Canticle to the Midnight Moon

by Val St. Crowe

  “No,” he said too quickly. “No, it’s fine. You have to go. It’s your only chance to help Landon, and your bond with him helps the pack, and so it’s good. It’s all good. You have to go.”

  “Judah,” I said. “What’s wrong?”

  “Well, look, you’re right about Meridian Vine. We can’t trust her,” he said. “She could try anything, and she’s so powerful, we don’t have any recourse.”

  “You want the anklet I used against her?” I said.

  “You’d give me that?”

  “Yes,” I said. “But you may want to train Tempest to use it, since it seems to respond better to female energy, at least that’s what Desta said.”

  “Not a problem,” said Judah. “Where is it?”

  “Back in my cabin,” I said. “Follow me.”

  So we trooped back to the cabin and Viggo was pressed into the refrigerator and Desta was kissing him, and then they saw us, and everyone was embarrassed and did a lot of coughing.

  I took Judah back into my bathroom, where I had hidden the anklet in a false bottom in the one of the drawers under the sink.

  “Thanks,” he said. “This is going to give me some peace of mind. You guys stay safe, and I hope you find the cure.”

  “So do we,” I said.

  When I got back to the kitchen, Landon was glowering at me, and Viggo had his arm around Desta and she was laying her head on his shoulder.

  “You guys made up quick,” I said.

  “Indeed,” said Viggo. “How about a ride to my mountainside bunker? It’s on your way.”

  “No,” said Landon.

  “No,” I said.

  “Oh, come on,” said Viggo. “All we have is that clunky camper, and it gets awful gas mileage. You can have us there in four hours if you drive quickly.”

  “Won’t the sun bother you?” I said.

  Viggo waved that away. “We’ll be fine.”

  I looked at Landon. “Can you handle four hours? Then I’ll know that Desta is safe.”

  “Fine,” muttered Landon. “But we drop them off and then we’re done, okay? Just me and you.”

  “Just me and you,” I said.

  * * *

  Later, at a rest area, I was talking to Desta. She had come in with me, pulling a dark hoodie over her head against the sun.

  I dried my hands on a towel. “What did he say that made you change your mind? You don’t seem angry at him at all, anymore.”

  “Oh, I’m not,” said Desta. “I couldn’t possibly be angry with him.”

  “But you were before,” I said. “Angry enough that you didn’t want to be around him. Now, you can’t seem to stop touching him. So, what did he say? How did he convince you?”

  She furrowed her brow. “I’m not sure, really. I can hardly even remember being angry at him in the first place. I know that I was, but it’s all so fuzzy now.”

  “Fuzzy?” I said. And now I was angry.

  “Yes,” she said. “Fuzzy.”

  Because I knew exactly what had happened here. I marched out to the car and pulled Viggo out of the backseat, even though the sun was beating down overhead.

  “What’s your problem?” Viggo demanded, squinting at me.

  “You compelled my sister,” I said. “Deny it.”

  Viggo shrugged. “Why should I? It was for her own safety. I’ll lift the compulsion as soon as we’re in the shelter. I have no desire to keep her like this, but it does make her an easier travel companion.”

  “It’s the most horrid thing I ever heard of,” I said. “You can’t do that to her. You lift the compulsion right freaking now.”

  “No,” said Landon from the front seat.

  I leaned into the car. “What? How can you say that? How can you say that after everything you’ve been through?”

  “Because then she’ll be furious with Viggo, and we’ll be forced to bring her along,” said Landon. “And you promised me four hours. And, by the way, if we stay at this rest hour for too much longer, it’s going to be more like four and a half.”

  “But this is wrong,” I said.

  Desta appeared next to the car. “Geez, Camber, wait up.” She looked at us. “Hey, what’s going on with you guys? You all seem riled up about something.”

  “Viggo compelled you,” I said.

  Desta’s eyebrows shot up. “Seriously?”

  “No,” said Viggo. “I didn’t. And your sister needs to shut her mouth, or I’ll compel you all.”

