Herald

by J Edwards Stone

  “Michael,” I began, unsure of what to say. “What Raphael said -”

  “Raphael is one of the best of us,” Michael stated simply, interrupting me. He slowed for a moment and sighed, shaking his head. “He has the ability to see beyond, but always maintains his air of compassion and virtue. He has a good heart and humor as well. It has gone a long way to temper fears and strife with the others in the past. There is so much you will never know, never understand about us - the Council, Larin. So much. We have seen the dawn of time, and we have seen great evil. We have balanced each other, in absence of the two others who were built to be a part of us,” he said, and I knew he referred to Azrael, and their darker brother, Lucifer. “We had to reform after the Fall. We were not meant to rule incomplete, but we learned. We adapted. We grew. And we protected humanity. We never dallied in the world of man, other than to guide and protect them where we could. Your introduction into our. . .” he stopped, considering his words. “Your introduction here has shaken everything I thought I knew.”

  I stopped in my tracks and turned to Michael. My heart was pounding. I was still so confused, so unsure about anything. When I looked upon him, I found I still marvelled as though seeing him for the first time. Each and every time. He was utterly magnificent. Created with a sole purpose, but with a hand that had shaped him into a being of perfection, something of wonder. His dark hair and alabaster skin against the illustrious glow of his white wings was beyond supernatural. I looked to the shape of his jaw, strong but leading upwards into a soft and warm mouth, with pale lips that seemed always drawn in deep thought. I thought again to the tremendous responsibility he took into himself, to the power he wielded, and I felt a sudden sadness.

  How lonely his long life must have been, despite his brotherhood with the Council members. He was the leader, the one the others looked to for wisdom and guidance. For strength. But here before me, stood a man as well. Vulnerable. I felt my breath catch in my throat and realized the truth. I had fallen for this creature. Perhaps the moment I first laid eyes on him. But no matter what, or how it had happened, I was completely lost to him. The thought shook me, but

  I knew the truth of what I felt. Whether he would – or could reciprocate didn’t matter. I would follow him to the ends of the earth if that was his will.

  Michael turned suddenly to me and stared at me with that same fierce intensity above the clouds. I remembered the light of the sun as it lit upon his dark hair, his white skin assuming an ethereal softness from sunbursts that reached us where we flew.

  “Larin,” he whispered, looking into my eyes. He reached out a hand and put it on my arm. I found myself walking closer to him, suddenly longing for an embrace. I reached out myself, watching my hands as they slowly led up the length of his arms, marvelling in his perfection. The softness of his skin against the hardness of the muscles below was strange to reconcile in my mind. This creature of strength, also capable of softness.

  Just as suddenly, he pushed me back – however gently, and withdrew. I stood back, staring at him, and found I had tears threatening to fall.

  “Larin,” he said again, but I shook my head to stop him, bewildered.

  “What the hell do you want, Michael?” I demanded, angry. “What the hell is it that you want?!” I was nearly shouting now, shaking. I didn’t understand the emotions running through me. I demanded his intentions, but through his actions at that moment, I felt I knew the truth.

  He wanted the Herald. To bring back the seraphim. I was a vessel, one for a higher purpose. The one he was made for.

  I stumbled over to a small grassy knoll nearby and sank down, putting my face into my arms as they rested upon my knees. Suddenly, I found I was sobbing. My mind had not yet fully adapted to this new life, to what had happened shortly before. I flew through the clouds like a god of legend, but I was still me. Still human in my heart, though my body had changed utterly. My humanness, perhaps even my loneliness, drew me to Michael. And now I knew. . .had seen, that his rejection of me was a product of my inexperience in life. I had just assumed he reciprocated my feelings. I was humiliated and reminded again of how alone I was.

  I felt him sit down beside me, and I turned my head away, trying to regain control as humiliation burned through my veins like an uncontained wildfire. It burned, and I sniffed loudly and took a deep breath. Michael said nothing but just sat quietly.

  “Let’s go,” I said, moving to get up. Michael put a hand on my arm to stop me, but I shrugged it off.

  “I said let’s go, they’ll be waiting for us,” I insisted, though I stopped trying to get up.

  “Larin,” Michael said quietly. “I feel lost for words.”

  “I bet that’s a first,” I replied smartly, still feeling angry and hurt. I knew I was angrier at myself, and that bothered me more. Michael owed me nothing. He had gone above and beyond to give me answers, to make me feel comfortable. I felt stupid and selfish suddenly, and I sighed.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered, putting my chin on my arms as they rested against my knees. “Can we just forget about this? I still have a lot to work out and I’m not thinking straight lately.”

  “Larin, archangels are innately different from other angels. From vessels. We were not born into humanity, we did not learn the intricacies of social interaction at the human level. It is an exception, not a rule, for one of us to . . . to develop romantic feelings for others.”

  “Exception? I don’t understand. You’re saying you’ve been in love before? Or are you saying that you, in all your long years, have never been with anyone?” I don’t know why this would have surprised me, but for some reason it did. He may not be human, but he had certain attributes that made him appealing. I’m sure all my peers would agree, particularly most of the women.

  He startled me by getting up suddenly.

