by Becca Steele
Me: Luke, please can we talk?
Me: Please answer your phone.
Me: This has to be a mistake. If we’re moving too fast or I’ve done something wrong, please tell me. We can work it out.
Me: PLEASE talk to me.
Me: We can go as slow as you need to. Please just talk to me.
Me: Luke, I’m going insane here. I need to know what’s happening.
Me: Please answer your phone or at least text me back.
Me: Please talk to me. I’m begging you.
Me: I told you I loved you and you can’t do me the courtesy of replying to me?
Me: Fuck you. I’m done.
“Oh.” Avery’s face crumpled. “Liv, I’m so sorry. How could he ignore you like that?”
I shrugged listlessly. “It is what it is. If he doesn’t want to speak to me, there’s nothing else I can try.”
“Well, in that case, do you want me to do it?”
“Would you? Thanks, Aves. I don’t think I can handle seeing his face.”
“Pass it over, then, and I’ll erase him from your life. Are you a hundred percent sure?”
“Completely.” I nodded. “Because I know I’ll only end up torturing myself scrolling through his photos and updates. Plus, when he has a new girlfr—” I slammed my mouth shut, unable to bear contemplating that. Deep down, my fear was that Luke would move on, that he’d meet someone else that he wanted to commit to. He’d make the effort for her. He’d fall in love with someone, someone who wasn’t me.
“Don’t even think it,” Avery warned, narrowing her eyes. Taking my phone from me, she scrolled through my social media apps and contact list, until she’d blocked him everywhere.
“There you go.” She looked at me sadly. “All gone.”
“Thank you for helping me,” I whispered.
“Anytime. I’m always here for you, you know that.”
“I do, and thank you.” Hugging her, I turned to get out of the SUV.
Avery put a hand on my arm, stalling my movements. “You can come over for dinner if you like?”
I smiled tremulously. “Thanks, Aves, but I think I want to be alone tonight. All I want is to sit in front of mindless TV and switch off from everything.”
“If you change my mind, you know where I am.” She let go of my arm. “Call me tomorrow, okay? I’m worried about you.”
“I will, but please don’t worry about me. I’ll be alright. One day at a time, that’s all I have to get through. I’m not the first person this has happened to, and I won’t be the last. I can do this.”
I have to.
28
Luke
What were the chances of me and Alex ending up in the same place as Olivia? We’d managed to successfully avoid each other at work for the last four weeks, but it seemed that my luck had run out. I’d been okay for the most part since we’d ended things, staying away from her and immersing myself in work. The misery was always there, though, bubbling under the surface, waiting to erupt. I felt it during the dark nights, alone in my empty flat, her vanilla scent still on my hoodie, the toothbrush she’d bought, that I’d been unable to throw away, next to mine by the sink.
She stood directly in my line of sight, up at the front of the crowded bar, talking in a low voice to the DJ. He smiled down at her, and she batted her long lashes at him, twirling her hair around a finger. He leaned over to speak into her ear, and I could see her eyes sparkling with laughter as she gave him a thumbs-up.
Fuck this shit. I abruptly pushed back my chair and strode to the bar.
“Jägerbomb, please, mate.” The barman slid two glasses in front of me, and I downed the drink, sighing in relief as the alcohol burned a path through my body, numbing the pain. Slightly.
“Same again,” I instructed, ignoring Alex’s disapproving gaze as his eyes darted from mine to a spot behind me, where I knew beyond any doubt Olivia stood on the dance floor. Spinning around, I watched the DJ chatting to her, flirting with her. I clenched my fists, anger and hurt coursing through me, unable to tear my eyes away. Everything I felt for this woman was magnified, seeing her across the room, torturing myself in the knowledge that I was unable to go to her, to touch her, to see her smile at me.
I’d fucked everything up.
She was better off without me.
Sam Smith’s “Dancing with a Stranger” began playing, and I saw Avery and another woman rush over to the dance floor to join Olivia. They moved to the beat, attracting quite a bit of male attention.
