Friends With Benefits

by Lisa Swift

  * * *

  When Lexie came down to the kitchen the following morning, Connor was already there.

  ‘Morning, my little sunbeam,’ she said, ruffling his hair. ‘You’re up early. It’s a red-letter day when you manage to roll out of bed before noon in the holidays.’

  ‘I’m going over to Oli’s. We’re meeting JJ and Crucial up on the moors to fly Crucial’s new drone.’

  ‘All right. Did you have your breakfast?’

  ‘Yeah, I had some toast.’

  ‘That’s a shame. I was going to make us pancakes for a summer holiday treat.’

  He looked up from his phone. ‘I could still eat pancakes.’

  ‘Well, you’re a growing lad, I suppose,’ she said, laughing as she searched the cupboards for pancake mix. ‘Theo’s here. He’s just in the shower.’

  Connor smiled. ‘I know. I saw you let him in last night.’

  ‘Thanks to some young busybody who can’t mind his own business, I understand.’ She bent to kiss his curls and he shook her away, grimacing.

  ‘Am I in shit then?’

  ‘You’re in shit for saying shit, which is 50p you owe the jar. I can hardly tell you off for trying to make me happy, though, can I?’ She put an arm round him and gave him a squeeze. ‘Thanks, Con.’

  He shrugged. ‘Just thought you should stop kidding yourselves, that’s all. So are you and him dating properly now?’

  ‘We are.’

  ‘About time.’

  She sat down opposite him for a moment. ‘You know you can’t tell your father about this, don’t you? It’s even more important now we’re making it official.’

  ‘I don’t tell him about anything else, why should this be any different?’

  ‘I’m serious, Connor. It’s eight months until we can file for divorce and I could do without your dad finding out I’m now in a relationship with his ex-best friend. He could really make like difficult for me – for all three of us.’

  Connor glanced up. ‘How could he?’

  ‘Well, there’s this house, for one thing. The mortgage is in both our names, but he was paying it off on his earnings alone the whole time I wasn’t working.’

  ‘Yeah, because he made you quit your job so you could look after me. That’s his fault.’

  ‘Still, I don’t doubt he could make a case out of the fact he’s paid more towards it than I have. He’ll be able to afford a better solicitor than I can too. If he made up his mind to take me to the cleaners financially, I might find myself with not much left. And then there’s you.’

  ‘What about me?’

  ‘You’re not my son, Con. That could be a problem.’

  ‘I’m more your son than his. He never did sh— crap for me.’ Connor frowned. ‘Why, what do you think he could do?’

  ‘I guess if he wanted, he could try to cut off my access to you. Not that I think he would,’ she added quickly, registering his worried expression. ‘Still, you know what he’s like when he gets in a temper. I think it’s a good idea if we keep my relationship with Theo quiet for as long as we can – until after the divorce is final, ideally. Your dad and me are hardly the best of friends, but we’ve managed to keep communication channels open and I’m optimistic we can get this all sorted amicably.’

  Connor still looked worried. ‘He couldn’t make me go anywhere with him, could he? I mean, take me away? I don’t want to live with him. I want to stay with you. You’re my mum now.’

  Lexie felt her eyes prickle. ‘Well, I don’t know whether he could but I certainly don’t believe he would. Daryl’s not cruel, for all his faults. I know he wants what’s best for you.’

  ‘The hell he does,’ Connor muttered.

  ‘It might not seem like it, Con, but your dad loves you. His feelings are just… complicated, that’s all.’

  ‘Because of Mum, right?’

  She frowned. ‘You knew that?’

  ‘Theo said something about it.’

  ‘Well… maybe. I’m not making any excuses for him, but it is a bit less straightforward than it probably seems from your point of view.’ She stood up and went to squeeze his shoulder. ‘But here’s one parent who always wants you around, my love. No one’s going to take you anywhere against your will, I promise.’

  He smiled. ‘Thanks, Lexie.’

  ‘Now then, how about these pancakes? We can have them with strawberries and squirty cream. Strawberries make it healthy so it’s basically got zero calories.’

  ‘I’m not sure that’s how it works, Lex,’ Theo said as he joined them. He went to put an arm around her waist and turned her face to his for a lingering kiss.

  Connor grimaced. ‘Bleurgh. Not sure I can keep my pancakes down if you two are going to be sucking each other’s faces off in front of me. Get a room, oldies.’

