Unexpected Alpha (Gay M-Preg)

by Chris McHart

  Ash took Josh’s hand and held it.

  “But I know you’ve fallen in love with him, and his reaction shows that he’s no different. If he didn’t care about you, he wouldn’t have reacted like that. The question is whether you can forgive him for what he’s done and, at some point, months or years later, be over it, or whether it’ll be something keeping you two apart forever.”

  Josh sighed deeply. Ash was right. Every word he said was true. There was no male pregnancy in the pack. He’d get some strange looks once it became known that he was pregnant.

  Ash was absolutely right, and he had to take that into consideration. But what Anthony had thrown at him wasn’t something he could just get past. How could he be with someone who thought so little of him?

  “Like I said, I’d understand if you could never forgive him. But I’d hate to see you spend the rest of your life unhappy. That’s something I don’t want for you.” Ash fell silent.

  “I’ll think about it. Right now, I have to admit that I don’t even want to think about ever talking to him again.”

  “I understand. There’s no hurry, and I think my mate will have given him a piece of his mind. D wouldn’t have kept his mouth closed.”

  Josh raised his head. “Did you just say mate?”

  An interesting red streaked Ash’s cheeks, and Josh threw himself at his friend. He pulled him into a firm embrace and held him close. “Why didn’t you say something before?”

  “You’ve seen the whole drama, haven’t you?”

  Josh laughed. “Yes, true. When did you get mated?”

  “Two days ago. We were… I think I’ll spare you the details. Anyway… I asked him. Well, given the fact that he’s carrying my children, I didn’t think he’d say no.”

  Josh laughed and drew Ash into his arms again. “I’m so happy for you. I’ve been waiting for a long time to see you take this step. And it makes me so happy.”

  Ash held Josh just as tightly in his arms and nodded at his shoulder. “It was beautiful, and so very different from the first time. It was just the two of us, and… Let’s leave it at we really enjoyed it.”

  Josh laughed and let go of Ash. “Well, congratulations again. I’m so glad you took this step.”

  “Me too.” Now Ash was radiating happiness, making it obvious how much he loved his mating.

  Josh was really happy for his best friend. He deserved to have this kind of relationship, this mating to another, much better partner. If anyone deserved it, it was Ash.

  Chapter 25

  Josh

  * * *

  Anthony definitely stayed out of his way. When Josh got up in the morning, Anthony was already gone. When he came home with the kids in the afternoon, Anthony wasn’t home yet.

  If he needed anything, he’d ask Lindsay or Jeremy, never Anthony. He’d seen his mate only from a distance in the last few days. He knew Anthony was still sleeping in the house, because he heard him sometimes in the evening when he came home, got something to eat, then disappeared into his room. But he neither tried to apologize to Josh nor did he try to start a conversation with him.

  He avoided him. There was no other way to say it.

  Josh made no attempt to change the situation. He was glad Anthony left him alone. He hadn’t forgotten Ash’s words, but every day when he tried to close his jeans – and failed to do so – he was reminded of what Anthony had thrown at his head. He couldn’t ignore any longer that his stomach had rounded. It wasn’t bad yet. He looked like he’d eaten too much during the last few weeks, but he wouldn’t be able to hide it much longer. He didn’t know what the pack members would say. So far, he hadn’t told anyone what had happened yet.

  They’d all been deeply shocked that their new alpha had had to kill his father, but apart from a few muttered comments, Josh hadn’t heard anything more specific. Anthony had probably told everyone that Josh had been stupid enough to run into the woods. No way would the alpha admit they’d been fighting.

  Josh looked at his two sleeping children, whom he’d finally managed to persuade to take a nap. Hanna was now at an age where it took some convincing to lie down at noon, and it was exhausting until Leon finally fell asleep. Now he could rest himself a little. Pregnancy and work in the guest house were exhausting.

