Nurse Bride, Bayside Wedding

by Gill Sanderson

  She decided that she could stay in bed for a further fifteen minutes, but she knew she wouldn’t sleep. She felt at a bit of a loss. He said they were to carry on as if nothing had happened. Was that the answer she really wanted? She wasn’t sure.

  She thought of yesterday and the time spent without sleep. She had worked harder than she had ever worked in her life before. She had been hounded by her ex-fiancé. She had watched the death of a man who had asked her to marry him. And she had slept with Ed and it had been wonderful. What more could the future bring? She didn’t like to think. But there was no time to think now. She got out of bed.

  The work went on. They now had two doctors and four nurses and assistance from the stewards. But Dr Wyatt and one of the nurses were taking a six-hour sleep break. And the work didn’t get any less.

  For some reason she didn’t spend much time with Ed that morning. But they saw each other from time to time. She had been wondering just how the two of them would react when they were first working together again. All right, they had agreed to say nothing. But when they met it was impossible. There was an understood acknowledgement of what had happened, a special smile or a brief touch of hands, unrecognised by anyone else. It was only a little but it meant so much to her.

  She was sneaking a quick lunch with one of the other nurses when Ed came and sat beside her. He had been insistent that they all have regular meals and had arranged for food to be brought to the medical centre. ‘You need all the energy that you can get,’ he had told them. ‘Eat lightly but eat well.’ And they had done so.

  He sat opposite her, took a glass of orange juice and a plate of salad. Maddy felt uneasy as he looked at her. There was an expression on his face she didn’t understand. Like nothing she had seen before. Fear? Horror? But his voice was calm as he said, ‘I’d like you to come back with me when you’ve finished. I’ve got a case that’s concerning me. Penny Cox. Do you know her?’

  Maddy shook her head. ‘No. I don’t think she’s ever been to the medical centre.’

  ‘Probably not. She looks to be young, fit, apparently healthy. But she’s had a splenectomy, the result of a motorcycle accident years ago.’

  Penny Cox’s condition had deteriorated, but she was strong and now Maddy was relieved to see that she seemed to be over the worst of it.

  ‘I think she’s OK now, Ed. I can call you if things change.’

  Ed frowned. ‘No, I’ll stay, just to make sure she doesn’t relapse. I’ll be buzzed if I’m wanted.’

  ‘Well, there’s not too much I can do here. It’s just a matter of waiting. Shall I go?’

  He looked alarmed. ‘No! No, I want you to stay. You can… You might be…’

  It was then that she realised that there was more to this case than appeared. It meant something to him. ‘Did you know this lady before?’ she asked.

  ‘No. Never met her before in my life. Never even heard of her.’

  ‘It’s just that…you seem especially interested in her. I know you’ve done your best for all of our patients, but this one seems to mean more to you than the others, you’re more involved. Will you tell me why?’

  It was the first time she had ever seen him at a loss, not been in absolute control of himself. He shook his head fretfully, then walked over and stared down at Penny Cox’s white face.

  Maddy wondered if she should walk over to him, perhaps put her arm around his waist to comfort him. She decided not to. Whatever demon he was wrestling with, he had to fight it on his own. But it was hard just to sit there, to know he was suffering.

  The silence between them lasted for perhaps ten minutes, during which neither of them moved. And then there was a change. The only sound had been Penny’s breathing, no longer heavy and laboured. Now Maddy felt she could go over to stand by Ed. ‘Penny’s over it, Ed,’ she said. ‘The worst has passed, now she stands a good chance of recovering.’

  ‘I think you’re right. This one stands a good chance of recovering.’

  This one? Maddy thought. Who was he comparing her with?

  She took his hand, and led him to the far side of the cabin. There was a bench there where they could sit together. Perhaps now was the right time. ‘You’re to tell me what’s wrong,’ she said, ‘why you are suffering. You’ve given me hints but now I need to know everything. You told me about working in the hospital in Africa but I think there’s more. I’ve already told you my story, told you things about my relationship with Brian that I’ve told no one else. Ed, we have to share. I know it’s hard for you, you like to keep feelings locked up. But it’s good to tell. And it’s not bad to feel!’

