by Harlow Layne
I sent him a quick text.
Fin: Is everything okay with Dani?
Three bubbles popped up immediately.
Oz: She’s good.
Fin: Let’s hang out tonight.
I’ve got something I need to tell you.
Oz: Everything okay?
Fin: Let’s talk tonight.
Oz: Alright. Are you coming to the game to cheer us on?
Fin: Yes, asshole.
I’ll be on the sideline to make
sure you don’t fuck up too bad.
Oz: I’ll see you out there.
My gut churned as I thought about how Oz might react. I didn’t like this side of myself, but I did like the way I felt hanging out with West last night and the way he touched me. His touch was better than any girl’s I’d ever received. It was like he could read my body and knew exactly what to do to drive me wild.
After another few minutes where I replayed last night over again, I made myself go inside, hoping the team would be on the field warming up. I sat down in front of my locker, put my AirPods in, and listened to music until the team came inside. A few of the guys clapped me on my good shoulder as they passed by. Oz was guzzling down a water bottle like he’d been stuck in the Sahara Desert for a week as he sat down next to me. Ford and Ridley gave me chin nods as they sat across from me. West spotted me and hesitated for a moment as he took me in. He probably had no idea where he stood or what the right move was. I didn’t either. It wasn’t like I was going to ask him to sit by me and hold my hand or anything. That was never going to happen.
West decided for me when he sat down on the other side of Oz. I watched as Oz nodded to him and saw when West noticed how tired our friend looked.
“How was LA?” West asked quietly.
“I got done what I needed to.”
Coach Kyle came in then, and I zoned everything out. I didn’t need to be pumped or inspired. It would only make me hate that I wasn’t playing all the more.
I trailed behind the team and all the coaches as we made our way onto the field. The crowd roared with excitement, making my mood sink further. Damn, I was the worst team member ever. I couldn’t even look at Conley the several times he’d tried to make eye contact with me since he’d stepped inside the locker room.
What the hell had Coach told him? I was going to help as little as I could but still make it seem like I was helping. I didn’t need the dickhead taking my spot.
“You look like you want to kill someone,” Oz said from behind me with a chuckle as we made our way onto the field.
Looking over my shoulder at him, I narrowed my eyes. “You see how much you like not being able to play.”
“Fuck, I’m sorry, dude. I know it’s got to suck. We’ll talk later, though, right?”
With a chin nod in the affirmative, I sat down on the bench. My first time being a bench warmer. I looked down the line at the teammates who joined me. They were a bunch of losers. Most of the players would never play, but for some reason, they were on the team. I never understood that part of the game.
Being on the sidelines wasn’t something I was used to, and knowing this was where I’d be for the remainder of the season sucked hard. For one brief moment, I thought about talking to the guy next to me, number fifty-six, and then thought better of it. I wasn’t here to make friends.
“Huntington, get up here,” Coach yelled from the sideline, not even looking back at me. I hopped up, dying to get away from the loser bench, and joined Coach on his left. “I want you to watch Conley and give me your insight. If you can’t play, we need your expertise to try and beat SDU.”
Way to make me feel like shit. My shoulder throbbed as the guilt coursed through me.
We watched as West called out for the coin toss, and we lost. SDU called offense, and we were off to a shitty start. I had a feeling it would be the theme of the day.
Conley didn’t do too horribly, but SDU’s defense had his number and wouldn’t let him get the ball down the field. We lost spectacularly by twenty-one to three. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to continue coming to games if they were all going to end with us losing and the entire team’s morale down. Even though I knew I couldn’t help that I’d got hurt, I still felt like I’d let my team down now that they were left with Conley as their QB.
After the end game speech, I decided to wait out in the car for West to drive me home. I knew I could drive if I really had to, but it would be a pain to do with my left arm. I was also trying to figure out what to say to Oz now that I’d told him I wanted to talk to him. I knew if I wanted to, I could talk about how the doctor's visit went and about Dani, but I knew the longer I waited, the worse it would be, so I was going to suck it up and do it tonight.
Lost in thought, I didn’t even notice West approach the SUV until he opened the back door and threw his bag into the backseat. When West slid behind the steering wheel, he looked as defeated as I felt. Without a word, he took me in before he started the engine and drove us the short distance back to the football house.
West headed up the stairs, while I stayed downstairs, pacing the area from the living room to the kitchen and back again. Once my roommates started to slowly file inside and fill the house, pressure built in my chest, knowing Oz would be home at any moment.
I moved upstairs, knowing there would be far fewer people up on my floor. If West heard, it would be fine, and hopefully, Maverick would hit The Bar for dinner since his room was right next to mine.
Slowly, I stripped out of my clothes. It seemed to take forever, but with my mind solely focused on that, my anxiety started to diminish until someone knocked on my door.
Standing in only my athletic shorts, I called out. “Come in.”
Oz’s blond head peeked in before he walked inside and flopped down on the bed. “Dude, why are you being so weird?”
My jaw tensed. “If anyone is being weird, it’s you,” I shot back as I leaned against the wall by my door. “Is everything okay with Dani?”