  Theo shrugged. ‘Well, it’s your own fault, isn’t it? You and your matchmaking.’

  ‘Go sit down, Teddy, and I’ll make the batter,’ Lexie said, patting his bottom.

  ‘So, am I alive to you again then?’ Theo asked as he took a seat next to Connor.

  ‘S’pose,’ Connor said. ‘You took your time getting here though.’

  ‘You only gave me an hour, mate. I had to ring for a cab. What, did you think I was going to fly here on the wings of love?’

  ‘Yeah, well. You made it in the end, I guess.’ He looked up from his phone. ‘Last chance, though. No more making Lexie cry. Next time I’ll really sort you out.’

  ‘I don’t doubt it.’ Theo held out his hand. ‘There, I promise. Shake on it.’

  Lexie smiled as she watched the two most important men in her life shake hands.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  ‘Come on, Lex, stop hiding. We promise we won’t laugh, don’t we, Con?’

  ‘Er, no.’

  Theo nudged him. ‘Yes we do. Be nice or she won’t tell us where she’s hidden your birthday presents.’

  ‘Ugh. Fine, we won’t laugh.’

  ‘You really promise?’ Lexie called from behind the living room door. ‘Because it’s pretty damn hilarious. I’d have a giggle myself if it wasn’t for the epic humiliation.’

  ‘Well, maybe one little laugh to get it out of our systems,’ Theo said. ‘But after that, not a peep.’

  ‘All right, here I come.’ She edged around the door and spread out her arms. ‘Ta-da! Go on then, mock me. I’ve prepared myself.’

  Theo shrugged. ‘I think you look hot. I’ve always had a thing for girls in spandex.’

  Lexie scanned his tight rubber Deadpool suit. ‘Not so bad yourself, Teddy. It’s a bit S&M but it suits you.’

  Connor made a retching sound. ‘Oh God. You two aren’t going to be all old and perverted on my birthday, are you? Seriously, you cannot say this stuff in front of Oli.’

  ‘What do you think of my costume, Connor?’ Lexie asked, gesturing to her red-and-black Starfleet uniform. ‘You’re the cosplay expert. Will I pass muster at CalderCon?’

  He nodded. ‘Yeah, that looks cool. Janeway was one of the best captains.’

  ‘Janeway?’ Lexie glanced down at the spandex jumpsuit. ‘I thought I was Uhura. Am I not Uhura?’

  Connor rolled his eyes. ‘Oh my God. Right, just, when we get there, don’t talk, all right? And whatever you do, don’t tell anyone we’re together.’

  ‘I think since it’s your birthday, we can manage to pretend to be total strangers,’ Theo said. He slapped the coffee table. ‘Now. Presents.’

  ‘Wait,’ Lexie said. ‘Family selfie first. Con, put your helmet on, and Teddy, put your… motorcycle gimp mask thing on.’

  The two of them suited up and Lexie snapped a photo.

  ‘Aww,’ she said as she looked at it. ‘Don’t we look adorable? You reckon we can put it on Facebook, Theo?’

  ‘Yeah, why not?’ Theo said, shrugging. ‘Doesn’t give anything away, does it? I don’t see what’s suspicious about Connor going to CalderCon with his stepmum and godfather for his fifteenth birthday.’

&
nbsp; ‘You’re right. I’ll post it now.’

  ‘If you tag me, you’d better not mention Uhura,’ Connor said as he took his Boba Fett helmet off. ‘I’m glad you’re coming too though, Lexie. I mean, still don’t talk to me when we get there, obviously.’

  She smiled. ‘Well, I suppose that’s sort of sweet. Since you managed to emotionally blackmail your uncle into coming to see Hamilton with us next month, it seemed a fair swap.’

  ‘Can I have presents now?’

  ‘All right, since you’re being nice to me.’ She produced a pile of gift-wrapped parcels from under the sofa and put them on the coffee table. ‘Here you go.’ She passed one to him. ‘Open this one.’

  ‘Why’re you grinning like that?’

  ‘You’ll see.’

  He opened it and held up the cloth cap sitting on top of a matching beige shirt, tie and trousers.

  ‘It’s a GI uniform,’ Lexie said. ‘For the festival. Cool, right?’

  ‘Oh God,’ he groaned. ‘I can’t believe you’re making me go to this stupid 1940s thing.’

  ‘Oh, come on. I thought you loved dressing up.’

  ‘Yeah, as cool stuff.’

