by Lily White
Knowing she would be late to school, I’d hidden where she wouldn’t see me, and I’d followed her back to those bathrooms.
I was about to storm down the hall to walk in and raise hell, but they walked out before I had the chance.
Watching where they went, I crept out there behind them, being careful to keep my distance, taking care that my footsteps were quiet.
Ensley and those three fucks had walked into the woods while I circled around, walking softly through the leaves and downed branches. I caught up to them just as Emmett brought Ensley down to the ground and lifted her shirt.
Assuming she would fight back, I was surprised when she just let it happen, when her eyes closed and she let those assholes laugh while deciding who would fuck her first.
I couldn’t stay still any longer when James shoved down his pants and dropped to the ground to fuck her. I lost my shit and ran for Kyle first.
But then Ensley backed me off. She screamed, and I stopped fighting because I was her beaten dog, a guy who would take all her orders and do as she said because I was too afraid of running her off.
So, she ran me off instead.
But she was lying.
I knew that.
I always know.
It didn’t mean I wasn’t hurt all the same. It didn’t mean she didn’t gut me in the process.
One class ended and another began, and I marched between them robotically, the hours passing until it was lunch.
Walking to the tree where Ensley would always meet me, I sat down against the large trunk, tossed the bag I’d packed her to the ground beside me and closed my eyes because my stomach hurt too much to eat.
There was no telling how much time had passed when a voice called out to me.
I opened my eyes to find Josie Buckland staring down at me, a girl who had made it clear since elementary school that she liked me. She tilted her head, blond hair sweeping down over her shoulder.
“You look sad.”
“I’m fine.”
I scrubbed a hand down my face and looked around. Where the hell was Ensley?
“You sure?” she asked. “You definitely don’t look it.”
Josie shifted her posture, but then nudged her chin at the ground beside me.
“Mind if I sit down?”
“Ensley’s coming.”
Her mouth twisted at the corner.
“No, Noah. She’s not.”
My body went still, teeth grinding. What the fuck was that crazy bitch doing this time?
Josie stepped aside and gave me a perfect view of Ensley on the other end of the courtyard walking away with Kyle and James.
“It looks like she found a new boyfriend. Then again, most people already knew she was doing things with them. I’m surprised you didn’t.”
My eyes flicked up to her. I’d expected a saucy grin on her face to see my heart being ripped out, but she toed the ground instead, her eyes watching her foot before lifting up to me.
“Can I sit down now?”
No, I started to say, but then watched as Ensley turned a corner out of view.
“Yeah.”
What the hell, right? I wasn’t attached to anyone, and I’d spent the last seven years loving a girl who would never want me. I wondered what it would feel like to be with someone who did.
Shoving Ensley’s lunch away, I patted the ground beside me.
Josie sat down, her thigh rubbing against mine. She smelled like vanilla perfume mixed with something deeper and musky, not a bad scent, but not Ensley’s.
I shook away the thought. Ensley was off doing what she wanted, and I was still that little boy pining for her, just like Tammy said.
When Josie shifted her position, a gust of wind blew past, the scent of her shampoo wafting beneath my nose. Her fingers tugged at a piece of grass like she was nervous to be near me. I wasn’t sure why. I didn’t bite. Didn’t yell. Didn’t call women horrible names or laugh at them like the guys Ensley preferred. And maybe that was my problem. I was too nice.
Guess that meant I would finish last in the end.
I refused to let it happen. “What are you doing tonight?”
Josie glanced up at me with big brown eyes, her makeup a little thick, but that was okay. It was something I would have to get used to. Not every girl refused to wear it like Ensley.
Lips pulling into a hesitant smiled, she answered, “Not much. Did you want to hang out or something?”
Or something was right. I wanted to go tear down the shed at Ensley’s house, but I doubted that would be showing Josie a good time. I shrugged.
“I don’t have a car or anything-“
“I do.”
This was a bad idea. I was just using her to strike out at Ensley, not because I knew Josie enough to like her.
“Actually, I think I have a lot of homework tonight and should just stay home.”
“I can come to your house. Study with you.”
Turning to her, I cocked a brow.
“I’m not going to lie to you, not like other guys will. I’m not interested in having a girlfriend or anything like that, I’m just-“
Reaching out, she flattened her hand against my chest, her eyes holding mine as she slid it down to grab my dick over my pants. Leaning in, she pressed her mouth against my lips and whispered, “I don’t care.”
I pulled back.
“I would just be using you.”
But damn if my body didn’t respond. My cock jumped beneath her hold, the muscles in my abdomen tightening with the need to thrust up against her hand for more pressure.
“I’m coming over,” she said with a grin, her body leaning forward more so she could run her tongue along my lower lip.
What the fuck was wrong with women? Is this what they thought they needed to do to get a man’s attention?
Still, I was a guy. And I was hurting. And I was mad. And if she didn’t care that we weren’t going anywhere with this, then why should I?
Ensley certainly didn’t give a fuck.
“Okay,” I groaned, already hating the decision. “Be at my house at six.”
. . .
