away curls that had escaped her chignon. She straightened her spine. "How have sales been today?"
"Good, but Miss Pratt said she's serving final notice." Mindy's face crinkled up with worry. "It's starting to feel very sad thinking of the three of us leaving."
"With no good place to go," Stella quietly added as she pushed through the kitchen's swinging door.
"You let me worry about that." She caught a faint blur through the sun-streaked window.
Over at the water trough, a bit down the street, Frisco was helping Austin onto Maynard's back, who sidestepped again, refusing to let the child mount him. But it was promising when the pony nudged the boy's hand affectionately. It looked as if they'd all decided to walk, the tall, muscled man leading the way for the two ponies and their boys, walking side by side. Jada drank in the sight of the man, his Stetson tilted at an angle, his walk measured and easy-going, his brawny shoulders braced a bit, as if he were hurting and didn't want it to show.
Regret hit her like a boxer's glove. She ripped her gaze from him and turned away. She had to get used to this pain, because it was not over now. It would never end. She would always want him. Grief gripped her. She willed down another wave of tears and of loss. The only consolation she had was in knowing it never would have worked.
"Do you want me to come in with you? I can't imagine that you want to be alone with Miss Pratt and her lawyer." Stella led the way to the kitchen door. "What do you say?"
"Thanks. I'd like the support." Jada tried to turn her thoughts to business as she circled around the back of the display case.
"Why did you send Frisco packing? You should have said yes to him."
"I had no chance with him. Not with his reputation so important. He told me so."
"I see. You couldn't tell him the truth, huh?" Stella's beautiful face scrunched up with sorrow.
"No, I didn't tell him about my past." Losing Frisco, well, that was a big loss. Always would be.
She drew in a steadying breath and, wounded by the pain of losing him, followed Stella into the office. It was time to deal with Heather Pratt in the way she'd been wanting to all along.
* * *
Goodbye and that's a final one, Frisco. I wish it wasn't. Jada's words haunted him through the afternoon. As he ran Lightning through his paces in the training corral, he couldn't concentrate. The emptiness of losing her echoed through him. He missed her. He missed knowing he could see her again. Her rejection had ripped him to the soul.
Why was it final? It didn't have to be. That's what troubled him. And she'd assured him that it was nothing he'd done to make her change her mind like that. Especially judging by the pain in her eyes, she carried strong feelings for him. And that's what he'd been counting on and wanting more than anything.
A light thwack of a wooden corral gate closing broke the afternoon's stillness. He turned his mount around and knuckled back the brim of his hat. He wasn't surprised to find a pair of familiar figures padding his way.
"Pa?" Boots padded closer. Aiden peeked up at him from beneath the brim of his own hat, his eyes full of joy. "Can we give Chester and Maynard more grain yet?"
He winced. "No, they don't deserve treats. They keep misbehaving, don't they?"
"But rewarding their behavior will work. We have wise ponies. Grandpop said so."
Austin nodded in agreement. "He did, too."
"Well, then, I'll just have to allow more grain then, won't I? I thought they'd had enough when we came home."
Aiden shook his head. "Grandpop said enough grain is never enough."
"He did," Austin confirmed.
"Where did Grandpop go? I didn't see him drive up."
"Because he came down the road the other way. Grandmama is home enjoying her embroidering and the quiet." Aiden went up on tiptoe to pet the
horse.
Austin did, too. "Grandpop wants to talk to you about our new pony."
"I bet he does." He swung one leg over and dismounted, landing on the ground next to his sons. He glanced toward the barn and gave a chuckle. "Knock me over with a feather. I'm shocked. I hate to tell you boys this, but we have a renegade on the loose. Two of them."
"Two! Not again!" Aiden's hand went to his forehead.
Austin rolled his eyes. "Don't get mad at them, Pa. Can they still get the grain?"
"Who knows if they will stay in the barn for it?" he quipped, nodding at the familiar tall, broad-shouldered figure who stepped out of the shadow of the barn door and into the brush of light. "It's good to see you again, Pa."
"It's good to be here. When word reached me that you had a new pony, why, I just couldn't sit home and wonder. I couldn't wait to get a good look at this." Humor danced in the man's eyes.
