by Harlow Layne
“I’ve had the last few months off while I was at school.” I’d also felt so damn guilty for not working, but with my classwork, practices, and games, I would have been stretched too thin. Now that our football season was over, it was time for me to find a job.
My baby brother rolled his eyes at me. “I’m just saying you don’t have to work yourself to the bone while you’re here.”
Maybe, but if I worked, I wouldn’t feel guilty and would worry less while I was gone. The job at the diner didn’t pay as well as the ski resort, but I declined to work there this winter so I could spend time with my family during the break.
“Like you or mom would tell me if you weren’t doing okay.” I knew for a fact my mom would wait until it was an urgent matter, and I hated that she felt she had to wait so long to ask for my help.
“I would if we really needed your help, but damn W, when are you going to start to live your life?” All the tiredness from earlier was gone, and Easton’s eyes looked at me with a maturity I’d never seen in them before.
“I’m living my life, and part of that life is to help out you and mom. I’ll never stop taking care of you,” I vowed. When I was young, I’d promised myself I’d never turn into my father. I wasn’t going to be a deadbeat or leave my family behind.
“Even when you’re playing in the NFL?” He smirked at his question. E loved to joke with me about being a famous football player once I was out of college.
“Even more so if I’m making millions, but let’s not count those chickens before they hatch. Anything can happen in the next few years.”
Which brought me back to Fin. I’d seen firsthand how easy it was for him to get hurt and almost end his college career. There were plenty of players who’d been set out to play in the NFL to then become injured in college and never get their dream. There were no promises I wouldn’t become one of them.
“I won’t, W. I’ll see you tomorrow night.” He yawned.
“Tomorrow. Good night.”
I was almost asleep when I heard a sound at my window. I thought nothing of it until I heard it again, and it was louder. I sat up first, checking to make sure Easton was in bed. He was sound asleep. Getting out of bed, I walked over to the window and looked out. Standing outside in a hoodie and jeans almost matching the blackness of the night was Fin.
I tried to motion that I was going to move to the front door. If my brother and I didn’t share a room, I would have talked to him through my window and probably told him to leave even if he had driven three hours to see me. I was calmer now, but I wasn’t sure how long that would last. It all depended on what Fin had to say.
“Hello,” I tersely answered as I opened the front door and stepped out into the night.
“Hey.” Fin visibly relaxed as he took me in from head to foot. “I tried to call you about a hundred times. I even talked to Oz, and when he tried to get a hold of you, he couldn’t, so I started to get worried.”
I wondered how many times he’d really tried to get ahold of me over the last few hours. Fin driving all the way here to make sure I was okay did soften me up to him, but I still couldn’t get the words he’d said out of my head.
How could we break up when we weren’t even going out? How could he be so thoughtless?
When I didn’t say anything, Fin cleared his throat. “Are you mad at me?”
“I am, but not as much as I was earlier.” One wrong word, and I’d head back inside, lock the door, and not talk to him until I was back at school.
“Why’d you hang up on me?”
“Do you really not know?” Was he really this clueless, or was he playing a game with me? Either way, it was bringing back all the negative emotions from earlier and making my blood boil. I was happy I’d been able to get lost in hanging out with my brother and not on my problems with… I didn’t even know what we were. If we were anything.
“No, all I said was Oz asked if we’d broke up, and then you were gone.”
“It didn’t exactly happen like that. You mentioned us not even going out, and while we haven’t discussed it, I thought something was happening between us.” Or maybe it had all been in my head.
Earlier I had wished for nothing more than to see Fin, but now I wasn’t happy he was standing in front of me. I moved to sit on the swing my mom sat on and watched the world pass her by when she had a few minutes to relax. Fin stood where he was and continued to look at me.
Not wanting to play any games so I could get some sleep before I had to go to work in the morning, I asked. “Why aren’t we a couple? Is it because you want someone else?” While we’d done a lot of things in the bedroom, Fin and I hadn’t had sex yet. I’d let him set the pace, but now I was starting to wonder if he was holding back because he figured out he liked girls now or maybe he was tired of me.
Finn sputtered and then shouted, “No, what are you talking about? What the hell is happening in Santa Lucia? This is why you and Oz should have come home already.”
I wanted to tell him that this was my home but didn’t want to get into that fight with him. I hated that Fin didn’t feel like Santa Lucia would ever welcome him.
“I’m wondering what’s happening in your head. You don’t talk to me, and I’ve let you steer this… whatever it is, but I’m telling you now that I want more. I want you to be my boyfriend, and before you freak out, it doesn’t mean we have to kiss in front of people or hold hands if you don’t want to or aren’t ready, but I want to know you’re mine.”
“I’ve been yours since our senior year in high school,” he growled out. His dark eyes were as intense as his words.
“Then why haven’t you fucked me?” I hated the words the minute they came out of my mouth. Showing weakness to the old Fin wasn’t a good idea, and I wasn’t sure if I should let down my guard until he let his crumble at my feet.