I felt the exact moment Olivia noticed me all the way to my core.
She spun around.
Our eyes met.
She stopped dead.
Shock, anger, and pain wreathed across her face. Even from my position on the far side of the room, I could see the tears form on her lashes. She blinked furiously, biting her lip hard.
Avery glanced up, noticing me, and her face fell. She leaned over to Olivia and spoke into her ear. Olivia shook her head emphatically, then squared her shoulders. Her expression turned to pure ice. She spun away from me and danced, swaying her hips suggestively.
It was too much to deal with. Gulping my second Jägerbomb, I turned back to the bar.
“Mate, you need to slow down on the drinks.” Alex’s firm grip landed on my arm. “Let’s go somewhere else, yeah?”
“No. We’re staying here.”
Alex huffed loudly. “Fucking great,” he muttered. “I’m getting you a Coke, but I need something stronger if you’re putting me through this.”
I barely registered his words. Some smug-looking fuckboy was dancing behind Olivia, eyeing her ass in appreciation. She stared straight at me, icy contempt in her gaze, then purposely took a step backwards so she was right up against him. His hands landed on her sides, and she gave me a savage smile, baring her teeth. Fuckboy leaned down to speak in her ear, and she narrowed her eyes in concentration, then half turned, standing on her toes to speak into his ear. He nodded, and she turned around, moving to the music with him.
His arms slid around her.
I saw red.
Lurching to my feet, I shoved my chair away violently. It skittered across the floor, crashing against the wall and turning the heads of a number of patrons. I barely noticed, my whole being focused on Olivia and the man who had his hands on her.
Vibrating with anger, I stalked across the dance floor, heading straight for them.
Real fear entered her gaze when she saw me coming. She moved out of fuckboy’s grip as I reached her.
“Can. We. Talk,” I bit out through gritted teeth. She stared at me silently, her mouth set in a flat line, so I gripped her arm, moving us away from the dance floor and the curious gazes surrounding us. She let me pull her along without resistance, and I hauled her outside into the empty courtyard that was normally used by smokers.
“What are you playing at, Olivia?” I snarled, leading her into a shadowy corner of the courtyard, partially hidden by one of the tall planters that dotted the space. “Using fuckboy to make me jealous?”
I stared into her eyes, breathing hard.
She stared boldly back at me, shivering from the cold but her eyes flashing with pure fire.
“Fuckboy? His name’s Chad, actually, and he’s over here from California. He—”
No, no, no. “Fucking Chad,” I spat, slamming my hand into the stone wall.
“You need to calm down.” Her voice was an urgent hiss.
I let out a frustrated growl and placed my hands either side of her head, pressing her back into the wall and aligning our bodies.
The feel of her soft curves against me made me lose all rational thought.
“Luke. This is so fucked up,” she breathed, the fire in her eyes changing from anger to pure need.
I couldn’t take any more. I slanted my lips onto hers, kissing her hard and desperately.
She sighed into my mouth, twining her arms around my neck and threading her fingers through my hair. We kissed, and kissed, and
kissed, our breaths mingling, and our bodies entwined as close as we could get them with the layers of clothing in the way. Electric pulses raced across my skin, making me shiver, and she moaned, low and needy. My dick reacted instantly, and I slid my hands around to cup her ass, lifting her onto the wooden table to the side of us. Hooking her legs around me, she pulled me closer. Our kisses became more urgent, frenzied, and my hands caressed her body until she was helpless in my arms.
“I don’t know how to forget you,” I gritted out, wrenching my mouth away from her. “You need to leave. Please, baby.”
Our eyes met, her pupils dilated, lids heavy with desire.
“I want you, Luke,” she panted. “Please don’t make me go.”
With a tortured groan, I smashed my lips down on hers again.
Sliding my hand down between her legs, I growled approvingly at her wetness. She rubbed herself on my hand shamelessly, and I pushed her soaked underwear aside, gliding my fingers over her clit and into her wet pussy.
