Dirty Sweet Cowboy

by Bentley, Jess

  He shakes his head nervously. “Slow down. Once step at a time please !”

  I burst out laughing. “Holy shit, Hawk. Have you even cracked an egg since you left home ?”

  “I hate a lot of ramen in college. Then I started ordering out. I don’t think I have anything in my apartment but corn flakes and some fruit .”

  I hand Gracie a bag of her favorite cereal to munch on, since I suspect this is going to take a lot longer than if I did it. “Well, you’re going to make pasta tonight if it kills us both. Just focus on boiling the water .”

  It takes twenty minutes of patient directions, but finally, the pasta is in the pot of boiling water, and the sauce is bubbling gently. For a second, I consider suggesting he bake the pasta, but then I’m afraid his head might explode. When Hawk dumps the noodles into the colander, he has a look on his face like he’s just solved a complex scientific formula, and I can’t help but laugh at him. I let him put Gracie’s bowl together, then I sprinkle on a tiny bit of cheese and blow on all of it to cool it off, before handing it to her. She digs in happily with her hands, and I don’t make a move to stop her. Hawk reaches for the plates, and I cluck at him .

  “What?” he asks, confused, as he turns around .

  “Oh, honey. We aren’t eating that. I’ll put the leftovers in the fridge for her lunch tomorrow. Your father will probably eat it too. I’ll make us dinner .”

  For a second, Hawk looks wounded. Then, he looks at the jarred sauce and kid’s noodles in the shape of teddy bears and laughs. “Yeah, okay. Maybe you should make dinner .”

  An hour later, Gracie is playing happily in her playpen in the living room as Hawk keeps an eye on her, and I’m plating dijon-smothered chicken legs with broccolini and lemon-scented mashed potatoes. I whistle for him to come in to eat, and he walks in with Gracie on his hip .

  “Where do I put her?” he asks as he eyes the food hungrily .

  “Actually, why don’t you put her back in her playpen? We can eat in the living room and watch a movie or something. Your mother never lets us eat and watch TV in the house. I feel like being a rebel tonight.” Hawk laughs and takes Gracie back to her play area as I carry the plates out behind him. We sit on the couch next to each other, and Hawk snaps his fingers .

  “We need wine. Can you have wine ?”

  I raise an eyebrow. “Why wouldn’t I be able to have wine ?”

  He shrugs. “I don’t know. Do young moms drink wine ?”

  I laugh hysterically again, so loudly, Gracie looks up from her dolls and starts laughing too, even though she doesn’t know why .

  “Hawk, I’m pretty sure they keep the wine industry in business. Go get us some wine .”

  He disappears and comes back with two glasses of Candy’s best white, and we eat, and drink, and watch Gracie play, and listen to an old black and white movie, and for a second, I think it might be one of the best nights I’ve had in years. I’m just about to finish my food when Gracie stretches and yawns, and says, “Mama. Sleepy.” I go to shovel in my last few bites when Hawk reaches out and coves my hand with his own, sending a thrill up my arm .

  “You eat. I can put her to bed .”

  “But, she needs to be changed, and washed up, and put in her pajamas. She’ll need a story, and you’ll have to sing to her,” I start rattling off her bedtime routine, thinking it will put him off. But he just smiles .

  “No problem. You stay down here and enjoy your dinner. Have another glass of wine. Gracie and I can handle it, right Gracie?” he says as he winks at her. Gracie holds her arms out to him and says, “Hawky!” with a happy smile. I’m sure my face is reflecting my shock, but I don’t object .

  “Well, if you say so. But if you need anything, just yell down. I’ll be right here .”

  He scoffs at me, then picks up Gracie, and they disappear up the stairs. For the first few minutes, I mute the TV and try to listen for any signs of trouble. But all I hear is Gracie is laughing, and Hawk talking to her, so I start to settle down. Once I get a few sips into my second glass of wine, and several bites into a second serving of mashed potatoes, I feel a sense of calm that is relatively new, especially since my baby was born. It’s almost as if I’m truly comfortable with the thought of someone else watching Gracie, and the fact that I feel that way about Hawk of all people is an absolute surprise .