“Well, it was because you were three hours away, but now it’s because you’re pissed off at me. Why haven’t you tried to fuck me?”
Sometimes Fin made matters so easy it astounded me. When I was afraid to speak certain words to him, he didn’t act like the guy who was afraid to let anyone know he liked me in a more than platonic way. “I didn’t think you were ready. I wasn’t sure you’d ever want that.”
“Doesn’t that seem kind of one-sided, or is that what you want? Do you always want to be the bottom? Is that how it works?” He spoke rapidly as if he had to get it all out now or never.
I wanted to laugh, but I thought that probably wasn’t the best move. Not tonight with tensions high. “I’m all for equal opportunity sex with you, but I wasn’t sure if that was something you were comfortable doing.”
“I’m willing to try to find out,” he said so innocently, hanging his head. “I even got tested and got my results back. I was going to show you once you got back.”
“I like the sound of that.
And here I thought we were breaking up.
“If you wanted to be my boyfriend, you could have said something,” he said shyly, ducking his head so I couldn’t see his eyes.
“I thought you might go running for the hills,” I answered honestly. There were times I felt like I was walking on a tightrope with what I could and couldn’t say in fear that he’d retreat to his old self.
“And here I thought I was doing good. That you know how much I like you—because I do like you West. A whole hell of a lot. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me. You made me accept myself for who I really am, even when I didn’t want to.”
“I can’t believe I want the fuck boy who tormented me to be my boyfriend, but I do. I want to know we’re exclusive,” I admitted.
“I thought we already were. I know I haven’t been hooking up with anyone else. That night at the diner when you saw Candy blowing me was the last time I was with anyone but you. What about you?”
“Long before the night of the diner. Maybe we should watch some porn together and see what interests you. Have you ever watched two guys having sex?”
>
Fin shook his head and took a step closer. “When I’m with you, I don’t feel like there’s anything wrong with me or that I should be ashamed for liking you or the things I do to you or let you do to me.”
Even though his words stung, I understood where Fin was coming from. When we were together, he was always enthusiastic about touching and pleasuring me. Especially after he got to remove his sling.
Taking a deep breath, I tried to keep my words calm. “I hope you’ll eventually be able to feel that way all the time.”
“Shit,” he grunted out, his hands balling into fists. “It’s not like whenever I’m not with you, I feel wrong. I’m not going to lie though, there are times when I feel like what I feel for you is wrong, but it’s not often. Not anymore. What I meant was you make me feel good as a whole. I forget everything when you’re near, and that feels amazing. If, no, when my dad finds out, I know I’ll be fine because of you. Thanks, I guess.” The way he said the last was shy, and so unlike him, it made me want to pull him into my arms and hug him.
“You guess?” I laughed. Only Fin could run me through the gamut of emotions in one conversation.
“No, I know, but I’m not as articulate as you are. What I’m one hundred percent positive about is I’m a better person on the inside, and you’re the reason why.”
Damn, now he was about to make me cry, and I didn’t cry. Ever.
“That makes your comment earlier worth it.” Fuck, how I was falling for this man. My used-to-be-bully, and now the holder of my heart. It wasn’t until he said those words earlier that I realized how invested I was in him. In us, and to think I wasn’t as important to him as he was to me was the worst feeling in the world.
“Do you have to work in the morning?” he asked, looking up at me with his lips tipped up slightly.
“Bright and early,” I groaned, planting my feet firmly on the ground to stop the swing from rocking.
“I guess I should let you go so you can get some sleep, but I couldn’t go to bed without talking and seeing you.”
I fell a little bit deeper from his words. “I’m glad you came. Are you going to stay at Oz’s tonight?”
“Yeah, I told him I was coming, and he offered again. I wasn’t sure I’d be welcome here.”
“You’re always welcome here, but it’s not the comfort you’re used to.”
I wasn’t embarrassed by my childhood home, but I also didn’t want Fin to treat me differently once he saw it.
“When are you going back to Willow Bay?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Probably in the morning.” He looked out to my dark yard. “I know you have to work, and Oz wants to hang out with his family, so that doesn’t leave me with much to do.”
There was, but I wasn’t going to argue with him over it.
“I want you to know, I didn’t answer because I went to hang out with E and didn’t take my phone. I needed time. I would have sent you a message in the morning or called after I got off work.”
“I told you I’d fuck up. I am an asshole after all.” He chuckled as he made his way down the steps.
“But you’re my asshole.”
“Until you won’t have me.”
I had a feeling that would never happen.
24
Fin
“Did you hear the news?” Oz asked as he sat down across from me at the library.
I didn’t normally hang out there, but with the team not having practice, the house was too loud for me to concentrate and write my paper.
Saving my document, I closed my laptop and looked at him with an I have no clue what you’re talking about look.
“The Dean finally made his decision on what those Alpha Mu fuckers did to West,” he spoke quietly, but his words were still growled out in anger.
“What’s the verdict?” I wasn’t sure there was anything that would seem like justice was served after what they’d done to West.
