The Emotional Wound Thesaurus
Page 19
Having to visit someone in the hospital
Having to call an ambulance after an accident or health crisis
One’s child experiencing a near miss, such as a playground fall that results in stitches
News reports or movies that show the same type of foolhardiness one was involved in
Forgetting to pass on a warning and a person being hurt as a result
Being called out for making a mistake or not catching a problem in time
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
A son or daughter rebelling as a result of one being too controlling and risk-averse
A loved one wanting to pursue a sport or activity that carries a high risk of injury
Marital problems that occur because one is too structured with no sense of adventure
Failing someone because one was paralyzed by indecision and did not act in time
Bypassing a life-changing opportunity because one couldn’t embrace change or take a risk
An attraction to someone who is free-spirited, spontaneous, and enjoys having fun
Seeing one’s children unable to cope with life’s challenges because one protected them too much
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INJUSTICE AND HARDSHIP
AN ABUSE OF POWER
EXAMPLES
Being a victim of police brutality
Being set up for a crime one didn’t commit
Being sexually abused by an authority figure (a teacher, member of the clergy, police officer, etc.)
Being deliberately misled or threatened by an employer, causing one to act unethically
One’s land or home being ruined, taken, or reassigned at the government’s whim
An elderly person being neglected by those being paid to provide care
Being publicly humiliated by a person in authority
Being abused or mistreated by one’s parent or guardian
Being victimized by a financial advisor or institution
Donating to a cause and learning that the money was used for someone’s personal gain
Being illegitimately fired or laid off
Having one’s ideas or work stolen by the person or organization it was entrusted to
A media outlet misrepresenting the facts to achieve its own goals
A ruler or organization that uses money, intimidation, or influence to circumvent the law
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Safety and security, love and belonging, esteem and recognition
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
I’m so stupid, I’ll fall for anything.
No powerful person or organization is trustworthy.
No one is looking out for me so I have to look out for myself.
I will always be under the thumb of others.
I was targeted because I’m weak.
If others are in charge, I run the risk of being victimized.
I can’t trust my own judgment.
Power corrupts. Placing faith in leaders of any kind is foolish.
Justice is blind when it comes to money and influence.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Being taken advantage of again
That their instincts about people are unreliable
Trusting the wrong person or organization
Suffering a loss that cannot be recouped, like losing their savings to a dishonest money management company
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Distrusting the system (an imperfect judicial process, a failing health system, one’s government, etc.)
Choosing to work only with people one personally knows
Avoiding big decisions so one can defer responsibility to others if things go badly
Becoming very traditional; distrusting new ways of doing things
Manically researching facts so one is fully informed and won’t be duped again
Suspecting corruption at every level of society
Becoming a conspiracy theorist
Being apathetic; assuming that everyone is corrupt and there’s nothing one can do about it
Living off the grid
Disengaging from the kinds of institutions or groups where the abuse occurred (disdaining organization religion, hoarding money rather than keeping it in a bank, etc.)
Requiring full disclosure before one can feel safe working with someone in power again
Seeking to protect one’s loved ones from the same kind of abuse
Becoming overly dependent on trustworthy sources to help with decision-making
Aggressively taking control of every area of one’s life
Withdrawing from groups or organizations if trustworthiness can’t be proven
Circumventing a broken system (delivering justice oneself rather involving police, homeschooling rather than allowing one’s child to attend public school, etc.)
Publicly working to bring down the offender or corrupt organization
Being very organized when researching organizations and businesses
Always treating others with honor and respect, especially if one holds a position of power
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Analytical, focused, industrious, just, loyal, meticulous, organized, passionate, patient, proactive, protective, resourceful, responsible, studious, traditional
Flaws: Antisocial, apathetic, callous, confrontational, controlling, cynical, disrespectful, fanatical, foolish, haughty, inflexible, irrational, nosy, obsessive, paranoid, uncooperative, withdrawn
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Hearing on the news about a supposedly upright person or group that took advantage of others
Being mistreated again by a different person of power
Facing a situation where one must entrust a child or elderly parent to the very institution that was responsible for the past violation
Suffering ancillary difficulties caused by the initial abuse (an inability to retire due to being scammed out of one’s savings, being unable to work due to injuries received from a police beating, etc.)
