by J. O Mantel
Roses are red, emeralds are green, your ass is the best, that I’ve ever seen.
A Valentine.
A Valentine … A Valentine.
The words kept circling in Hunter’s mind, as he tried to think who could have left him the card. He yawned and lay down on his bed, trying to get comfortable. He was exhausted. Sleeping on his mother’s couch hadn’t exactly resulted in the best night’s sleep. Thankfully, it was his night off tonight, and he had no plans other than spending the night on the couch with some beer, maybe a movie, and an energetic five-year-old.
“Daddy?”
Speaking of five-year-olds ... Lili’s voice carried down the corridor and into Hunter’s bedroom.
“I’m in here, pumpkin,” he called through the slightly opened door.
The door opened, and Lili walked into the bedroom. She climbed onto the bed and lay down beside him.
“Are you all right, angel?” Hunter asked.
“Yes, I just wanted to sleep with you tonight. Can we watch Peppa Pig, Daddy?”
Of course, it was Peppa Pig night. Hunter had completely forgotten this particular part of his week, where he and Lili spent hours glued to the television, watching and listening to a pink pig.
“Sure, angel. How about you go and brush your teeth, put on your pajamas, then grab Mr. Bear. When you’re finished, come back and we’ll watch Peppa Pig together.”
Lili beamed at him as she quickly turned and skipped excitedly back to her room. Hunter removed his sweatpants and tossed them to the floor, removing his tee, he replaced it with the one he always wore to bed. He sat on the bed and waited for his daughter to get ready so they could begin their Friday evening together.
He looked around the room. It was still a constant reminder of the life he’d had with Bree. He heard the pitter-patter of little feet running toward his bedroom. After a few moments, Lili walked back into the room in her pajamas, and under her tiny arm, she carried her favorite teddy bear. She closed the door behind her and ran toward the bed, diving into Hunter’s arms.
“Someone’s excited,” Hunter laughed.
“Peppa Pig, Peppa Pig,” Lili said, happily clapping her hands together.
“Okay, okay,” he replied, sliding off the bed and placing the DVD into the player.
Hunter watched as the little pink pig, that every child adored, appeared on the screen. Lili nestled herself under his arm and played with her teddy bear. He stroked her hair gently. It was so fine and smooth … just like your Mom’s.
Hunter was all too familiar with Peppa Pig, and could recite each word that was said with Lili. They’d been watching for about half an hour when Lili stopped playing with her bear, and Hunter could hear her pleasant, soft snores fill his room. He lifted her up gently and pulled back the covers, placing Lili between the sheets and resting her head gently on the pillow. He kissed her forehead as he whispered, “I love you, angel.”
He switched off the television and crawled in next to his daughter. Reaching over, he turned off the lamp on the nightstand before pulling the covers over himself. Settling back into the mattress, he closed his eyes and finally willed himself to sleep.
HUNTER KNEW FULL well that he’d have to explain himself to Carter as soon as he walked through the door at the station. After he dropped Lili off at his mother’s, he pulled into the gas station closest to work. He’d stepped out of the car and started pumping gas when he heard a familiar voice call his name.
Hunter turned and noticed Andy walking toward him.
“I thought it was you. How are you?” Andy asked.
“I’m good, just heading to work. You?”
“I’m headed there myself. I see we’re both on the same shift today.” Andy beamed.
Hunter hadn’t noticed Andy’s name on the schedule, but then again, he hadn’t noticed a hell of a lot lately. It had been a while since the two of them had worked together. Hunter had to admit that he’d missed seeing Andy around work.
“I … I didn’t see your name on the schedule, guess I must have missed it.”
“Oh, Carter asked me to cover for Alex. There was some emergency at home or something.”
“Emergency?”
“Yeah. Carter didn’t say much, except that Alex was running late and asked me to cover the morning shift.”
Even though he knew he had to face Carter sooner or later, Hunter was kind of hoping Carter would have had a sick day and give him more time to come up with a good defense for his actions. Placing the gas pump back in its cradle, he then walked into the store to pay the attendant. He looked outside the window and noticed Andy leaning against the car playing on the phone.
He couldn’t explain it, but for some reason Hunter couldn’t stop staring at Andy. The long legs, the silky, wheat-colored hair, the perfect ass …
“Excuse me, sir?”
Hunter cleared his throat and looked at the woman who’d just addressed him.
“I’m afraid this card’s been declined.”
Hunter looked at the woman and then at the card she was holding in her hand.
Shit!
He’d forgotten to pay his credit card bill. He’d been so caught up with work and Lili, he’d totally forgotten about it. Bree had been the one who took care of all the finances, and when she passed away, Hunter had to keep constant reminders for everything, even the simplest things like what night of the week was trash night. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a second card and handed it to the woman, grabbing his other card.
“Have a nice day, sir.” The quirky redhead smiled from behind the counter as Hunter left the shop.
“Everything all right?” Andy asked, noticing the sorrowful expression on Hunter’s face.
“Yeah, just tired.”
“That little girl of yours keeping you awake at night, is she?” Andy asked.