  At some point, he probably needed to make an appointment with the doctor to find out exactly how far along he was. There was no way to figure out on his own when he’d gotten pregnant, and apart from an ultrasound, there probably weren’t many ways to calculate a birth date. But he’d have to find a car and see how he got into town. He had a driver’s license, so that wasn’t a problem. But he didn’t know if he could leave or if he needed Anthony’s permission.

  The bedroom door opened quietly. Josh turned around, his whole body tensing up. He’d just thought about him, and now Anthony was standing in the doorway.

  He looked embarrassed, like he wanted to be everywhere but here. That made two of them. Josh turned around to look at him completely. Anthony didn’t look good, with deep circles under his eyes, like he hadn’t slept well the last few days. No surprise there.

  “Are they asleep?” Anthony whispered.

  Josh nodded. Should he say he also wanted to lie down? Then he’d get some peace. On the other hand, then he’d only fret about what Anthony could want from him. Maybe it was better if they got it over with.

  “Yeah. Took them a long time, but now they’re both asleep.”

  “Can you come into the living room or– Forget what I just said. Let me start again. I’d like to talk to you. I think I owe you an apology and an explanation, even though I know they won’t change anything. Still, I’d be very happy if you’d talk to me. Please.” Anthony didn’t look at him, but stared at the ground in front of his feet. He didn’t sound at all like the alpha Josh knew. There seemed to be nothing left of the man he knew so well. Anthony sounded like he lost everything.

  That assumption probably wasn’t that far-fetched. After all, he’d lost a lot.

  “We’ll talk in the living room.”

  Anthony nodded, turned around and left the room in silence. Josh looked at his children again, placed a hand on his belly like he’d done so often lately, then followed him. What would Anthony have to say?

  Anthony was already sitting on the sofa when Josh entered the living room. He had put two bottles of water on the table, one in front of him, one in front of the place where Josh would probably sit.

  Josh sank into the armchair and stared at Anthony expectantly. “So, here I am. You wanted to talk?”

  “Yes, I wanted to talk. Thank you for listening to me.”

  “I think we need to sort this out, and then we can move on with our lives.”

  “Yes.” Anthony took the water bottle and started playing around with the label. He stared intently at it, like the colorful label would tell him what to say.

  Minutes went by, but Anthony remained silent. Did he want to say anything at all? He’d asked Josh to talk to him. Did he wait for Josh to start? Did he want an apology from him?

  Josh also took his water bottle, playing with it.

  When he’d completely removed the label and a heap of small scraps of paper lay on the table in front of him, Anthony finally spoke. “I’m sorry. I know that words can’t make up for what I said, and I also know that you’ll never forgive me. It’s also clear that I don’t deserve any forgiveness and that I destroyed any hope for a future together. I’m fully aware of all of this, and it’s not the reason why I want to apologize. I just wanted to tell you how very sorry I am that I said that. I was just surprised. It’s completely unknown here, as you may have noticed.”

  Josh nodded. Ash had already told him the same thing.

  “I’ll do anything to stop you from being looked at like you cheated. But I don’t know how far I can keep them from talking anyway. I’m so sorry you have to put up with this, too.”

  “Let them talk. It doesn’t matter what they’re gossiping about. Whether it’s
us, or the baby, or whatever… I don’t care.” Josh piled up the little pieces of paper on the table.

  “Why would they talk about us?” Anthony asked, surprised.

  Now Josh looked up and stared at Anthony. “I think they all know what happened.”

  Anthony shook his head. “No. I didn’t say anything. None of their business and I didn’t want anyone to talk badly about you.”

  “You mean you didn’t want them to know what you said?” His words were hard, but he couldn’t hold himself back.

  “No, I don’t want anyone to think badly of you.” Anthony hesitated, then he continued, “I’m not trying to keep any reputation. I don’t give a damn about my own reputation. I care about yours and about our children’s. I stand by the fact that I made a mistake, but I’m also the father. And I’m proud of it.” A little smile appeared on Anthony’s lips, but it disappeared before Josh could be sure that he’d really seen it.

