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Paddle to Paddle

Page 5

by Lois Chapin


  with just our four kids.

  After going out for dinner

  we played

  Cards Against Humanity ‘til 2

  in the morning.

  That’s how to do

  Christmas Eve.

  Maybe I’ll tell her

  if he can keep up with your kids

  for hours of a raunchy card game

  he’s a keeper.

  After all,

  it takes a card from the black stack

  and a card from the white stack

  to make anything meaningful.

  He reaches out again

  and touches my hand.

  My skin is electrified.

  I think that’s a better thing to tell her.

  After all,

  “’I drink to forget Stephen Hawking talking dirty’

  won the first round

  on the night of Jesus’ birth”

  might not be the thing to tell someone

  I’m meeting for the first time.

  I think I’ll advise her,

  “If you can’t live without his touch,

  live with it,

  where ever

  you live.”

  Photo

  The bowling balls sound a lot like thunder

  before they crash

  into the pins.

  I tap the air

  motioning for the people

  on the right

  to crowd together

  a bit.

  I hold the camera up

  to my eye.

  I press

  the button.

  Everyone’s squeezed together

  under the bar sign

  glowing green

  as the third oldest of the sisters

  holds a score card

  over the shoulder of a niece

  whose brunette hair almost

  covers it.

  One of the brothers

  with receding hair makes

  bunny ears behind

  another sister-in-law.

  The father,

  still wearing rented bowling shoes,

  holds the neck of a Coors

  with an eighty-year-old

  hand.

  I no longer

  hear the balls

  rolling down wooden lanes.

  The ADHD kid fidgets

  with a bowling score card.

  The mom’s single black pearl necklace

  is in perfect focus;

  she’s flanked by sisters in turquoise

  blouses.

  They’re a team.

  My stomach braids knots.

  Another annual bowling party.

  There was another S.O.

  for a long time.

  But this past year

  the sister turned down his proposal

  in Hawaii

  so, it’s just me

  on this side.

  I’ve been on this side

  of the camera

  for going on nine years

  watching them smile

  at the girlfriend

  who’s only allowed to look

  in through this glass square.

  Click.

  My finger rises.

  “Great one,”

  I say.

  The youngest sister asks,

  “Did you get the ‘Jack’s’ sign in?”

  She means the one

  over the entrance to the bar.

  Jack is their father’s

  name.

  The sheer mass of them

  is still blocking

  the worn carpeted entrance

  to the bar.

  “Yes,” I say,

  “I got everything in.”

  Cliffhanger

  Cliffhangers are life and death

  scenes in old movies.

  A screaming woman lashed to train tracks

  or pushing out a baby on a speeding subway

  or the unknown outcome

  of an adult child in recovery.

  But it can also just be an outdoor sport defying gravity

  clinging to a giant granite rock.

  Today,

  “cliffhanger” moved indoors

  made of abstract plastic knobs and colorful

  Carapace-like handholds

  riveted to 50-foot walls.

  A modern art museum

  where I was allowed to touch.

  Below the bolted Incredible Edibles,

  I remembered like Gumby

  how to tie a Pathfinder knot and thread the Belay.

  “Do this right,” the instructor warned,

  “or he will fall to his death.”

  Giant fans whirled, blowing gusts

  of air down the forged curving

  canyons and crevices.

  Human spiders hung from blue webs,

  their ballet slippers curled around pink and green pebbles

  protruding from the wall.

  “Uh, I gave birth to him,”

  I said.

  “Think I’ll keep him safe.”

  I hold up a perfect sailor knot

  for inspection.

  “Ahaar, a real pirate, ma’am.”

  And he gave the blue cord

  attached to my harness

  a hard yank.

  My body lurched forward,

  the seatbelt-like Belay locked.

  The instructor said through a mischievous grin,

  “Yep, you’re set. Now one of you

  head on up, head on up.”

  I have to look up

  at my son now.

  He’s a grown man.

  His cargo shorts bunched around his harness

  He’s tied the long umbilical cord through it.

  His life line threaded

  up,

  up,

  up,

  through a pulley attached

  to the speckled roof,

  and descended back down

  to my own black harness and

  seatbelt stopping gizmo.

  “Belay on?” he asked.

  “Belay on,” I said.

  “Ready to climb?”

  I parroted the words

  I’d just learned.

  Aerosmith blared

  and the pink, green, yellow,

  and purple holds lead the way

  to the ceiling.

