Jay: Summers of Love (Seasons of Love Book 4)

by Pepper Paris

“He knows I’ll have his back. I think he’s still trying to figure out how to be strong without losing who he is. All we can do right now is to be patient.”

  “See I knew that you were right for him. You know just what he needs. Make sure that he knows you’re there for him. It’s how the best partnerships last.”

  The elevator opened and she patted my arm as I got off, “I’m thinking that’s enough fresh air for me today. Now, you can say that you got me off the ICU wing,” She winked at me as the doors closed taking her back upstairs.

  “Why you are sneaky aren’t you?” A laugh erupted making me feel relieved.

  I’d been so self-conscious of what I’d been looking at that I hadn’t realized she’d just gone for a walk to find out how things were going between me and her son.

  In the future, I’d have to remember how to find out information as smoothly as she had.

  -----

  Wade arrived after lunch and while Jay was happy to see him, I could feel him withdrawing back into his shell.

  He sat beside me while Jay was in the room with his mom.

  “What’s wrong, Rox?”

  I shrugged. It wasn’t like I could tell him because that would betray Jay’s confidence.

  “His dad is going to be okay, right? There’s not something else wrong is there?” Wade eyed me worried.

  “Not that I know of, at least not with his dad.” I looked to see if any of the other people in the waiting room were paying attention to us.

  “Jay’s having a hard time. He’s doubting that I love him.”

  “No, you love him just as much as the rest of us.” Wade protested caressing my hand. “How could he doubt that?”

  “It’s not so much his doubt, but the fact he doesn’t believe he’s worthy of it. In his heart, he loves me. In his head, he’s convinced himself that it’s not real. I’m just saying it out of pity.”

  “We’ll just have to convince him otherwise.”

  “I’m afraid it’s not going to be that easy.” I could feel tears starting to form. “Each of you has such different personalities and with those come different emotions.”

  “Rox, we can’t leave him here alone. He’s needs to have his family around him during this time. Not his brothers or mom, but his other family, the one he chose. Are you saying that he didn’t choose us? He doesn’t want to leave our family does he?” Wade’s features betrayed shock at the very idea of Jay leaving us.

  I shook my head no.

  “He still thinks of all of us as his friends. I don’t think he made many friends over the years he was in Oregon. We’re it. He’s just more shy and withdrawn then the rest of us.”

  “So what can we do to help?”

  I bite my lip, this was the part I didn’t want to do. It was the only way to help Jay without overwhelming him at the same time.

  “Hang around until dinner and then tell him that you have to get back. He’s always trying to measure up to you, Carter, and Kelly. With you here, he’s not going to feel that I’m here for him.”

  Wade frowned, “You’re asking me to leave?”

  “Not permanently, just for a couple of days. Make sure that you’re still checking in on him, but let me be here to comfort him. He needs the space to learn how to accept love.” I traced lines of the tattoo that ran up Wade’s arm.

  “Do you think you can convince him of the truth? I don’t want to go behind his back. He’s my friend and I’d be pissed off if I knew this was going on.”

  I threw up my hands in frustration, “It’s not like I have another choice. I left him alone up there for way to long and now I need to be able to show him that he is what counts when the chips are down.”

  Our voices had risen with the discussion and the other people were sending glances our way.

  “Look,” I lowered my voice, “I know that you don’t have anything else going on right now, but all I’m asking is for you to do the waiting at home. Let’s not give him a reason to doubt my love for him. It’s not a forever thing, just a few days while his dad is in the hospital.”

  Wade groaned and would have said more, but Jay walked in.

  His expression changed when he saw the two of us huddled together.

  “Um, I just wanted to let you know that they are moving dad to a regular room. If he continues to improve over the next few days, he can go home just in time for Christmas.” He stood nervously in front of us.

  “That’s wonderful.” Wade stood and gave him a quick hug.