“Luke, please,” she begged, her head falling back and her eyes closing. I continued torturing her with rhythmic strokes, working her into a frenzy. I trailed my lips up her neck, kissing along her jawline, finally tugging her bottom lip into my mouth and kissing her again.
She tightened around my fingers and came apart on my hand, crying out my name.
Her breath slowed, and she opened her eyes, slumping forwards. “Wh—what does this mean?” she asked shakily, smoothing her dress back over her legs as I moved away, adjusting my painfully hard dick.
I closed my eyes. No. We shouldn’t have done that. “It was a mistake.”
“A mistake?” She stared at me open-mouthed. “Are you serious? You dragged me out here in a jealous rage, kissed me, touched me, for the first time since you left me, and now you think you made a mistake? Well, fuck you very much.”
I flinched as her angry words lashed me like a whip, and I took a step towards her. “Liv.” I clenched and unclenched my fists uselessly at my sides.
“Luke, why can’t you see that we’re good together?” Her voice cracked and her eyes filled with tears.
“Liv, don’t cry,” I pleaded. “You have to understand. We can’t be together.”
“But—I miss—”
“I’m sorry.” I cut her off. I couldn’t hear those words from her. Hardening my voice, I straightened up. “This can never happen again.”
She let out a choked sob, clapping a hand over her mouth. I reached out towards her instinctively.
“Don’t. Touch. Me,” she spat, recoiling away from me, tears running down her face.
Fuck. As mistakes went, this one was pretty epic.
“Luke.” Avery’s furious voice came from behind me. “What have you done to her?”
I had no answer.
Avery rushed over to Olivia, and Olivia curled into her, sobbing.
“It hurts so much,” she cried brokenly.
A sharp pain stabbed through my chest at her words. I couldn’t do this to her again. I had to stay away, before I hurt her even more.
“I know, doll. I’ve got you,” Avery soothed, stroking her hair and glaring daggers at me.
Alex tumbled out of the door, his sharp, intelligent gaze immediately assessing the situation.
“Luke, you’re coming with me, right now,” he commanded. “Aves, you okay with Liv?”
She nodded once and mouthed “thank you” to him.
“Come on.” He grabbed my arm.
With one last, tortured look back at Olivia, I allowed Alex to drag me away.
“Mate, we’re leaving.” Alex tapped furiously on his phone. “Let’s go.”
In a daze I followed him out of the bar, cradling my grazed hand, throbbing from where I’d slammed it into the wall. Alex flagged down a taxi. Rattling off an address to the driver, he settled back in the seat and turned to me.
“I’m going to give you a break and not speak about what happened tonight, mate, but when we go to Ethan’s, whenever that may be, we’re gonna sort this out, alright?”
Ethan’s?
“You messaged Ethan about this?”
“Yes. You fucked up. Ethan’s the only one who might be able to talk some sense into you.”
He’d staged an intervention. Great.
“Really?” I groaned.
“Yep. I am not equipped to deal with this shit. You get to have a break to think about how badly you fucked up—Ethan’s giving you some time to get your head together, but then we’re all having a talk. And for the record, Ethan’s forcing both of us into this.” He huffed, displeased. “Anyway, you’re crashing at mine tonight. I’m not leaving you on your own—I don’t want you doing anything stupid.”
“Whatever,” I muttered, defeated. I just wanted this whole evening to be over with. I needed to forget. Forget everything about tonight. How Liv had felt coming apart for me, how her lips had tasted, how her body had fitted against mine like we were made for each other.
I glanced over at Alex, sitting with his arms crossed and an angry scowl on his face.
I’d manage to upset everyone with my actions.
I was suddenly filled with self-loathing, nausea making my stomach churn.
Was I turning into my parents?
How had I managed to mess things up so badly?
Leaning my head against the cab window with a heavy sigh, I closed my eyes.