  Landon raised his eyebrows at me. “You had to bring the vampire king along on the ride. You had to cave and do that.”

  I gaped at Viggo. “You wouldn’t.”

  “Wouldn’t I?” said Viggo. “I’m telling you, your sister’s safety is of paramount importance to me. There is no way that I’m going to let her die. Anyone who gets in my way is acceptable collateral damage.”

  “Camber,” said Landon. “Just get in the car and drive.”

  I hesitated for another moment, and then I did get in. “So, for the record,” I said. “I don’t like any of this. I don’t like that we’re using genocide to make the world a better place or that you’re violating my sister’s mind to save her life. I just want one clear-cut decision for once. One time where it’s easy to see what’s wrong and what’s right, and I know what I should be doing!”

  It was quiet.

  “Noted,” Landon said mildly.

  “Drive,” said Viggo.

  “Why are you upset?” said Desta.

  I started the car. I was going to kill them all.

  * * *

  We arrived at the shelter that Viggo’d had built an hour later. I had a long, internal debate about leaving my sister with this man, who wasn’t above fixing her to his liking if she tried to make impulsive decisions, and I knew it was wrong.

  But I also had to save Landon, and he was going to die.

  Viggo would fight until there was no more fight in him to keep Desta safe.

  So, one problem at a time. First, I’d save Landon, and then we’d come back here and get Desta away from Viggo.

  Landon and I got back in the car and left her there. Viggo said that he’d lift the compulsion as soon as they were locked inside. Desta was going to be crazy angry. I just knew it. I couldn’t do anything about it, however, so I tried to put it from my mind.

  Instead, I drove. I was driving instead of Landon because we didn’t know how he might deteriorate or when, and it was safer if he wasn’t behind the wheel of the car.

  We drove down the roads for hours together, the fences on either side of us, stretching as far as we could see. Out here, in the interior of the country, there were fewer werewolves and fewer vampires. Much of the land was fenced off into dense forests. Here, werewolf packs were buried in the middle of nowhere.

  I wondered what the world would be like after we broke down vampire rule. True, we werewolves would be free, but we’d have to contend with the fear and prejudice of the humans as well. They wouldn’t welcome us with open arms. I could only hope that there were enough of us wolves in the fences who had grown up outside them, that the healing of fractured families would play a part in healing the world.

  I thought about all of these things because I didn’t want to think about losing Landon. In so many ways, I felt as though he made my life complete. Without him, I would be a shell of myself. It really wasn’t fair.

  “Hey, Camber?” Landon spoke up at one point.

  “Yeah?” I said.

  “I’ve been thinking about what’s going to happen if we don’t find this pool or if it doesn’t work for some reason,” he said.

  “Don’t,” I said. “Because we have to stay positive. It doesn’t help us to sink into despair.”

  “Look, there are things that I need to tell someone,” he said. “You know that my pack was destroyed, so I don’t have any family you need to tell after I’m gone. But I was close to one of the bloodhounds when I was in the city, and I think he might want to know. His name is Cassidy Michael
s, and if you can find him, I would appreciate it. I know I’d want to know if he was gone, so I want you to tell him.”

  “Landon, I don’t like you talking this way.”

  “I don’t have possessions or anything, things to leave behind. You don’t have to worry about that,” he said.

  “So, don’t bring it up,” I said. “I won’t let you die. If I have to, I’ll find some kind of magic that will keep you alive, no matter what the cost is.” I thought of the anklet I’d turned over to Jude, and I wondered if that magic was strong enough. If not, maybe I could find magic like it, which would help me to keep Landon from dying. I knew it was dangerous to dabble with that kind of power, but the sheer sadness that I would be experiencing without Landon was too much to bear. I had to do something.

  “Okay,” he said. “We’ll both fight as hard as we can, okay? Because I don’t want to die either. But in case we don’t figure it out, I want to get this out. I need to tell someone.”

  “No, you don’t.”