  “Tonight, we’ll have to make sure all of your Christmas decorations are out. If things go well tomorrow, I’ll stay at your parents and clean house so that your mom will feel better when your dad comes home.” I volunteered.

  “She’ll love that.” Jay agreed with a faint smile. “They’re moving him now, so we can go ahead and wait downstairs in the family room for that floor.”

  I stood and slid my hand into his, “I’m so glad that he’s feeling good enough for them to move him.”

  “Yeah, mom is over the moon. She’ll feel better when she can get him home and fuss over him herself.”

  “Is the tree set up or do you still need to do that?” Wade questioned as we headed down to the new hospital floor.

  “They put it up, but some of outside decorations aren’t finished. I guess if you’re sticking around you could help me this afternoon if you want. Hanging the lights is a two man job. I’d say we could skip it, but that would just make dad feel bad when he gets home.”

  “Smart thinking. I’d love to help. If Roxie wants to stay here and help your mom out, we can go get started once you’re dad is settled.”

  “That would be great man. Let’s not tell mom and just surprise them when they come home. I’ll go let her know I’m leaving.” Jay bounced off in a much better mood.

  “I’ll try to talk to him while we’re doing all this. Guy-to-guy kind of thing and let him get stuff of his chest on his own. Then you can be the comfort crew later.” Wade gave me a quick squeeze.

  “Oh, thank you. While I’d love to be there, I know you guys will get a lot more covered than I would since I’m the reason.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ve got both of your backs.”

  --------

  Chapter 5

  Jay

  I knew that Roxie and Wade had been whispering behind my back, and I wanted to know what was going on. I was trusting that Roxie had meant what she’d said about loving me, but I needed to ignore the other thoughts suggesting that she trying to hurt me.

  In all my years of knowing her, there had yet to be a day when she’d ever tried to hurt me. If anything she went out of her way to make sure that I didn’t get hurt now that I thought about it. It was just a part of who she was.

  The door to my dad’s room was open and they were getting all of his i.v.s and tubes sorted out.

  “Psst, mom?” I whispered.

  “Jay, what’s wrong?” Mom hurried over, looking worried.

  “Nothing. I’m just going to go have some guy time with Wade while he’s here. That is if you’re okay with me leaving?” I quickly added.

  She cupped my chin as she placed a kiss on my check. “Of course you should go. Nothing exciting is going to happen here, in fact why don’t you all go do something fun for a change?”

  “Roxie said she’d stay. We don’t want you to be alone up here.” I protested.

  “Nonsense. That poor girl has dropped everything to be up here with us for the past few days. You both need some time away. You’re brothers aren’t even up here and they can take a turn this evening.” Mom smiled at me tenderly, “You shouldn’t have to be the only one doing all of the worrying. Let them take a turn.”

  “I just don’t want to leave and then you need me.”

  “Do you think they’d be moving him if he wasn’t doing well? Now, consider this an order, leave. I don’t want to see you until tomorrow after lunch. Is that clear?”

  “Yes, ma’am.” I nodded.

  “Shoo.”
She pushed me toward the door and as soon as I was on the outside she shut it behind me.

  “What did she say?” Roxie looked at me confused as I joined them in the waiting room.

  “She sent us home. She’s going to make Craig or Noah come up here for the evening.” I answered slightly bewildered.

  “See, now you can go do all that stuff with Wade while I’m going to make a quick trip back to my apartment. I only grabbed enough clothes for a day or two and need something to keep me occupied.” Roxie cheerfully exclaimed.

  “Really?” I didn’t want to get rid of her, but hanging out with just Wade felt like a huge relief.

  “Yeah, Sarah is going to help me with some stuff and it would be easier in person. I’ll grab a few things so we can cook something for a late dinner. Work for both of you?” She looked between us for an answer.

  “Dinner would be nice. You always make such amazing food.” I grinned just thinking about a home cooked meal.

