The Outlaw's Heart

by Amy Sandas

  An odd tension settled between them after that. As though the intrusion of the outside world had set them off-kilter and they weren’t exactly sure how to set it right again.

  Finally, as the night started to gather closer around them, Eve realized she couldn’t let it be. “Did you want me to go back with Johnny?”

  They were both sitting on the floor in front of the fire. Gabriel’s legs were crossed, while Eve’s legs were swept to one side as she leaned on a hand. He had been staring rather intently into the fire but turned to look at her when she spoke.

  “I want you to do what pleases you,” he replied in a tone that rolled through her center like a gentle fire.

  “It pleases me to stay here,” she replied. “With you.”

  His intent focus remained on her face. Though his expression didn’t change, she felt a difference in his regard. His studied gaze reached deeper, explored further, questioned and searched.

  “What pleases you, Gabriel?” she asked, her voice lowered to an uncertain whisper.

  “You.”

  His answer was a rough murmur, and at the sound of it, something broke free inside her. It unwound throughout her body, loosening the tightness in her chest, swirling through her belly, lightening her limbs. It was a truth she couldn’t deny any more than she was prepared to name it.

  She thought of that morning, when she had awakened in his arms. The feeling of rightness—of peace and comfort—that had filled her at the time. What she felt now was nothing of the sort. There was no peace, just yearning. Deep, heavy, and undeniable.

  Before thinking too much more about it, she rose to her feet.

  He remained seated, still as stone. The breaths he took were long and deep, but he stared boldly back at her, the black depths of his eyes reflecting the flickering light of the fire.

  “Lie with me?”

  Her question seemed to spark a brighter light in his gaze before he rose to his feet and approached the bed. Lying down, he shifted back to make room for her between his body and the fire. No more words were spoken as she lowered herself beside him, lying on her side to face him. He had bent one arm beneath his head. With his other hand, he carefully pulled the fur up over her shoulders. Her gaze never left his face.

  He was so accepting. So willing to just be beside her, though she could feel something more like a vibration of need coming from him. She had felt it from the beginning but had been too afraid to recognize it. But now, she saw it all and finally acknowledged the swirling fire in her belly for what it was.

  Once he had the furs as he wanted, he rested his hand in the space between them. He was so careful not to touch her. Staring into his dark, silent eyes, she knew that she would have to be the one to do it.

  Could she?

  She wanted to. So badly.

  She wanted to feel the comfort and strength of his hands on her, knowing down to her soul that his touch would never cause pain or shame or degradation. She wanted to show him the things he made her feel—the things she couldn’t put into words. The things she’d never felt before.

  Perhaps he would not want such an admission from her. She thought of what Johnny had told her; of how Gabriel was often treated by women like her—women of privilege and pride. Would he think she was the same as them?

  The thought made her sad and slightly ill.

  Something of her thoughts must have shown in her eyes because his expression shifted to one of concern. His straight brows furrowed, and his jaw tightened. “Sleep,” he said, his tone rough and intimate. “You are safe.”

  “I know,” she whispered. “I trust you, Gabriel.” She saw the spark in his gaze just before she closed her eyes.

  Listening to the steady flow of his breath as it mingled with the sound of the quietly flowing river, she fell asleep.

  * * *

  Gabriel lifted his hand. For a moment, he allowed it to hover over the curve of her cheek. He wouldn’t touch her, but he wanted to imagine what it might feel like if he did.

  Silk and sadness.

  Freedom and fear.

  Longing and the strength of a woman whose spirit had been too long trapped in shadows.

  His hand curled into a tight fist as he thought of the man who had caged her in that darkness.

  He did not need to set eyes on this man to know his nature. Gabriel had known such people. They existed everywhere. Some people could not stand to be in contact with something so beautiful without desiring to possess it. And destroy it.

  But she had not been destroyed. He could see her coming out of the darkness little by little, and soon she would stand in the light again.

  Gabriel didn’t doubt it.

  His stomach clenched with the depths of his longing.

  He would sacrifice much to be so fortunate as to stand beside her.

  The delicate fan of her eyelashes fluttered against her pale skin, and a tiny sound slipped from her throat as she dreamed.

  Heaviness wound through Gabriel’s blood, like roots sinking into the soil. Grounding and comforting.

  Thirty

  Eve knew without opening her eyes that she had awoken alone.

  But she could still feel the lingering essence Gabriel had left behind. She sighed and reached her hand to smooth over the spot where he’d lain with her through the night, offering warmth and assurance.

  Since meeting him, she felt stronger and braver. She had also become more accepting of her personal yearning for companionship and understanding. Her desire to be appreciated and loved.

  A similar yearning had lured her into the nightmare her life had been with Matthew.

  But Gabriel was not the same man her husband was.

  Gabriel would never tear her down or make her feel small. He had only tried to convince her of her power and courage.

  She trusted him. And she had finally accepted that she desired him. So why was she still holding back?

  Last night she could have reached for him, and he would have accepted her. She could have curled her body into his warmth, and he would have drawn her closer.

