The Reality of Everything (Flight & Glory)

by Rebecca Yarros

  He held me with one arm and tunneled his fingers through the hair at the nape of my neck, cushioning my head against the door. Even when the kiss spun out of control, he was careful with me. I unleashed all the anger and desperation that had kept me frozen these last few hours, giving my body free rein with the emotions. My teeth caught his lower lip with a scrape that I would have normally softened to a graze, but nothing about me felt soft right now.

  I was a living, breathing flame, and he could either back away or choose to burn with me, because there was no putting out this fire.

  He hissed softly, then kissed me harder, slanting my head and taking my mouth with deep, deft strokes that mimicked what I hoped he’d be doing with a very different body part soon. I needed more.

  I needed him to torch every thought in my head until all that remained was my undeniable hunger for him.

  He ripped his mouth away, leaving us both heaving with uneven breaths. “Morgan—”

  “I hate you,” I snapped.

  “That’s not true.” His eyes softened, damn him.

  “I hate your job,” I countered. “I hate that it’s not just what you do, but who you are.”

  “I know.” His hand slid from my hair to cup my cheek gently.

  “I hate what you do to me. Hate that I sat here tonight wondering who would call me this time when…” I swallowed hard.

  “I’m here,” he assured me with a soft, lingering kiss. “No one had to call because I’m here. I’m fine.”

  “This time,” I spat.

  His jaw ticked, and something I didn’t want to examine flashed through his eyes.

  “I hate how you make me feel.” My eyes burned. “How I can’t decide if the fire is hotter in the hell where I choose to live with the terror I felt when you walked out the door tonight or the one where I have to figure out how to walk away from you, because either way, how I feel about you is going to eventually incinerate me.” The intensity of it was just as frightening as watching him drive off into the storm.

  “All I can say is that I love you.” His thumb stroked my cheek, as if his touch alone could soothe the riot of feelings warring for dominance within me.

  “That doesn’t make this easier!” Instead of shoving him away, I leaned my forehead against his and tightened my thighs around his waist. I felt him hard and insistent against the seam of my shorts and barely managed to keep my hips still. It didn’t matter how frustrated and pissed off I was at my own feelings for the man, I still wanted him. That was the damned problem.

  “I know, but it’s all I have.” His fingers flexed, and he gave me a little more of his weight, pinning me against the door with the pressure of his hips. “I love you.”

  “Stop saying that.” My heart leaped and my pulse skittered as the ache between my thighs flared at the heat between our bodies.

  “No.” He pulled his head back far enough that I could look into his eyes. So beautiful. Everything about him was beautiful. “I’ll stop kissing you. Stop touching you if that’s what you want. I’ll put you down and walk out this very second if you ask me to. I’ll do anything you ask, except that.”

  “Quit flying,” I muttered with a ridiculous pout. I may as well have asked him to carve out his very nature and set it on fire just to appease me. We both knew neither of us would like him much without it.

  He snorted softly, recognizing my shit attempt at a joke, and then used those eyes of his to see into my freaking soul. “I’m going to tell you how I feel until you choose the hell that rips us apart, and even then, I’ll probably still tell you. What I feel for you isn’t quiet. It’s loud and inconvenient and demands to be said as often as possible.”

  “Jackson,” I whispered in a plea. For him to stop or to say more? I didn’t know anymore. Every time I thought I had my bearings with him, I got my feet knocked out from under me again.

  “I’ve waited my entire life to love you, Morgan. Everything that came before was just to prepare me for your arrival, to teach me how to love you.”

  “I don’t want to fall in love with you,” I whispered.

  “I know that, too.” The look he leveled on me was so tender I melted. Thank God for the door. “I keep my promises. I’ll always keep them when it comes to you, and tonight made me realize that I can’t promise that I’ll never crash. I can’t avoid every accident, mechanical failure, or act of God. That kind of promise isn’t fair to you, not after all you’ve been through. There are some things that are beyond my control, no matter how good I am in the cockpit.” He caressed my cheek, and I leaned into it, hating his words even as his honesty touched me in a way no promise ever could have.

