She's waiting for me as I get to the market entrance. She looks miserable, and I was right, she's been crying. I don't say anything, just walk up and pull her into my arms, offering her comfort and I know that I'm the only one who does. She was alone in this world until Pen found her and brought her home. She's made my days brighter. Jess is my best friend and always will be but Nat…Nat is my little sister.
"Why do they toy with us? Do they think it's funny?" She pulls away from me and wipes her eyes.
"What's happened?" I'm ready to kick off. No one has the right to make her cry, no one should toy with her.
"Richie, it was him. He brought me to an engagement party!" She stamps her foot in outrage.
My mouth opens in shock, why would he do that?
"Yeah, that was my reaction when I saw him. He had a smile on his face and acted as though he was happy to see me!" The tears are drying up and now she's angry. "He's a dickhead, he kept pulling me into his arms all night. I told him, Stef, if he did it again I'm stabbing him. How dare he, what the hell is wrong with him?"
I kind of want to laugh because by the sounds of it, Richie wants Nat and nothing's going to stop him. Nat's right though, he's playing with her emotions and that's not okay. "Has he said anything?"
She narrows her eyes probably at my lack of outrage. “He said I looked beautiful, then he made idle chit-chat for the night. Then when I was leaving he told me that he made a mistake; he should never have walked away from me."
"What was your response to that?" I ask cautiously. I know Nat and I know how pig-headed she can be.
"I turned around with my best smile and I said, I'm not anyone's seconds. You broke up with your girlfriend, don't come crawling to me. Then I walked away."
Not that long ago Richie had told Jess that he loved her, now he's trying to get Nat back. I don't know, it's weird as hell. I don't believe it and I think he has a long way to go to get Nat back, if that's who he truly wants. And I hope that he's not doing it just because he thinks Nat is an easy option.
“What do you want, Nat?” We start moving; now that I'm here I actually want to look around.
She gives me a wary smile. “That’s the million-dollar question now isn't it?” She links her arm through mine as we brave the crowd. “I don't know, Stef, a part of me wants him but then my brain reminds me that he's an arsehole.”
“Just be careful okay? I don't want you getting hurt and Richie has it written all over him. People don't switch off their feelings that quickly. Something about this is iffy.” Walking past the stalls, not even looking at them, we walk further into the market.
“He loved her, didn't he?” The sadness in her voice brings me to a stop. Looking at her I want to kick myself, she really does like him. “Stef?”
“I don't know. He said he did but he might not have, sometimes lust can be confused with love. The only way you'll know is if you have it out with him. Ask him and see what he says, it will save the regrets later.”
“Yeah, I suppose. It's not like I've anything to lose. If he loves her then I'm done. I won't be second best to anyone.” She seems to have perked up. “Want to tell me what's wrong with you?”
I groan. “Where do I even begin?”
She laughs. “The beginning is usually the best place to start.”
I spill my guts. I tell her absolutely everything, from the miscarriage to being pissed off with James for helping Valerie.
“Shit, Stef, you've been through a lot. Okay, where to even start dissecting this?” She's pissed off for me and it makes me smile, I have the best friends a girl could ever ask for.
“I'm sorry about your baby, Stef. I wish you had told me but I understand why you didn't. As for that whore, please tell me you've slapped her?”
I laugh at her. “No, I haven't. I know she's been waiting for me to deck her and I don't want to give her the satisfaction. If I do, she'd call the police quicker than you can say open your legs.”
“Ugh, the grass. I'd deck her for you. The cow deserves it, now as for that fella of yours, I have no idea what's going through his head and I believe you need to sit down and talk.”
“But…”
She holds up her hand. “No buts, you need to find out why he so insistent on it especially as he knows it's upsetting you.”
I walk over to one of the stalls that has cakes and sweets, they look too tempting to pass up. “I'm not sure I want to know the answer,” I tell her quietly as I look at the cakes.
“Hi, can I get two rocky roads and two millionaire shortcakes, please?” I ask the lady who runs the stall and her face lights up. “Oh, and two of your Viennese whirls?”