  “There will be a need for us to continue this conversation, Larin,” he said, as I looked up at him in surprise. “For now, I want you to know that... I am experiencing emotions that may cloud my judgment where it comes to you.”

  “But why? What does that even mean?” I demanded, getting up as well. Michael regarded me momentarily, then turned his face towards the sky, closing his eyes and breathing deeply.

  “You remind me of someone I used to know a very long time ago,” he nearly whispered. His face fell, bolts of lighting crashing behind his eyes. Just as quickly as the reaction came, he contained it and regained control. But I knew I had seen a pain so deep it could draw blood. Who was it that could elicit such emotion? A former lover? I found myself suddenly intrigued.

  “Who?” I asked, searching his face. Michael surprised me by chuckling – a beautiful, bubbling sound deep in his throat. I tried to ignore the appeal in it, to maintain my air of rigid annoyance. I was about to question him further when he stopped chuckling suddenly and stood up. I saw the cloud of darkness again in his eyes, and it silenced me. There was something deep below the surface, but my gut was telling me to leave it be.

  The cloud passed again and he looked at me, having resumed his casually gentle demeanor. “Come,” he smiled, holding his hand out.

  I took it, but after a moment I withdrew it, despite my desire to feel his touch. I was still feeling considerable embarrassment in the face of his rejection, and I didn’t want to make myself look any more pathetic. Michael said nothing, respectful of my autonomy, and we continued walking down the path.

  We didn’t look at each other once.

  We arrived back at the Great Hall, having walked the rest of the way down the mountain. My wings and muscles were aching, flight having moved my body in ways it had never done before. The discomfort was not uncommon, according to Michael, and would resolve once I had built more strength.

  We were largely silent as we walked through the entrance. Most of the vessels were already assembled in the hall, waiting for instruction. Michael looked at all of them, the leader inside him taking over. He picked up his pace and strode forward down the hallway toward th
e War Room where the others undoubtedly waited.

  Suddenly, the strange noise signalling another awakening sounded and I stopped, instinctively turning toward the direction it was emanating. Michael ignored it and continued to walk forward. Every call I heard made me want to leap into the air to find the source of the signal, and I understood when I had been told it was like a homing beacon, calling to me. Not a minute later, though, another awakening call sounded. This time Michael stopped, looking around and back at me.

  “That is unusual,” he said, both to me and to himself.

  “Two in a row?” I swallowed nervously as the call continued to resound in my mind.

  “The gathering units will have it in hand,” Michael replied, about to continue down the hall when a third call sounded.

  And then a fourth.

  Michael stopped abruptly now, and a look of surprise mixed with concern crossed his face. The war room doors opened and Raphael, Uriel, and Gabriel strode down the hall, looking at Michael.

  “Took you long enough,” Uriel said irritably as he passed us.

  “Where is Tristan?” Michael said to Gabriel, ignoring Uriel.

  “I am here,” I heard Tristan say as he rounded a corner on his way to the Hall. “Lords, we will have to create further teams if this is going to continue.” Michael and Gabriel both nodded, continuing to stride forward into the Hall where the voices of all the vessels assembled there had reached deafening levels.

  “You will have to see to it immediately,” Gabriel nearly yelled over the noise, looking over his shoulder at Tristan, who nodded. “I fear this is not an isolated occurrence and more will come.”

  “Silence!” shouted Michael as we entered the room. I lingered at the back, unsure of what to do. The archangels walked up to their pedestals, and Michael turned forward to address the assembly.

  “You are all assembled here, waiting for our address on the status of the Herald. Now, you will undoubtedly be questioning why four awakenings occurred all at once. The answer is that we do not know.” Michael held up his hand to quiet the murmuring. “For now, we disperse to collect the awakened, and quickly. Seek out your lieutenants for instruction.” Tristan approached him and touched his shoulder, leaning in to speak quietly in his ear. Michael nodded, calling out names as the other archangels aided in giving directions. There was a flurry of activity, and once groups had organized themselves, the vessels leapt upwards and flew towards the opening in the ceiling, and I felt as though I was watching a swarm of insects for a moment as they all spiralled thickly together and in unison.

  Chase appeared beside me, a strange expression on his face. I hadn’t spoken to him since discovering my own powers of flight, and I turned to face him, giving him a small smile as I pulled my attention away from the departing vessels. His face lit up at my smile, and I could see his old self shine through again.

  “I gotta go,” he said, turning away. “Just wanted to see if you were okay. I’ll be back soon and we can hang out if you want.”

  “I’d like that,” I smiled, meaning it. “Be safe.” He grinned and saluted me, taking off and flying upwards as the light of the sun was blotted out by the beings who continued to fly upwards.

  “Larin, go to your chambers for now, if you will,” said Raphael. “My brothers and I must confer.”

  Michael looked as though he was about to object but nodded at me instead, attempting a reassuring smile. My heart still ached from our earlier conversation, feeling he would never give me more than he already had – whether by choice or inability rising from his design. I sighed and nodded back at Raphael. He smiled at me, as did Gabriel, though their faces were tight with tension and concern. Uriel was already striding back towards the War Room, barking directions to some of the lingering guards.