  I pulled in the growing slack in the life line

  between us.

  “Ready,” he said.

  I scrambled to reel in the excess

  cord as he scampered

  up the wall.

  My heart pounded.

  His life was once again

  in my hands

  with the pleated blue cord

  attached to each of our

  bellies.

  I have to do this right,

  I thought,

  it’s important,

  life or death

  like a cliffhanger.

  He looked over his shoulder

  and called,

  “Ready.”

  “Lean back,”

  I said.

  Hand over hand I let out the uncut umbilical cord

  while he repelled down.

  Then it was my turn

  to trust the miniscule toeholds

  to hold my weight.

  I pushed off,

  letting go of one hold,

  hoping I could catch another


  ridge by fingertip.

  Then I was stuck.

  There was nowhere else to go.

  Even with a jump

  I couldn’t reach a single

  melted Lego.

  I looked down over my shoulder,

  “Okay,”

  I said.

  He could let me down

  now.

  “Nah,

  you’re not going to give up now,

  look how close you are.”

  He stood way down there,

  waiting like an echo

  of my own words

  when I taught him to walk

  on a horizontal plane.

  There was nothing else I could do.

  I looked up

  and around

  for anything

  I thought I could grab

  if I pushed off with a toe.

  I forced myself to clutch an impossible

  tiny protrusion

  of recycled material

  stuck to the fake rock cliff.

  In triumph I whooped

  when I high-fived

  the twinkling-starred ceiling.

  “Okay, lean back,”

  he said.

  I knew he was smiling.

  The rope tying us together glided

  me back to the indoor/outdoor carpet.

  I hugged him,

  Now that I was a cliff hanger

  maybe

  I can be a mother.

  Halloween

  Halloween was the only holiday

  I took off every year.

  I was going to be a better mother.

  Costumed as a belly dancer,

  witch,

  gypsy,

  matching my daughter’s.

  Sacred rituals

  were supposed to give children

  security.

  I conceived her

  with clean ovum.

  Hers have endured

  numerous toxic chemicals.

  Nine months

  not one drop of alcohol

  no pain meds

  for her delivery.

  I’m going to have

  Samhain grandchildren.

  A warning label,

  Australia belly birth mark.

  A stamp from wherever she was sent.

  Tin Heart

  Wood squeaks on wood

  when I pull the drawer out.

  Under the strap-on, fist-sized dildo

  and purple nipple clamps,

  I find two more wads of Reynolds wrap.

  Black creases in the foil balls,

  like the tarnished silver in my china cabinet.

  I’d told her,

  stuck waiting for a train to pass,

  that if she lived with me

  she couldn’t work as a dominatrix.

  She’d pouted,

  like when she had to share a room

  with three other girls

  at a Rainbow Grand Assembly.

  She’d worn a powder blue Jessica McClintock gown

  with Sponge Bob bloomers underneath.

  I thought she understood.

  The drawer leaned down

  on the sand-colored carpet.

  At least there were condoms,

  different sized squares

  promising diverse pleasures.

  I should be working on my parenting lecture

  for the La Leche League conference

  where I’m going to tell

  all those parents

  how the hell to raise

  their little darlings.

  Instead I crush

  another charred chunk of foil

  into the others.

  There are enough whips, paddles,

  and vibrators to stock a store.

  Our housekeeper has folded

  her bustier over the latex outfits.

  A Dios, Maria’s praying

  for her mortal soul.

  There’s no more candles

  to light in churches.

  They’ve been burned empty

  under the pipes.

  My own mother told me yesterday

  over the Cinco de mayo parrot

  that kept falling into the garlic dip,

  that it wasn’t my fault,

  then gave me details

  of the government’s imminent Sunday laws

  that will send her

  and other congregants

  fleeing to the mountains

  for their lives.

  I bought a new valerian root tea today.

  Maybe I’ll drink less wine tonight.

  Jesus drank wine,

  made more

  when he ran out.

  I hear

  he hung out with addicts

  and whores.

  My son,

  in this Overstock suit and tie,

  volunteered at the felony expungement

  clinic at the crackheads-for-Jesus

  church in San Bernardino.

  My mother went bonkers

  when he taught

  his standing-room only atheist class

  at Berkeley.

  He won’t talk to his sister,

  she’s never been

  arrested.

  I wonder

  if I had a cardiac arrest

  if it would make a difference.

