by Becca Steele
“I’ve been thinking. A lot. We’ve been having fun, yeah, but we’re moving too fast. I made a mistake in pushing this. We should have stayed friends, without any of the other stuff.” He scuffed his toe along the ground, not looking at me.
My heart sank at his words.
“What are you saying? Luke, I don’t understand.”
He raised his eyes to meet mine. “This isn’t working out.” His voice was steely, unemotional. I stared at him, trying to make sense of his words. He’d shuttered his expression, his eyes blank.
“You’re breaking up with me?”
“Yeah. I’m ending our arrangement.” The man in front of me was a stranger; the Luke I knew had never been so distant and cold, even when we hated each other.
Arrows of white-hot pain lanced through me.
“I’m not a toy you can play with and discard when you decide you’ve had enough!” I screamed, tears running down my cheeks.
He turned on his heel.
“Are you walking away right now? How can you leave me like this?” My cry echoed through the still night air.
He stopped, spinning round to face me. I was taken aback by the detached, empty look in his eyes. “It’s over, Olivia. You’ll thank me for it in the long run. It’s best for both of us if we finish things now, before we get in too deep.”
“Please. Please don’t leave me,” I begged brokenly, my heart fracturing. “I love you.”
My whispered confession, dragged out unwillingly, unintentionally, hung in the air between us.
He rubbed a hand over his face, his shoulders slumping.
“You shouldn’t. I’m incapable of love.” He stated it sadly. “I’m so fucking sorry. Goodbye, Payne.”
He was gone.
I collapsed to the ground, sobbing in anguish, gasping for breath.
26
Luke
Fucking fucker.
Me: Eth. Get Avery to check on Liv NOW. Even better go to her. She’s got her location sharing with Aves so you can find her if she won’t answer her phone.
Text sent, I threw my phone as hard as I could, watching detachedly as it smashed against the wall. Picking it up, uncaring that the screen was shattered beyond repair, I shoved it carelessly into the pocket of my jeans.
What have I done?
It was for the best.
Anger and pain coursed through me, filling me so that there was no room for anything else.
I had to do something.
I started running.
Raging at myself, breathless from my run, I pushed open the heavy door and entered Savage Boxing Gym. The first person I laid eyes on was Jake Savage, talking to another guy. He caught my eye and his jaw dropped, and he said something to the other guy before striding over to me.
“You okay, mate?” he asked, his tone cautious.
“No, I’m fucking not,” I gritted out. “Are you up for sparring with me?”
“Easy now, Davenport. You shouldn’t be going up against anyone in this frame of mind. Have a go at the punch bag, yeah?”
“I guess,” I muttered. “Do you have anything I can change into? I didn’t plan on coming here.”
“Yeah, course. Let me grab you some stuff.” He jogged over to the front desk and came back with a bundle of clothes. “Here ya go. These should be the right size; if not, swap them. All new, official SBG branded. You mind paying for them?”
“Whatever. Take my bank card and sort it out while I change.” I thrust my debit card at him and jogged into the changing rooms.
I went at the punch bag with all the fury and misery that burned through me, shouting as I pounded it into oblivion. My throat hoarse and my energy spent, I sank to the ground, resting my head on my knees.
The anger had been replaced by emptiness. I felt nothing but numbness, the voices in my head silent.
“Luke?”
“Alex? What’re you doing here?” I raised my head to see my friend eyeing me warily.
“Jake phoned me. You wanna tell me what’s going on? Or I can get Ethan. Or something…” He trailed off, unsure.
“Thanks, mate, but there’s nothing to say.”
“Luke.” He crouched down next to me, his face sombre. “Jake wouldn’t have phoned me without good reason. He said you came running in here looking all wild and shit, like you were about to fucking murder someone. If you don’t wanna talk about it, then don’t, but I’m not leaving you. I turned down a guaranteed shag to come here.” He stood, stretching. “Wanna come over to mine and play Xbox?”