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
A situation where one is in deep trouble and must choose whether to trust an authority figure or not
Seeing the experience affect one’s children (becoming cynical, fearing all police, mistrusting their own judgment, etc.) and wanting them to live more fulfilled and happy lives
A person in power turning out to be honorable and trustworthy, challenging one’s preconceptions
Abusing power in some way (being an over-controlling parent, perhaps) and then reforming to repair the damage, thus realizing that others are capable of change and may be worthy of trust again
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BECOMING HOMELESS FOR REASONS BEYOND ONE’S CONTROL
EXAMPLES
A medical emergency that causes bankruptcy (e.g., due to being unable to obtain insurance)
One’s parent suffering from a mental disorder that causes the whole family to be on the street
Being unable to work due to a physical ailment
A weather disaster that destroys one’s home
A fire destroying one’s uninsured home or apartment
Fleeing an abusive relationship and having nowhere to go
A tragedy that thrusts one into depression, making it difficult to provide for oneself
Minor life events that push a family living on the edge of poverty over the line (a vehicle breakdown, a fender bender, a trip to the hospital, etc.)
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Physiological needs, safety and security, love and belonging, esteem and recognition, self-actualization
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
I’m worthless.
I should have seen this coming and planned for this.
Survival is my only priority now; dreams are a thing of the past.
I’ll never get back to where I was before.
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The system is rigged against people like me.
I am what people think of me (lazy, useless, a drain on society, self-indulgent, etc.).
My children’s safety and wellbeing are at stake because of me.
I am a terrible parent (if one’s family is also on the street).
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Family members being split up or children being taken away
Their children being physically or emotionally hurt
Being robbed, attacked, or taken advantage of
Being arrested
What others think (family members or old neighbors, for example)
Never being able to get on their feet again
Giving into depression and developing a problem with alcohol or drugs
Sending their family on a cycle of poverty and homelessness that will last for generations
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Trying to find a temporary home with family or friends
Living out of one’s car
Falling further into depression
Abusing drugs or alcohol as a way of easing the pain
Becoming disorganized
An inability to focus (due to lack of sleep, poor nutrition, an impairment, or something else)
Suffering deep guilt if others are affected (such as children who are also homeless or a partner who relies on one’s support), especially if one feels responsible for the current situation
Finding tricks to save money (showering at truck stops, keeping a cheap storage locker at the bus station, knowing where one can fill up water bottles, etc.)
Becoming protective of one’s few material possessions
Turning to unethical means to make money, like being a drug mule or prostituting oneself
Avoiding those in authority who might take away one’s child or restrict the freedoms one has
Avoiding responsibility for others (for fear of screwing up again)
Making a plan and sticking to it
Doing what it takes to become financially stable
Avoiding all risks and being very safe with money (after getting back on one’s feet)
Making the education of one’s children a priority
Working multiple jobs that are below one’s capabilities to make ends meet
Prioritizing purchases by necessity and want
Being willing to accept help from friends
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Alert, ambitious, cooperative, creative, discreet, empathetic, focused, friendly, hospitable, humble, mature, organized, patient, persistent, private, protective, quirky, resourceful
Flaws: Addictive, apathetic, callous, childish, cynical, devious, evasive, forgetful, ignorant, insecure, jealous, nervous, scatterbrained, self-destructive, stingy, tactless, uncommunicative
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Getting back on one’s feet, then receiving an unexpected bill that one can’t pay
Walking past panhandlers or people searching dumpsters for bottles to recycle
A car breakdown that leaves one stranded
Receiving an eviction notice when one is personally not at fault (like the building being torn down)
After the crisis has passed, attending family gatherings where others flaunt how well they are doing
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Once off the street, meeting someone who is homeless and wanting to help them achieve stability
Overhearing someone speak negatively about homeless people, and facing a choice: stand up for them by revealing one’s past experience or remain silent
Being offered help by another, giving one a chance to overcome a jaded worldview and learn to trust again
Being asked to join a cause benefiting the homeless
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BEING BULLIED
EXAMPLES: Bullying can be defined as the ongoing use of power or influence to intimidate someone. Bullies come in many forms, including…
Demanding parents or relatives who did things “for one’s own good”
Siblings who had more than the typical share of power due to age, size, or popularity
A jealous friend or resentful classmate
A group of people who joined forces (a subset of classmates or teammates) against others
A teacher or another person in a position of authority
Co-workers who were threatened by one’s status or prowess
Social media “friends” who target and ridicule as a way to gain power
Power-hungry employers or well-connected individuals used to getting what they want
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Physiological needs, safety and security, love and belonging, esteem and recognition, self-actualization
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
People target me because I’m weak.
