by Eric Vall
The other bedroom was even more casual, with a semi-large bed and and a bunch of boxes covered with dust.
He must not have had company too often.
Against my best interests, I sauntered over to the long blue seat and sat down. Instantly, my rear sank so it was almost touching the floor, and my kneecaps were almost up to my navel.
Perhaps my systems had been too generous by giving it a year and a half.
“Alright,” Tony announced as he stepped out into the main room, “I think we finally found one for you.”
Without warning, the dark-haired man tossed a white shirt into my hands. I caught it, unfurled it from its crumpled ball, and then examined it closely. It was a bright white garment with a neckline that plunged down into a small “v” shape and had sleeves only a few inches long. Across the front were two words, written in bright red.
Level up!
“It’s not Gucci,” Tony mused, “but it’s the most gender-neutral and inconspicuous thing Kevin’s got.”
“Excuse me?” Kevin protested from the other room. “I think she’d look great in one of these Metaslayer shirts I got from Gamescon a few years ago.”
Tony just rolled his eyes and motioned for me to try the shirt on. Then he slunk back out of the room and returned to argue with his friend some more.
“I should use your bathroom to wash off my--” I started to say, but Kevin waved his hands frantically.
“I’ve got towels! You can totally take a shower. I actually cleaned my bathroom yesterday!”
“Really?” Tony asked as his eyes opened wide.
“Yeah dude,” Kevin answered. “It was like … really bad.”
“You saying it was really bad makes me think it was--”
“Let’s not talk about it.” Kevin cleared his throat, and then he turned to me as he beckoned with his fingers. Soon, I had a surprisingly fresh smelling towel in my hand and found myself in the human’s small bathroom with the door closed behind me.
“Give it a few seconds to get warm!” I heard Kevin call out from the other side of the door. “The boiler in the basement is a bit lazy.”
“Okay,” I replied, and then I set down the towel and shirt before I moved to the shower.
The temperature of the water hardly mattered, but my body was organic and tended to shiver, so I set the control dial of the water to ninety-nine degrees before I took my shoes off, slipped out of my blood splattered shirt, and wiggled out of my tight shorts. Then I entered the shower and closed the plastic curtain behind me to prevent water from spraying onto Kevin’s toilet.
The water felt surprisingly soothing on my skin, and I stood for half a minute in the spray while I tried to fight against the enjoyment. Then I decided that enjoying warm water did not mean my code was becoming more corrupt, and I allowed myself a small smile.
There was a bar of white soap on a shelf, and I used the lather to wash all the blood from my hands and legs. This also felt rather enjoyable, so I lathered up the rest of my body and then rinsed myself off. Soon, I was done with the process, but I still stayed in the warm environment for a few more minutes.
I could not let the pleasure last forever, though, so I turned off the water and used the towel to dry my skin. Then I put my tight jean shorts back on and reached for the white shirt Kevin had provided. It was a man’s shirt, so it was quite baggy on my thin frame. I realized it was going to be a liability in battle, so I reached down, grabbed the back of the shirt’s bottom, and then pulled it forward around my waist. Then I tied the excess fabric off about halfway between my breasts and my navel so it clung to my body tightly like a tactical suit.
“Damn, that shirt looks great on you!” Kevin said as soon as I walked out of the bathroom.
“It is fine,” I commented as I glanced down the length of white cotton toward my bare stomach.
“More than fine,” Kevin chuckled. “Tony, you’ve got the best looking girl in the entire universe.”
“She’s not my girlfriend,” Tony grumbled, and I looked over to see him sitting on the couch in front of Kevin’s television. The device was not on, but Tony stared at it with a blank expression on his face as if he was watching something interesting.
“He’s just trying to play it cool,” Kevin whispered to me as he put his hand over his face in an attempt to block his voice from Tony. “He’s totally in love with you.”
“I heard that,” Tony answered, “and no.”
“It does not matter what his feelings are,” I said as I crossed my arms and looked over at Tony. “I have a mission, and I will not fail.”