  Was Anthony really looking forward to having a baby with him? Or… Did he just say that to save their relationship?

  “I really appreciate this apology, and I know it can’t be easy for you. Still…” He fell silent and played with the rest of the label on the table. It hurt to say the words, but he couldn’t change it.

  What Anthony had done wasn’t something he could easily forgive.

  “I don’t know how to go on now. I thought you’d trust me enough to tell you the truth, even if it’s something so unusual. The fact that you don’t shows me that maybe we didn’t have a stable relationship. I understand your reasons, and Ash told me the same. But… I just can’t right now. I accept your apology, and I’m glad you said it, but I really don’t know how we should go on. I can’t pretend nothing happened. I’d still hold it against you.” With those words, Josh probably ruined every chance of a relationship with Anthony. But there was no other way. He couldn’t forgive him, not after what had happened. What he’d said was what he’d felt.

  Anthony nodded. “I expected that, and I’m glad you’re honest about it. I don’t want us to be together just because we have kids. Either I manage to earn your forgiveness and prove I can be the mate you deserve, or I can’t. And if I don’t make it, it’s all my fault. I’m just sorry you have to suffer too.” He looked contrite, and everything in Josh screamed to go to him, sit on his lap, and tell him everything was fine.

  “Thank you for understanding. I don’t want to rule it out, not yet. But as I said, I have to deal with it first.”

  Anthony nodded. “I’ve been avoiding you until now so you won’t be reminded of what happened. If you like, I’ll find another place to stay for a while.”

  Josh quickly shook his head.

  “But I think it’d be better if I could stay here. I’d still like to help you with the kids, if they wake up at night. Even if you don’t like me at the moment, it’d be nice to be allowed to stay close to you. But the decision is completely yours.”

  “No, stay. Not because I need help with the children, but because they see you as their father. And… I don’t want you to disappear completely. You don’t have to avoid me, and you don’t have to behave any differently than usual. Just be yourself and then we’ll see.”

  “We’ve already seen where that’s taken us.” Anthony laughed sarcastically.

  “Except for this one time. Otherwise, it made us fall in love. And I don’t think that was such a bad thing.” Josh closed his eyes as pain raced through him. He loved Anthony more than anything else in the world, with the exception of his children. Even if he couldn’t imagine it right now, perhaps, he’d manage to forgive Anthony after all. What they had was too good to throw away. He understood where Anthony’s reaction was coming from. His head agreed to forgive Anthony and continue as before.

  Only his heart spoke of something else.

  “Thank you for letting me talk to you. If you need anything, let me know, please.”

  “All right.” Josh nodded and got up. “I’m going to lie down, too. I’m still pretty tired during the day.”

  “Let me know if you need anything.”

  “I will. And… thank you.”

  Just like he promised, Anthony kept his distance. Josh saw him every day, playing with the children, sometimes getting up at night when he heard them. Josh was usually faster because he slept with them in the same room, but that was all. Anthony was polite, friendly, and nice, but he wasn’t trying to push Josh into anything, nor was he trying to convince him to try again.

  He spoke to Josh normally, like they’d been friends for a long time. Never like they’d been together.

  It was a strange feeling. When he saw Anthony standing in the kitchen, Josh sometimes wanted nothing more than to walk up to him, press against his back and feel his warmth. When he lay alone in his bed, he wished for nothing more than to lie in Anthony’s strong arms and enjoy the closeness and security. Not to mention that he missed the sex. They’d originally come together through that, and he missed it. Not only the sex itself, but the closeness and security.

  In short, he missed Anthony.

  But a part of him was still hurt. He couldn’t forget it, couldn’t forgive what had happened. Maybe it was unjust and wrong to continue to hold it against Anthony when he’d apologized, and two people had explained why Anthony had reacted that way. But even if it was wrong, it didn’t change how Josh felt. As long as a part of him was hurt, he couldn’t try to rebuild a relationship with Anthony. That was simply impossible.

