I suddenly began to become nervous as the days went on. Every time I entered a room and faced an interview panel, sweat beads popped up on my face, my heart beat grew faster, my hands trembled and legs refused to move inside. My situation resembled a baby butterfly trying to break through its cocoon, stretching out its wings and learning to fly in the interminable sky but seeing its vastness, the butterfly becomes too afraid to take even a small leap.
I had heard that winning over own weaknesses in difficult times looks quite insurmountable and that was exactly what I was going through. Apart from answering questions correctly, other factors like how one spoke, body language, attitude and many other things mattered a lot. These little things can seal the deal in your favour only if you get them right. No doubt, I screwed many interviews but I had the complete support of my parents and Rajat. Though I belonged to Kanpur itself, my father came over twice to help me get through the interviews. But it was Rajat and few other friends who were the biggest 24x7 support system for me.
Rajat seemed to have undying faith in me. He always kept trying to motivate me and cheer me up whenever I had lost hope like once when I had completely given up. That time he had said,
“I know how hard it’s becoming for you Maya but as Art Williams has put it - I am not telling you it is going to be easy. I am telling you it’s going to be worth it. Once you get the job, the happiness will be worth your hard work. Think about your dream, Maya, and one day it will be worth struggling through your weaknesses. Get up and do it.”
I was amazed at his efforts. He knew exactly how to light up the path so that I could travel without any fear. He exactly knew how to motivate me. His faith and support did the magic and I finally managed to do well in one interview and I got selected. It was for a Bangalore based software company which offered a lucrative pay check. Without a doubt, I was on cloud nine. Rajat was also very happy for me. It was January when I got the offer and I had to join at the end of June, the same year. Before that, I had my second and final semester in March followed by the convocation.
This whole thing meant Rajat and I only had a few months together.
I couldn’t believe that in a matter of few months, life had changed so drastically. The spring of our friendship was coming to a halt. Rajat and I had been so engrossed in our small world that the mere thought of crystallizing anytime soon strangely never occurred to us. But it was the bitter truth that we both had to accept. Nonetheless we decided to enjoy the remaining time instead of thinking about the future. Therefore, we spent our time with a positive attitude and in the process, we tried our best to stay the same like we were in the days before the placement. We still met each other and discussed various topics. We ate, laughed, fought over trivial matters and celebrated our tiny successes every now and then.
But something had unknowingly started to change in both of us. The hours of chatting and laughter gradually transformed into strange short and formal greetings. Whenever I spotted Rajat, a strange kind of silence started to envelope me. I couldn’t manage to talk to him for more than just a few minutes. I was puzzled though. I tried but apart from course related topics, I couldn’t utter a single sentence to him. I was taken aback. I tried to describe it to myself but I failed.
He too seemed to be in a similar situation. The boy who’d tell me all the details of his day was strangely quiet. During our conversations, we simply avoided eye contact with each other. Earlier I had never noticed the newly installed lamp post in front of my Economics class or, the new paint on the classroom walls but now such trivial things were registering their presence on the vacant walls of my mind. I wanted to say lot of things to Rajat; things about my daily schedule, my classes and all the other gossip but something held me back. Everything had started to settle in the background like dust. I wanted to wipe it off by telling him about the strange feeling growing rapidly inside me but something was stopping me and I was completely clueless about what it was!
The restlessness was growing inside me but I didn’t think it was right to tell Rajat. I was wary about what would he think of me. I couldn’t wait to start my job or I couldn’t handle the upcoming exam pressure? Even if he understood me, he would certainly feel bad that I was going through such phase. When I myself wasn’t sure about the reason behind such feelings, how would I able to pacify his worries? It was all complicated and became an obstacle between us. As a result, our conversations gradually declined. We sat in the library together studying but something was amiss. The chemistry we used to share earlier was gone with the wind. It all culminated into the situation that made it tough for me to concentrate on my studies.
Our situation was a conflicting one. We were together yet we were not. When I was with him, I longed to hide but when I wasn’t, I longed to be with him. I was clueless about what was going on with me. Rajat seemed crossing the same bridge too. But maybe it was just a mere assumption on my part that had clouded my head. He just seemed to become more studious and preferred to complete his projects.
After racking my brain, I came up with two possible reasons behind this dilemma. First, I thought it may be because of our impending separation that I was restless. The kind of friendship I had shared with Rajat for one-and-a-half years, was coming to a halt; a halt that I had never imagined this soon. Secondly, since I had been in IIT for a long time, the thought of leaving it all of a sudden was making me anxious. That was it I guessed. I would be back to my normal self once I’d settle down in Bangalore with my job. Maybe the same was happening with Rajat too. As he wanted to do well on his own and next year’s campus placement was the key for his future, he had become more serious about studies. But we never talked about it. However, I didn’t know and I didn’t have the courage to ask him either.
Neither did he ask me anything.
After coming up with two plausible reasons, I felt better. It calmed me down quite a bit. Now it had become easier to concentrate on my studies at least. Handling such inner conflicts, my final semester finally got over. I relaxed as I had some free time in hand. The final barrier in between me and my job was now successfully crossed.