“As long as you promise not to talk.” I sighed in defeat. He had that stubborn look on his face that meant he’d made his mind up.
“Deal. I’m no Ethan. I’m no good at all that talking stuff. I’m your man if you want Xbox and beer, though.” He inclined his head towards the door. “Come on. My car’s outside and I don’t wanna get clamped. Or keyed.” He frowned worriedly. “I’d better wait in the car. Go and shower, then meet me out the front.”
“Alright,” I acquiesced grudgingly. Clambering to my feet, I pulled off my boxing gloves, unwinding the wraps from my hands. Flexing my stiff knuckles, I made my way to the changing rooms.
Alex was uncharacteristically silent during the drive back to his house. Fine by me. If he’d tried to talk, I would have lost my shit. As it was, I was hanging on by a thread. This day had been a fuck-up of epic proportions. I settled back against the cool leather seat of the Range Rover, identical to mine and Ethan’s, and closed my eyes.
The TV screen blurred in front of me. Throwing the game controller down onto the sofa, I massaged my temples furiously, trying to ease my pounding headache.
“I can’t take any more.” Alex’s voice was pained. “Mate, what’s going on?”
“Nothing.”
“Right,” he muttered, rolling his eyes. “I’m getting another beer. Want one?”
“Yeah.”
He wandered off into the kitchen, and I heard him talking in a low voice with someone before he sauntered back in, drinks in hand. I distantly heard a high-pitched giggle, followed by the sound of a door slamming.
“Who were you talking to just then?”
He handed me a fresh beer. “Damian. He’s got a girl over, so you won’t be seeing him tonight.”
Alex shared a house with two other rugby players, Damian and Liam. It was a total bachelor pad—massive TV, games consoles, no soft furnishings to speak of. The three of them were all single, and being good-looking Premiership rugby players meant they were surrounded by women on an almost daily basis. Liam was pretty quiet and kept to himself most of the time, but Alex and Damian seemed to be working their way through the female population of London.
I took a large gulp of my beer. “Another game?” Anything to keep my mind off Olivia.
Liv. A sudden pain hit my chest, and I rubbed it hard, trying to stop the ache.
Alex scrutinised me, an unhappy frown on his face. “Yeah, go on, then,” he said finally, sighing.
My phone dug into my leg, and I pulled it out of my pocket, remembering as I did so that I’d smashed the screen. I flung it down next to me, growling in frustration.
“What happened to your phone?” Alex gingerly tapped a finger on the broken glass.
“It met a wall.”
“Oookay then.” He cleared his throat. “Trip to the repair shop tomorrow, huh?”
“Yeah, I guess so,” I muttered.
We played in silence for a while, then I somehow found myself opening my mouth.
“I ended it with Liv.”
“What?” Alex’s shocked exclamation echoed around the room. He turned to me, ignoring our half-finished game. “Why?”
“Too many reasons. Things were moving too fast—we were only meant to be friends with benefits. She left a toothbrush at my flat this morning—”
“A toothbrush?”
“—and it made me realise I can’t do this. I ended it before the lines became even more blurred.”
�
�What the fuck? Mate, are you serious?” Alex’s mouth hung open, and he stared at me like I’d grown an extra head.
“Yes, I’m fucking serious,” I snapped.
He shook his head in disbelief, opening and closing his mouth a few times before slumping back on the sofa. “I don’t even know what to say to that.”
“Don’t say anything.” My voice was hard. “Now you know, and we’re not gonna mention it again.”
“Right. Suppose we’ll carry on with this game, then.” Alex shrugged helplessly. I heard him mutter something under his breath that sounded like “fucking idiot” and “toothbrush,” but I chose to ignore him. As soon as we’d finished the game, he grabbed his phone, heading out of the room. I stared numbly into space, zoning out.
“By the way, mate, Ethan knows what happened. I told him not to contact you since it’s clear you’re not in the mood to talk. You’re welcome.” Alex flopped back on the chair next to me, phone in hand.