  He looked at her as if puzzled. ‘Why are you so concerned about me, Maddy?’

  ‘Because you’re like me—you’re carrying a load of memories that hurt. I’m offering you the chance to share that load.’

  He still seemed puzzled, looking at her as if she had not fully understood him. ‘But it’s just not me to talk about things like that.’

  ‘There are bits of you that I very much admire. And there are other bits that I don’t. This keeping quiet is one of them. Ed, please, tell me.’

  He stood quickly, walked over to look at Penny again. ‘Better and better,’ he muttered. ‘Maddy, she’s going to be fine.’ Then, just as quickly, he came back to sit by her.

  ‘We’ve got a minute,’ he said. ‘This will be hard for me—but I will tell you. I might regret it afterwards but I will tell you.’

  Now Maddy was nervous. What was she going to hear?

  ‘Penny Cox was double trouble,’ he started. ‘Because of the splenectomy she had an immunodeficiency problem and then she caught gastroenteritis. She could have died, but she’s been very lucky. Some few years ago, in a hot and sweaty part of Africa, another Penny had exactly the same symptoms but with a further problem. She was four months pregnant. And she died. That was Penny Tremayne, my wife.’

  Maddy winced. Never had she suspected his story could be as tragic as this. ‘So this…brought it all back?’

  ‘It did. We were in a desperate bit of Africa, I was running a bush hospital. There was an outbreak of gastroenteritis there and it spread like wildfire. The people there were mostly refugees from a neighbouring country and no one except us cared about them. They were malnourished, weak, they died like flies.’ He pursed his lips, as if considering. ‘But we did save some. We did some good.’

  ‘Go on,’ said Maddy.

  ‘I had a tiny team of orderlies, not enough drugs, not enough helpers. This wasn’t what I had joined the army for…but there were political considerations.’

  Maddy found it hard to ask, but she had to. ‘Was your wife in the army, too?’

  ‘No. She was a nurse, working for an African charity. When she heard where I had been posted to she pulled a few strings and got leave to come to work with me. I didn’t want her there, but she just turned up and refused to leave. How I wish I’d forced her back!’ He paused and then said bitterly. ‘But there weren’t a lot of volunteers for the job.’

  ‘She sounds a…fine woman,’ Maddy said carefully. ‘You must have been proud of her.’

  ‘It’s wonderful being proud of a dead woman!’

  For a moment there was raw emotion in his voice, and Maddy flinched. How could she ever have thought that this man was without feelings?

  He went on, ‘She had immuno deficiency problems from an earlier illness, she was pregnant, and I was working a twenty-hour day. Then she caught gastroenteritis. A day later we both knew she was dying. I sat by her bed, held her hand and wiped the sweat off her face. We had so much planned together! Then an orderly came, saying there was a major problem that only I could solve. She knew this. She told me to go and get on with my job, there was nothing more I could do for her but I could save other people. So I left her—and perhaps I did save other people. But she died alone.’

  He stopped a moment. Then, almost whispering now, ‘I was leaving the army because my father had offered me a job. We were going to come back t
o Penhally, buy a house and settle down. I was so looking forward to being a father.’

  That last sentence was the hardest thing to bear. Maddy knew there was nothing she could say. On impulse she wrapped her arms round him, rested her head against his chest. And, as she knew they would, the tears came.

  He stroked her hair, the back of her neck. ‘It’s a long time ago,’ he said. ‘Don’t be sad.’

  He was comforting her!

  So much made sense to Maddy now. ‘That’s why you weren’t as pleased as Kate and I when the baby was born?’

  ‘Possibly. But it would be mean-spirited to be envious of the parents’ happiness.’

  Maddy sighed, her heart aching for his pain. ‘Ed, how you must have been suffering! All those memories flooding back. How could you bear it?’