Even as I replied to his words, I could not help but hate how my stomach twisted.
“You wanna play some games?” Kevin asked me. “I know you are super good at them.”
“Yeah, she’s really good,” Tony mumbled. “Figures.”
“Really good?” I scoffed as I sat down on the couch. “I am leaps and bounds above every human’s skill level.”
“Please,” he said with a roll of his eyes, “is it really ‘skill’ if you just stick something in a port and let a program do the rest of the work?”
“Judging by the results, yes,” I retorted.
“Guys!” Kevin finally spoke up. “I don’t know what’s goin’ on here, okay, but please don’t bring your little lover’s quarrel into my abode. This is a stress-free space, and I’d like to keep it that way.”
“We’re not lovers!” Tony and I shot back in unison, and a slight twinge of a blush rushed up my face.
Kevin put up his hands in defeat.
“Alright, fine,” he conceded, “not lovers. But can you please not mess up the feng shui of my apartment? I’ve spent a lot of time making it the way it is.”
Was I hearing him right? He’s spent a lot of time and effort to make … this place?
“Sorry,” Tony apologized. “We’re just still really stressed about the roaches.”
“I would be too, my man,” Kevin laughed. “Me and skittly-scuttly little insects are not compatible. Not in the slightest. If I ever found one of those buggers in my place, I’d set the whole building on fire.”
I debated telling him that my scanners had indicated there was an intrusion of cockroaches two floors below him, and they would probably infest his living area in the next few weeks.
“But never fear,” Kevin continued, “because I’ve got just the thing that’ll cheer you up.”
The short, scruffy man hopped up out of his chair, dashed over to the television, and then came back with three hand-sized remotes. He gave one to me and then Tony, in addition to the one he kept for himself.
“You guys ever played a game called Sous-chef Insanity?” he asked hopefully.
“Heard of it,” Tony shrugged, “never played it.”
“Oh, man,” Kevin chuckled as he flipped on the screen on the wall. “You guys are in for a treat. There’s nothing like an insane, chaotic co-op game to really destress after a long day.”
“Co-op?” I said as I felt warmth in my chest. Maybe Tony’s opinion of me would change if we played on the same team again?
“I don’t know if I really want to play with her--”
“Naw!” Kevin laughed. “It’s gonna be great! This game is a super-fun-party experience!”
“How does it work?” I asked. “I’m not familiar with this remote. I recognize it as the one that goes with the Ninkento, the one that’s shaped like an orb.”
“The Exspherience,” Kevin corrected as he pressed a button, and the system sprang to life. “Not the most powerful gaming system in the world, but damn are its games fun to play. Now, here’s the shindig on this little doggy. Each of us is gonna play as chefs who are working in the same kitchen, making a bunch of meals for a busy restaurant. You gotta work as a team to get it all cooked up before the timer runs out, chopping onions and frying garlic and all that shit. But here’s the kicker … each stage has its own environmental obstacles to overcome. You’ll totally get the gist as soon as w
e start playing.”
Tony and Kevin both turned the rectangular controller sideways in their hands, and I followed suit. Soon, the screen on the wall displayed a large number of pictures of different cartoon characters.
“I’m totally gonna be that one with the big nose,” Tony chuckled. “He looks like the Swedish Chef, and as everybody knows, that’s the greatest muppet in existence.”
“I’ll be the tiger,” Kevin added, “because who the hell doesn’t want to have a giant-ass tiger cook up their food? What about you, Hannah? Who do you want to be?”
“Do they have different statistics?” I questioned as I scrolled my cursor over the options.
“Nah,” Kevin explained. “It’s just an avatar. I mean come on, look at that little tiger guy! He’s so friggin adorable!”
I debated on which “avatar” I should pick for a solid minute before I finally settled on a box-shaped robot wearing a chef’s outfit.
“Of course,” I heard Tony mumble under his breath, but I ignored him.