  ‘Well, what’s cooler than someone who fought the Nazis to free the world from oppression? Not all heroes wear capes, Con. Besides, you’ll look ever so handsome.’

  ‘Fine, whatever. But I’m only doing it to make you happy.’

  Lexie smiled. She could see her stepson was trying his best to seem unimpressed, but his eyes glinted whenever they fell on the new uniform.

  ‘Here,’ she said, passing him another parcel. ‘The ones in the blue paper are from your dad.’

  Connor opened it and frowned at the Marvel T-shirt inside.

  ‘This is from Dad?’

  ‘That’s right. Don’t you like it?’

  ‘Yeah. How does Dad know I’m into Marvel though? How does he even know my size?’

  ‘Well, I told him,’ Lexie said, glancing at Theo. She didn’t want to admit that Daryl hadn’t chosen the presents for himself. It’d only hurt the boy, and that really wasn’t fair on his birthday. ‘Go on, open another one.’

  ‘Open this one,’ Theo said, sliding an oblong-shaped parcel towards him. ‘That’s from me.’

  ‘Oh, awesome! Starbug!’ Connor said when he opened it. He gazed at it adoringly. ‘And it’s in the box.’

  ‘See?’ Theo whispered to Lexie. He handed Connor another present. ‘Here, I got you these as well.’

  ‘Discworld. Terry Pratchett,’ Theo said as Connor unwrapped it. ‘Boxset of the first ten books. Do you know the series?’

  ‘No. I don’t read books much, unless they’re graphic novels.’

  ‘Well, you need to read these. Honestly, if you like Red Dwarf you’re going to love them. You can thank me later.’

  Connor looked up. ‘Thanks, Theo. You didn’t need to get me so much stuff.’

  ‘Originally I just got you Starbug, but I felt like I owed you extra in exchange for that girlfriend you sorted out for me.’ He patted the boy’s shoulder. ‘Anyway, you’re welcome, son. I’m glad you like them.’

  * * *

  Calderdale ComicCon took place in Halifax every August. It was a relatively modest affair compared to the big events in the cities, but it was always a lot of fun. Connor and his friends had gone to every one since they started secondary school – him, Oli and Sophie, usually, and sometimes the other two if Lexie was very unlucky. For some reason, she was always the parent who ended up volunteering to go keep an eye on them.

  This was the first year, though, that she was actually quite looking forward to it. With Theo along, it felt less like a chore and more like a family day out, her and her boys. Every time she looked at Connor and Theo, chatting about costumes and characters, it made her smile.

  They picked Oli up on the way, dressed in a white vest and jeans as Wolverine. The outfit, fake sideburns and gelled hair made him look older, and rather handsome. Lexie noticed Connor sneaking a look at his friend when he joined them in the car. Obviously there was still an attraction there, even if officially the pair were just friends.

  ‘Um, happy birthday,’ Oli said, looking bashful as he handed over a present.

  ‘Thanks, Ol.’ Connor unwrapped it to find a little Lego Boba Fett on a keychain. He smiled. ‘That’s cool.’

  ‘It’s you, Con, see?’ Oli said, flicking it so it swung from side to side. ‘I mean, if you were Lego. And really, really small.’

  ‘I love it.’ Connor punched him on the arm. ‘Cheers, bro.’

  When they arrived at the venue, the place was already bustling with everything from stormtroopers to Pennywise-esque evil clowns. There were plenty of kids in fancy dress, and plenty of adults too – Lexie certainly felt a lot less self-conscious in this crowd than she had walking to the car. The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man wandered about, posing for selfies, while Shaggy from Scooby Doo walked arm-in-arm with the Joker like old friends. It did make her smile. This was Connor’s scene, not hers, but she had to admit it looked like fun.

  ‘Well, lads, where do you think you’ll go first?’ she asked Connor and Oli, who were gazing around them in awestruck delight. ‘I thought you could do your own thing for a couple of hours, then we’ll all meet back here at twelve for lunch.’

  ‘There’s a retro gaming area over there,’ Theo said, nodding to it. ‘I wouldn’t mind a go at that. Might bring back a few childhood memories.’

  ‘Did they actually have video games during the war though?’ Connor asked.

  ‘Ahahahahaha, funny child. You know, Con, that just gets more hilarious every time.’

  Connor grinned. ‘That’s why it’s never, ever going to stop.’

