by Natalie Ann
“I’m not,” she argued.
“I think you are lying to yourself. Who knows you better than your twin?”
“One that isn’t here, as you admitted. You’re just in my mind. My subconscious.”
“And your subconscious is telling you to cut the shit and be honest with people. Be honest with yourself. You’ve got nothing to hide and everything to be proud of. You said you didn’t let Rod get to you. I believe that. Physically, you are good and you know it. You don’t take shit and can handle yourself. But mentally, he knocked you down on your ability. He made fun of what you did and wanted to do. Now you are afraid others will too and want to be successful first. You think a big paycheck is going to make you say, ‘look at me, I did it.’ You’re wrong.”
“It’s childish. What I want to do is,” she said.
“It’s not and you know that. The coloring book idea. Glad you thought of that. You heard Mac’s mother say how she loves to do it. That she is on some Facebook group for adult coloring books. Come on, admit it, you’ve wanted to check them out yourself.”
“Only for research.”
“Because it’s a business and you’ve got a business mind. Enough of this and man up, Sidney. You’ve got this great guy that couldn’t believe what you drew and was quick to ask for them.”
“Those were mature pictures.”
“And you can put them in those coloring books too. But you’ve got talent to be diversified. You’ve got so much to be proud of and you need to stand up tall and shout it to the world.”
“Shouting was your thing, not mine,” she told her more outgoing twin.
“It was. So take it from me and stop avoiding the conversation with Mac about me and Mom and Dad. He asked you a week ago. You told him you’d tell him and you haven’t.”
“We haven’t had time alone.”
“You aren’t making it. But tomorrow night you are spending the night with him again. You’re staying for the full weekend, right?”
“Why is it you know so much about my life?” she asked.
“Because I’m your subconscious. Geez, Sidney, get with it. You’re talking to yourself right now but looking like Anne.”
“This is the weirdest dream ever.”
“And maybe now you’ll remember it when you wake up and take my advice. Your advice to yourself. Oh, and give Amanda the book you wrote about her. Then you’ll get the boost you seem to need. You’ve got nothing to hide in your life.”
“Rod?” she asked.
“That’s not hiding. Not really,” Anne said. “He can’t hurt you. He was a mistake. Everyone has dating mistakes. He was an asshole and you took care of it and got away. Remember that. Besides, you’ve got the hottie to take care of you.”
“I don’t need anyone to take care of me.”
“Then why is your subconscious having me say this? My guess is you aren’t sure if you do or not but are convinced you are in good hands if you need it.”
“I didn’t realize I was so smart.”
Anne laughed and then started to fade away. “Bye for now, Sidney.”
She blinked her eyes open and noticed it was morning, turned and looked at the clock and saw it was barely eight. There was no way she was going back to sleep now. Especially since she remembered the dream entirely.
Bri would be leaving in a few minutes so she’d wait until she had the bathroom to herself, then she’d get up and get ready for the day. Might as well use the time to get work done.
Or talk to Amanda if she was going to be around.
And twenty minutes later when she came downstairs, Amanda was in the kitchen making oatmeal. “You’re up early. Everything okay?”
So typical of Amanda to just know when something wasn’t. “Yeah. Couldn’t sleep, I guess. Or more like I had a dream and it woke me up.”
“Those can be the best or the worst.”
“I guess it was a little bit of both for me.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Amanda asked, pulling down a cup and filling it with coffee for Sidney.
“When do you need to be to work?” she asked, looking at the clock. It wasn’t even eight thirty, but the shop Amanda worked at opened at nine.
“My first appointment isn’t until ten thirty today. Plenty of time.”
“Okay. Then yeah, I think I need to talk. At least Anne told me to. No, my subconscious in Anne’s body told me to.”
“That does sound like an interesting dream,” Amanda said, her eyes dancing a little. “I might be freaked out if I dreamed of my twin talking to me.”
“I’ve had dreams of Anne for years. Always old memories, to be honest. This was the first time it was in the present and like looking in the mirror. She said she wasn’t a ghost, just my subconscious trying to get me to see.”
“Interesting. What did she want you to see?”
“First off, you know my dinner went well with Mac’s parents last Sunday.”
“I do. The Bonds are really good people. All sweet from what I can see. I’m not sure why I hear so much negative about them in general and I think it has to do with jealousy.”
“I think you’re right. Well, I slipped and made a comment about sharing a room growing up and Mac asked if I had siblings. That I’ve never said anything and he assumed I was an only child.”
“What did you say back to him?” Amanda grabbed her bowl of oatmeal and sat down, Sidney getting up to make toast. She needed something to do while she worked the words out in her head.
“I told him it was a long story and that I’d tell him. He also made a comment about he’d meet my parents if they were local.”
“Whoa. Good old Mac moving fast. Is that bothering you?”
“Actually no. Can I tell you a secret?”
“You can, but I can see it on your face. You are falling in love with him, aren’t you?”
“I think so.”