“She’s fine,” Oz looked off to the side, and I knew he was lying. I wasn’t sure what he was hiding, but I wasn’t going to push it. If I had to guess, it probably had something to do with that fucker Dean. Oz still hadn’t told me about it, but before today I didn’t want him questioning me.
“Good, I’ll be sure to text her or give her a call. I haven’t checked on her since we got here.”
Oz nodded. “She’d like that. I would have invited you, but I needed to hit the road, and you had your appointment. What did the doctor say?” His fingers tapped along his leg.
Looking down at my sling, I bit the inside of my bottom lip. “I’m out for the rest of the season, and if I do as he says and baby the fuck out of my shoulder, then I should be good for next year.”
He sat up and shook his head. “Fuck, man, that sucks. I know it’s still raw, but you’re going to be fine. If you need anything from me, I’m here. You know that.”
“Thanks, man,” I swallowed thickly. I wondered if he’d feel the same after I told him I was…
“Did you eat yet because I’m starved? I can heat us up something to eat downstairs if you want.”
“I could eat,” I said, even though I wasn’t hungry from the nerves that had settled in my stomach.
“Once I eat, I’m going to pass out until Sunday. What do you want with your chicken?”
“Surprise me,” I replied. Our options were limited, and I didn’t care.
He stood and clapped his hands together. “I’ll be back in a few.”
Pulling out my phone, I looked through my email, trying to get my mind off what was going to happen once Oz was back with our food. When he walked in with chicken and rice, I was happy to have a few moments to figure out how I was going to start.
Chewing his food with furrowed brows, Oz asked, letting me know I was out of time. “Why aren’t you eating?”
“Do you count West as a friend?” I asked without looking up from my plate as I moved my food around with my fork
.
Sitting his fork down, Oz sat up straighter. “I know you don’t like him for whatever reason, but he’s a good guy, and he’s always been cool to me.”
I looked up at him and then promptly looked down. “What if I said I like West, and we’d grown closer?”
“I’d say, cool, now maybe we can all hang out more.” He shrugged as if it was no big deal.
“And if I said I like him more than you do?” I felt like an idiot pussyfooting around it.
Oz laughed. “I’d say give me what you’re taking.”
“Funny,” I grumbled. “I’m serious, Oz.”
“Okay.” He crossed his arms with his gaze firmly set on me. “How do you like him more?”
“Talking, hell, admitting this is the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do, but you’re my best friend.”
He nodded with a smile. “For almost twelve years. It’s been a long damn time, so whatever it is, you can tell me.”
My heart started to race as I looked at my best friend, who sat watching me with an expression that said no matter what I told him, he’d be by my side.
“I don’t like girls,” I rushed out.
“In all actuality, you don’t like many people. You’ve always used girls as a hole to release in.”
Damn, that made me sound like even more of an asshole than I thought I was, but it was true.
“You know how you like Lo?”
Oz’s jaw ticked, and at the same time, he rolled his eyes. He didn’t like to give away how much he cared and wanted her, even with me.
“This isn’t about her,” he growled out.
“I don’t care that you want her. I’m all for it, but I was trying to make a point on how you like Lo.” Oz nodded and let me continue. “I feel like that about West. Well, not exactly like that because I haven’t been pining for him for years, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to be in a relationship before you.”
Gaping like a fish, Oz’s eyes grew wide until he shook his head and was back to his normal self. “Are you saying you want West to be your boyfriend?”
A burst of laughter escaped me. “I’m not sure we’re there, but maybe,” I shrugged.
“How the hell did this happen? I wasn’t even gone for twenty-four hours, and I come back for you to tell me you want to… yeah, how did that happen?”
Moving to sit down on my chair in front of my desk, I turned it until I was facing my long-time friend. “It didn’t happen overnight,” I tried to swallow the rock that was now lodged in my throat. After a few tries, I was finally able to speak. “I’ve been struggling with the way… I feel toward him. It wasn’t something or is something I like.”
“What changed? Why are you telling me now?”
“Until recently, all I could think about is what my dad would say, but I know it doesn’t matter what I do, I’ll always be a disappointment to him. Even if I was going to play in the NFL and make millions of dollars, it wouldn’t matter. I’m never going to make him happy.”
Oz leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. “And West makes you happy?”
I couldn’t say West made me happy. I hardly knew him, but I did know I couldn’t fight my attraction to him any longer.
“For over a year, I’ve fought the draw I have to him, and I’m tired.”
Oz’s face turned sad. “And you didn’t feel like you could talk to me?”
“I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it. I was hoping it would go away after a while, but it didn’t.” We stared at each other for a few minutes before I finally broke the silence. “Are you okay with me liking West?”
“As long as you’re happy, I’m happy. But I don’t want to catch either of you sucking the other’s dick.” His face twisted up in disgust.
“Don’t worry. I think we’ll keep the PDA to a minimum.” I laughed. Or more like zero PDA.
“I don’t think anyone will give you any problem,” he said thoughtfully.
“Only Alpha Mu. You missed it last night.” I rubbed at my shoulder, remembering it. It was finally starting to feel a little better after that asshole punched me.