“Thanks. Not that he could, anyway, thanks to my piece-of-shit broken phone.” I laughed humourlessly, feeling Alex’s gaze boring into the side of my face. “Now what?”
“You do realise that the only one who thought you were fuck buddies was you, right?”
“That’s not true.”
“It is. Yeah, maybe you were at first, but you haven’t been for a long time. She was your girlfriend. Deny it all you want, but you know deep down I’m right.”
Alone with my thoughts later that night, Olivia’s voice echoed through my mind.
She’d told me she loved me.
She was mistaken.
That look on her face—the shocked, hurt disbelief…I’d never forget it. It cut me to fucking shreds. It had taken everything I had in me to steel myself and walk away.
I shifted uncomfortably on the sofa and pushed everything down, way down, until I felt nothing, the numbness sending me into a dreamless sleep.
27
Olivia
How do you face the person that broke your heart? Face them every day at work? Act like you’re okay when you’re dying inside?
Ten minutes after I’d arrived at work, the hairs rose on the back of my neck and I knew he’d entered the office. Helpless to do anything else, my eyes were drawn towards him, betraying my broken heart. He met my gaze blankly, not even a flicker of emotion showing. It was as if he’d shut down. He looked as good as ever, but his eyes were dead.
As I studied him, fresh pain rushed through me. It was physical—the only way I could describe it was like a hot knife stabbing me. I felt like I was suffocating.
I couldn’t breathe. The man I loved, now a stranger.
I lowered my eyes, trying to keep the tears at bay. I’d spent the entire weekend crying over him, the pain beyond anything I could have imagined.
Turning away, he walked into Ethan’s office without even knocking.
“Drink this.” Eddie eyed me in concern, noticing my distress. He placed a mug in front of me.
“Thanks,” I whispered.
“What’s he done?”
“Ended it with me.” I stated it flatly. Maybe if I kept saying it, it would become easier to accept and the pain would go away sooner.
“What? Absolute wankpuffin,” Eddie muttered under his breath, shaking his head in stunned disbelief. “Why would he do that? He’s obsessed with you.”
“I guess not, otherwise we’d still be together.” My voice was small. “I know we were only meant to be having a casual arrangement, but I fell for him. Completely. I thought we were on the same page, but I guess not.”
“I—I have no words.”
“You and me both, Ed. I just need to get through today. Then the next, and the next, until it stops hurting.”
“Oh, Liv.” He sighed sadly. “I’m so sorry. I’m always here for you, you know that, right?”
“I know. And you’re pretty much the only reason I gathered enough strength to come into work today. I almost called in sick. I’ve never had a broken heart before, but I’m telling you now, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.” I could never have imagined how painful it would be until it happened to me, and I would have given anything to take it away.
“Babes, you’re gonna get through this, okay? Act strong, until you feel it inside. Drink your coffee, then get out there and slay them. Or y’know, revamp their websites.” He leaned down and gave me a quick hug before dropping into his chair.
“I can do that. Or try, at least.”
“Let’s do this.”
Immersing myself in work was the only way I could keep going, especially when Luke returned from Ethan’s office. I found myself hyperaware of his presence, and it took everything in me to concentrate on my tasks.
“Let’s get out of here for lunch,” Eddie suggested. “You need a change of scenery.”
“Yes,” I agreed immediately, needing to get as far away from Luke as possible, before I did something stupid like throw myself at his feet and beg him for answers.
When we returned from lunch, I found a Post-it note stuck to my computer screen asking me to go to Ethan’s office.
“You wanted to see me?” I peered around his open door.
“Yes. Take a seat, Olivia.” He gestured to the chair across from his desk.
“Is something wrong?”
Ethan ignored my question. “Liv, after everything that’s happened, Luke has asked if he can use the meeting room as an office. This is only a temporary solution, and it’s not ideal, by any stretch of the imagination, but as long as we can see clients in the conference room and my office, we can manage it. He feels, and I agree, that it’s best if you keep your distance from each other for the time being.”