  I’m just beginning to get lost in the movie when I feel my cell phone vibrate in my pocket. I pull it out of my jeans and see it’s Anna, and for a second I panic. She hasn’t been on a date in such a long time, I really don’t want things to go badly for her tonight .

  “Anna? Honey? What’s wrong ?”

  Her voice is reverberating, as if she is in an echo chamber, but she laughs. “Nothing is wrong! I snuck out to go to the bathroom so I could call you .”

  I choke on my wine. “Why would you do that ?”

  “I had to tell you! It’s going really well, Parrish. He’s so sweet. Nothing like I expected. You know how he looks during the day at a job site ?”

  I picture Sid Warren in his overalls and baseball hat and flannel and shrug. “Yeah, I guess .”

  “Well, he looks like a model tonight. He’s wearing a sweater over a button-down, and he has glasses on that make his eyes just pop. And he has these skinny jeans on that highlight his… everything, Parrish. His everything,” she accentuates “everything” and I burst out laughing .

  “Sneak a picture! I want to see!” I say through my laughter .

  “I’ll do what I can. But seriously, Pare. He’s so sweet, and kind, and he’s such a gentleman. I just want to rip his clothes off in the middle of the restaurant,” she whispers .

  “Oh my God, Anna !”

  “What? A girl has needs,” Anna says with a chuckle. “Anyway, I need to get back before he thinks I’m doing something unladylike in here .”

  I snicker. “I won’t press for details. Have fun, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do .”

  “Likewise!” Anna says, and hangs up before I can swear at her for giving me shit about Hawk. I set my phone down on the coffee table as Hawk walks back into the living room and plops down in his dad’s easy chair .

  “And who was that?” he asks with a raised eyebrow .

  “Your sister. She snuck into the bathroom to give me an update on dinner .”

  Hawk’s face goes all stern and brotherly. “I hope he’s being a gentleman. If he so much as lays a finger on her …”

  “You’ll lay him out in the barn in front of the entire crew ?”

  Hawk’s shoulders drop. “Do I need to apologize again?” he asks sincerely .

  “No. And I think we can put a cap on the apologies for now. Just, in general. Let’s assume I know you’re sorry for everything and move on. So, is Gracie asleep ?”

  He picks up his glass of wine and takes a long sip. “Sure is. I gave her a shot of whiskey and a hit off of one of dad’s cigars, and she was out like a light .”

  I pick up the pillow from the end of the couch and smack him with it. “Jokes about getting my toddler intoxicated are not funny, Hawk .”

  “Maybe not to you,” he says with a laugh. “Anyway, she’s asleep. I read her that moon book that Matt loved when he was a kid and she was asleep before I finished it .”

  I smile. “That’s actually your copy. If you look at the front page, it’s inscribed to you from your grandmother I think? Matt just stole it .”

  Hawk looks down at his lap. “I miss him, Parrish .”

  “You’re not the only one .”

  Neither of us talks for while; we just stare at the TV and drink our wine until the movie ends and the credits start to roll. Hawk looks down at the dishes and sighs. “Should we start cleaning this up ?”

  I shrug. “If we don’t, no one else will .”

  We start gathering everything up and carry it into the kitchen, then Hawk starts cleaning plates as I put away leftovers. Once I have everything in the fridge, I cross over to the sink to help him dry, but when I
reach to take a plate from him, our hands touch, and I feel spark that radiates through my entire body. I can see that he feels it too, because he looks at me with a longing in his eyes that mirrors everything I am feeling in the pit of my stomach. Hawk picks up a dish towel and uses it to brush the soap bubbles from his hands, then he reaches over and gently touches my cheek .

  “Hawk, we already talked about this. I can’t…” I want to say, but the words don’t form. And he doesn’t say anything either. He just leans forward, and softly kisses me. I lean back against the sink, using the edge to hold myself up, afraid I am going to just crumple to the floor. His kiss becomes more insistent, and his muscular body presses up against me, sending me into a swirl of dizzying confusion. I can feel the heft of his manhood against my stomach, and despite my better judgment, the only thing I want in this moment is to tear his pants off and let him take me right here on the counter .