She packs them up and hands them to me. “Twenty pounds, please, love.” I hand her the money and Nat starts to pull me away as I spot brownies.
“You've loads and I hope you're going to share them.” Nat has a grin on her face, she knows me too well.
“I don't share.” I take out a Viennese whirl and shove it into my mouth.
“Greedy cow. Stef, he loves you. Just talk to him, it'll make you both feel better.”
I reach in and hand her the other Viennese whirl. “Don't say I don't love you. You're right, seems like the both of us need to communicate.”
She rolls her eyes. “Communicate, what's that?” We laugh but she's right, talking doesn't come naturally.
“I had better text Richie and let him know that I need to talk to him. Ugh, I'm worried about what he's going to say.” She sounds like a fragile little girl and I pull her into my arms. “Stef, don't put your dirty hands on me,” she screeches and just like that she's changed to the Nat I know and love.
I shove the other cakes into my handbag and pull out my phone—six missed calls and three unread text messages. “Come on, I best be getting home before he sends a search party.”
“I'll walk you to the end of your road. It'll help walk off this cake.” She takes a big bite out of it and we start to walk out of the market. “Are you going to be alright?” She's worried about me. I hate that I've made her worried, especially when she has enough on her mind as it is already.
“I'm going to be fine, babe. I'm going to let him talk and see what happens.”
“You'll be fine. You both love each other, you'll make it work.” She's so much confidence in us. She's texting as we walk and by the little smile on her lips she's talking to Richie. I hope he doesn't break her heart.
She actually does walk me to my street. “I'm meeting Richie on Wednesday. He’s making me wait, that's going to kill me.”
I hug her once again. “It'll give you plenty of time to think about what you want and what you want to say to him.”
“I suppose. He's still a twat for making me wait.” Her eyes dart down the street and widen. “That's my cue, I'll talk to you later. Love you.” She kisses my cheek and starts walking away.
Looking down the street, butterflies form in the pit of my stomach as I watch James walking towards me.
Chapter Nineteen
"Beautiful," he says as he reaches me, his hand snakes out and reaches around my waist, pulling me towards him. "Where did you go? I've been calling you and you never answered."
I pull out of his hold. “I was with Natalie, she needed someone to talk to and as I'm her friend, I was that person. Besides, you were busy." I start walking back to the house. “Where is everyone?"
"They went home. Steffy, I know I've been a..."
I interrupt him. “Not here. I don't want to have this conversation in the middle of the street."
He doesn't say anything else just walks beside me as we walk down the street to the house.
My phone buzzes in my handbag and I pull it out just as James opens the door; it's a message from Nat.
Nat: Take a deep breath and listen to him. Find out why he's done what he has without getting mad. Once he's answered properly then you can go crazy.
I smile. Typical Nat. She's worried about me even though she's enough crap to be dealing with. I fi
re a text back.
Me: I will. Just remember what I said, he deserves to be heard but don't settle for second best.
I know Richie and that Irish charm of his; he's lovely but that doesn't mean he's not an arsehole at the same time. I pray that he doesn't hurt Nat, she's been through enough as it is. The last thing she needs is more crap from him.
"Finished?" James asks me as he holds the door open for me. He looks mad and he can fuck right off, he has no reason to be.
"What?" I grit through clenched teeth, trying to calm down so I don't tell him to piss off and do one.
"Have you finished talking to whoever it is?" I nod. "Good," he reaches out and takes my phone, "we're going to talk, no distractions, nothing."
“All you had to do was ask, James, I would have given you my damn phone. You don’t need to be an arsehole.” I take a deep breath, and then sigh. I'm not looking forward to this but it has to be done. "Okay." I walk into the sitting room as he closes the front door. I sit on the couch and pull the throw over me, so it's acting as a blanket.