By the end of the day, I regretted my decision to invite Josie over. School rolled on, and I went to every class without hearing a single thing, my thoughts looking forward to the moment I climbed the bus steps to go home.
Ensley took the bus with me. She was never late for that, but only because she had to get home to deal with the kids before they made noise and disturbed her mother.
I knew I could corner her there. Make her talk. Even if we had to whisper so the other students wouldn’t hear.
Practically leaping out of my seat when the final bell rang, I ran through the halls, waving a silent apology to a few kids who got in my way and had their shoulders slammed to the side because of it. I was bigger than most in height and width, my mom often commenting that my father had been a bear of a man as well. I thought I was finished growing by the time I hit six foot four, but over the past year I’d sprouted up another inch.
I reached the bus and leapt up the damn stairs, immediately heading back to the rear booth, the same one Ensley and I had ridden in every day while in high school. I had to hunch over while storming down the aisle because if I stood up straight, my head would hit the emergency lights. I barely fit in the damn booth, my knees jamming into the seat in front of us. It had always made Ensley laugh.
Students slowly filled their seats while my eyes were fixed out the window looking for that wild head of brown hair that was unmistakably Ensley. When I spotted it, my pulse hammered beneath my skin, my eyes tracking her through the crowd. She hesitated when she spotted the bus, her grey eyes lifting to see me.
Tugging the strap higher up her shoulder, she breathed out, but tilted her head so her hair would fall down to hide her face. She couldn’t hide from me, though. I just had to wait long enough and she would come crawling back.
Except, she didn’t.
Ensley waited until the busses s
tarted to pull forward and climbed the stairs to ours at the very last second. The door closed, and the driver told her to sit down because she was late. Hand wrapping over the pole in the front, she spun around and dropped in the seat closest to the door, the one that always sat empty because none of the students wanted to use it.
I almost punched the seat in front of me, fucking pissed.
Still, I stared at the back of her head the entire ride, communicating to her without saying a word, screaming at her because I knew we were connected enough for her to hear me. Several times, she winced as if my thoughts had stabbed her, and I smiled to know she wasn’t as distant as she liked to pretend.
When the bus pulled up to our stop, Ens jumped up from her seat, practically bouncing in place for the driver to open the door. She took off at a full sprint down the sidewalk, but I didn’t chase after her. I would see her again because she couldn’t sleep without me.
With that thought in mind, I’d walked home calmly, had gone out to fix the hose on the side of my house and took a few minutes to scatter more seeds on the grass between our fences. I looked up at one point to see grey eyes peering out at me from a kitchen window.
I ignored her. We’d talk eventually and there was no point starting a fight we couldn’t finish when the kids were up and needed her.
And during all that, I’d forgotten about Josie, not until she knocked on my front door at six. I opened it to find her smiling brightly at me.
“Hey, handsome.”
She stepped forward for me to let her in. I’m not sure why I let her. It would have been better to apologize and send her on her way. But at the same time I had a right to explore what it felt like to be around someone who wanted me.
So, I let her in.
“You have a nice place,” she said, wandering around to look at all the cheap crap my mom had bought over the years to make the place feel furnished.
“Thanks.”
Dropping down on the couch, I glanced up at Josie as she wandered, watched her look around, stopping at a picture of Ensley and me when we were twelve and had come back from playing in the forest covered in mud. My mom had taken the shot and then printed it out to frame and hang on the wall.
Josie’s mouth turned down to see that regardless of what Ens was doing at school, she was a part of my life that would never be erased.
Maybe it made her a little more brave, or desperate. The next thing she did was walk over to where I was standing, drop her purse on a chair and lower her body to straddle my lap. I kept my hands on the couch cushions beside us, my face tipping up to hers.
“What are you doing?”
She grinned. “What do you think?”
“Josie, I’m not-“
“Shhhhhh.” She pressed a finger against my lips, before moving it so she could kiss me. Her mouth tasted like cherry, the tip of her tongue sliding across mine before I parted my lips to let her deepen the kiss.
Immediately, her hips started rolling over my lap. I grabbed them to stop her, but when my fingers gripped down, she arched her chest against mine and moaned in a way that set my pulse pounding.
I was a teenager with raging hormones just like everyone else, and for once it felt good to let go and let somebody touch me.
Fuck, my cock got hard when she moved her cherry flavored mouth to my ear, her breath hot on my neck as she whispered.
“I don’t care if you want to date me, Noah. But I’ve wanted to fuck you for over a year. Just let me make you feel good. Is that okay?”
And then her little, wet tongue licked my ear before she sucked the lobe between her front teeth and bit down.
My eyes closed as my hips rolled up to meet hers, my fingers squeezing down over her hips as she dry fucked me while whispering in my ear.
“I can make it good for you,” she promised. “So good that you’ll forget for a while. Do you want that?”
Nodding, I inhaled a deep breath, and allowed my head to fall back on the couch. I did want to forget, if only for a few hours. I wanted to release all the pain I’d been carrying for years.
Slowly, her hands explored my body, fingers tracing the muscles in my abdomen, up higher as she peeled my shirt up, her eyes meeting mine so that I would lift my arms for her to remove it.