Amanda squealed and jumped up. “I feel like Bri acting like this. But look at us. Three best friends ending up with men in the same family. Who would have thought it?”
“Not me,” she said. “Anyway, I’m spending the night there and won’t have time to talk tonight, but tomorrow I think I’ll give him the story.”
“It won’t be as hard to say as you think. It wasn’t for me when the time came. I think I built it up so much harder in my head than it was.”
“I believe you are right. And there is one more thing I need to tell you. That I planned on telling Mac too.”
“What’s that?”
When her toast was done, she sat back at the table. “Last Sunday before we went to Mac’s parents’, we came back here for me to get some things to keep at his house. He wanted to see the house and my room. Then he asked about my art again, and to see pictures.”
Amanda smiled. “Did you show him? I bet he was impressed like me.”
“I did and he was. He took two pictures. One of each of the ports and I thought that was hilarious for the guy that said he isn’t romantic that he wanted pictures of Romeo and Juliet.”
“Those are just names,” Amanda said, smiling. “It’s the ports and I bet they were great pictures.”
“They were. He made me sign them too. Not only that, he hung them in his living room. My God, when I saw them there it gave me a start, but it was nice too. Anyway, there is more to my art than I let on. More to my life or what I want to do with it. I guess it’s time to let people know.”
“Are you secretly wealthy selling prints online?” Amanda asked. “I want to get up and squeal again if you are.”
Sidney shook her head. “Not wealthy. And not selling prints but something else. Let me show you. I’m sure it’s not what you’d expect.”
She ran to her room and got her newest release that was selling like soft serve ice cream on the first day of summer here on the island. Then she grabbed her laptop to show Amanda her coloring book and the print she’d started last night.
When she walked back in the kitchen, she took a dee
p breath. “Here. This was released two days ago, but I ordered it on preorder and got it delivered on release day.”
Amanda reached for the book. “Holly Anne. Is that you?”
“A shortened version of my last name and my sister. It seemed fitting.”
Amanda started to flip through the book. “Oh my God. It’s a children’s book. Did you draw all these pictures?”
“I did. Then I scan them into this software I’ve got and upload and tweak that way. This is my sixth book.”
“Sidney. This is beautiful. It’s wonderful. I had no idea and I’m so sad I didn’t and so honored you told me. Why would you keep this a secret?”
She didn’t want to say she was embarrassed, but maybe she was. Maybe Rod throwing it in her face all those years ago was the thing she dreaded to hear from people. “Because it’s kind of childish in a way. Fear of rejection. I’m not sure. A lot of things.”
“Who cares what others think. If you enjoy it and it’s a passion, that’s enough.”
“And it’s a nice side gig that’s making me some decent money. I put out a new book every three to four months. Writing the story is easy, drawing the pictures and getting them ready for the book takes a lot of time. There is another thing you need to see first.” She took the book out of Amanda’s hand and flipped to the front. “Read this.”
“‘To Amanda. The one who told me the best way to handle the first cut without even knowing she did. Love you like my sister,’” Amanda read.
There were tears in Amanda’s eyes and she stood up and pulled Sidney in for a hug. “I do love you.”
“I love you too,” Amanda said. “I can’t believe you never told me and then now all of a sudden you are hitting me with so much. Thank you for this. It’s wonderful.”
“It’s your copy. Take it.”
“Will you sign it?”
Sidney laughed. “Of course.” She grabbed a pen and the book, then signed her name after she wrote she loved her on it again.
“So why did you bring your laptop down? And what’s that sheet of paper turned over? I feel like there is more you want to say.”
“You are going to be a tough mother for kids to get away with anything.”
Amanda grinned. “I hope so.”
“So the other thing I’m working on are coloring books. Adult coloring books.”
“Oh, I love those things. Let me see.”
“You’ve never said anything,” she said.
“Pot calling the kettle,” Amanda said. “But yeah. I guess I’m a little embarrassed I do it now and again, but it’s a mindless thing to help me relax.”
“It is. I’ve always loved to color. Anyway, this is my first attempt at it.” She opened her computer and showed the design.
“That is really neat. I’m buying that right away once I can. I love flowers. You know that.”
“I do. And I’ll show you my profile on Amazon and you can see the other books I’ve written.”
“I’m sure you’ve got ideas for more,” Amanda said. “What are they? Something to do with Mac?”
“Damn, you are so good. I’m halfway through Your Friendly Officer. Well, the story is done, not the drawings.”
“Love the title. Are you going to tell Mac all of this like you did me?”
“I think so. I just don’t want him to think I’m using him for a book.”
“Come on. He won’t think that. Now you’re being silly.”
“I guess,” she admitted. “Maybe it’s just my excuse to not say it. No clue. But I plan on telling him everything this weekend. And I’ll tell Kayla too because after spending time with her and Ben I plan on doing a baby book next. Something like The New Brother. Or The New Sister. Not sure yet. Plenty of time.”
“I’m so happy and excited for you over this. I just wish I knew. But I’m glad you told me now.”