  “I’ll stay for dinner,” Wade announced, “but then I’m going to head back to Denver. I have a meeting in the morning. Speaking of that, I need to get some input from you before I do this thing.” He pointed toward me as we approached the parking garage.

  “Okay.” I had a good idea what he wanted me to weigh in on. “I hope I can help you figure it out.”

  “I’m sure you can.” Wade paused to give Roxie a kiss and I looked away, uncomfortable with the display of affection.

  “Be safe.” I called as she was getting in her car. It was the only thing that came to mind besides, love you and I wasn’t ready to go shouting that to the roof tops.

  Wade gave me a weird look, which I ignored and got into the car.

  “Do you know where everything we’ll need is?” He started driving over to my house which was in the middle of town.

  I frowned, “I think so. Mom always labels everything in plastic tubs that go out in the garage. That’s where we keep the ladder too.”

  “Heads or tails?”

  “Huh? What are we deciding?” My thoughts immediately went to who would get to be with Roxie first.

  “The ladder?” He glanced at me, “Do you want to go up on the roof or be the one on the ground? What did you think I meant?”

  “Oh, nothing.” Red crept up my face and I couldn’t blame the weather because it wasn’t cold enough for that. “I can go up the ladder. I’ve done it before so it’s no big deal.”

  “Well, if you want to talk about it, I’m available all day. In fact, anytime you need to talk, you can always call me. I can’t imagine what you’ve been feeling the past few days, but I know it has to be hard.” Wade sympathized.

  I relaxed just a little. He wasn’t talking about Roxie, he thought I was upset about my dad.

  “Not fun that’s for sure. We’re not as close to each other as my mom and I are, but I love him. I always kind of avoid him most of the time because I’m afraid I won’t live up to his expectations.”

  “Ha, I can understand that. I know I’m not living up to my dad’s and I’m okay with that. It took a few years, but I can’t live life to please my parents, not that they really care about me. It was always about appearances and how we were supposed to act with other people.”

  “If that was their standard, I’d say you stop caring about that back in elementary school.” I laughed, “Remember when you showed up the day after fourth grade was out with a Mohawk? I thought your parents were going to pass out.”

  Wade joined me in laughing at the memory, “Boy, I’d never seen them act so fast. I have no idea how much money they paid the barber to get it taken care of immediately, but I left with a buzz cut that the army would have been proud of.”

  “Poor Kelly, he still has to have that kind of hair style.”

  “He shouldn’t have joined the army if he was worried about having a say in his life. The army is the exact opposite of being able to make choices.”

  “True,” I agreed, “but he seems to enjoy it.”

  “Do you enjoy working with all of those sick people?” Wade parked at the curb so that we had better access to the garage.

  “Eh, sometimes. A lot of being an intern is doing all the jobs nobody else wants to do. I’m okay with it as long as I can just go with the flow and stay in the background.” I shrugged, “I mean you learn by watching, but I haven’t really found any one thing that just screams at me.”

  “What do you mean? Like a specialty?”

  “Yeah, I’m just not feeling it. I’d have to be in charge and tell people what to do. What if I tell them the wrong thing and kill someone?”

  Wade pulled the tubs labeled lights out as I grabbed the ladder.

  “You’ve got years of training left before they leave you alone to take care people. Surely, they won’t pass you if you don’t know you’re stuff?”

  I leaned the ladder against the house and took the end of the string of lights as I climbed up.

  “They won’t, I’m just worried that I’ll screw it up.”

  “Do you have to be a doctor? Can’t you be like a nurse or something so it’s not all your decision?” Wade fed me the lights as I put them on the hooks we’d added to the roof years ago.

  “The pay wouldn’t be as good. I’ve only gotten a few small loans. By doing the internship, it’s about half the pay and the rest is credited to the school for my classes.”

  “Speaking of pay, how’s it going with the house thing? Do we have enough money to get that place you showed us?”

  Wade held up a finger for me to wait as he went back to the garage for the next bucket of lights.