  I should have accepted

  the pain meds for labor.

  My heroism

  has bought me jack shit.

  The torn open Reynolds Wrap box sits

  kitty-corner to a pink butt plug

  under a bondage bar.

  My knuckles turn white.

  I squeeze together

  all the pieces

  of tin foil,

  and ask Grandma Barbara,

  may she rest in peace,

  to forgive me

  for wasting rationed goods

  and slam down

  the lid of the trash can.

  Preening

  I brush cigarette ash from the shoulder of her heavy pea coat.

  “You can’t preen me in this country!” My daughter snaps.

  Tiny globs of blue gum across her bottom lip look like Smurf bites, residue from the stick of gum I gave her in lieu of a shower and real hygiene.

  This meeting, if he’s still willing to see her, could set her future. She spends two hours showering, shaving, sliding into dresses, and applying perfect makeup before “scenes” at fetish parties. She’s so distant standing there three feet from me. This stranger, who grew inside me, came out and stared into my eyes as she nursed.

  “Does she have a needle in her arm now?” My grandmother’s wise words of four years ago ring in my ears. My daughter had been accepted to all 5 London universities she applied to after rehab stints checked her out of UCI.

  I take a quick swipe at ear wax clinging to an earlobe. She recoils.

  “Your boot strings need tying.” I hop so I don’t step on the bouncing straps flying in every direction.

  She looks like she might hiss.

  “That’s not preening,” I protest.

  We duck in the back seat of a cab.

  I strain at the cab driver’s Caribbean/London rolled syllables. “Why’d you come to London for university?”

  “It’s far from home.”

  “Don’t they have good colleges in California?”

  “It’s far from home,” she repeats.

  “Didn’t they have the major you wanted in C
alifornia?”

  “London’s far away from family.”

  I stare over at her phone. She points to the adult-child sex offender’s paragraph. She’s brushing up on research abstracts of the professor she’s now 16 and a half minutes late for her interview with. I grip the sticky door handle as the cab clings to the left curb whizzing around stopped traffic. He slams on the brakes. Makes a 3, no 4-point turn, inches from the massive tires of a lorry.

  Oh my god, not only is she late for her interview with the chair of the Criminal Psychology department at University College (redundant if you ask me) but we’re going to die before she gets her shit together!

  The cabbie pulls up to a building older than anything but adobe in the U.S.

  In front of the graduate department that’s been awarded a million and a half pounds for research. She glares at me over her shoulder.

  “Don’t come in with me,” she snarls.

  “Oh. I’ll just go for a walk.”

  The daffodils are blooming in the park across the street. Moss carpets the trunks of the bare trees. The wooden benches are pierced with brass plaques memorializing dead people. All parents still hoping their children will make something of themselves.

  Slab City

  I drive the six hours for my week-late Mother’s Day gift. My son’s soundtrack for our road trip starts with a podcast on venomous reptiles. We drive into the desert. He’s brought K rations and bad-estrogen-producing water bottles, so I’m guessing a mimosa brunch isn’t on the docket.

  “Turn right at the next road,” he says and looks back down and taps at his phone. Bombay Beach Club turns out to be a resort destination for the living dead. Even though the shoreline stretches as far as I can see and the water meets the sky like any other real sea, an unbroken line of dead bodies marks the high tide line, overlapping Tilapia fish in various stages of decay, their vacant eyes wishing me Happy Mother’s Day. Crushed bird and fish bones pretend to be a white sandy beach.

  It’s silent. No bird sounds. No children splashing each other in the water. No motor boats racing. No wait staff to fetch me something stronger than a mimosa. Twisted salt-covered rebar are ghosts of a once star-studded resort, the sticky stench claims my clothing for Goodwill donations.

  Nothing’s green. Not a blade of grass, washed up seaweed, a tree or shrub, only gray death that hints at what the salty water has reclaimed. The ooze allows a glimpse of a beam from a once bustling restaurant.

  To break the oppressive silence, or to muffle the moan of a zombie, my son plays a selection of hits from the 40s. He’s brought me here for revenge for locking him out of his AOL account 15 years ago.

  We drive past abandoned homes, all grey except for the graffiti. One says in big blue letters, “Bukowski Lives.” I hope he’s not reanimated.

  The next podcast is on the history of the game of Monopoly, stolen from a nice Quaker lady, who knew? She didn’t have an attorney for a son.

 

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