The Soul of a Storme

by SOOKOO, SANDRA

  Devil take her anyway. Every breath he took came with a shower of pain, for his body didn’t wish for proper or outward calm. It wanted to let each emotion battling inside have at it even though that would destroy him. “I haven’t lied. I do need a countess.”

  “I understand that, but why me?”

  “Why not?” He gasped for breath. For the love of God, when would this terrible pressure relent? “You’re long in the tooth, true, but you’re more intelligent and knowledgeable than debutantes. That alone puts you well ahead of anyone else I might have chosen.” An involuntary shiver went down his spine as she sputtered, and her eyes snapped fire once more. If she let herself, would the storm she’d bring cleanse his soul? A yearning for that added itself to the pile and churned through the gripping anxiety.

  “Oh, well, thank you very much for your regard,” she shot off, bitterness and annoyance clearly ringing in her voice.

  Drew rubbed his fingers over his heart. Would it suddenly stop beating like his father’s had while he’d fought the lingering failing of the same? For that matter, had his sire battled with the relentless anxiety too? “I’m certain you’ll want to have children sooner rather than later, yes?”

  “I don’t…” Her mouth worked as if she were a caught fish. “Insults couched as compliments will not help your cause, my lord.” Her fingers crushed the brim of the ugly bonnet. “Are you merely tired of bucolic country life or do you only wish to relieve other… needs?” She let her gaze drop to the front of his breeches. Another streak of desire went through his shaft, tightening it.

  Oh, God, could she discern that evidence?

  “Damn it all, Sarah,” he said from around gritted teeth. No, there were no other feelings for her other than blatant lust, but he could do worse. Perhaps over time they’d form a friendship of sorts, and that was something he sorely needed. “I need an heir. You’re smart enough to know how such things come about.” And he’d bloody well enjoy taking her to bed, merely to discover if she was a virgin as he suspected. If she were, he’d relish the opportunity to teach her the finer points of carnal pleasure.

  A blush jumped into her cheeks that fairly proclaimed her an innocent at such an advanced age that he had to stifle a groan. “How fascinating, but I do know. Thank you.” Her words were clipped and cold. “Also, how flattering you think to use me as a breeding service.”

  Her annoyance stirred his own. It rose to fight with the anxiety, made his chest so tight he feared he might cast up his accounts at her feet, but in the background, fear wormed through. Would he fail at this, be alone for the rest of his life? “That is how life goes, Miss Copeland.” He couldn’t resist needling her. If she continued to “my lord” him, he’d revert to using her surname. “Don’t most women angle to marry a titled lord?”

  She huffed. “I am not most women.”

  “Oh, I’m well aware of that, which is why I made my offer initially.” She had the potential to sweep through his life and make everything new. Why couldn’t she see that? When she stared at his hand that pressed against his chest with narrowed eyes, he immediately dropped it to his side. “I’m extending you an opportunity to do what you wish, for marrying will give you a certain freedom.”

  “Ha!” Both of her eyebrows lifted skyward. “If you think I’m going to forever show you gratitude for rescuing me from a life of drudgery when I didn’t ask, I’ll disabuse you of that notion this instant. Earl or not, I will not grovel at a man’s feet.”

  For all her outward appearance as a meek, drab governess, Sarah possessed a sharp mind and a tart mouth, and he wanted nothing more than to tame her. But the damned woman hadn’t agreed to his proposal. “It would definitely relieve the dullness of being in the country, for that I won’t attempt to cover with niceties. Again, because I need to do my duty, if it’s not with you, it will be with someone else.” He shrugged, for that was the bald fact. “But I’d rather wed a female I find interesting and who is near my own age, who can converse on more erudite topics beyond the contents of Debrett’s Peerage or the latest fashions from Paris.”

  Her lips twitched. She pressed them together but that didn’t erase the sudden twinkle of humor in her eyes. “I’d be an idiot to consider your proposal given your arrogance and temper. I always told myself I’d never marry a man with a temper, yet here I am.”