“Alright, ladies and gentlemen!” Kevin announced. “I’m gonna go grab a few drinks for us, and then we can get this gaming sesh started. Is beer okay with you guys?”
“I’m good with whatever,” Tony admitted, “but you know me, the hoppier, the better.”
“I will take anything,” I added. “I am not picky when it comes to drinks.”
It was not a lie. I had no idea what I liked or didn’t like, because I’d never had alcohol before.
“Excellent!” Kevin said through a sigh of relief. “Because it’s kinda all I’ve got right now.”
The scruffy man sauntered over to his fridge, opened it rapidly, and produced an armful of brown bottles. He slowly slunk back over to us and then proceeded to place them gently on the floor before he sat back down with one in his hand.
“Good lord, Kevin,” Tony gasped. “Did we really need that many?”
“You know I don’t do second trips, dude,” Kevin shot back. “And I figure we’re gonna be playing for awhile, so this makes it easier on all of us, right?”
“I guess.” The man beside me nodded, and then he reached down and grabbed a bottle.
Tony twisted the cap off, swirled it around for a second, and then took a few swigs.
I mimicked the man’s motions, grabbed one of the brown bottles, lifted it up in front of my face, and twisted the small metal lid. There was a light “pop” as it flew off the bottleneck and rattled along the floor, but nobody said a word. When I turned to look back at my acquaintances, they both had their bottles raised into the air and tipped slightly back toward them.
“Cheers,” Kevin suggested.
Tony gave me a slight nod, and his eyes narrowed as he gently shook the bottom of his bottle.
He wanted me to do the same.
I lifted my bottle up into the air, tilted it, and then shook it gently.
Kevin raised his eyebrow at the action, but then he just sat back in his chair and shrugged.
“That works,” he mused. “That totally works. Here’s to a great game!”
Tony and Kevin both took swigs from their bottle, so I did the same. As soon as the liquid touched my lips, I wanted to spit it out. It was extremely bitter and yeasty, not at all pleasant. But I did not want Tony to make another upsetting comment about my robot origins, so I swallowed my pride along with the beer.
“I saw that,” Kevin laughed. “You totally don’t have to pretend to like this stuff on my account, Hannah. It’s not for everyone.”
“No, no,” I lied. “I like it. I think I just need to become more accustomed to the taste.”
“Suit yourself,” the scruffy guy said with a shrug. “Alrighty, boys and girls, let’s get down to business. I think we should start off with something easy … oh! How about the moving truck level?”
“Let’s do it,” Tony said as he leaned forward in his seat.
Kevin clicked something on the remote, and the screen chirped in response. Suddenly, our three virtual characters were standing atop a moving semi truck, with a second truck driving directly next to it.
There was a set of three wooden crates, each one labeled with the image of a different ingredient. Just to its left was a long metal table with a bunch of knives sitting on top. The second semi truck appeared to be equipped with a set of stovetop burners, as well as several kitchen utensils. Then, down in the bottom right corner, was a timer that displayed a reading of five minutes.
“Ah crap,” Tony whistled. “This is the one where the stove moves randomly, isn’t it?”
“It shouldn’t be a big deal for you both,” Kevin prodded. “I mean, you two beat Glittering GoldShip the first time playing it together.”
“We make a great team,” I said, but Tony only huffed.
“Begin!” a voice from the screen exclaimed, and then all chaos broke loose.
“Looks like we’re making some pasta today!” Kevin chuckled as he moved his character over to the boxes. “Who wants to do what?”
“I’ll take the stove,” Tony offered. “Hannah, how about you take the cutting board?”
“What do I need to do?” I demanded as I moved the robot chef over to the area with the knives.
“Just chop up anything Kevin brings to you,” Tony explained. “Once you’re done, bring ‘em to me.”
It sounded simple enough. Then again, these simulations liked to throw their participants random challenges every so often.
Kevin’s avatar rustled through the box with a picture of long noodles before he produced a handful of the item. Then he dashed over to me, placed the noodles on the table, and ran back for more.