  “Yes, I do.” He was firm. “I want to be cremated.”

  “Landon—”

  “I don’t want to be put in the ground. I can’t handle that. I want to go out in flame and ash. So, please make that happen. And don’t keep my ashes in an urn somewhere on a mantlepiece or something. Sprinkle them out. Not all in the same place. You can pick where you want, but I’d like one place to be that place in the woods where we made love, if you can find it. If you can’t, just close.”

  “Please stop,” I whispered. Because now, I was crying.

  “And some I want to be left where my old pack was,” said Landon. “It’s just ruins there. I’ve been back. If it gets close to the end, I can give you good directions, so that you can get there. Leave some of me there. The rest, you can scatter however you want.” He stopped talking.

  There was no sound in the car except my sobs.

  “Hey,” he said. “I’m sorry. But I needed to say that stuff.”

  “No, you didn’t,” I said, wiping fiercely at my cheeks. “Because you’re not dying, not anytime soon.”

  * * *

  We drove and kept driving.

  The witch had been somewhat cryptic with her explanation of where to go. She had specified that we were to go to Wessorton, which was a territory in the west, where the mountains were high and craggy. But the business about the flowers blooming inside out, I didn’t know what the hell that meant.

  When we reached Wessorton, I looked and there were flowers blooming in the first blush of spring, but they didn’t look as though they were inside out or anything. Landon and I drove and speculated on what it might mean.

  “Maybe it’s just a certain kind of flower that looks inside out when it blooms,” I said.

  “Like what?” said Landon.

  “I don’t know. Do a search on your phone, see what comes up.”

  But that took a long time, because the service was really spotty out here in the middle of nowhere.

  “Uh, yeah, there’s something like that,” said Landon. He showed me his phone.

  I glanced at it. “That does look like a flower that’s blooming inside out, all right.”

  “Yeah, but they’re not supposed to start blooming until May,” said Landon, “so even if they are out, we probably won’t see them.”

  “Well, that blows,” I said.

  “Yeah,” he said.

  “Why even mention them if we can’t see them?”

  “Well, they do bloom in this part of the country from what I can tell,” Landon said.

  “Huh.” I couldn’t be more vocal than that, because I had to concentrate on getting around the next curve. The road out here was pretty horrible. It was all curves and hills. On the side, there was a guardrail and then a steep drop off. I felt horrified that I’d make a wrong turn and we’d plummet to our deaths. I also wasn’t sure the car could even make it up these hills.

  “Look, I don’t see how we’re supposed to find this pool,” said Landon.

  “Yeah, it’s not as though we can stop and ask for directions. ‘Excuse me, do you know which way to the magic pool’?”

  “You know, even if we do find it,” said Landon, “she made a lot of noise about whether or not I’d be worthy, and I’m not sure I would be.”

  “Why not?” I said. “You’ve been through hell in your life. I think you’re owed one miracle after everything.”

  “Yeah, but I’ve done bad things. I’ve killed people.”

  “You mean before the chip was out? That wasn’t your fault. You weren’t in control of yourself.”

  “Even afterwards,” he said. “That whole pack of bloods the first night you shifted? I put darts in them and loaded them onto a pyre. They were just people who’d been changed. They couldn’t help what they did. And I executed them.”

  “You were saving me,” I said.

  “I don’t know if that matters,” he said. “And what about Vivia? That was selfish, you know?”

  “It was…” I sighed.

  “And now, we’re participating in whatever Meridian’s going to do against the vampires. Who knows how many will die?”

  “Well, it’s not as though we could stop that,” I said. “It’s out of our hands.”

  “We didn’t even try to stop it,” he said. “We’ve done impossible things before, but this time, we turned a blind eye.”

  “That’s because we have to save your life,” I said. “One impossible thing at a time. And if we stop them from killing the vampires, it keeps everything at the status quo, and that’s not a great system to begin with.”

  “True,” he said. “But still. Will I be considered worthy?”

  “We will find our way into that pool,” I said. “If that Guardian won’t let us in, we’ll kill the damned Guardian.”