  Anthony was busy rearranging the pack. Since the encounter with his father, Anthony had set up guards to make sure no one came too close to the village. At the moment, it seemed like the remaining former pack members had scattered, but Anthony wanted to be absolutely sure. There couldn’t be a second incident like the one with Josh.

  Josh had enough to do, too. He had his hands full bringing the mates who had stayed in the guest house to other places where they could live. It was still a lot of work, and it wouldn’t get better any time soon. But the guest rooms emptied, and with every mate who could start a new life alone, Josh became more confident that they’d make it. They’d allow everyone to live the way they wanted. Some of them decided to leave the pack. This was also approved by Anthony and he was keen to let everyone know they could come back if they wished.

  The pack wouldn’t shut anybody out as long as they kept to the rules.

  The next day, Josh finally made an appointment at the clinic. It was a strange feeling to call there and say what he wanted, but there was no other way. No one would do that for him, and he had to make sure the baby was okay.

  His appointment was for the following week, and now all he had to do was figure out how to get into town.

  He caught Anthony after dinner. He was sitting on the floor, playing with Hanna, who told him something that wasn’t quite understandable. She also held her doll up and pressed it into Anthony’s hand, who was staring at it like it was a dangerous weapon. Playing with dolls had probably not been part of his childhood.

  Josh stopped and stared at the two, the huge, bearded man with the little pink doll in his hand and their daughter as she tried to explain to her father what she wanted to play with him. Anthony looked like he’d rather jump into a fight than figure out what to do here. Not that he didn’t like playing with Hanna; he just sometimes had no idea what to do.

  A smile appeared on Josh’s lips as he continued to watch them. She became more and more impatient, and finally she pulled the doll out of Anthony’s hand again. She let herself fall into his lap with an elegance only two-year-olds had and tried to show him how to play with her.

  However, Josh had to admit that he also didn’t know exactly what she wanted. It was still difficult to understand her because her vocabulary wasn’t that big. When she got something in her head, she wanted it, no matter whether you understood her or not. But so far, they’d managed without any major tantrums. She seemed happy when someone spent time with her, trying to understand her. That’s all they could wish for
right now.

  Finally Hanna lost interest and left with her doll. Josh stepped forward and sank to the floor next to Anthony, looking at him.

  “Are you all right?” Anthony looked worried. No wonder. Josh hadn’t been that close to him for weeks.

  “Yeah, everything’s fine. I have to go to town next week because I have an appointment with Dr. Brown. I… Can I take one of the cars, or can maybe Lindsay or Jeremy drive me?”

  “Oh.” That was all Anthony said. He looked away and stared intently at the carpet. It took a few seconds before he said quietly, “You can take the car, or ask one of the two. I don’t care. Just let me know if you need anything.” With those words, he stood up and left the living room. He didn’t look at Josh again.

  Josh stared at Anthony’s back and wondered what that had been about. He couldn’t shake off the feeling that he had done something wrong, but he didn’t know what.

  He got up to look for Hanna, who had apparently disappeared into her room. At some point they’d have to change the room divisions again, because the children needed their own bedroom. He spent some time playing with Hanna, and Leon also woke from his nap and wanted to be carried around. By now, he crawled, which made the whole thing much more exhausting. Someone had to follow him all the time, because he just crawled where he wanted to go.

  Finally Lindsay and Jeremy came home and looked for something to eat in the kitchen.

  “Would any of you like to go to town with me next week, by any chance? I have to go to the clinic for a preventive checkup.”

  Lindsay and Jeremy stared at him. “Why doesn’t Anthony drive you?” Lindsay asked.

  “I have…”

  “I assumed he wanted to come.”

  “I didn’t ask him.” Josh slapped his hand against his forehead. That was what Anthony had reacted to earlier. Josh hadn’t even thought that he should ask Anthony if he wanted to go. He had assumed that…