His eyes lit up. “What happened?”
“West and I went to eat at The Bar, and on our way back, those assholes started to give West shit.” I filled him in on everything and giving Coach the video earlier in the day.
“Fucking elitist assholes. I hope the whole fucking house goes down because that is bullshit,” he growled out with an angry glint in his eyes. “I don’t think they want the world to know they’re gay-bashers, but I’ll spread that shit to every news outlet in the United States to get the word out if they even sneer at him.”
“It’s been an eventful weekend, and we’ve still got one more day,” I laughed out. The night had turned out better than I expected it would.
“A day I’m going to spend sleeping. Speaking of, I’m going to go pass out.” He stood, plate in hand. “You might not want to talk about it, but you can always come to talk to me.”
Moving to him, I gave Oz a one-arm hug. “Thanks for making this easy.”
“It’s the way it should be, man. I’m not going to say anything to anyone else. I’ll take your lead on that, but I expect for us all to be hanging out more.”
“I’m not ready for anyone else to know. Hell, I don’t even know where this is going. West will probably get tired of me and say he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me.”
“Doubtful,” Oz laughed as he stepped out of the room.
“Sleep well,” I gave him a chin nod.
I’d barely sat down on my bed when there was a knock on my door. West slipped inside and closed the door before he leaned back against it. “I saw Oz when I was coming up the stairs and going by the crazy smile he gave me, I took it to mean telling him went well.”
“He made me feel stupid for not opening up to him before now.” How could I have misjudged him so much after knowing him all these years?
West’s face brightened. “Maybe you could use a hug?”
I opened my legs wide. “I could take a hug, and then maybe we can watch some Netflix and see where it goes from there.”
Moving to stand between my legs, he looked down at me with excitement shining back at me. “I like the sound of that.”
So did I.
23
West
“I can’t believe you and Oz won’t be back for another week,” Fin whined into the phone. It was his fault since he opted to stay in Willow Bay for winter break while Oz and I went home to Santa Lucia to see our families. I couldn’t say I was surprised he was willing to be away from his family for the holidays since he’d said he wasn’t planning on ever going back home. Even when Oz offered for Fin to stay with him, he wouldn’t change his mind.
“If you really want to see us, you can drive down here,” I tried to persuade him. “Or are you having more fun hanging out with Coach and his family?”
“Funny, it was one dinner for Christmas, but he is making sure I’m not overtraining now that I can finally get in some gym time. I feel like a baby with how low the weights are the trainers are having me start with. At this rate, I’ll be ready to play our senior year.” His tone was the opposite of his words. Fin was excited to be working out again, even if he did complain about it every day.
Luckily, he couldn’t see me roll my eyes at his absurdness. “Oz asked me if we broke up, and that’s why you wouldn’t come and stay with him.”
“Oh god,” he laughed down the line. “He asked me the same thing. How can we break up when we’re not even going out?”
From the beginning, I knew Fin had never been in a relationship before, but what the fuck! I wanted to curse him, but instead, I hung up. My ego couldn’t take Fin’s words at that moment.
Before I could set my phone down and walk away, it started to ring, and Fin’s name flashed on the screen. Closing my eyes, I turned and walked away. I was here to be with my family, and that’s what I was going to do.
Easton was sitt
ing on the floor of our small living room, playing a video game. One of his friends had gotten a new game system for Christmas and gave him their old one. He was in hog heaven. He glanced up at me and then eyed the other controller sitting on the table.
“Are you finally going to play with me?” He asked, hopefully.
“Sorry about that. You’ve got me for the rest of the night.” He gave me a skeptical look. “I promise. I even left my phone in my room, so I can’t hear it if it goes off.”
Our house wasn’t big, so I would hear it, but I was going to ignore it. He deserved nothing less for what he’d said to me. I should have turned it off, but I had wanted to get away from it before I gave in to the temptation to rip Fin a new asshole.
“You were on the phone forever,” he complained, his eyes trained on our small TV screen.
“I know, and I’m sorry. I should be paying attention to what’s important, and you and mom are the most important people in my life.”
Fin had started to become one of those people, but now I wasn’t sure where we stood. Had he been hooking up with others this whole time? Even as I thought it, I knew the answer to that was no; he hadn’t. If Fin wasn’t in class, at practice, or a game, he was at the house. Most of the time, he was hiding away in his room. It had killed him to watch our team lose game after game and not be able to play. I think he was thankful when we didn’t make the playoffs.
Easton and I sat on the floor and played games until he couldn’t stop yawning, and his eyes were bloodshot. We headed to our room, both of us diving for our beds. “Will you play with me tomorrow?” he asked as I pulled my blanket over me.
Blinking open an eye, I saw my baby brother staring over at me. “I wish I could, E, but I’ve got to get up early to work. If you’re still home when I get back, I’ll play.”
“You know, you don’t have to work so hard now. Mom and I have been fine.” He shrugged his top shoulder. “She works long hours sometimes, but we’re not hurting. You deserve to have a break now and again.”