“Alpha Mu is no more. They’re disbanded from this school, and all the guys have this weekend to move out of the house. I guess they’re giving it to someone else, and they can move in almost immediately. How awesome is that?”
Leaning forward, I quietly said. “It’s pretty good, but I’d still like to see the ones responsible expelled.”
“Unfortunately, no one would confess to being the leader or the one who slipped him the drug.” Oz picked up my pen and started to tap it on the table as he looked around like he’d never been in the building.
“He should have come to this conclusion before Winter Break started.” I turned to see a group of the Alpha Mus sitting a few tables down from us. I narrowed my eyes at them. “They’re a bunch of fucking cowards. If given the chance, I’m going to kick their asses.” Since they were still going to be at school, now that they been disbanded, I had a feeling they’d be worse to West if they could get away with it.
“I’ll be right there with you. I think they’ve had other complaints about them, but it was your video that finally stuck the nail in the coffin for them.”
“Good, I’m glad it was us who took them down. How’d you know I was here?” I asked as Oz continued to fidget in his seat. I could feel his damn leg bouncing through the table.
“I saw West after I heard, and he said you were trying to finish writing your paper here.” He waggled his eyebrows at me. “How are things going between you two?”
“Believe it or not, but things are going strong.” After our talk during winter break, West and I realized we needed to communicate better even if we think the other won’t like what we have to say.
I felt as if I found the person who was right for me, and it didn’t matter what sex they were. It felt good to feel this way.
“I still can’t believe you’re in a relationship, but I can say it’s damn good to see you happy.”
“It’s nice to feel happy. With my dad no longer breathing down my neck with his unending disappointment, being out from under his scrutiny, and having people accept me for who I am is a foreign but good feeling.”
“It’s how you should have grown up feeling. You know I’d accept you even if you told me you wanted to fuck a blue alien.” He laughed under his breath.
“Good to know,” I grinned at him but contained my laughter.
“Well, I’m going to get out of here and get something to eat,” Oz stood abruptly. “I’ll see you back at the house later.” Before I could respond, he was gone. I wondered what that had been about. Oz had been acting stranger since he’d gotten back from break, but he’d yet to open up to me no matter how often I told him he could. Especially after he’d been so accepting of me.
After hearing the news of Alpha Mu’s demise, I couldn’t concentrate any longer. I pulled out my phone and texted West.
Fin: I heard the good news.
How about we go out to dinner to celebrate?
West: I like the sound of that. Let me know when you’re done at the library and I can meet you there.
Fin: I’m done now. I can’t concentrate worth shit.
Where do you want to go?
West: Surprise me.
Fin: I’ll be at the house in 5. Be ready.
When I arrived at the house, West was standing out on the porch talking to Ford. When he saw me, he gave him a pat on the arm, walked to my Range Rover, and jumped in.
“Are you happy with what’s happening to Alpha Mu?” I asked as I pulled out of the driveway.
West shrugged from beside me. “I’m happy they’re being held accountable for their actions, but I wish it was more.”
“Me too.” I wasn’t sure if I should mention that I was afraid of them retaliating or not.
“I’m sensing there’s more.”
I wasn’t sure if I was overreacting or if my feelings had merit, but if I didn’t say anything and they attacked West again, I would never forgive myself.
“Do you think if they have an opportunity, they’ll do something to get back at you?” My hands tightened on the steering
wheel, remembering what West looked like on the ground with a dazed expression on his face.
“I wouldn’t put anything past them. All I can do is to be vigilant, making sure I don’t put myself in any situations where they have a chance. There’s no way in hell I’ll ever be taking a drink from someone that isn’t in my close circle of friends. Even then…”
“You can never be too careful.”
I saw him out of the corner of my eyes, rolled his head against the headrest to look at me. “I trust you.”
“Good, I hope I don’t have to drug you to have my way with you,” I laughed since it had been me who hadn’t been ready. I was now, but I wasn’t sure I wanted our first time to be in a house full of football players who could hear every moan coming from us.
I never thought I’d be the guy who wanted the first time I had sex with someone to be special, but that’s who I’d turned into.
“You definitely don’t need to drug me. In fact, I’d say you’re your own drug. I always feel high when I’m around you.”
“What would you say if I suggested we go away this weekend?”
His brows furrowed. “Go away? Where?”
“Anywhere you want. I’d like a night or two alone with you where we’re not surrounded by prying ears.”
West’s brows rose. “If you’re talking about what I think you’re talking about, my answer is yes. Even if you’re not, I’d still be happy to be with you.”
“I’ll book us a hotel room somewhere, and we can leave right after class tomorrow.” Nerves swirled around inside of me, and I wasn’t even the one who was going to get a dick in the ass.
“Hey,” West placed a hand on my knee and squeezed. “Don’t start getting nervous. If all else fails, you can blow me all weekend.”
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you,” I laughed. I loved that West could make me feel lighter in times like these.
“Like you wouldn’t.” He laughed along with me.