"Beautiful, I fucked up. I made mistakes and in doing so you got hurt," he tells me as he takes a seat. It’s words. Yes, they sound good, but they mean jack shit to me right now. "I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought finding Valerie was the right thing to do, but I was wrong and I'm sorry."
I give him a sad smile hating what I’m about to say. “That's all well and good saying that, James, but this morning you didn't think you had done anything wrong. It makes no sense. What's changed your mind?”
It's his turn to sigh."Mum did, and when you left she went mad. It's funny, I'm in my thirties and my mum still tells me off. She told me I'm an idiot; that Valerie is doing this for attention and I'm giving it to her."
I scoff. “What the hell’s wrong with you? You don’t believe me yet as soon as your mum says something, bam, you have a change of heart. And yeah, you are an idiot. That woman is vile, James, and the fact you're going out of your way to help her, after everything she's done, pisses me off. You don't think that helping her is wrong, do you?"
He looks at me, sincerity in his eyes. “The real reason I'm trying to find her so hard is so that I can get her out of our lives for good and that means getting her out of Matthew's and Amelia's lives too. I can't have that woman around you and our unborn child."
Finally, the truth. “Why didn't you tell me that? Why didn't you say 'look, Stef, I need to find out everything I can about Valerie so I can give it to Matthew and have her out of our lives for good’? Why couldn't you have the decency to tell me? Why did you have to lie?" The lying is what's hurt me the most. Yes, doing everything to find Valerie takes the piss but him lying about it makes me doubt him and that's not what I want. I don't want to be in a relationship where I don't trust my partner.
"I should have, I know that. But I thought, with you being pregnant, you'd think I was being harsh; that a child needs their mother."
"That's bullshit! Stop with the lies, James. I have never said that, not once. I believe that the child's safety should come first. That Amelia's safety should come first. Christmas was awful, that poor baby was around people she didn't know just so her mum could score points. You all wanted to take Amelia away from her then; I thought that was rash, especially as Amelia didn't know any of you. Now, this stunt she's pulled, that cow doesn't deserve that sweet baby and I would have been behind you one hundred percent. So, try again, why didn't you tell me?" I'm breathing hard, mad that he's still lying, mad that he's blaming me for why he never told me.
"Beautiful..."
"Don't! Don't butter me up, just spit it out. You're making things worse." I take a deep breath, making sure I don't get too worked up. Too much stress isn't good and having this stupid conversation is making me stressed.
"Okay. Truth?" he asks wringing his hands together; he's anxious and I know that he hates that I won't touch him. He's dying to reach out and grasp my hand.
I nod. “It'll be nice to have that for once."
"I deserve that. Honestly, I didn't want anyone to know. I felt bad knowing that I was making sure that a child was away from her mum. Usually the dad isn't the one who gets custody; the courts believe a child is better with their mum rather than their dad. I didn't want you to have that on your conscience; it was bad enough that Matt and I do. Taking Valerie away from Amelia is something that needs to be done, but it doesn't mean it's easy to do. Knowing that Amelia could grow up hating us because we took her away from her mum has been eating away at Matt and me. I didn't want you to feel that and I didn't want you to be in the firing line when this went down."
Whoa, okay, that's a lot to take in. I take a moment to properly digest what he's told me. "The courts aren't like that anymore. Sometimes the mum isn't what's best for the child. The court takes everything into consideration and there's no way that Valerie would be granted full custody." I'm trying to be reasonable, addressing everything he's said in a calm manner. I hate that he thought for me instead of giving the option to decide for myself.
"I couldn't take that chance. What if they hadn't decided in Matt's favour? Do you honestly believe that Valerie would stay around here? No, she'd be gone." He's mad and I understand why, this is his niece and his brother. But he's too involved, too close to this, he's not seeing things properly.
"No, she wouldn't disappear with Amelia, that woman would use that baby as a bargaining chip. Knowing that she has Matt under her thumb would be exactly what she wants. She wants a puppet who would do whatever she wants and we both know Matt would do whatever it takes to see Amelia." I move a bit closer to him. Yes, I'm stupid but I love the dope.
