Unspoken Fears (The Unspoken Love Series Book 4)

by H. P. Davenport

  “But Keith would tell me that he sacrificed his life every day to make this world a safer place for you, for our family, for our community. Over the years, I taught myself not to assume the worst. To focus on the joy and love we had. Throughout the years, I buried my nose in my books, focused on medical school. I forced myself not to be scared every day, rather I embraced each day we had together.

  “Keith loved me unconditionally, of that I am sure of. As long as I live, Keith will live within my heart, he will always be a part of me. As long as I live, Keith will be remembered. As long as I live, Keith will forever be loved. Keith may be gone, but he will never be forgotten.

  “Today I won’t say goodbye to my husband, my best friend, instead I will say, I will see you in my dreams.”

  My eyes lift from my notes and I look out at the crowd who joins me here today.

  Brandon steps up to the podium, his hand at the small of my back, urges me forward and somehow, I find the will to step forward to my seat.

  Bagpipers play Amazing Grace. When they finish, a bugler who stands off to the side, lifts his trumpet to his lips and plays Taps. Hundreds of officers who surround the site all stand at attention as the members of the color guard lift the American flag off the coffin, performing the ceremonial carrying and presentation of the flag. Once the flag is folded, they hand it off to Commissioner Williams who then kneels before me, placing the flag in my hands. “Your husband is a hero. He was courageous and will be sorely missed.”

  “Thank you,” I whisper.

  He then kneels before Keith’s parents. “Your son was brave. We will be forever grateful for his service and duties,” and places a folded flag in his mother’s lap.

  Seven officers stand with rifles in their hands.

  “Ready. Aim.” They fire the first of three volleys.

  “Ready. Aim.” Another shot.

  “Ready. Aim.” The final shot is fired.

  I wipe my face and tuck the tear stained tissues into my jacket pocket as many speak beautiful words while saying their final farewell over the casket, laying a flower on top.

  Chapter Twenty

  Rory

  Anger takes over my body, as the dark memories I’ve kept locked away emerge as I’m forced to relive that ill-fated night. The night my life forever changed.

  My past is my own personal cross to bear. I don’t like sharing it. Christian’s been patient with me, never pushing. He deserves to know my fears, my reservations.

  Christian pulls me tightly against his chest. I break down, tears pouring out of my eyes. I fall apart while he holds me. His hand rubs softly up and down my back, consoling me.

  “Everything changed that night. I changed. I held his hand, praying he would make it, that he would pull through. All the while, I knew with the injury he sustained, he wasn’t going to. But I was carrying our baby, I wanted to believe he would pull through. I was carrying a baby he would never see, never have the chance to hold. That alone had the power to crush me.”

  Christian’s arm tightens around me, pulling me close to his chest. He leans down, placing a kiss on my head.

  “I withdrew from my family for a few weeks. I needed time to process everything. I had to figure out how I was going to raise a child on my own. A child is supposed to have a mother and a father. That night not only changed the course of my life, but Leah’s life, as well. Keith didn’t even know we were having a daughter,” I whisper the last part breathlessly.

  “I’m so sorry you had to go through that,” his voice breaks.

  I didn’t think I would ever recover, but I have. Little by little, piece by piece, I’ve managed to get back to the old me. Or maybe even the new me. Everything I’ve gone through has made me the person I am today.

  “We were going to have a family together, but everything went terribly wrong,” I choke out, tears beginning to slide down my cheeks.

  “Rory,” Christian whispers, pulling me back to the present. Sympathy burns in his eyes. “I’m sorry, baby,” his voice is soft and raspy, filled with concern.

  “You could have told me. I knew something happened in your past. I didn’t want to push too hard and make you feel forced. I wanted you to open up at your own pace,” he lowers his voice, his brown eyes gentle.

  I pull away from him, wiping beneath my eyes with my finger, clearing away the mascara on my cheeks.

  “I had to make the hardest decision of my life when I decided to donate Keith’s organs. No one should ever have to make that decision on behalf of a loved one. I know he saved many lives, but selfishly, I would have done anything to never have been put in that position.

  “I stayed at the hospital every day, I refused to leave his side. The sound of the silent room chilled me when they took Keith away. The only sound in the room was of people crying. The father of my child was taken away from her too soon. She doesn’t know who he is.”