Meanwhile, I tapped the “A” button as rapidly as my construction would allow, and my avatar on the screen moved its knife just as quickly. Finally, the word “done!” appeared on the screen, prompting me to move on. I started to dash over to where Tony’s character was standing.
However, the simulation had other plans.
Right as the robot chef was about to cross over between the two semis, the one Tony was standing on slowed down and created a massive gap. My character fell through, and there was the sound of robotic screaming as he disappeared beneath the wheels of the semi.
“Shit!” Tony gasped. “Now we gotta wait until she respawns in ten seconds.”
“No worries, my man,” Kevin reassured him. “I’m gonna do double time. Check this out.”
The tiger chef pulled out another handful of noodles, ran over and plopped them onto the table, and then returned to grab an oversized red fruit. As soon as he was back at the chopping block, he started to slam his knife into the food and turn it into bite-sized morsels.
Suddenly, my character reappeared on the screen.
“Get this shit to Tony!” Kevin demanded. “This time, you might wanna try and jump. It’s the X button.”
My avatar picked up both of the items, turned back toward Tony, and ran across the semi. As soon as I was within reach of the other vehicle, I pressed the jump button and sent myself soaring into the air. The robot chef came down right next to the Swedish man, and a small exclamation point appeared on the screen.
“Alright!” Tony grinned. “Now, get back down there and grab the next delivery from Kevin.”
As my character turned to head back over, a large red exclamation point appeared on the left side of the screen. Without warning, the semis passed under a metal scaffold with green signs attached. When it did so, all three of our characters were knocked off onto the road.
“Damn it,” Kevin grumbled. “Now we all have to wait to respawn. How about this, guys … what if we take a drink every time we die?”
“Are you trying to give us alcohol poisoning?” Tony laughed.
“Nah way, dude,” Kevin scoffed. “We’re pro gamers, remember?”
Our characters reappeared on the screen, and all three of us set off back to work.
This time, Kevin pulled out another red fruit, delivered it to my station, and dashed back over to
grab some green herbs.
I sliced and diced the red thing, ran back over to Tony, and placed it in his pot.
“Hold up!” Kevin whined. “You totally could have taken another thing with you.”
“You were too slow,” I explained. “I wanted to get this to Tony as fast as I could. I--”
“Incoming!” Tony called out as another red exclamation point appeared.
I slammed down on the jump button, but I must have mistimed it. The robot leapt up into the air, smashed into the sign and disappeared off screen, accompanied by a humorous sound.
Kevin had also fallen prey to the simulation’s trickery.
“Drink,” the scruffy man sighed, so we both took a swig from our beer bottles.
“I’ll try to pick up the steam while you guys are respawning,” Tony grumbled, and then he made his character jump back over to the first semi.
The Swedish Chef dashed around like a madman, snatching up herbs before slicing them up and delivering them to the stove on the other semi without so much as breaking a sweat.
Then, without warning, a yellow car appeared from the right side of the screen. It smashed into the back of the top semi, and the impact from the collision sent Tony’s character flying off the vehicle to his death.
“Damn, I guess I drink now,” he mumbled and tipped back his bottle.
Kevin and I reappeared on the screen and set off to work once more.
“Alright, guys,” Kevin announced, “if we wanna finish this thing before the timer runs out, we gotta be a well-oiled machine.”
“Tony,” I ordered, “when you come back, you watch out for cars and for those red alerts. And when you’re actively doing your thing, I’ll be the lookout.”
“Got it,” Tony said with a nod.
As soon as his avatar reappeared, I already had a delivery for him. I brought it over to his chef’s station, hopped back over the gap, and then saw a red flash on the left of the screen.
“Obstacle!” I announced.
All three of our characters hopped up into the air, but this time none of us got killed.
“Here comes the shrimp,” Kevin said as he ran over to the chopping block.
I slammed down the A button as fast as I could, and then I saw it. A yellow car.