  “I know.” I cradled his face. “And I know I’m irrational sometimes, but I’m so afraid that I’ll lose you. I barely made it through—” I swallowed the lump in my throat and concentrated on Jackson. Just Jackson. He was the only man allowed in my headspace right now. “It will kill me if I lose you. I won’t survive it.”

  His eyes closed as he took a deep breath, and when they opened, they shone with resolve. “I promise you that I will never put a rescue above my own life. I promise that I will never knowingly put my life at risk. I promise that while I’m the best SAR pilot at our air station, I’ll work my ass off to be the best SAR pilot in the fucking country just to make sure that you don’t have uniforms show up at our door, and while I can’t promise they won’t show up anyway, I swear to God that you’ll never get that news secondhand. Never again. I’m already cautious because of Finley, but I’ll double down for you. I promise that I will do everything in my power to always walk back through that door.”

  Oh God, the scales were tipping. My choice was fading as though it had never existed to begin with. He saw it, too. His grip shifted to my thigh as his gaze fell to my lips. Then he lowered his mouth to mine, and the sweetness of the kiss was at poignant, perfect odds with the need that had its claws in my belly. Wanting him wasn’t just physical anymore. I wanted to wrap my soul around his.

  “And I promise that as long as I live, you won’t regret being with me. I can’t even suggest that it will be easy, because that’s a huge lie, but I swear that I will always make the shitty lows pale in comparison to the incredible highs. You’re loved, Morgan, whether or not you want to be. But please give me the chance to show you how much.”

  My stupid heart picked up. I believed him. He’d mitigate what risk there was, and I’d have to pray it would be enough, because I hadn’t lied—I wouldn’t survive losing him.

  “Okay.” A smile curved the corners of my lips. “Show me how much.”

  His smile made my own bigger, but I only saw it for a heartbeat before his mouth consumed mine in a kiss that demanded all of my attention. It was all lips and teeth and tongue, and our touches changed from soothing strokes to needy handfuls of hair and clothes.

  I broke the kiss with a gasp and yanked my sweatshirt over my head. His eyes darkened as he took in the purple lace that cupped my breasts, and the next kiss was twice as hungry.

  My hands worked between us to unzip his flight suit, and I growled in frustration when my fingers found the soft cotton of his T-shirt instead of skin. “How many layers are you wearing?”

  He had the nerve to chuckle, but he shifted his fingers from my thigh and cupped my core through my shorts. “Is someone impatient?”

  “For someone who promised to show me how much he loved me, you’re sure not showing much.” I cocked an eyebrow and glanced at his torso.

  His grin was pure sex, and my body responded with a wave of heat. I was fucking molten.

  “God, I love you.” He stole my response with a kiss, and then we were moving. I ground my hips over his, seeking any kind of relief as he carried me up the stairs. He made it to the top before bracing me against the wall and unhooking my bra. I shed it quickly.

  He lifted me like I weighed nothing and sucked my nipple
into his mouth.

  I cried out and arched for more, gripping his shoulders for balance. His lips were soft, his teeth sharp as he raked them over the delicate flesh, then soothed the sting with a flick of his tongue. He gave the other breast the same treatment, and by the time he was finished, I was ready to shove our clothes aside and have him in the hallway.

  “Your breasts are fucking incredible.” He gave me one last suck and then lowered me so our mouths were level. “I’m going to devour you.” Then he did. He kissed me like a starving man who had stumbled onto a feast as he took me into my bedroom. The fabric of his flight suit rasped over my sensitive skin, but I didn’t care. No touch was hard enough, no kiss long enough.

  The lights flicked on, he lowered me to my bed, and then he made quick work of getting out of his own clothes. Freakishly quick work of his boots, too. I reached for the button fly of my shorts, and he shook his head. “Unwrapping is half the fun.”