"Fuck, you're right." He shakes his head, mad that he didn't think of it.
"As for the rest, don't you think I deserved to make that choice for myself? That I'm old enough and have my own mind to decide whether or not I want that on my conscience? That I would be willing to take the risk that both Amelia and Valerie would put the blame on me?"
"That's exactly why I didn't want you to be involved. You don't deserve that, you don't deserve the hatred that's going to come from this." He turns on the sofa so his body is facing me. “I don't want that. Matt doesn't want that."
"I'm already in the firing line, James. You know that. Valerie thinks I'm the reason as to why you divorced her, why you left her. She hates me already and that's never going to change so she's going to blame me whether I knew or not."
"Beautiful, I won't let her."
"It doesn't matter if you’ll let her or not. In her mind I'm the enemy and anything that goes wrong I'll be the one she blames." We're going around in circles right now. He's done it now, there's not much I can do about it. "So, what did the investigator say?"
"Turns out, Matt has had a DNA test done on Amelia and himself." James’ phone starts to ring. He's left our phones in the hallway, so his eyes dart towards the door.
"Get it," I tell him, as it keeps ringing.
"No, we're talking. No phones." He gives me a look that tells me he won't budge; he may want to answer it but he won't.
"Okay, so Matt got a DNA test done, is he able to? Legally?" I hope that he is, if not, it will cause one hell of a shit storm.
"His name’s on the birth certificate naming him as her father, so yes, he is." He's staring at me and I know he's waiting for me to ask him the question.
I want to know what it says but I'm scared. Reaching out I grab a hold of James' hand. “What does it say?"
"Amelia's not his and I know Valerie will try and make out she's mine."
I gasp, she can't be, can she?
"She's not, Steffy. I wouldn't do that to you. God knows how many other men she's slept with. So, the investigators have found her and Matt's on the way to her. As we speak with them and a lawyer, he's going to try and get her to sign over her rights." He sounds optimistic. I hope this works out and if it does that means Valerie is even worse than I thought, but she'll be out of our lives for good.
"Where's
Amelia?" I hope she's not gone with them.
"She's with Mum and Dad. She's okay, beautiful. Are we okay?"
I laugh. “What? I understand why you did what you did, but the lies, James, you've lied to me so much already and I can't stand it. I'm so stupid, I should know better. My mum always said, 'a leopard never changes its spots.' I honestly thought when we got back together you understood that lying to me was the biggest no-no."
"I do, beautiful, I thought you knew why?"
"I do understand why you did what you did. But I don't understand why your first thought is to lie? That's what I can't wrap my head around. Your instinct is to lie. So what else are you lying about?" Tears threaten to fall, this is something that can break us, I won't accept lies anymore and if he can't accept that then there's no point in us being together.
"Steffy, where is this coming from?" He's acting confused. Is he for real?
"James, look at how we started. You lied to me. You told me you were single." I'm crying now, it still hurts to think about it. I was foolish and I believed him.
"Steffy..." He swallows hard, he's not sure what to say.
"You broke me, James. I swore I wouldn't be lied to again. I wouldn't let you in again. You hurt me so much, my friends didn't want me to give you another chance; you didn't deserve one. But I went against them, I went with my heart instead of my head." I swipe away the tears, mad that I'm crying; angry that we're having this discussion.
"Steffy, fuck." I'm up and on his lap in no time. "Don't. Don't do this." He sounds as though he's about to cry. "I fucked up. I'm telling you now, no more. I won't keep anything from you."
"How am I supposed to believe that?" I breath out in a whisper. I'm hurting so much right now.
"Steffy, you are my light, you made my world bright again. After spending fourteen years in purgatory, I was given a glimpse of what living again was really like. You are the air that I breathe, the reason I get up in the morning. You are the love of my life. I don't deserve you but, fuck, Stef, I'm keeping you. I fucked up and it's something I know not to do again. I will tell you everything, nothing is worth losing you over."
The Scandals of Life Page 17