  A frisson of excitement danced down his spine. The crushing anxiety and heated anger faded a smidge. She was wavering! “Quite frankly, you’d be an idiot not to, for what other choices do you have? Once those children grow, what will you do? From what little I know of the baronet, it’s unlikely he’ll see you off with a favorable reference.”

  Anger flashed in her eyes. “I could go to London anyway and find work with a well-to-do family.”

  “Without a letter of recommendation, it will prove an uphill battle.” Matching wills with her would be quite the challenge, for she stirred that simmering rage and poked at the annoyance always brewing, but he couldn’t pull his hand from the flame. He suspected he needed her more than she needed him in this moment, though he had no idea why.

  Please don’t let me fall. I’ll never survive the crash.

  She rolled her eyes. “Fine.” With a slight lift of her hand, she pushed her spectacles back into place high on the bridge of her nose.

  “What?” His heartbeat leaped. “Could you please expand your thinking? I want no misunderstandings.”

  Her nod was definitive. “I agree to marry you. Consider it a business arrangement.”

  “Except for bearing me an heir.” On that he refused to compromise.

  “Of course. How crass of me to forget or you for beating that fact over my head.” Sarah’s cheeks blazed, out of annoyance or the reference to begetting a child, he couldn’t say. “After that, we will very much live separate lives, for this isn’t a love match as you’ve said yourself.”

  “Agreed.” Some of the anxiety holding him captive lessened. It was a small step, but at least he hadn’t failed to take a wife. “When do you wish to wed?”

  “A week from today. It will coincide with my employment anniversary.”

  Practical to a fault. “Providential.” Drew nodded. He drew a nearly normal breath and let it ease out. “I shall apply to the parish officials for a common license soon.”

  “Very well.” Her nod was perfunctory. “I shall inform my great uncle of my plans and resign my post.” She snapped her gaze to his. “Unless you think I should keep it.”

  The fact she had deferred a decision to him was telling. Perhaps she was beginning to trust him. “You’ll have no need to hold a position as my countess. Whatever else we are to each other from this point forward, I will take care of you.”

  And he suspected she desperately needed someone to care for her.

  “I appreciate that.” Suddenly, her guard slipped. She curled a hand over the silver locket. What did it mean to her? Naked vulnerability reflected on her face. “Stability is most welcome at this point in my life.”

  “As I said before, we’re both benefiting from this arrangement.” Though, it rankled. The title always came first. When would he ever matter to someone as the man he was? Broken or not, would he never have value in someone’s eyes?

  Chapter Six

  Sarah’s head swam. Her thoughts circled around like ponies on a loop, while her gut churned with both anxiety and unexpected anticipation. Merciful heavens, she had agreed to marry a man she didn’t know, let alone didn’t love or even like overly much.

  What am I doing? Her heartbeat surged. After a few deep breaths as she stared at the man before her, her pulse resumed its normal placid course. Then she straightened her spine and pushed her spectacles back to the bridge of her nose. What was she doing? Looking after her future, for there was no one else to do it for her. No longer would she need to worry, or scrimp and save.

  What was more, perhaps with the earl’s power, she could more easily reach her dream of playing on a London stage. That alone was worth the p
rice she’d need to pay.

  When she met his eyes, the anger roiling there as well as depression and a tiny bit of fear stole her breath. What demons did he fight with, and why did she wish to immerse herself into that angst? Because she’d seen a silent cry for help on his face as they’d conversed, and it had tugged at her compassion. She knew those emotions well, had dealt with them herself a time or two, and this man had the look of someone who was three steps away from a complete collapse.

  Finally, she nodded again as if to solidify her decision. Yes, he needed her for more than fulfilling his duty, and the reason why intrigued her enough that she’d agreed. As soon as she could, she would discover it. “Thank you. I’d like to say we’ll be happy together, but the world doesn’t work that way. Instead, I’ll say that I hope we won’t destroy each other as we enter this new phase of life.” For with his temper and her backbone, the nuptial merger didn’t make much sense.