My life will never get better; “happily ever after” is for other people.
I am a failure and will never succeed at anything.
If I do what other people want it will go easier for me.
People only get close so they can better manipulate you.
The system (or school, government, company policy, parental fairness, etc.) is a joke.
To show I’m not weak, I have to fight.
If people fear me, they won’t mess with me.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Relationships (due to trust issues)
Isolation
Rejection and abandonment
Violence and pain
Making big mistakes that others will use against them or share online for wide-scale ridicule
People with traits similar to the bullies from their past (domineering, loud, manipulative, macho, etc.)
Choosing the wrong person to open up to and having their emotions toyed with
Public speaking, being on display, and situations that make them feel exposed
Social events or family get-togethers (if the bully is a family member)
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Being very self-critical and viewing oneself as defective
Being late because one finds it difficult to get up and face the day ahead
Avoiding social events where bullying might occur (office parties, the school cafeteria, etc.)
Finding a safe place to be alone during idle periods (at lunch, between meetings, at home, etc.)
Not making eye contact or engaging others in conversation
Agreeing with one’s attacker in an attempt to keep a situation from escalating
Lying to loved ones and pretending everything is fine so others won’t worry
Pulling back from relationships to avoid letting people in (and being hurt by them)
Overreacting and sensitivity; feeling deeply wounded even by the smallest offense
Crying easily
Laughing off slights or smaller humiliations in hopes of de-escalating a bad situation
Daydreaming and escapism via books, TV, movies, video games, or writing
Self-medicating to cope (using drugs, alcohol, or food)
Being meticulous with one’s appearance to try and fit in
Watching others to see how they behave; emulating them to avoid being targeted
Cutting and other self-destructive behaviors
Suicidal thoughts or attempts
Difficulty eating and sleeping
Not taking care of oneself due to depression
Bullying weaker individuals as a form of release or a means of gaining control
Being hypersensitive to fairness (and unfairness)
Avoiding social media and closing down one’s accounts
Downplaying exceptionalities and passions that might make one a target, such as academic success, a love for Dungeons and Dragons, or one’s passion for and knowledge of trains
Befriending animals or seeking solace in nature
Seeking friendships with �
��safe people,” like those who are much younger or outcasts themselves
Being deeply moved by small kindnesses or gestures by peers (due to their infrequency)
Engaging in positive self-talk in an effort to find the strength to face everyday situations
Recognizing that the bully is the one who has problems and not oneself
Finding a group to be part of that focuses on friendship and belonging rather than judgment
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Cautious, cooperative, independent, industrious, introverted, just, kind, loyal, mature, nature-focused, nurturing, obedient, private, proactive, protective, resourceful
Flaws: Addictive, antisocial, confrontational, cynical, defensive, gullible, hostile, hypocritical, insecure, needy, nervous, self-destructive, subservient, suspicious, uncommunicative
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Running into a bully from the past, or witnessing another person being mistreated
Hearing about a victim of bullying who has committed suicide
Revisiting a location or circumstance that reminds one of past bullying experiences
Being mistreated on a smaller scale (e.g., a friend coercing one to do something one doesn’t want to do)
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Being bullied in one’s adult workplace or within the community after suffering it as a child
Being in an abusive relationship and realizing that one is allowing the pattern of mistreatment to continue
Seeing signs in one’s child that he or she is being bullied and wanting to intervene
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BEING FALSELY ACCUSED OF A CRIME
EXAMPLES: It hurts to be accused of something when one is innocent. It’s even more devastating when the allegation involves a crime that could result in a humiliating investigation, one’s reputation being dragged through the mud, family being impacted, and possible jail time. This can happen with a false accusation of most crimes, including…