"Didn't we get a good one?" Austin asked, voice vibrating with happiness.
"A good two," Aiden added, leading the way in running over to greet and grab hold of the ponies.
Frisco loosened his grip on the reins, leading his gelding into the shade, wishing his regular laughter could touch him. But he was hurting too hard. "What does your grandpop think about the ponies?"
"He said there were no words."
"Not a one." Pride filled the boys right up.
"Truth be told," Pa quipped. "I'm still speechless. And here I normally have an opinion on everything. Imagine that."
"I'm without words."
Pa chuckled, thumbing back his hat with a slow, easy-going gesture. A warm smile wreathed his face and lit his eyes. "All I can say is that those are lovable ponies."
"I can't disagree." He tied one rein to the top fence board, leaving a loose knot. "Do you have any suggestions for handling them?"
"That I do not. None. None at all. Boys, what are you up to?"
"We're gonna get them more grain." Aiden hefted off the barrel lid and Austin went up on tiptoe to grab a small pail.
He needn't have bothered, Frisco thought, watching both ponies speed right on over and eat from the grain barrel.
"Yep," Pa said. "This isn't gonna be anything but entertaining."
He couldn't disagree.
"No, don't eat so much of it!" Aiden bounced with excitement.
Austin laughed. "You already ate a whole bunch. Aiden, do you know how to stop them?"
"No. No, I do not."
Frisco laughed as he took charge of the pail, small enough to fit between the pony's heads and the boys holding on tight to the side of the barrel, watching with fascination and amazement. "Boy, look at them eat!"
"That's the fastest I've ever seen," Aiden admitted, impressed.
Austin nodded with wide eyes. "See? They are champions."
"Truly impressive," he drawled before hauling the full pail with him the short distance down the aisle to two adjoining box stalls. "Boys, maybe you want to get out the molasses horse treats for them? That might get their mouths out of the grain barrel."
"Good idea," Aiden said.
"Otherwise we can't move them," Austin added.
Frisco stepped foot in the first stall and poured. He heard his pa's boots shuffle closer in the aisle. He grinned. "Go ahead and say it."
"You know I'm proud of those boys. Having those ponies looks fun."
"Can't argue there." He lumbered into the neighboring stall with the half-full pail. "They're already in love."
"You and I both know that feeling."
"I can't deny it." He shook the pail to get the last kernels of corn out before stopping in the aisle to pet the older bay gelding sticking his nose over the gate. Endless love and devotion filled him right up. "There's nothing like being best friends with a horse."
The gelding in question nickered once, low in his throat, in agreement. Frisco pushed back his hat, lowered his head and gently leaned his forehead against Trigger's.
"Jada knows how to make Chester do what she wants," Aiden was telling Grandpop as he pushed the grain barrel lid into place.
Grandpop's answer was hard to hear above the clatter of steel-shod hooves running to devour the grain in their stalls. Frisco couldn't manage a light-hearted chuckle.
Jada. He couldn't believe it was over, just like that. He'd only gotten more than a couple of kisses. He had really been looking forward to another one of those and seeing just how much of her dress he could get beneath and then take off. Not to mention, let her fill up his whole heart.
She'd seemed so sad, not at all like she wanted to end things. Did he still have a chance? He remembered the tears on her face, the pure regret sad in her eyes, and his heart broke all over again.
Later, after his pa had left and he was getting ready to think about what to do for supper, he couldn't stand the pain. He'd really meant wanting to take Jada out tonight and he ached over it so bad he couldn't focus on the job at hand. What did he do? Maybe, when something rare happens, you don't let it slip through your fingers. You hold on and you didn't let go.
The wind slammed the back door closed like a gunshot in the empty kitchen. He had to fix this. He had to let Jada know that he adored her, but how? He needed to tell her that he was devoted to her with all the depth of his being. That in his view, she was beautiful and everything he'd never dared to dream of. And if he couldn’t fix this, he was never going to be okay again. Losing her was something he would never recover from. Not ever.