  “In this, you might be more correct than you know.” Then he cleared his throat. “In any event, think nothing of it. We are merely two people using each other as a means to an end.” He waved a hand in dismissal, but that didn’t remove the bitter sting in his statement. “Who shall I speak with about the terms of our betrothal—the baronet? Another relative?”

  The words made everything all too real, and what a sad state of affairs it was. Sarah forced moisture into her dry throat with a hard swallow. “As I said before, I have no other relatives.” Sweat trickled down her spine, for the sun was quite warm. She might be desperate to change her fate, but she wasn’t stupid. If her great uncle oversaw the contract, it would only benefit him, and he didn’t deserve it. “I am quite capable of negotiating the terms as well as—if not better than—him. He’s done the bare minimum for me and my well-being already. You may show me the terms instead.”

  “I beg your pardon?” He stared at her with annoyance and grudging admiration mixing in his blue-gray eyes. “You’re a woman, and you wish to enter betrothal negotiations.” It wasn’t a question.

  “I’m glad you’re so observant, my lord.” Sarah smiled, but it felt all too forced. “I meant what I said.” Her fingers dug into the straw brim of her bonnet as her eyeglasses slid down her nose. “You may discuss everything with me. I am advocating for myself.” She took a deep breath and let it ease out. “Never again will I allow a man control over my future.”

  Except, marrying an earl would bring certain complications to that statement.

  “I see.” He gawked at her as if he didn’t know what to make of her. For the first time in Sarah’s life, power licked through her veins. No wonder men fought for it. As would she. Finally, she had the opportunity for control over her own future, and it almost made her giddy.

  Or perhaps too confident, for she felt compelled to continue. “If you think to cheat me merely because I’m a female, or you’ve decided that me bearing you children is enough, you’re sadly mistaken.” The thought of doing those acts with him to find herself in that state sent a thrill sailing down her spine. Heat burned in her cheeks. Though why she had even agreed to that without feeling anything beyond annoyance for him, she couldn’t say.

  You’re a liar, Sarah.

  Yes, yes, she was, for the attraction he’d spoken of earlier was there and it pulled at a need deep inside her. The fact that he might desire her left her at sixes and sevens, but she’d aim to enjoy the ride for as far as it took her. Why should she not? She shoved her spectacles back into place and looked at him, waiting for his rebuttal.

  A trace of disappointment shadowed his face for a few brief seconds before his customary disagreeable disposition obliterated it. Why he should take refuge in that instead of the charm he could display was beyond her. “Fine.” The earl chopped the air with a hand. “I am many things, but I am not a cheat or a swindler.” Anger flashed in his eyes—so much fury inside his person all the time. But why? “Come to Hadleigh Hall tomorrow at one o’clock. The paperwork will be waiting for you.”

  Apparently, the battle of wills between them would begin now. “I have lessons until four.” But she wouldn’t back down, not with so much riding out the outcome.

  “God damn it, Sarah, must you prove so stubborn in everything?” He shoved a gloved hand through his hair, leaving the mass in upended furrows.

  The sound of her name in his voice had a few flutters moving through her belly, but she shook her head. “Women have few rights as it is in this world, my lord. I aim to see that my future is secure.”

  “Despite this inauspicious beginning, I won’t leave you wanting.” Drew curled a hand into a first before relaxing it when she flicked her gaze to it. “Come for tea at five.” Without another word, he turned to leave, apparently forgetting that he’d ridden to her great uncle’s home or that he should escort her back.

  Arrogant prig. Did she truly wish to align herself with a man like him? At the moment, it was the lesser of two evils. “Is that it then?” she said to his retreating back. “You have what you want and now you’re done?” Would he conduct everything else between them in such a cold, perfunctory manner?

  He came to a halt. Was it her imagination or did a growl emanate from him? “What more could you possibly want? You are being give the better end of the bargain, by far.” When he faced her once again, the grit of the dirt road scraping beneath his boots, the loathing on his face left her trembling with apprehension. Was it for her or himself, and why did she want to know?