  I dropped my hands and propped myself up on my elbows so I could watch him. My mouth watered at the mind-blowing perfection of his body, and my lips parted at the sight of that deeply carved V that ran down the sides of his abs and disappeared into his black boxer briefs. I was going to trace that line with my tongue the second he got into this bed. The muscles of his arms rippled as he grabbed his wallet. He flipped it open, took out a foil packet, and held it up with a raised eyebrow. I nodded, my tongue too thick in my mouth to manage the words to affirm that’s exactly where we were headed. There was a brand-new box in my nightstand, too. Something told me he wasn’t a one and done kind of guy. The packet landed somewhere to my right.

  His weight settled over me, and I groaned into his kiss at the feel of his skin on mine. His mouth claimed my neck again, then lingered at my breasts before kissing a path down my stomach. My fingers threaded through his hair, desperate to hold onto whatever part of him I could.

  “I’ve wanted to do this for so damned long.” He pressed an openmouthed kiss at the inside of my hip. “From the moment I saw you on that beach.” He flicked open the buttons of my shorts, and I lifted my hips so he could drag the fabric down my body.

  “I thought God had taken every fantasy I’d ever had and molded you out of them. You were—you are—the most devastatingly gorgeous man I’ve ever seen.”

  His eyes locked with mine, flaring with a touch of surprise as my shorts landed somewhere on the floor. Hadn’t I ever told him that before?

  “I might have been broken then, but I wasn’t dead.” I smiled as I sat up and rose to my knees.

  His eyes raked over me as he dragged his tongue across his lower lip. “The things I’m going to do to you,” he murmured.

  “Me first.” I pressed on his chest, and he protested with his eyes but took the hint and rolled so he was on his back with his head on my pillow. My breath hitched, and my pulse kicked up another notch as I looked my fill. “I don’t have words for you,” I admitted, trailing my fingers from the strong line of his neck to his chest and down his abs to pause at the tattoos of latitude and longitude that ran the length of his right side. “What are these?”

  “They mark places.” He put one hand behind his head and ran the other down my back, but his muscles were tight with restraint. He wasn’t nearly as relaxed as he tried to let on.

  I lowered my lips and kissed the marks. “Where do they lead?”

  He sucked in a breath, so I did it again, picking the first line of ink. His skin was warm and firm, and he had that faint tang of metal in his scent that marked hours spent in a helicopter.

  “That one is my hometown. Where I was born.” His fingers drifted up my neck and into my hair.

  “And this one?” I kissed the next tattoo. His abs jumped and flexed.

  “Just off the coast of Maine.”

  Where his parents died.

  I turned my attention to the last coordinates. “And this one?”

  “Mobile, Alabama. Flight school. Where Fin was born.”

  I nodded and shifted so I could get to my original destination, selfishly glad that none of those places involved another woman.

  “Kitty, you’re driving me—” His fingers tightened in my hair, and he let out a groan as I licked down the V of his abs.

  “These have had me distracted since day one.” I got to know those two lines intimately with my mouth, inhaling his ocean and copper scent with the taste of his skin until I was drunk on him. When I reached the waistband of his boxer briefs, I found the head of his erection rising above the elastic and then swiped my tongue right over the bead of moisture that had gathered there.

  “Fuck!” His cry was guttural, and I felt it like a caress.

  I was going to find every single spot on him that earned me the same response and—

  The world spun, and I landed on my back under Jackson. I would have asked him if he was against oral sex, but the way he looked at me was anything but angry. He reminded me of a jungle cat, a predator that had his prey exactly where he wanted her.

  “That’s not how this first time is going down.” His voice dropped as he settled between my spread thighs.

  Mercy. He was right. There. “It’s not?” I asked, all breathy as he shook his head slowly.

  Before I could ask him exactly how it was going to go down, suddenly he was. My breath came in a stuttered gasp as he slid down my body, then cupped me between my thighs.