I was in a state of mixed emotions. On the one hand, I was happy about my future in a wonderful city like Bangalore; but on the other, I could feel a strange change within me. My other friends had got good jobs too and were ecstatic. They couldn’t wait to begin working. I also wanted the same but there was a cumbersome feeling that anchored me down. One minute I was fine and excited about starting the new phase of my life but the next, I would start to choke as though there was something stuck in my throat and no matter how much effort I put in the process, it stayed there, entrapped like a stone. Therefore, I decided to ignore this feeling and looked forward to going home before the convocation. At least that would take my mind off things.
I couldn’t meet Rajat during my final semester as he was busy with a project. After the exams, we met. I wasn’t sure about myself but he seemed happy about my job in Bangalore. He also wished me luck for my convocation. He didn’t seem restless and didn’t show any emotions similar to mine. Maybe I was simply on the edge because I was going far away from my family and would miss them. Rajat looked fine. “Good for him,” I thought.
**************
Now that my convocation got over and I had become an IIT alumnus, the time had come to say goodbye to IIT-K. IIT, which I loved so dearly; which was my home for the last four years; where I had countless sleepless nights because of exams and lots of birthday parties; where I had attended so many workshops and attained free-flowing knowledge; where I fell ill few times and missed my parents almost every night; where I learnt the art of perfection from my endless mistakes; where I gained several skills to stand out in the crowd holding a sound degree in my hands; where I managed to get a good job. But above all, IIT had blessed me with a new life. It had made me competent enough to stand tall in the crowd and create my own identity.
I was holding the tail end of a thread that connected me to the IIT, but at t
he same time I had the extremity of a golden thread in my other hand which was the symbol of new beginning. I had so many of memories to take away with me; memories that would always be close to my heart. Of adorable teachers, a magnificently large campus, many friends and five years of profound studies and hard work – all of it was overwhelming and truly unforgettable. And to have found a friend as wonderful as Rajat was truly a happy gift. I knew that I would never be able to part from all these memories. Leaving a home is never easy for anyone. So was it with me.
I loved IIT Kanpur with all of my heart.
The Beginning of a New Path
Ihad to join my new job two weeks after the convocation. I met all my friends before leaving. We filled one another’s scrap books to keep our memories sealed, gave away gifts and shed quite a few tears too. I had started to pack up my things and gather all the relevant documents. I would stay at home for a week and then would leave for Bangalore. The company was paying for my flight tickets from Lucknow to Bangalore. So I had to take a bus to Lucknow which was a two-hour journey from Kanpur. I chatted with Rajat regarding this and informed him of my departure over the phone. My friends helped me pack and get my all documents ready on time.
The day before my departure from IIT, I met all my friends to bid a final farewell. We all wished one another the best in life. In the evening, I met Rajat in front of P. K. Kelkar library. Well, this library really needs an introduction. It is not just any other library in any big institute. It holds a unique identity in IIT Kanpur. It is named after a renowned Indian scientist and also the founding director of IIT Kanpur, Mr P. K. Kelkar. It sprawls over six thousand square metres and contains three large floors. Stacking more than thirty lakh books makes this library one of a kind here. Its Wi-Fi facility, rows of air conditioners and quiet ambience also makes this library an ideal place to hang out and relax. Students during exams occupy its every corner either to study, chat, to download applications on their phones, for a romantic meeting or just to sleep. During the summers when the campus burns like a hot pan, the Kelkar library proves to be an air-conditioned haven for students.
A gigantic fountain in front of this library epitomises the beauty of the place. The surroundings look enchanting in the evenings when the lights are lit. That was why I chose to meet Rajat in this place. A nice place lightens up the mood especially when you are going to leave it behind soon. We sat in silence, gazing at the fountain shimmering under the white and blue lights.
“So all set to leave… huh?” he said with a short-lived smile on his lips.
“Yeah, I guess so. I still can’t believe that I’m going to leave the place where I have lived for four years. It had become my home and I feel strange leaving it now all of a sudden,” I replied, still gazing at the mist surroundings.
“Hmm… I can understand but you are not leaving it all of a sudden, Maya. You have completed your stay here and now you are leaving for a better future. And as we talk about the emotions, next year I’ll also be in the same situation. I may also feel the same but …” and he trailed off. I understood what he wanted to say. I looked at him and said.
“Hey, Rajat, I am leaving behind IIT but not our friendship. Remember this always. I will be in touch. Promise me that you will take a very good care of yourself. I won’t be here in person to chat with you but you can call me anytime. You know that, right?” I said in an authoritative voice.
“Yeah I know that. But promise me one thing, Maya, that you will look after yourself well. I know you. You’re careless regarding your health very often. Eat healthy food there. No more junk food. After all, Bangalore will be a new place for you. It is a big and pleasant city but even then, be careful. And don’t worry about me. I have lots of friends with me here.”
I smiled at his concern. “Sure… I will. I promise. You sound more like my guardian.”
He said nothing.
I was getting emotional but I tried to be composed. After all I didn’t want him to see my stupid tears. He was right. A new place meant a new schedule, unknown roads, a different language, strange people, and different cuisines. That meant everything different except me. But I wanted to be with him the next year when he’d be leaving the college. I also wanted to be present to share the last moments of his college days with him.