  I did not look back at Michael. Instead, I turned around and walked towards the staircase that led to my chambers.

  I reached my room and walked toward the window, deeply troubled. I tried not to think about myself for a change, and instead I thought about the four new vessels somewhere out there in the world, probably terrified. Sick. Everything about their former lives lost forever. I tried to find comfort in the fact that they would have the gift of flight. The intensity of the emotion was almost spiritual. There was nothing like it. I closed my eyes, imagining again the air as it passed under me, over me, something I could almost manipulate at will. My wings shuddered in response to the thought, wanting to take off again on their own. I realized I had goosebumps up and down my arms, remembering the sensation of being over the clouds and absorbing the light from the sun.

  I was lost in thought for some time, contemplating all I’d seen and learned so far. I had taken a seat in a comfortable chair by the window, nodding fitfully in and out of consciousness as memories of the day and concerns of the future skittered through my mind. At some point I opened my eyes, noting the noontime sun had passed outside while I napped. I realized some of the gathering parties would have returned and I thought to go find Chase and to see what he was up to. I realized I needed to feel friendship again. Warmth. I tried not to think of Kaila and Gee, the pain of their loss still too fresh.

  I made my way downstairs, passing the Great Hall where the thrones stood empty. Several vessels were standing about engaged in lively discussions, clearly too anxious to carry on their normal business. Most ignored me, but I didn’t escape the attention of some. A guard blocked my path on my way to the entrance and I looked at him in surprise.

  “Can I help you?” I asked testily.

  “My. . .lady,” he said, unsure of how to address me, “we have been instructed to protect you,” he said.

  “Uh, okay. Does that mean keeping me prisoner in here?”

  “Well, no,” the guard faltered. “I don’t...”

  Clearly, this one wasn’t very good at his job, and I cocked my head at him and pursed my lips, considering.

  “I don’t see anything especially threatening around here at the moment. Do you?” The guard shook his head and looked anxiously over my shoulder, hoping for someone more senior to provide him with instructions. I looked casually over my shoulder as well, and seeing nobody, turned back and let out a short breath of frustration.

  “So, I suppose that means that I can go then? Would you mind?” I asked, gesturing for him to move out of the way. He did so reluctantly. I nearly ran past him, afraid someone would attempt to stop me again. I decided that I would have to have some very serious words with the Council about this whenever they got out of their little group huddle.

  I stamped angrily down the side of the mountain towards the dormitories, forgetting for a moment that I could fly. I stopped and flapped my wings experimentally, seeing if I could take off from a flat position. Michael was right about it was much more difficult to take off while stationary. I hovered for a second, but my wings were too sore to gain the momentum I needed to lift my body completely, and they kept hitting the ground, keeping me down. I shrugged and gave up, thinking to try again later.

  I sighed in relief when I arrived at the dormitories, then stopped short. I realized I would have to just meander in. It didn’t occur to me that I would have to look for Chase. I faltered, reconsidering.

  “Oh, to hell with it,” I thought, not wanting to spend the evening by myself.

  I walked through the entrance as inconspicuously as I could, scanning the room for Chase’s red hair. When I didn’t see it, I decided to go and visit Neesha instead to see how she was doing. I walked over to her cot, trying to ignore the whispers as people realized I was there. I saw Neesha sitting on her bed, her legs crossed and a book in her hands. Her thick black hair was tidily clipped away from her face, and I was gratified to see a healthy glow on her cheeks that wasn’t there before. It appeared that she wasn’t any worse for wear from the fever.

  “Neesha,” I said, approaching her with a smile. She looked up at me, her eyes wide with shock, then relaxing. She returned the smile, putting down the book.

  “
They’re saying you’re really the Herald!” she said before I could even ask her how she was doing. “Is it true?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know, Neesha. All I know is that I’m a freak of angel nature.” I managed a grin even though I was only partially joking, but Neesha smiled.

  “I believe you’re the Herald,” she said. “I heard you flew today too. I’m going to hold you to your promise to show me how.”

  I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. “I still have a lot to learn! I think you should probably learn it from the people who actually know how to teach it properly.”

  “Nah,” she laughed, “I want you.”

  “We’ll see,” I winked, then looked around. We had gathered quite the audience during our short conversation. I had succeeded at blocking them out, but now I realized I felt vulnerable and exposed.

  “Lar!” a cheerful voice chirped from somewhere in the crowd. My heart leapt, remembering the short form of my name that my friends called me in my prior life. My heart clenched. I pushed down the sudden sadness that threatened to bubble back to the surface, choosing instead to focus on the present.

  Chase pushed his way through the vessels, coming to sit beside us on the bed. “Herald now, I should say,” he grinned at me, and I sighed. “I knew it. You really surprised some of the others, though.”

  I frowned, looking around. The faces gathered ranged from hopefulness to suspicion, and even fear in some. I understood it, feeling several emotions at once myself.

  “Let’s get out of here,” Chase said, rising. I nodded, grateful for an opportunity to escape further scrutiny. I felt very out of place here, the opposite of what I was hoping to find. I said my goodbyes to Neesha, promising to visit her soon, and we started toward the entrance.