  Hawk looks down at me, his cheeks flush and his eyes sparkling. “Parrish, I …”

  But he doesn’t get a chance to finish. We both hear the front door to the house open, and Sam and Candy’s happy voices as they walk inside. I quickly straighten out my clothes, and Hawk turns to face the sink so his parents can’t see the physical evidence of what we were just doing. They walk into the kitchen, laughing and smiling, Sam’s arms loaded down with bags of leftovers and Candy carrying a half-empty bottle of wine .

  “Well! Good evening, kids. Parrish, you’re never up this late,” Candy says with a wink. Sam starts putting the carryout containers in the fridge and then exclaims in excitement .

  “Chicken legs and pasta? Between that and our leftovers, Candy here may never have to cook again !”

  Hawk and I both laugh awkwardly, and way too loudly, causing Sam and Candy to look at us like we’re insane. Hawk still hasn’t turned around, and Sam surveys him suspiciously .

  “Son, is there something of importance in that dishwater? You haven’t said two words to us since we walked through the door .”

  I see Hawk look down for a split second, then kind of uncomfortably shift around, then he finally turns with a weird smile. “Sorry, pop. I just really wanted to get those dishes done. So, how was dinner ?”

  Candy and Sam look at each other, then look at us, before seemingly shrugging off their confusion. “It was incredible. Thank you for the reservation, son. We need to go out, just the two of us, more often. What did you two kids get up to all by yourself ?”

  I have to remind myself to stay stone-faced. “We just made some dinner, put Gracie to bed, watched a movie. Nothing too exciting. Anna called. She’s having a good time with Sid. And she assured me he’s being a perfect gentleman, so no one has anything to worry about .”

  Candy laughs. “She called you from her date? What did she do? Call you from the bathroom ?”

  “Yes, actually,” I answer with a chuckle. “And on that note, I should probably get to bed. The plumber is coming first thing tomorrow with his team to start figuring out the logistics of the build. So. Goodnight everyone!” I don’t make eye contact; I just run out of the kitchen and up the stairs to my room, where I crawl into bed without changing out of my jeans and sweatshirt. Once I’m safely under the quilt, I allow myself the luxury of a giggle .

  I hate myself for feeling this way, about Hawk of all people, but there is no question. All of the old butterflies are back, and I have no idea how to fight them anymore .

  And I’m not even sure I want to, I muse as my hand drifts between my legs .

  Hawk

  I stand back and look at the stable, and I can’t believe how close we are to being done. It’s been two weeks since that night in the kitchen with Parrish, and we’ve been cutting each other a wide berth since then. I think we’re both afraid of what it means to be alone with each other, of what it means that every time we are alone, we can’t seem to keep our hands off one another. With the project nearing completion, and me on the verge of going back to Los Angeles, it’s given a stark sense of reality to all of our interactions, and I can feel her pulling away, putting more and more distance between us every time we speak .

  And I don’t really blame her .

  I feel like I’m being torn in two every time I look at her now. There is the part of me that is being forced to admit how I feel about her. That I may even really love her, more than I ever thought I could love anyone. But there is a bigger part of me that can’t handle the idea of loving my brother’s wife, the idea of coming back to Dylan, and the ranch, for good, and wants to run screaming back to LA. I never expected it to be like this, and it’s making every day a fresh kind of hell .

  It doesn’t help that Simone has gotten even more clingy the closer we get to the completion date. Every time I turn around, she’s there, asking me an irrelevant question, or taking a picture of me doing something completely benign. I’ve literally walked her over to my father, or Parrish, and even once, Sid and Anna, trying to get her to interview anyone else. But it feels like she’s explicitly trying to convince me of something that will never happen, no matter how hard I try and avoid her .

  Even now, as I stand at the edge of the property, watching as the guys lay the concrete for the walkways around the new stable, I can feel her hovering behind me. I try to avoid her for as long as I can, but finally, I can smell her perfume, which means she’s standing right behind me, and I’m forced to turn around .