“Me too,” she said, feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Now she just needed to do it one more time.
28
Happy To See You
Mac caught himself dozing off on the couch multiple times, but the minute he heard a car door he was up and walking to the front. There was Sidney getting out of her car and coming toward him.
He opened it wide, then flipped the light off and locked the door behind her.
“You look like you just woke up,” she said, running her hand down his face.
“Yeah, I kept dozing, but I’m up now.”
“We can get some sleep,” she said. “I know it takes getting used to. You’ve probably been up since before six and I was up at eight.”
“Which is only two hours after me. I feel like a wuss.”
She took her jacket off and hung it up, then slid her sneakers off. Not her warm fuzzy boots this time but mid-March was bringing in some warmer temperatures. It was close to fifty today as it was with plenty of sun.
“If you had something to do, you would have been awake. When I’m not working, I’m falling asleep well before midnight just watching TV too. That’s not wuss status.”
“At least you didn’t say I was old.”
“Well, we know you are older than me, but I’d never say you were old.”
“Good to know.”
“Now let’s go to bed. We can get some sleep.”
“I had hoped to do something else now that you are here. I’m wide awake the minute you walk in the door.”
Her eyes drifted down, followed by her hand to cup the growing cock in his jeans. “Well, yes, you are. Someone is happy to see me.”
“Every part of me is always happy to see you.”
He grabbed her hand and pulled her to the stairs and to his room.
“Hang on. I’ve got a surprise for you this time,” she said when they got to his room.
“Really?” he asked. “I like surprises.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” she said and then went into the bathroom with her bag on her shoulder. She’d had plenty of clothes here so he was thinking there might be something sexy in there for him. He was hoping to hit the jackpot tonight.
He sat on the bed and waited, not sure if he should start to undress. Screw it. It wasn’t like it was their first time. He pulled his shirt over his head.
When he heard footsteps, he turned to see her standing in the doorway, a light blue one-piece lace thingy on. Teddy? Lingerie? He didn’t know the name of it and really didn’t care.
All he cared about was the fact that he might be standing there with his tongue hanging out and drool dripping from it like a dog ready to beg for any treat she was holding over his head.
“Damn,” he said. “Look at you.”
She did a little twirl and he saw the back was a thong. There wasn’t much material covering her and what was, was pretty much see-through.
“I was going to ask if you liked it, but I can see the answer on your face.”
His hand came up to wipe across his mouth. Nope, it was dry. “Wanted to make sure I wasn’t drooling for you to make that comment.”
“No, but your eyes feel like they are going to burn a hole in this lace and catch it on fire.”
“If I could I would,” he said. “Come here.”
She moved forward and into his arms. “I like being here,” she said. “Is that crazy for me to say?”
“No,” he said. “I like having you here. In my house. In my arms. In my life.”
“Oh, Mac. You have such a way with words when you say you don’t.”
She was the only one who ever made him feel he could voice those words but knew saying that might make her laugh. At least in his mind. “Maybe it’s you,” he ended up saying.
“That’s a nice thing to say too. So show me what it is about me that you like so much.”
“There is plenty about you I like.”
What he really wanted to say was there was plenty that he loved about her but knew he might be jumping the starting gun. It hadn’t even been two months, but what he felt for her was a milli
on times stronger than what he’d had for Colleen in almost two years of dating.
“Then I’m all yours for the taking.”
He picked her up and held her in his arms. Cradled her again. This time she didn’t laugh when he did. She only put her arms around his neck and kissed him softly on the mouth.
Maybe it was the tenderness from her when she always wanted to go so fast that had him feeling so strong. So fierce. Almost animalistic.
Every time he wanted to go slow, she wanted that speed. They normally found a compromise though.
Tonight, he wasn’t sure if she was doing this for him or not.
“Can I do what I want?”
“Of course,” she said. “Well, there is a limit or line to what I’ll do.”
“I meant you always want it fast. I always slow you down. At the moment I want nothing more than to rip this right off of you, but of course, I should ask.”
“Ask?” she said grinning. “Mac. Please. Rip away. Let me see the side of you that you always seem to want to hide.”
It was funny she said that. Normally he hid the soft side. The slow side. The tender side.
But with Sidney that was the only one he showed.
Why not let her see both now?
“That’s a green light if I’ve ever seen one.”
He put her on the bed and rather than lie down on top of her, turned her over on her stomach and then up on her hands and knees.
“This just got interesting,” she said, looking over her shoulder at him, sending him a glance that made him hurry to drop his jeans.
The minute he was naked, he grabbed a condom and slid it on. As much as he wanted to walk up and just glide right into her, he wouldn’t, but he didn’t want to have to stop to cover up when he was ready either.
He inched her up further on the bed and then got on his knees behind her.
His hands went to her ass cheeks, started to massage the soft globes of skin. Then he moved up and put his mouth to her neck. The urge to bite her was huge, but instead he just kissed and licked for now.
“Have I told you that your hands aren’t soft and I like them that way? The way you are, ” she said.