  Christian doesn’t move a muscle, he doesn’t even blink. He absorbs everything I say.

  Keith will always be with me. I know that, but opening my heart to Christian means that little by little I may lose what I had with Keith.

  I take a deep breath and force a smile. “Christian, I’m twenty-nine years old and I’m a widow.”

  “You’ve endured more than you should have had to. The pain you felt before will always be the strength that guides you tomorrow. It makes you stronger.”

  Is that true? Does the pain of our pasts give us the strength we need today, the strength to navigate the tomorrows?

  Pressing my lips together, my heart hammers in my chest. “For a while I lost direction. I had to take a leave of absence from the hospital. I never went back. After Leah was born, I took my maternity leave, then I decided to move to New York to be closer to my parents. I needed the help with having a newborn.

  “The only thing that kept me going was knowing I was going to have a baby in a few short months. I knew I needed to pull it together for my child. It took me some time, I’m not going to lie. Eventually, I found my way when Leah was born.”

  Christian doesn’t say anything. The silence between us isn’t uncomfortable. He presses his lips together and waits quietly, processing everything I just told him.

  “Say something,” I whisper.

  Christian clutches my face between his hands. “I want to try this.” He lifts his brows, and I nod.

  “Us,” he clears his throat. “You and me.” He gently leans and kisses my warm lips. He pulls apart and I take a shallow, shaky breath. “You, me, and Leah. I want to have an us,” he declares. “I’m in love with you and I’m never going to hurt you, not intentionally.” He tips my chin up, forcing me to see the seriousness on his face.

  He loves me.

  Shocked by Christian’s bold declaration, I pause a moment and stare wordlessly into his tender eyes.

  “Baby, did you hear me?” he asks, his voice breaking. “Tell me you believe me. I will never hurt you. I want to be that guy for you, Rory. I want to know what’s going on in your life. I don’t want to be your one-night stand or two-night stand. I want you. All of you.”

  I know I’m treading in dangerous territory with Christian, but I can’t help myself. I want him to stay in my life. I miss him when he’s gone. I need him in my life. I feel like a part of me is missing when he isn’t around. I’ve fallen for Christian, that’s for sure.

  Is it too soon? Is there a certain amount of time that someone is supposed to mourn the loss of someone they loved? I loved Keith without a doubt. He was my first love, my husband. However, in this moment, I am blissfully happy, fully alive. A warm glow flows through me.

  Christian and I have spent time together. How much longer can I keep pushing him away? Will he grow tired of me pushing? Will he decide enough is enough and walk away?

  He stands before me, holding his heart out for my taking. He loves me, yet I didn’t repeat those words to him. He shows me time and time again how much he cares for me. When I stop and think about it, why haven’t I to
ld Christian I loved him yet? I don’t have the answer. I know I love him. Have I refrained from telling him for fear of losing him once I do? Do I fear opening myself up again to avoid the inevitable heartache? My heart can’t handle being broken again.

  I nod my head and place my hand on Christian’s chest. In this moment, I decide to throw caution to the wind. Sometimes you need to take chances. Letting go of the pain from the past doesn’t mean forgetting it. It simply means I’m not going to allow it to dictate my future.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Christian

  In one fast swoop, I reach down scooping her firm ass in my hands. She wraps her legs around my waist and she digs her fingers into my hair.

  I run my lips up her neck, kissing a searing path to her ear, inhaling her intoxicating scent.

  “Do you want me, Rory?”

  Instinctively, her body arches against my chest. My body answers her without speaking a single word. I want her. I need her.

  She grinds her core against my straining erection. I let out a low, erotic growl. “Tell me.”

  Rory pants and bites my neck, definitely leaving a mark. She brings her lips to my ear, whispering, “Yes.”

  I walk down the hallway to my bedroom as her hands explore my body. Pulling back, I gaze into her emerald green eyes as I run my tongue over her bottom lip.

  I set Rory down and she caresses my stomach with her fingertips and follows my happy trail to the top button of my jeans. She reaches for my button, unfastening it very quickly, then pushes my pants down over my hips, exposing my fully aroused cock to her.