Right. Swallowing hard, I nodded jerkily. Luke couldn’t have made it any clearer. He wasn’t interested in seeing me or speaking to me. At all.
Ethan stood up and came around the desk to my chair. Crouching next to me, he spoke in a low, gentle tone. “Now that we’ve got business out of the way, tell me how you’re doing.”
My eyes welled up with tears all over again.
“I’m gutted, Ethan. He’s broken my heart.”
“Come here.” He stood up and pulled me into a hug. “Listen to me. I’m angry at Luke for throwing this chance at happiness out of the way.” He sighed, his arms tightening around me protectively, as if he could shield me from the pain. “Luke’s trying to protect himself. I’ve spoken to him about it, but he’s blinded by his issues.”
“So he’ll happily take a knife to my heart rather than take a chance on us,” I whispered sadly.
Ethan released me from the hug, stepping back to look down into my eyes. “He’s just as unhappy as you, Liv. You both need some space, time to regroup. With you both working in the same office, it’s not that easy. At least with him working in the meeting room, it will minimise your contact.”
I nodded, because what else could I do?
As I returned to my desk, I noticed the door to the meeting room was closed and Luke’s desk was empty. It looked like he hadn’t wasted any time in moving. I gritted my teeth, waves of anger and hurt assaulting me.
“You okay?” Jamie peered around his monitor cautiously. “I, uh, heard about you and Luke.”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I croaked.
“Good. I mean…” He trailed off, scratching his head. “Ummm…”
Eddie chose that moment to return to his desk, much to Jamie’s obvious relief. “Hey, Ed! What was the name of that restaurant you were telling me about? I forgot to write it down.”
Eddie shot me a sidewards glance, then fell into conversation with Jamie, slouching against the desk. He sidled closer to me as he was speaking, squeezing my shoulder. His reassuring touch bolstered me, and I caught his eye, mouthing the word “thanks.”
The remainder of the day dragged. As soon as the clock hit 5:00 p.m., I raced out of the office, desperate not to run into Luke.
Avery was standing in the lobby.
“Liv,�
�� she called, waving to me. I crossed the lobby, heels clicking against the floor, and came to a halt by the wall where she leaned, a concerned expression on her face.
“Are you waiting for Ethan?”
“No. Well, yes—but more importantly, I wanted to see how you were doing. How did you get on, working with Luke?”
“I—” Tears formed for what had to be the millionth time that day. “Not here, Aves.”
“Come on. Let’s go down to the car, and we can chat.” I followed her back to the lifts, and we descended to the basement garage, where she pulled a key fob out of her bag and unlocked Ethan’s Range Rover.
“Ethan will be at least half an hour, so we’ve got time to talk.” She ushered me into the back seat and pulled me into a hug. The tears started again, and I hung on to her, crying silently while she rubbed my back in soothing circles.
“I’m so sick of crying,” I whimpered.
“I know. You’re going to get through this, Liv.”
Breathing deeply, I worked to compose myself.
“Okay. You can do this,” I told myself aloud, trying to inject conviction into my voice. I raised my tear-stained face to meet Avery’s compassionate gaze. “First things first. He’s moved into the meeting room, so we have as little contact as possible. I’ve been thinking about it all day since Eth told me, and I’ve come to the conclusion that he’s right. The only way I’m going to be able to get through this is to have a clean break. I love my job, and I’m not going to let him drive me away from that, but I can block him in other ways.” Unzipping my handbag, I pulled out my phone. “Time to block his number and social media accounts.”
Avery stared at me, her brow furrowed. “Are you sure you want to do this, doll? Do you think it’s worth trying to talk to him about all this, at least?”
“Talk to him,” I said bitterly. “Yeah, I tried that.” Pulling up my text app, I turned the phone so she could see my screen and the list of texts I’d sent over the weekend.