  Still, Sarah refused to let him treat her as a piece of rubbish on his heel. “A fat lot more than this. You’re a stranger to me, an arrogant arse of a man who will take me to bed to beget an heir.” As she made each point, his chest swelled, and red color mottled his neck above his cravat. A button popped from his waistcoat to land in the meadow grass at the side of the road. But she plunged on, unwilling to stop. “Perfunctory and without feeling or even companionship between us.” She ignored the heat in her cheeks. No, she hadn’t thought ahead at what marriage to him would encompass, for she’d only wanted out of her current situation.

  As she stared, her imagination took flight. What would he look like in the nude? Already, he cut a powerful figure of broad shoulders, lean hips, and a narrow waist. Perhaps he would resemble a statue of a Greek god she’d seen once while visiting a friend years ago. What sort of lover would he be, and would she enjoy that sort of attention? The thought sent her mind reeling once more.

  Dear heavens, I’ve no more knowledge in that than I do of conducting myself as a countess. What would he think of her ignorance?

  “What is your point, Miss Copeland?” Ice dripped from the inquiry.

  A huff escaped her. “Oh, this is impossible.” Sarah whirled about and jammed her bonnet upon her head. “I’m naught but a fool.” Security wasn’t enough to spend a lifetime with a man so obviously lost in personal problems. She took a few steps in the direction of her great uncle’s house.

  “You’ll leave without giving me respect, like all the others.” Yes, the perpetual anger he carried resonated in his voice, but there was also a hint of resignation, and that tugged at her sympathy.

  Her eyebrows rose. Here was a break, a crack in his armor so to speak, that she could use to know him better. “Respect is earned, my lord. People are not for you to order about like pawns on a chessboard.” But she kept walking. If he wanted this marriage, he would need to work for it or at least show her that it mattered—that she did.

  “So then you’re a coward.” The challenge in his tone rang clear. “I expected more from you than that.”

  Why must he act the dastard? Slowly, Sarah turned about. “I am hardly that.”

  “Yet you run away.” He rubbed a hand upon his chest in the region of his heart as lines of strain etched themselves over his face.

  What was wrong with him? Did he suffer from poor health? That would explain his haste to marry and have children. Then she shoved the questions to the back of her mind. Until he understood that he wasn’t the only person in the world
who mattered, she couldn’t let the numerous mysteries surrounding him suck her in. She fairly shook from the hot aggravation that coursed through her. “A coward would have given up when faced with what I’ve already overcome.” No, she didn’t care that a warning threatened in her voice; he was out of line. Titled or not, she refused to let him treat her in such a manner.

  Andrew leveled those cool stormy eyes on her, pressed his lips together, but some of his color had paled and his breath came in quick pants.

  Concern for his health rushed once more to the forefront. She eyed him with alarm. “Are you quite well, my lord?”

  “Yes.” The one-word answer seemed forced from his throat. “Why won’t you stay and talk with me?”

  “You are not giving me that option. Remember, you were the one who walked away first. Have you changed your mind?”

  “Perhaps.” Blue lightning roiled in his eyes.

  “Good.” She glared back at him. Exhilaration surged through her veins. Why the devil did arguing with this man feel so… wonderful? “Fine then. Let’s talk. What did you mean about the others? Women? Lovers? Friends?” Somehow, she had the feeling that he didn’t have many friends, let alone contemporaries who’d stuck by him.

  “Family,” he managed to gasp out.

  Now that surprised her, but the opportunity to learn about his life was tantalizing. “Why do you think that is?”

  “I’m rather… difficult just now.” Some of the color returned to his face and he relaxed his death-grip on his jacket.

  “An understatement to be sure.” There had to be a reason, and drat her, she wished to know more. “Why are you so arduous?”

  The chords of his throat worked with a hard swallow. “I’m left with the responsibility of the earl alone.” Uncertainty flickered in his eyes—another crack in the thick armor he wore about himself.

  “I’ll wager that’s not the whole of it, but this is a start.” Despite the doubts she harbored, Sarah went toward him a few steps. She pushed her spectacles back into place. “Why did you come to Hadleigh Hall, my lord? Surely not to marry the first woman you saw so you wouldn’t be alone.”