27
Jada had never felt so relieved to turn the 'closed' sign over in the window. Her spirit felt weary, her heart in misery with too much grief. The shadows seemed longer today, the early evening dim despite the sunshine. She struggled, hiding her feelings as Stella chose a loaf of bread from the display for their supper.
"Not that I'm hungry, not one bit." Stella paused with one shoulder on the swinging door, rolling her eyes ceiling-ward. "Five days eviction notice. What are we going to do about that?"
"The better question is how," Mindy answered from one of the chairs in front of the other front window. Her sewing needle stilled as she glanced up from her work. "If Jada hadn't negotiated, we would be out of the street in the morning."
"In Pa's tent," Jada corrected, heavy-hearted but not about this. "And this may be one of those silver lining moments. Let me work on a few things I've got in mind and you never know what I can get accomplished for us."
"That sounds too optimistic for the situation." Stella sighed. "What can I do to help?"
"Keep Mindy out of trouble for me. And pack." Jada grabbed her handbag from the shelf. "Don't get your hopes up, but I may have a surprise in store. It just depends on how things work out."
"What? Last time you were seriously worried, and this time you didn't even want to use Tristan's get-out-of-jail-free card. You can't be that resigned to living with Pa in his tent." Stella gave a troubled grimace.
"No truer words were ever spoken. Mindy, if you wouldn't mind, keep my supper plate warm for me if I'm late, okay?"
"Not a problem. What do you have in mind?"
"You'll see."
"Try not to look so sad, okay?" her younger sister asked, eyes wide with the power of the plea. "Why is Tristan at the window frowning at the sign?"
"I'll find out." Jada had the handle in hand and opened the door before the wealthy New York businessman could walk away. "How can we help you, Mr. Haywood? Perhaps you've heard of our eviction your cousin served us with. Not to worry. We can open up for you if you'd like. Come right on in."
"Fine, I would like that. I wish I had more fortunate news, but I was unable to dissuade Heather. I took it upon myself to help. She wants you out and there's nothing I can do about it. I really am very sorry, but you already had agreed." Sincerity pinched his handsome eyes.
"I'm sorry, too, but it's the best thing. I'll look at this as a new chapter in my life." She tried to sound optimistic and hoped she didn't fail too miserably. "Oh, good. There's Stella to help you."
"Oh, Tristan! Welcome, come right on in. We're always open for you," she was saying as the man closed the door.
Interesting, Jada thought as she tapped down the boardwalk, unable to forget that bright look of affection on Stella's face. And here she hadn't said a single thing!
"Jada, we're about ready to close up," Nelson said, ready to push up out of his chair but decided to stay at his desk, easing back down into the cushion. "Unfortunately I heard the news. Heather Pratt's office is right next to my father's."
"Oops, then you know our predicament." She eased over to his desk. The place was quiet, his father's office door stood open but dark, likely having left earlier in the day. "I was wondering if you could tell me if there are any houses for sale."
"Sale? That might be a stretch for your pocketbook." Nelson gave an amiable shrug.
"Well, you never know. I have some savings."
"Why, then sit down and read what I have available."
"Perfect. Thank you." She slipped into one of the ladder-back chairs in front of his desk, leaning forward to look at the hand-written information. "This seems right in my price range. This next one is too shabby. I recognize both addresses."
"Alder Creek isn't a very big town, so that makes my job easy. Would you be interested in taking a look at the first house?"
"Unnecessary. I'd like to buy it first. Time is of the essence." She reached into her bag and withdrew the little cloth drawstring bag. "I've got gold dust."
"And more than enough just eyeballing it." Nelson grinned. "Jada, you've made my day."
Relief filled but could not dislodge the grief that remained like a hard ball in the middle of her heart. After going through the paperwork, Nelson insisted on walking her over to the house to look at it since he owned it as one of the most prosperous men in the county. Everything about it was welcoming, from the wrap-around porch outside to the crafted woodwork inside to the three attic bedrooms upstairs with generous windows. A small house, sure, and in mostly good repair, but it was a house. A good house.
Afterwards, he dropped her off in front of the shop and she waved goodbye. She would have told her sisters about the purchase except for the emptiness in the kitchen and the fact that Stella was gone. Tristan had invited her out to dine with him, Mindy informed her.