  ‘I was the best man for the job,’ he said. ‘But you’re right. The memories have been…hard, especially seeing Penny here. It brought back all the agony, all the misery and the pointlessness of things, all the long waiting for life to seem better. And it never did. I was in love with my wife, I was enthralled with the idea of being a father and within twenty-four hours it all disappeared.’

  His voice altered, became more curt. Now he was once again the professional, ex-military doctor, not used to talking about his emotions. ‘I made a decision then. I never wanted to love like that again, because there was always the chance of loss. So I’ve avoided…emotional entanglements ever since.’

  ‘Is that why you don’t want to get too close to me?’

  ‘It is. We agreed that this is just a ship board fling and it doesn’t count. I’m happy to be with you, Maddy, because I know it will end.’

  ‘I see,’ she said flatly.

  He stood. ‘You were right about one thing. It does help to tell someone else. But now that’s over. Let’s have a last check on Penny here and then we’d better get on our rounds again.’

  So, back to business. There was work to be done, she had to concentrate on it. But she also had to think about Ed. Now she thought she understood him so much better. But did he have to be so certain about how he would live his life in the future?

  It was a hard day but by the end of it things were obviously easing off. There were no new cases. More than a few people were still seriously ill but the medical team was coping.

  Late that evening Ed called a meeting of all his little staff, thanked them for what they had done so far and said that he thought that things would be consider ably better by the next day. The staff smiled. It felt good to know that you were on top of things. Ed went on to say that unless there were any objections they would stick to the same shift pattern. This would mean that he and Maddy would get to sleep for six hours again that night. Though either could be buzzed if there was an emergency.

  Two hours later it was time for bed and Maddy met Ed outside her cabin. ‘You look tired,’ she said. ‘It’s getting to you at last.’

  ‘No one can go on for ever.’

  She looked at his unyielding face and said, ‘I’m looking forward to my bed, but if you’d like a tea and whisky first, then I’ll be making one.’

  Rarely for him, he made a confession. ‘I was so hoping you’d say that. But I thought it would be forward of me to ask.’

  ‘I think we two are beyond being forward with each other,’ she said tartly. ‘Will you shower in your cabin or mine?’

  ‘I’ll shower in yours if I may. It makes it all seem a bit more…intimate.’

  ‘It does indeed,’ she agreed with a little smile.

  So, shortly, they were sitting side by side in her bed again and tonight she hadn’t bothered with her nightie. But she didn’t feel like being too obvious. She tucked the sheet around her shoulders.

  She looked at his face, trying to work out what he wanted from her. Simple sex? She didn’t think so. If anything, she thought he needed companionship. It suddenly struck her that, in spite of being part of a large family, he might also be a lonely man. A man who seldom confided in anyone, who kept his feelings to himself. But he had revealed himself to her. The thought made her happy.

  ‘Ed, what you told me in Penny’s cabin. I’m glad I know more about you. Sometimes you come across as being brilliantly professional—but there’s always a reserve there. And I think I’ve got beyond that reserve.’

  ‘There are things one needs to keep to oneself,’ he said. ‘Apart from anything else—why should I trouble other people with my problems?’

  ‘Because they want you to trouble them,’ she told him. ‘Because they…I…think a lot of you.’

  ‘Perhaps. Maddy, I think I…think a lot of you.’

  ‘Good,’ she said. ‘And I think a lot of you, or we wouldn’t be doing this.’ A small part of her brain wondered if that was the most passionate declaration he was capable of. Still, she supposed it was something.

  He smiled at her. Then he drew her to him and kissed her and she felt that whatever their problems, they could be solved. But now was not a time for problems in the future. Now was for now.

  The night before their love-making had been at first tentative and then a desperate seeking for solace. It had been over quickly, because that had been what both of them had wanted—had needed. Tonight, even though they were more tired than ever, it was different. It was a gentler, more giving love-making. And she felt that it was love. He didn’t use the word, but all his actions were those of a man who would do all that was possible for the woman he was with. They fitted together so well! They could both anticipate, knew what the other wanted, knew what would give most pleasure. And then there was a final climax that seemed to roll on and on for ever.