29
Olivia
Curling up in the teal wingback chair in the flat that Eddie and his partner, George, lived in, I scrolled through my phone, checking my messages. Out of habit, I put Luke’s name into the search bar, then remembered I’d blocked him on all my social media accounts, and blocked his number. My phone background was no longer his sexy, smiling face; in its place was a photo of a generic cityscape. The pain of losing him cut me even deeper than before—that night in the bar where he’d broken me all over again had only amplified my heartbreak.
“Here you go.” George stood in front of me, a glass of orange juice in his hand. Smiling, thankful for the interruption, I took the glass, careful not to disturb Tink, Eddie’s tabby cat, who was curled up in my lap.
“Thanks, George.” I’d never been more grateful for the support system of my friends. Avery had taken me straight to her and Ethan’s apartment after the bar and had stayed with me all night, listening patiently while I raged, then holding me while I cried myself to sleep. In the morning, Ethan, having been brought up to speed on the situation by Avery, had suggested that I take a week’s leave from work, effective immediately. I had plenty of leave accumulated, but since I had outstanding work, we compromised on me working remotely for part of the week, and taking the rest as leave.
Ethan and Avery had both urged me to get out of the city and stay with family, but I couldn’t face going. In the end, Eddie had come to my rescue. He’d been messaging me daily to check up on me, and as soon as I’d mentioned the bar incident and Ethan’s suggestion of a change of scenery, he’d insisted on me staying with him and George.
“You’re welcome, baby girl. Drink this, then get ready and I’ll take you out for coffee.”
“Aren’t you meant to be working?” I eyed him quizzically.
He shrugged. “Yes, but everyone needs a coffee break, right? It’ll do you good to get some fresh air. You’ve been cooped up in here for three days now.”
I absentmindedly ran my fingers through Tink’s soft fur as I looked up at George, his dark eyes brimming with concern. “I guess you’re right.” I sighed.
“I’m always right. Take it from me. Before Eddie, I had my heart broken once.”
“You did?” My voice was small.
He crouched next to my chair, balancing his hand on the armrest. “I did. And I promise you, you’ll get through it. Pushing yourself to do something normal every day, no matter how insignificant it may seem at the time, will help you to heal.”
“Thank you. For everything.”
He smiled at me fondly. “Anyt
ime, darling.”
“Right. Let’s do this, then.” I downed my juice, then got to my feet. Tink meowed indignantly as I moved him from his prone position.
“Sorry, Tink. Time to go now.”
After coffee, George shut himself in his office, and I caught up with my own work until it was dinner time, balancing my laptop precariously on the arm of my chair. I’d insisted on cooking for Eddie and George while I was staying with them, as a small token of my appreciation for everything they were doing for me, so when my phone alarm buzzed, I shut down my laptop and stood, stretching. Padding into the kitchen in my socked feet, I opened the stainless steel fridge and pulled out ingredients. I dug out a wooden chopping board and stood at the black granite kitchen counter cutting red onions, courgettes, mushrooms, and peppers. Placing them into a dish along with some whole cherry tomatoes, I coated the lot in oil and seasoning, then topped with chicken pieces and put it in the oven.
As I was placing the dirty utensils into the dishwasher, the door opened.
“Honey, I’m home!” Eddie called.
“I’m in the kitchen,” I called back. Washing my hands, I patted them dry and turned around to greet him.
“How you doing, babes?” he asked, pulling me into a hug.
“You know. The same.” I shrugged. “I’ll get there. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate everything you and George are doing for me.”
“You’d do the same for me, Liv. That’s what friends are for.” He gave me a soft smile. “Go and get comfortable in the armchair. I’ll finish off the dinner.”
“Really? I feel—”
“No, go. I insist.” He gave me a gentle push towards the door.
“Okay, I’m going.” I paused in the doorway, turning back and meeting Eddie’s eyes. The question was tumbling from my lips before I could think it through.
“How is he?”
Eddie pursed his lips, eyeing me with disapproval. “Liv, I thought we agreed not to mention him.”