  With a frustrated sound, she opened her eyes and pushed to a seated position.

  The fire had not yet been stirred to new life, and the coffeepot sat off to the side, cold.

  Eve left the cabin and stood for a moment under the warmth of a bright sun and cloudless sky. The gentle breeze awakened her more fully, filling her with a strange sense of purpose. She saw Twig down at the river, sipping from the shallow shore.

  Gabriel wasn’t with him.

  She didn’t see him anywhere.

  But that didn’t alarm her. He wouldn’t have gone far.

  The beauty of the early-summer morning had her strolling down to the river. After greeting the large mustang with a quiet word, she turned upstream. As she walked along, she used her fingers to comb through the tangle of her hair, and she hummed a song she hadn’t recalled in years.

  It was a short walk to the spot where the river widened. As she drew nearer, the soft sound of splashing water reached her ears. A spark lit inside her. Anticipation. Excitement. A touch of uncertainty laced with need.

  She found the worn footpath through the trees. A moment later, she caught sight of the golden sunlight reflecting off the water.

  And then she stepped free of the foliage and saw him.

  He was turned away from her, hip deep in the calm flow of the river several yards from the shore. Water glistened on his bronzed skin and rippled in tiny waves as he moved.

  She stood on the sun-dappled shore, unashamedly claiming the opportunity to observe him.

  Muscles rolled beneath the skin of his back and bulged in his arms as he worked his fingers through his braid until the length of his black hair fell straight down his back. Then he made a quick dip down into the water, submerging his entire body before standing again.
r />   Water slid from his shoulders, down his back and arms in a tantalizing stream.

  Eve was mesmerized.

  What should have been a vulnerable moment—a man standing naked at his bath in the middle of the wilderness—instead demonstrated how beautiful he was in his stark masculinity.

  An ultimate example of manhood. Perfection.

  Not because he could hold the attention of everyone at a dinner party with witty stories and charming nuance. Not because he had the finest house, the grandest carriage, and the most well-behaved and elegant wife.

  It was his quiet consideration. His capacity for understanding and compassion. His endless patience and the way he sought to ensure her comfort. It was in the way he never made her feel pitied or shamed for what she’d lived through.

  Even though she could feel his attraction to her nearly as strongly as she felt her own to him, she knew he would never initiate anything between them. He would respect her boundaries and wait forever, perhaps, for her to make the decision that would set them along the path that had been before them from the beginning.

  Gabriel lathered up with soap, spreading the suds over his arms and chest and shoulders before plunging his hands back through his hair. He gave no indication that he knew of Eve’s presence. Not even when she removed her dress and laid it out on the grass so she could sit on it to remove her shoes and stockings.

  After thoroughly soaping his body, he dunked beneath the water to rinse. By the time he emerged once again, Eve had stripped down to her underclothes.

  She made it a few steps into the water before she stopped in surprise at how cold it was.

  She wasn’t sure if it was an involuntary gasp, the movement of the water around her legs, or something else that prompted him to turn around, but when he did, there wasn’t a hint of surprise on his face. She realized with flush of foolishness that he had likely known she was there the whole time.

  The moment of embarrassment was swept away as her gaze met his. The chill of the water lapping at her calves was forgotten, along with every ounce of uncertainty and self-doubt.

  The hunger in his eyes swirled dark and deep. He wanted and resisted. His desire was clear in the taut line of his jaw and the firm press of his mouth. It was barely contained within his tense muscles as they flexed across his chest and tightened into hard ridges over his abdomen. So much strength and power held in check.

  It should have frightened her—his obvious physical dominance—and it shocked her that it didn’t. Instead, she felt a wealth of heat through her limbs, through her blood, between her legs.

  And she felt empowered.

  Because she trusted him.

  Because she trusted herself. She wanted him. And she felt no shame in it. The rest of the world might consider it a betrayal of her marriage. But their vows had been voided long ago by the man who’d promised to honor and cherish her. Now, her only loyalty was to herself.

  She continued toward Gabriel.

  Eve was unsure of how far she could take it, had no idea when or if the fear might return.

  She only knew that she wanted more and couldn’t keep holding herself back from the things in life that might bring her peace…or pleasure. And right now, Gabriel stood so close, his body warm and his gaze hard. Eve couldn’t keep her hungry focus from wandering intently over every inch of his muscled form, wondering what those lines and ridges would feel like beneath her hands.

  “You shouldn’t look at me like that.” His voice was deep and weighted with tension.

  Her eyes lifted to meet his, and a jolt of desire pierced her center like lightning. “Like what?” she asked in a quiet murmur.

  His jaw tensed, and his eyes grew hooded. “Like you want to touch me.”

  Her breath caught in her throat. Only the truth could release it. “I do want to touch you.”

  She had never seen his eyes so dark. The tension in him was intimidating. Forcing courage into her limbs, she steadily approached him. Cold water slid up her legs, soaking her cotton underclothes, plastering them to her skin. She barely noticed. Her focus was on Gabriel as he stood unmoving, watching her.