“Something like that. I guess we’d better get to work. The last thing we need is to have Carter on our asses for being late.” Hunter quickly dismissed the conversation. He liked Andy, and although they were close, he didn’t exactly want to tell a colleague he was having minor cash flow issues.
As predicted, when they arrived at the station a short while later, Carter was in his office, sitting at his desk. Hunter and Andy had just walked past when Hunter heard Carter’s voice call, “Hunter, can I see you for a moment, please?”
Fuck!
This wasn’t exactly how he’d planned on apologizing to his chief after almost breaking his jaw. He took a deep breath and turned, before stepping inside Carter’s office.
“You wanted to see me, sir?”
Sir? Since when have I ever addressed him as sir? Get a hold of yourself, Hunter, just apologize and get the fuck out of here. Carter’s a friend, even though, right now, he’s your boss.
“How are you?” Carter asked, his tone casual.
“Great.”
He was exaggerating, he certainly wasn’t great. Hunter couldn’t help but notice Carter’s swollen lip, right where he’d punched him.
“Close the door, Hunter, and take a seat.”
Hunter did as requested, making himself comfortable on a nearby chair. He knew the lecture he was about to get, so he decided to make it easier for himself.
“Chief, I’m sorry I lost my temper the other night. I was emotional and distraught. I know that’s no excuse for what I did, and I accept full punishment for my actions,” Hunter stated. It was very rare that he ever called Carter ‘Chief.’ He only ever really used that title if they were on duty, in a meeting, or about to be grilled for something and their job depended on it, kind of how Hunter was feeling right now.
“I don’t recall you losing your temper, Hunter. I actually thought you held yourself together pretty well, under the circumstances. You’ve got a lot going through your head, and you’re under pressure. Your reaction was natural, and you don’t need to apologize. What did you think I was going to do, fire you?”
&nbs
p; “Well, the thought had crossed my mind,” Hunter confessed.
“Hunter, I may be your boss, but I’m also family. You know how much Bree meant to me and Michelle. No one is ever going to replace her, we know that. If it were me, I probably would have done the same thing.”
Hunter looked at Carter, wondering if this was some sort of joke.
“I don’t know what to think anymore, Carter. It’s just… everything I do, everything I see, reminds me of her. It’s like I’m trapped in this time warp where I can’t get her out of my mind. I look at my daughter … our daughter, every single day, and I’m constantly reminded of her.”
He felt his eyes begin to water, and reminded himself that he was at work, and in his boss’s office. Hunter scanned the room so he wasn’t staring Carter directly in the face. He didn’t want his boss seeing him like this, even though he’d seen him in worse states than this before.
“Hunter?”
Hunter now turned his gaze to Carter.
“You know that you can talk to me anytime, right?”
Hunter nodded.
“And as for that little girl of yours? Michelle and I would love to have her over. The kids need a play date.”
It was no secret that Michelle and Carter loved Lili. Whenever they came over to visit, her face would light up with the biggest smile. She certainly warmed Michelle and Carter’s hearts as well. The truth was, since Bree’s death, Hunter couldn’t bring himself to leave Lili alone with anyone else other than his mother. Heck, even overnight sleepovers with her, or his in-laws, were enough to cause him anxiety.
“Play date? Aren’t your kids a little old for that kind of thing?” Hunter joked.
“They’re never too old, especially with Lili, they love that little bundle of joy as if she were their own sister. Besides, it keeps them occupied while Michelle and I—”
“Don’t finish that sentence,” Hunter cut in.
Finally, Hunter found himself smiling. Carter really was a great friend, and he and Lili sure as hell were lucky to have him and Michelle in their lives.
“Thank you, Carter.”
“You’re welcome. Now get out of here. All this mushy, sentimental crap is making me feel more and more like a horny teenager.”
Hunter threw him another smile before he got out of his seat and left the office.
Hunter tossed the towel across the floor of the locker room. He grabbed a pair of briefs and his black jeans with slits on the knees from his locker. It had been a long day at the station, and Hunter was thankful that nothing was burning down in New York City. He reached toward the back of his locker and pulled out the white T-shirt before tugging it over his head. He heard something fall to the floor, and as he looked down at his feet, he noticed another red envelope with his name neatly printed on it. He bent over and picked it up, turning it over and slowly tearing it open. He pulled out the contents; it was another Valentine’s card.
Roses are red, violets are blue …
Hunter read the text on the outside of the card. He flipped it open and finished reading the message inside.
If you run to bed, I’ll go down on you.
A Valentine.
A Valentine …
There it was again, A Valentine, still leaving Hunter fucking clueless.
“What the?” Hunter whispered, panning the room.
“Ooh, another love note?”
Hunter turned and saw Alex standing behind him with a cheeky smile.
“You’re here?” Hunter asked, acknowledging Alex.
“I am. Had an emergency at home that I had to deal with.”
“Is everything all right?”
“Yeah, fine now. So … another note from your admirer, huh?” Alex quickly changed the subject.
“Okay, you’ve had your laugh, Alex, but seriously, it’s getting kind of old.”
Alex turned to him before replying, “I’m not the one sending you those cards, Hunter.”