Releasing one hip, I reached behind me and tugged it off, watched her face as she looked down to stroke fingertips across the muscle.
“You are a beautiful boy, Noah Carter. It’s a shame you’re always hiding all of this away.”
Leaning over, she flicked her tongue over my nipple, and that small contact was like a gunshot that tore through me, my cock painful against my pants for how hard it was. It was throbbing with the need to be touched, and I had to curl my hands into the couch cushions to keep from shoving Josie down to use her body.
Maybe that’s what she wanted, but I wouldn’t do more than she allowed, not without her permission.
Josie’s eyes met mine as she lifted her shirt off, the red fabric fluttering down to land on the floor. My eyes crawled down to see where her tits spilled over the cups of her bra, a growl building in my chest because this wasn’t about love, it was only about the need to get off.
“Want to see?”
She bent over and wiggled her shoulders, her tits bouncing inside the bra. I swallowed, her eyes following the movement of my neck, her lips puckering to know she had my attention now.
Nodding, I watched as she reached behind to unclasp the bra and slowly peel it away to reveal a full fucking rack that was almost as pretty as Ensley’s.
Another wiggle.
“Go ahead. Touch them. They taste pretty good too.”
Fucking hell, this girl was going to kill me.
I brought my hands up to cup her tits, my fingers gripping down as I leaned forward to take the nipple of one into my mouth and suck so hard she gasped while twisting her fingers into my hair.
“Yeah, baby, like that.”
Her hips rolled more, and I sucked even harder, my tongue flicking the nipple before I released it to move to the other.
This was the first time I could let myself go to sex. The first time I didn’t feel like I had to be gentle because I was handling a fragile woman.
While my mouth worked her tit, she reached between us to unbuckle my pants, shove my underwear down and pull out my dick. Fingers gripping around it, she moaned.
“Fuck, you’re big. It’s going to be a tight fit.”
Slowly, her hand worked my cock and I leaned back, my eyes watching her jerk me while my hands kept squeezing her tits.
“You like that?”
My teeth clenched at the question, my mind racing back to the night Ensley had asked me the same thing.
“Don’t talk,” I growled.
She laughed. “We can do this any way you want just as long as you make me come.”
I dropped my hands to her ass and lifted her up as I pushed to my feet. She giggled and threw her arms over my shoulders, burying her face in my neck as I carried her back to my room.
Kicking the door open with my foot, I had to fight the habit of reaching over to turn on my lamp. Ensley wasn’t invited here. Not right now.
I dropped Josie on my bed and barked out an order, one she followed with enthusiasm.
“Take off your pants.”
While she did that, I rounded the bed to grab a condom from the side table and dropped it on the mattress near her head.
She was naked by the time I was standing in front of her again, my jeans hanging off my hips, my cock hard and long. “Play with yourself.”
Her hand slid down her body and between her legs, a fingertip working her clit while her other hand rolled the nipple of her left breast. I gripped my cock and pumped it a few times, my jaw ticking with the need to fill her.
Brown eyes peered up at me.
“Come on, Noah. Show me what you want.”
Reaching down, I grabbed the condom and ripped the package open, rolling it over me before grabbing her b
y the knees to pull her down to the end of the mattress.
A gasp rolled off her lips when I lifted her up to lock her legs around my waist and then thrust inside her as deep as I could go.
Arching her back, she moaned, “Yeah, baby, just like that.”
My hips moved as I pulled out to the tip before I slammed back in, her tits bouncing with every thrust. Sounds rolled up her throat that only made me more violent in the way I fucked her, my head falling back as I released all my pain, all my anger, all the frustration Ensley had built up inside me over the years.
Sweat dripped down my chest, and I realized I wasn’t fucking some nameless girl, I was fucking Ensley in my head, doing all the things I wanted to do to her over the years.
I needed more, needed to push deeper, so deep that I dropped down on the bed to lie on top, and while holding myself up on one forearm, I wrapped her legs around me tighter and drove into her over and over again.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Ensley
January 6, 1997
What a shitty day.
I mean, I’ve had a lot of shitty days, some worse than others, but today felt like it topped them all because of how I’d treated Noah. I’d hated what I said to him in the woods and had missed second period because I was in the bathroom crying. By the time I went to my third class, my eyes were red and practically swollen shut.
Lunch had rolled around, and I knew I had to keep pushing him away, had to shoving him off because he would keep fighting people if he thought they were hurting me. I couldn’t allow that, so I walked off with Kyle and James just to make Noah think I was done with him.
And then I cried again. In another bathroom. Missing two classes because I couldn’t stop sobbing while hiding in a stall.
But I kept going. I stayed away from him on the bus even though I swore I could hear him screaming in my head, demanding to know what I was doing to him when he had done nothing to deserve it.
Then he was out there trying to grow those damn flowers, and for the first time that day I let myself smile. It didn’t last long, especially not when he looked up at me, narrowed his eyes and walked away.
He was mad. I knew that. And I was scared shitless to go talk to him.