  “Damn, Kitty, you’re soaked. I can feel how wet you are through the lace.” His breaths came faster as he hooked the purple bands of my underwear in his fingers and looked up at me for permission.

  I nodded. Hell yes, I wanted them gone. I wanted his gone, too. Naked was good.

  His jaw flexed as he took them down my legs, leaving me bare. Then he sat back on his knees between my thighs, his gaze traveling my body with a heated stare. My skin flushed as if he’d actually touched me. I was going to combust if he didn’t touch me soon.

  He dragged his eyes to mine. “Are we still alone? I didn’t see any other cars.”

  I nodded. “Sam doesn’t come home until tomorrow. Why?” God, was he going to move? Or were we really going to lay here and discuss travel plans?

  “Just checking before I make you scream.” He pushed my thighs wide, held me apart with his thumbs, and set his mouth on my core.

  “Jackson!” There weren’t words. There were only feelings as his tongue licked long and hard through my cleft, then flicked over my clit. Holy shit, it felt incredible. I rocked my hips when he did it again, and he pinned them to the bed with his hands, holding me in place so I couldn’t chase his mouth. I could only accept what he gave.

  “I’m doing this every fucking day,” he growled against my clit, and the vibration sent a jolt of pleasure so intense that I gasped. “Every.” Lick. “Fucking.” Lick. “Day.” He sucked lightly on my clit, and I screamed. “Maybe you’ll be my breakfast from now on.” He plunged his tongue inside me, and my hands fisted in the covers as I moaned.

  “Jackson. God, that feels so good!” Good wasn’t even the right word, but my brain wasn’t exactly on vocabulary.

  “Or would it be better to save you for dessert?” he mused, then ran his tongue around my clit but not touching it. “My reward at the end of the day?”

  We locked eyes, and he held the contact as he repeated the stroke. Erotic. That was the only way to describe it. My head fell back against the pillow as he swirled and swirled. The pleasure of it all coiled low within me, but he didn’t increase the pressure to push me over.

  “Jackson,” I demanded with a whimper.

  “You don’t like it?” he asked, and I felt his smile before he licked into me again.

  “Shit!” I screamed. “Yes, I… What are you doing to me?” He had me strung so tight that I was bound to break at any second.

  “Making it last,” he answered.

  I was never going to look at hi
s mouth the same way again.

  “I’ve wanted you too long for this to be over quickly.” He swiped again, but this time he lightly danced the tip of his tongue over my clit.

  My cry was a high-pitched keen as he kept the pressure light enough to inflame but not ignite. “Both!” I shouted.

  “I’m sorry?” His eyebrow rose.

  My chest heaved, and every nerve in my body felt raw and exposed. “Breakfast and dessert. Have both. Just let me come.”

  He pressed a kiss to the line of curls just above my cleft and breathed in deep. “That’s a deal.” Eyes still locked on mine, he sucked my clit into his mouth and lashed at it with his tongue.

  That spiral of pleasure in my belly wound so tight that my thighs locked, and when he pressed against me with the flat of his tongue and hummed, I came so hard that I wasn’t sure I still inhabited my own body.

  Waves of pleasure came for me as I called his name, each one a little less intense than the last as he carefully brought me down from the high. My entire body jolted when he swept his tongue through my core one last time, then rose above me.

  “You are a sorcerer,” I accused through my brain fog. “Pants. Off. Now.”

  He grinned but did as I demanded without correcting me that they weren’t pants. I fumbled for the packet in the covers next to me, found it, and ripped it open as he climbed back between my thighs.

  I bit my lip with anticipation at the sheer size of him. If there were perfect dicks in the world, then Jackson had one of them. He hissed, his stomach muscles tensing as I rolled the condom over him, then squeezed his length lightly. He was hard as stone and so hot that he warmed my palm.

  I raised my hands to his shoulders as he hovered over me, his weight braced on one elbow as he positioned himself at my entrance with the other.

  “Tell me you want this.” His eyes searched mine as if there was any chance I’d changed my mind.