“Well, it just seems awfully convenient, that whenever I receive one of these cards, you always seem to pop up out of nowhere.”
Alex had nothing to say to that remark and simply gave Hunter a wicked smile.
“I told you, Hunter, I didn’t send you those cards. Why is it so hard for you to believe that somebody out there may actually like you?”
Like?
It was no secret that Hunter hadn’t thought about the prospect of anyone else finding him attractive. He’d never even looked at another girl since … well …, and he’d resigned himself to the fact that he’d never fall in love again. His stomach knotted and turned inside out. The mere thought of even contemplating anyone other than Bree made him sick. He took several deep breaths and tried to calm himself down; the last thing he needed right now was to suffer a major panic attack in front of Alex. The truth was, he was too scared to fall in love again. The sight and feel of Bree dying in his arms haunted him daily, and there was no way he could ever risk going through that again.
“Hunter?” Alex’s eyes roamed over Hunter’s body, pulling him back to the present.
“Huh?”
“Are you okay?”
“I … uh ...” But Hunter couldn’t find the words.
“What’s going on?” Alex asked.
Hunter placed the card and envelope back in his locker. When he’d closed the door, he ran his hands through his hair. Alex didn’t know what to say or do.
“I just … had a moment. You know, a memory and …,” his voice trailed off, but then added, “man, I’m so fucked up with emotions.”
Alex’s eyes narrowed. “Emotions can do that to you, Hunter, but I’m right here. You know you can talk to me, about anything, right?”
Hunter tried for a smile, but as his eyes began to water, he knew he failed at pulling it off.
“What is it?” Alex asked the question again.
Hunter swallowed and realized this was perhaps the only opportunity he’d ever have to truly discuss his feelings. Other than his mom, Carter, Michelle, and his in-laws, he’d never opened up to anyone properly about his grief for Bree, especially to his colleagues, including Andy. However, with Alex standing there in the room, he suddenly realized that perhaps this was it, maybe this was the best time for him to talk to someone other than family.
He stared at Alex, finding it difficult to form any sort of coherent sentence, but finally he managed.
“When I found Bree buried under that pile of rubble and debris all those years ago, I thought I was going to lose her. I was a volunteer firefighter, still in training, and not a damn clue what I was doing. So many people lost their lives that day, and when I heard her whimpering cries, it was like a guardian angel guided me to her.”
Alex could tell that Hunter was finding this extremely difficult to talk about and leaned in toward him.
“You don’t have to tell me all of this if it’s too painful,” Alex said.
“No, it’s okay,” Hunter assured Alex. “I spent weeks in the hospital with her while she was in a coma, praying that she’d be okay and pull through it. Each day, the doctors told me that there was no change in her condition, but she was breathing on her own. As time went by, and the more time I spent with her, the more I found myself desperately wanting to help this woman. Then that day, when she finally woke, I knew that I was in love with her. I knew that she was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.”
Alex’s eyes were full of regret and sorrow, clearly feeling Hunter’s pain and anguish.
“We had the perfect white wedding, only a couple of blocks away from where the 9/11 memorial site now stands, with family and friends on Valentine’s Day. We tried for years to conceive a child naturally, and after every attempt ended in miscarriage, we both thought we’d never get the opportunity to become parents. Soon though, we were blessed when we found out that Bree was finally pregnant, and her due date was Valentine’s Day. Bree wasn’t showing any signs of going into labor on he
r due date, so we made plans to go out for dinner. When her water suddenly broke, I rushed her to the hospital, and after a ten-hour labor, Lili was born at 10 p.m. on Valentine’s night.”
Thanks to Carter, everyone knew Lili was a Valentine’s Day baby. Every year the girls in the office would bake a cake, and everyone would buy presents for her. She was everyone’s special little girl; she even had her very own firefighter uniform.
As Hunter stared at Alex, his eyes welled up, he placed his head in his hands and closed them. He tried to gather some sort of control over his emotions, as everyone had seen him lose his shit at the station one too many times, and it wasn’t something Hunter wanted to keep reliving over and over. Although they never admitted that it bothered them, Hunter knew they treaded carefully whenever they were around him, afraid to say or do something that would set him off and have him melt down again.
“Can I … do you mind if I ask you something?”
“Sure, go ahead,” Hunter acknowledged.
“Have you …” Alex appeared pensive, like he didn’t know ow to voice his question.
“Have I what?” Hunter said.
“Have you ever tried … dating?”
The words just tumbled out of Alex’s mouth, and they sounded completely wrong, nothing at all like the way Alex had hoped to approach Hunter with the question.
“Dating?” Hunter looked at Alex inquisitively. He narrowed his eyes, and Alex suddenly wondered whether a line had been crossed.
“I’m sorry, I’m being too personal.”
“No, it’s okay. It’s just ...” Hunter swallowed. “I don’t know if I can go through all that again.”
“Go through what?”
“I don’t know if I can bring myself to fall in love with anyone ever again. To constantly live in fear that I’m going to lose them, just like I lost Bree. I’m afraid of the commitment, and I’m not even sure I’d be able to trust myself to love them as much as I loved Bree.”