  I climbed down and moved to the next section on the side of the house as he came back.

  “Good and bad news. I was able to get the property for a really cheap amount. The bad news is that it’s going to need a lot of work. Some of it we can do ourselves, but most of it is going to need done before this summer.”

  “See, I need to stick with medical school and graduate so I can help out with all of the money stuff. I don’t want to be the slacker who just takes from all of his friends.” I leaned over as far as I could to hang the last lights before I had to move again.

  “For one that’s what friends are for and two, won’t going to med school cost more for a lot longer?” Wade helped steady the ladder as I climbed back up.

  “Well, I did one of those programs where I graduated with an associate’s degree. Now, I’ve finished two years of medical school and they consider all of my intern stuff as part of a future residency program.” I shrugged even though he probably couldn’t see it.

  “I’ve probably got another ten years of hard work before I can be considered a doctor. It sucks, but what else am I going to do?”

  “Come home,” Wade urged, “Well, not home here, but to Denver. They have to have some sort of medical program that you can do while you’re near the rest of us.”

  “Don’t you want me to be gone more? Then you can have Roxie to yourself?”

  There I’d said what I’d been thinking for a while now.

  “Uh, no.” Wade stood looking up at me in shock, “It’s not about having her to myself at all. Or even keeping her from being with any one of you even, it’s about having our family all together. We’re not just friends, but part of a family.”

  I climbed down and opened the gate to go in the back yard. “Kelly won’t be there most of the time anyway. With Carter and I gone what kind of family will that be?”

  “Carter won’t be gone forever. I think he’s planning to move back after graduation or the fall at the latest. Kelly will be home whenever he has leave and eventually he’ll be home permanently. Don’t you want to live with Roxie and the rest of us?” Wade’s voice sounded so hurt.

  “Look,” I paused before climbing up on the ladder, “you guys are my best friends. I’d love to hang out with you forever, but what happens when we all get tired of each other? What if Roxie doesn’t want to be with all of us and actually chooses just one? Is our friendship go
ing to last through all of that?”

  “Unless you know something that I don’t know, none of us are breaking up with her. Dude, she’s already chosen. She wants all of us.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” I waved away his reassuring words, “for now. She’s not always going to be happy with us. It’s might be too difficult to have four relationships and she’ll move on to someone else that doesn’t have all of our issues.”

  “I think you’re forgetting that we’re her family. Sure, she’s not going to suddenly forget that we exist. We get the same benefits from her as she does from us. Okay, let’s look at it like this minus the sex part obviously.”

  I raised an eyebrow at that, but let him continue.

  “I don’t have a family. Even if by some crazy random chain of events, I reconciled with my parents, I wouldn’t suddenly stop being your friend or part of your family. I love you,” Wade stopped and actually looked a little flushed, “Not in that way, but I do love and care about you. I wouldn’t be here helping you put up Christmas lights if I didn’t.”

  “All this love sounds really great, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t change over time or decide that you don’t want to be friends anymore.”

  Wade heaved a sigh at my words and flopped to the ground by the ladder. “Jay, man. When are you going to get it through your head? We love you. Nobody wants to leave you. We all had families and we’ve chosen to build a new and better one with all of us.”

  I joined him on the ground. “I just can’t wrap my head around the concept. It’s not just that she loves you guys too, I’m okay with that honestly.”

  “What I have a hard time believing is that it’s going to last? I don’t want to get hurt or heaven forbid hurt her. Who’s going to pick up the pieces then?”

  “She’s the most important thing in my life.” Wade acknowledged, “I’m not afraid to let her know that. Things are going to happen and we’re going to argue, but she’s always the one I want to be there to help me find my way. I can share all of the good times and bad with her.”

  “Pushing her away sounds like such a good idea when I’m not around her. Now, that she’s here, she wants to be in bed with me.” I blushed at the thought, “She even gave me a blow job and I think my brother saw it.”