  One final kiss and then it only was a moment before she could feel his chest rising and falling under her arm, hear the deep breaths of a man whose exhaustion had led him instantly to sleep. She felt exhausted, too.

  Perhaps it was this fatigue that allowed an idea to surface, a thought that she had not permitted herself even to consider. Ed Tremayne. She admired his medical skill, she enjoyed being with him, sex with him was wonderful. But there was more than all that.

  Now she knew she loved him.

  She thought of what she had decided, or what had been revealed to her, and then slept at once. It was a deep sleep, but somehow the knowledge of the love was with her and it comforted her.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  IT WAS a mistake, a big mistake.

  Next morning was different from the morning before. This time she woke up first, checked the time. They had twenty more minutes together. For a moment she just lay there, looking at him. He was still asleep, and his face had that peaceful innocence that she had noticed before. It was the face of a new, different Ed. An Ed who had been hidden from her before. The lines drawn by pain had disappeared.

  She remembered the night before, an almost startling realisation. Had it happened so suddenly? She loved him. More than that, she now felt capable of love again and that made her so happy.

  She just couldn’t resist. She knew he needed every minute of sleep he could get but… She leaned over him, just brushed his lips with hers. And his eyes flicked open immediately. She was so filled with happiness, filled with the realisation that her life had changed so much for the better, that she said it without thinking. It was so obvious to her.

  ‘I love you, Ed.’ It shocked her to hear herself say it. But, still, she waited for his reaction.

  He had been asleep. But when he woke up he was alert at once. She saw him frown when he grasped what she had said. Why didn’t he smile? Why didn’t he say something?

  He pushed himself up in bed, looked at her. ‘What did you say, Maddy? I must be still asleep. I thought I heard you say you loved me.’

  It was the wrong reaction, she thought. If you told someone you loved them, they should say it straight back. Or kiss you or something. Not ask foolish questions. Faltering, she said, ‘Well, after last night… And it was so wonderful…I just thought that…’ And then it hit her. They had made an a
greement. This affair was to take place on board only—then it was to end. Yes, they liked each other, yes they had learned each other’s secrets. But that had only been for a couple of snatched days.

  She had made a terrible mistake. Shaking her head as if confused, she said, ‘Sorry, I was just waking up. Not knowing what I was saying, dreaming really. Forget it.’

  Even to herself this sounded lame but she managed to press on. ‘Now it’s time to get up. I’ll go first in the shower and then we can…’

  They were sitting side by side in her bed, he put his arm round her, pulled her towards him and kissed her on the cheek. On the cheek? This was a kiss you’d give your child or your grand mother. Not your lover.

  His voice was kind, which made things worse. ‘Maddy, you weren’t dreaming. You said you loved me and you meant it. And I’m so sorry.’ He shook his head in distress. ‘I never intended this to happen. I knew what I was doing was wrong, I took advantage of you. When you’re working in a stressed situation like we are, you do not start love affairs.’

  This made her angry. ‘No one took advantage of me. There were two of us involved—if anything, I made the first moves.’

  ‘Then I should have resisted them.’

  Silence for a moment. ‘Thanks,’ she said. ‘That makes me feel great. Now, you stay in bed, I need the first shower.’

  ‘But, Maddy, I…’

  She slid out of bed, ran to her shower and locked the door. She turned the shower on full blast so the sound of it would hide her sobbing. And then anger took over and she stopped crying. She had made a fool of herself and she hated it.

  From outside she heard the sound of a door clicking shut. He had got up and left her cabin. Well, she might as well carry on with getting ready for the new day.

  When she left the bathroom, wrapped tightly in her dressing-gown, he had, of course, gone. Perhaps that was the best thing. Perhaps it would be best if she just forgot what she had said to him, just carried on as if nothing had happened. Shortly he would leave the ship and they would stick to their agreement—what they had was for on board the ship only.