  ‘I want to get a selfie on the Game of Thrones throne,’ Oli said. ‘What do you think, Con? There first?’

  ‘I reckon autographs first.’ Connor lowered his voice. ‘I heard they’ve got Neil Carter as a surprise mystery guest.’

  Oli’s eyes widened. ‘No way!’

  ‘Should I know who that is?’ Lexie whispered to Theo.

  ‘Well I don’t know who it is so I’m thinking no.’

  Connor rolled his eyes at Oli, who nodded sympathetically. The uncoolness of parents had obviously been discussed at length many times before today.

  ‘He’s a stormtrooper,’ Connor said. ‘Can’t believe you don’t know that, Theo.’

  Theo shook his head. ‘I’m disgusted with myself.’

  Lexie watched as a gang of about eight white-armoured stormtroopers clutching bags of pick ’n’ mix passed by. ‘Possibly I’m being a bit thick here, Con, but there seem to be loads of them.’

  ‘No, I mean he’s an actual stormtrooper, from the films. He was one of the ones who froze Han Solo in carbonite. I hope he’s in his original costume for a selfie.’

  ‘I bet there’s a massive queue for him,’ Oli said. ‘We ought to head there now if we…’

  He trailed off as he realised that Connor was staring over him to someone in the crowd.

  ‘Sophie,’ Connor muttered. ‘Did you know she was coming?’

  ‘Yeah,’ Oli said, looking guilty. ‘Sorry, Con. Guess I should’ve told you.’

  Sophie had come as Princess Leia, the sexy gold bikini edition. Connor frowned at the figure with its arm around her waist, its identity hidden by a monk-like Jedi robe.

  ‘Do you know who she’s with?’

  Oli grimaced. ‘Look, don’t freak out. It’s… it’s actually JJ.’

  ‘What? Those two aren’t here on a date, are they?’

  ‘Yeah. Sorry, mate.’

  Theo put an arm around Connor’s shoulders. ‘You OK, kid?’

  ‘I’m… fine.’ Connor stared at the pair for a moment before putting his Boba Fett helmet back on. ‘Come on, Ol. Let’s go queue.’

  * * *

  ‘Poor love,’ Lexie said when they’d gone. ‘I hope that’s not going to ruin his birthday.’

  ‘She must’ve known he’d be here,’
Theo said. ‘Is she trying to make Con jealous by showing up with another lad, do you think?’

  ‘I can’t see any other reason she’d choose to spend a day alone with JJ. That kid’s an arse.’ She took his arm and they started wandering around the various stalls and attractions. ‘Did you notice Connor checking Oli out in the car?’

  ‘Yeah, I think he’s keen on the Wolverine look. Which are you then, Team Sophie or Team Oli?’

  ‘Team Connor, obviously. Whatever makes him happy.’ She glanced back at Sophie. ‘Although I’m feeling a bit Team Oli right now. Turning up here with a date on his birthday is pretty mean.’

  ‘Well, they’re only kids.’

  ‘Yeah, suppose I shouldn’t be too hard on her. That was pretty sweet with Oli and the keyring before though.’

  ‘Personally, I’m very much Team Nobody Until He Turns Sixteen,’ Theo said. ‘I’ve never been under so much stress as when that boy was dating. Honestly, every five minutes he seemed to be having some crisis.’

  ‘Sophie being here reminds me actually,’ Lexie said. ‘Janette Cavendish emailed this morning about the flypast. She’s finally had confirmation.’

  ‘They’re leaving it late. There’s less than a week until the festival.’

  ‘Yeah, I think they have to wait until they know about the weather.’

  ‘So we’re all set then, aren’t we? That was the last thing we were waiting on.’

  ‘Now all we have to worry about is whether anyone’s actually going to show up on the day.’ They stopped to examine a stand selling Baby Yoda bobbleheads and other assorted merch. ‘How’s your mum doing, love?’

  ‘Not too bad. Did I tell you Graham got another job?’

  ‘No.’

  Theo nodded. ‘Manager on his mate’s building site. Have to say, that’s a huge weight off my mind. I know he hates having to accept money from me.’

  She squeezed his arm. ‘That’s great news, Teddy.’

  ‘Yeah, I was so relieved when he rang to tell me. So was he, from the sound of it.’ He nudged her. ‘Come on then, Janeway. Where shall we go to amuse ourselves while the kiddies are off playing? There’s a funfair out the back.’