  “Hey, Simone,” I say through a forced smile. She flashes her thousand-watt one back at me, and I can’t help but notice she’s dressing more and more like Parrish. I’m starting to wonder if she’s stealing clothes from her instead of my sister and just forcing them to fit .

  “Hey, you,” Simon says with a wink. “Your mother just told me that she’s planning a huge party for the opening of the new stables. Could I interest you in being my date ?”

  Oh, no. No. No, no, no, no, no. Go away please .

  “That’s a kind offer, Simone, but I don’t think I’d make a very good date. I’ll be super busy that night, chatting with possible investors and showing people around. You may want to ask around for someone that will be able to be a little more attentive .”

  She pokes me playfully in the chest, and I feel my face start to reflect my annoyance, so I have to stamp it back down .

  “Silly boy, I don’t mind if you’re busy. I just want to be the woman on your arm that night when you walk in, looking all handsome in your suit,” she says in a sing-song voice. A cringe starts to creep up .

  “It won’t be that kind of party, Simone. You seriously may want to talk to one of the guys in town. I’m sure any of them would be more than happy to escort you.” I look at my watch. “Holy hell, would you look at the time? I need to get in there and check out the… uh… floors! But hey, there is Sid! I’m sure he’d love to give you some more quotes about the progress as of today .”

  Before she can answer, I run into the stable and shut the door behind me. Parrish and my father look at me like I’m crazy .

  “What’s wrong? Did you see a ghost?” my father asks without really look at me. He and Parrish are distracted by the extremely-expensive sliding stable doors, which they are staring at with matching levels of frustration .

  I walk up to them and try to figure out what the problem is. “Nothing is wrong with me. What’s going on here? You both looked… pissed .”

  Dad scowls at my choice of words, but Parrish just shakes her head. “They don’t fit. The keep sliding open on their own and I can see daylight through the edges. How the hell did this happen?” She kicks the wall and we all watch in frustration as the stable door slides open, just like she said .

  I pull a tape measure out of my back pocket and check to see how much of a gap there is between the wall and the door. Then I measure the tilt of the frame. Everything is off. It’s only a few centimeters, but it’s enough to cause a big problem .

  “Is it all of them? Or just this one?” I ask .

  “All of them,” Parrish growls .
<
br />   I sigh and rub my forehead. “Well, it’s not the doors. They are pre-measured by artisan craftsmen. But the only way that I can confirm that the frame of the walls is off is by having them pull out the doors .”

  Parrish stalks off in the direction of Sid and his guys with a look on her face that says she is ready to scream. Dad just shakes his head. “You know, before we started this project, I thought she was tough. But running this build has turned her into a stone-cold killer. I pity those boys .”

  And within seconds, we hear not Parrish yelling, but Sid furiously apologizing. Parrish’s voice has barely raised above a whisper, but Sid looks like he has seen a ghost, and like he might puke, simultaneously. Before Dad or I can register what is going on, Sid and all of the guys that work for him are outside of the stable, working double-time to pull out the doors so I can take the measurements. I’m actually flinching as I confirm that it’s the frame of the stable that is off, and not the doors. I turn around to tell Parrish, but I can tell that she already knows, because her eyes are flaming .

  “How. Do. We. Fix. It?” Each word almost sounds like a treat. I can see Sid pacing nervously behind me .

  “It’s fine. Seriously. We can add to and reinforce the frame, then reset the stable doors and reinforce them . In fact, Sid doesn’t even have to do it. I can do it. It’s really basic stuff, so they can keep working on the finishing touches on the rest of the stable, and I can cover this. All they have to do is pull the doors for me so I can work on it .”

  Parrish’s face visibly relaxes, but she shoots Sid a scowl for good measure. “Are you sure? You don’t have anything else you need to be doing ?”

  I shrug. “I mean, you can help me if you want to. I wouldn’t say no .”

  Parrish laughs and looks at her phone. “So, I’m a builder now too? Fine, I’ll help. But I only have a few hours before I have to pick up Gracie .”