  He considered. “Solid plan. I like how you think. It’s too bad I can’t rage out anymore. That might have been helpful.”

  “You’re still plenty scary when you want to be.”

  He laughed. “Hey, look!” He pointed.

  “Oh, the flowers!” I said. They were blooming inside out, but they didn’t quite look like the pictures. “They’re so bright.”

  “Yeah, they’re glowing.”

  “That’s got to be it,” I said. “It’s got to be here. Magic’s got to be making them glow like that.” I was looking so closely at the flowers that I wasn’t looking at the road. I started to drift towards the middle of the road and then I swerved, trying to correct.

  “Camber!” yelled Landon.

  I couldn’t say anything. I was gritting my teeth, concentrating, trying to get back control of the car. The back of the car fishtailed.

  For one horrible second, the guardrail and the drop-off loomed in front of us, and I could see us falling, feel my stomach dropping out, and imagine smashing into the rocks far below.

  But then, just in time, I whipped the steering wheel around, and we turned hard, away from the danger.

  Except now, I was careening headfirst toward the rocks on the other side of the road—steep, hard cliff face where the flowers were blooming. I tried to slam on my brakes, but I somehow hit the gas instead, and then I panicked and pushed down harder instead of letting off.

  We flew across the road and smacked straight into the cliff.

  I jolted forward into my seatbelt and then back into my seat. The airbag deployed. Glass shattered. Metal screamed.

  And then we stopped moving.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  The front of the car was crushed, and the airbag was in my face, and so was the steering wheel. My face felt bruised and my neck hurt and couldn’t move.

  “Camber?” came Landon’s voice.

  But I couldn’t see him around the air bag. He popped it with one of his claws, and then there he was on the other side of the car, and he was fine. There were a few places on his face where he was bleeding, which had probably happened because the windshield had shattered and the glass had gone everywhere.
/>   “Blood and fangs,” said Landon, eyes wide.

  “What?” I said. I looked down, which was were he was looking, and I realized that the car had smashed inward and that my legs were trapped and I was bleeding. “Oh.” I swallowed. “Why doesn’t it hurt?”

  “Judging from the way you’re pretzeled down there, I think your spine severed.”

  I let out a squeaking noise.

  He licked his lips. “Can you shift?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, that’s a good idea. Okay.”

  “Okay,” he said.

  I shut my eyes and I tried to shift, but I couldn’t. I opened my eyes. “I can’t find my wolf.”

  “What?” said Landon. “What are you saying?”

  “She’s always there, but for some reason… she’s not?” I let out a shuddering breath, and now, I was starting to panic.

  “Breathe,” said Landon. “Come on, Camber, breathe, you can do this. You’re a werewolf. Your wolf doesn’t just go away. She’s in there. Just try to calm down, okay?”

  “No, I don’t feel her.” I was desperately searching within myself, and I couldn’t find the wolf where I usually found her. I thought back to that first time in the woods with Judah, when I’d been angry, and then I’d traced the pathways that my wolf had taken, and I had felt as if she crawled up my spine, and if my spine was severed—

  Next to me, Landon grunted.

  “Landon?” I whispered.

  He shook his head. “That’s the weirdest…” He grunted again, laying back into the seat. “Hold on. Give me a second.” He opened his mouth and let out another noise, an even stranger one. And then, he went still. Completely still, his eyes wide open, his mouth gaping.

  “Landon!” I said, my voice shrill. Oh, no, no, no. Not right now. Not now. Not when we were so close. Not when I was damaged and I couldn’t help him. I screamed at the top of my lungs.

  He didn’t respond.

  I shut my eyes and sobbed.

  Moments passed, and there was nothing but the interior of the car—broken metal and busted glass—and Landon wasn’t moving, and was he breathing? And I had lost my wolf, and I was bleeding a lot, and we were both going to die. After everything, this was how it ended, here on the side of a twisting mountain road, nothing to show for our whole lives.