  She sucked a swift breath as her belly submerged, getting to within arm’s reach of him before she stopped. Due to his greater height, he stood only waist deep while the water lapped against the undersides of her breasts, making the points of her nipples peak beneath the thin cotton of her chemise.

  He looked down at her in tense silence, his gaze so dark and heavy, his expression stern, his hands at his sides.

  A flash of uncertainty came and went. In that moment, Eve was more vulnerable than she had ever been in her life, yet she also felt stronger and braver than she’d thought possible.

  After searching her gaze with his, he made a low sound in the back of his throat. The sound reverberated through her, stirring the coals of her longing. Then he held his hand to her palm up. Such a large, capable hand with blunt fingertips, fine scars, and callused ridges.

  Without hesitation, she slid her hand into his. Warmth infused his touch. A rush of energy flowed through her. Need pooled low in her body.

  She wanted more.

  Slowly and deliberately, he lifted her hand to press her palm to the surface of his chest. She felt the hard muscle beneath warm skin that had been roughened by scars. He held her hand there for a moment, secure between the thud of his heartbeat and the weight of his palm. Then he lifted his hand and lowered it back to his side.

  “Touch me,” he said.

  Her lips parted and her gaze flickered, falling from his eyes to where her hand pressed firmly to his warm skin.

  She stirred the flow of water between them as she stepped closer and brought her other hand to join the first. The pads of her fingers traced the matching scars located above the flat disks of his nipples.

  “What are these from?” she asked quietly as she gently caressed the puckered skin.

  “A sacred ceremony called the sun dance.” His reply was given in a rough tone, and she wasn’t sure if it was the subject or the fact that she was touching him that affected him more.

  She looked up into his face. “This was done intentionally?”

  He nodded. “As a means of seeking greater understanding of oneself and one’s purpose.”

  Sliding her hands away from the scars, she pressed her fingers into the firm muscle of his chest. Then she slowly slid her palms up to his shoulders. He sucked in a swift breath through his teeth at her bold exploration, but otherwise remained still and silent.

  With her belly swirling in delicious anticipation, Eve kept her gaze on the path of her hands, knowing that looking into Gabriel’s eyes right then might be more than she could manage. She watched as her hands moved up and over the crest of his shoulders, her thumbs briefly brushing over his collarbones and then the sides of his throat, before she smoothed her palms down his arms. She explored every bulge and rope of muscle, alternating between a light, trailing of fingertips and a firmer, more intentional exploration. The hard strength that formed beneath such soft, smooth skin was fascinating to her. His patience, even more so.

  She heard the way Gabriel’s breath hesitated at times and felt the moments when her touch made him tense. Yet he made no move to stop her or direct her touch to his preference.

  He wanted her to feel in control. She knew it as well as she knew her own desires.

  But she wasn’t in control. The wanting inside her had already surpassed that. She existed purely in a state of instinct. Touching him because she needed to feel his power and know that it would not be used against her.

  And she did know that. She’d known it from the beginning.

  Just as she had known, somewhere deep inside, that it would eventually come to this.

  As her fingertips reached the pulse at his wrists, she shifted her hands to place them on his waist, curving her hands around the tau
t muscle there as she stepped toward him. Then she pressed herself against him, wrapping her arms around his back as she rested her head on his chest.

  The thud of his heart was heavy beneath her ear, his skin warm under her cheek. She could feel the solid form of his thighs against hers and the hard press of his erection against her belly.

  The evidence of his arousal should have scared her. Her prior experience with male physical desire had led to pain and shame.

  But knowing Gabriel was not unaffected by her touch only fanned the flame of her own need. It also reminded her of how lost she was in terms of knowing how to proceed.

  With a low sound vibrating in his chest, he brought his arms up around her, curving one around her shoulders to hold her closer and the other around her waist. His head dipped down until she felt his soft breath against her forehead. And he held her. Just like that. Making no further demands. Asking no questions.

  Eve closed her eyes, soaking in the beauty of that moment. The beauty of the man who held her. The beauty of the feelings that coursed through her while she stood in his full embrace. Safe. Cherished. Desired.

  But it wasn’t enough.

  Her stomach tightened as something unsettling swept through her. She did not want him to think she was like those women who had taken from him to please themselves. He must know it was not like that for her. But how could she explain the depth of what she felt? Words seemed so ineffectual in trying to describe the truth inside her.

  But she wanted him to know. She needed him to know.

  She tipped her chin up. His eyes were so dark, but they were filled with swirling heat. Physical need, emotional longing. Strength, fear. All of it was there for her to see. An exact reflection of everything she felt.

  “I don’t want…” she began, then stopped. Her chest was too tight. It had been an age since she’d been so vulnerably honest. In truth, she wasn’t sure she’d ever bared her soul the way she wanted to now. She drew a heavy breath to gather her courage.

  Her pause made Gabriel tense. His arms tightened briefly, then began to loosen around her. “I understand,” he said. The resignation in his tone sent a spark of panic through Eve. “You are another man’s wife.”