“ I wish I could be there with you next year. I will try, Rajat,” and I hugged him and he held me gently. It wasn’t just a hug between two bosom friends. It was much more than that.
“I will miss you, Rajat.”
“Like I will not,” he patted my back. After few seconds, we separated.
“Nothing can ever dim our friendship, not even the 1851 kilometres between Kanpur and Bangalore. Remember this, Rajat,” I said dramatically.
He laughed at my statistics. “You already know the distance?”
“Of course; I Googled it yesterday,” I said proudly. I was happy because at the last moment I had managed to make him laugh.
“Good for you. Call me whenever you can.”
“Of course I will. I love bugging you with my nonsense.. I won’t spare you even for a day thanks to G-talk and Facebook,” I said teasing him. “You call me and keep me in the loop about your classes, projects, workshops, exams and especially if you manage to find someone for yourself.” I winked, but he shook his head at my last comment.
“Care to have a last snack with me?” he asked and my heart twisted with pain. Hearing the word ‘last’ did it. Few tears welled up in my eyes. He seemed to notice my forlorn face but didn’t say anything. But I had to put on my brave face.
“Yes sure. Why not? But this may be our last snack together in IIT only. You will have to come to Bangalore to see me. Okay?” I smiled, cleverly inviting him to come down to Bangalore.
“Sure. I’ll try,” and that evening we had our last snack at the same Hall 1 canteen we loved. One could easily gather that this canteen had become our favourite place to hang out. Rajat asked me many questions about my accommodation in Bangalore and my job schedule. We chatted the entire time and as we finished eating, it felt like suddenly a dam had burst open and we both were flooded. There was no end to our talks. We had ample time in the past and we barely talked; now I was talking as if I’d not get another chance.
Rajat too was back in his old socks. He was also talking a lot. In fact, he instructed me to be careful in Bangalore so many times that to stop him, I had to put my fingers on his lips. And the moment I did it, the craziness of the moment subsided. We both looked at each other and couldn’t speak a word. The laughter of moments ago rested as a tired fellow. Some time slipped away as we stood motionless. Staring at his face made me realise how much I was going to miss it soon. He was looking at me intently too.
We heard a loud chuckle nearby and that brought us back to reality. I turned my head and found a group of boys, busy in talking within their group. I remembered that I had to go back to my room as I had some packing left to do. My father was coming early next morning to pick me up. I told Rajat and then parted from him. I became sad again. With a heavy heart, I finished my packing. That night, all of us girls had our last IIT night out.
The next morning, my father came to receive me. As I walked out of IIT’s big entrance gate, a flood of memories engulfed me. “I will miss you,” I whispered as I left for my house. I stayed there for the next ten days. Then I took the flight from Lucknow airport and reached Bangalore.
I had an eclectic knowledge about Bangalore and I was eager to see the city for myself. The weather was pleasant, the people were nice, many places to visit and there were many other attractions like a variety of hotspots and restaurants.
The city is known as India’s ‘Garden City’ or ‘Silicon City’. It is the perfect merge of greenery, technology, beauty and religion. I had gathered some information about the company I was going to join. Stance Software Pvt. Ltd. had been a sophisticated player in the market for about fifteen years. The corporate world is tough and you have to be relatively tougher to win the rac
e. I knew what I was capable of and was ready to step into the outside world and face all the challenges that awaited me.
During the journey, I was in constant touch with my parents and Rajat. They had been worried about me. It is so important to have people in the life who love, care and worry about you otherwise life would be a meaningless journey. I put their fears to rest when I reached Bangalore airport late in the evening.
The city welcomed me with a surprising cool breeze in the month of June. Instantly the scorching heat of Kanpur hit my memories. June is usually like a ball of fire in Kanpur but Bangalore was like a cool shower. There was a nip in the air and I got goose bumps. I instantly knew I was going to love this city and it would love me back too. I came out of the airport. I had to go to my hotel which was booked by the company. I found the cab sent by my company and reached the hotel. The company had given me fifteen days accommodation in the hotel. After that I had to find an apartment for myself.
My designation was a software engineer and I had to undergo training for six months before being given a permanent post. I was soon completely engrossed in my new job, new friends and new life. Days were filled with energy and evenings were spent relaxing with friends and exploring new places.
A new place certainly chisels out a new person in you. Previously I was completely oblivious to the curious traveller inside me. Since there was so much work to do in IIT, I never got the time to explore new places. But in Bangalore I got several chances to travel in and around the city.
I would be off to a new place almost every weekend. Within three months of my stay in Bangalore, I had already visited Mysore, Kanyakumari, Munnar, Ooty, Cunnoor and Hogenakal Falls just to name a few. These beautiful places gave birth to a new hobby in me –photography. I learnt photography in one of the many workshops organised in the city and was astounded when I learnt how one can capture nature’s beauty from so many different angles. Also, there was a conspicuous difference in merely taking and capturing photos. I made an album out of all the photographs I took. It was a wonderful collection and it always brought a smile to my face every time I opened it.
It’s Never Too Late Page 7