  “No boxers,” she raises her eyes to find me watching her.

  “I just got out of the shower and grabbed the first thing I saw when I heard the knocking at the door.”

  Her fingertips trace my swollen head, smearing the small bead of precum around my tip before she wraps her hand around the base and strokes upward.

  Not wanting this moment to end, I remove her hand from my cock. “I sure as hell am not coming in your hand, love.”

  “Lift your arms,” I growl. Rory listens to my commands, and I have her topless within seconds. She stands before me in a pale pink lace bra. She unfastens her jeans, pushing them over her hips, and kicks them to the side. Rory is beautiful as she stands before me in a matching pink thong.

  Gently, I ease her down onto the bed. I unclasp her bra, removing it and tossing it to the side. My lips touch her nipple with tantalizing possessiveness. I fondle one small globe, its pink nipple marble hard. Continuing my teasing, my tongue makes a path down her ribs to her stomach.

  “Christian,” she moans.

  I grab her feet, pulling her to the end, while I kneel in front of her on the floor, placing her legs over my shoulders. Running my hands up her thighs I reach her thong, and slowly glide it down her toned legs.

  I slide my finger through her silky folds, her wetness coating my finger immediately. Slowly, I move my finger over her swollen clit, making her hips jolt up from the bed.

  My dick is hard as steel and aches to be inside her. Slowly I add another finger and begin to move them in and out.

  Rory moans my name, “Christian…” Her hands pull my hair roughly. My dick twitches when she grinds against my fingers.

  Rory cries out when I suck on her nub, lightly nibbling on it. Her hips grind against my face in a slow motion. She arches her back from the bed when I stick my tongue in her opening after I remove my fingers. She pulls against my head, pulling me closer to where she wants me. I continue my assault on her, licking, sucking, and biting.

  Looking up, I see the sheets fisted as tight as a tourniquet in Rory’s hands. “Come for me, baby.”

  Her eyes are closed, and her back arches. She simply nods her head. “You’re gonna make me come,” she pants out between breaths.

  “Don’t stop…keep doing what you’re doing,” she screams.

  A moan of ecstasy slips through her lips as I feast on her pussy.

  Every muscle in her body tenses as her hands grip my hair, pulling my face against her core. When her orgasm hits, she screams my name out.

  Rory’s breathing evens out, and I slowly kiss a path from her stomach, to her breasts. I capture her nipple between my teeth, tugging on it. Sucking it into my mouth until she moans in ecstasy.

  She pulls my mouth away from her breast and crushes her lips against mine, her tongue sending shivers of desire racing through me. I grind my dick against her core.

  “I love the way you taste. I could eat you all day.” My last words were smothered by her lips. Her tongue traces my lips, making me growl.

  “I need you,” she says as her hand grabs my rock-hard dick and begins stroking me. It starts off slowly, then she begins to stroke me faster.

  Reaching over I cover her naked body with mine, retrieving a condom from the box in the nightstand. Lifting the gold package to my mouth, I tear the foil between my teeth, and quickly sheath myself.

  Rubbing the head of my cock at her opening, spreading her wetness I tease her. “Are you sure, sweetheart?”

  “Christian, now. Don’t make me beg,” she whimpers as flames of passion burn within both of us.

  I nudge her legs open wider as I slip the tip of myself into her opening. “I told you this won’t be a one or two-time thing. If we’re doing this, you need to be all in with me.”

  I kiss her taut nipples. We are flesh against flesh, man against woman.

  “I’m all in. Now get your dick in me now,” she hisses.

  I pull my hips back, grinding against her core. Her hands caress my back and she moans softly as I enter her inch by inch until she’s taken all of me. Slowly, I pull all the way out, then enter her body again with more force than I did the first time.

  We both groan aloud when I’m all the way in. I swear and Rory’s eyes close as I begin to find a rhythm.

  My hands explore the soft lines of her waist, her hips as I thrust again, deeper, harder, faster. Rory bites my lip, then sucks it into her mouth, soothing the pain she just caused. I growl from the pleasure she elicits.

  “Harder,” she whispers, her breath hot against my lips. Her muscles clamp down around me, pulsing, milking my cock. My dick is going to explode.

  Her emerald eyes close as she fights her climax. “Look at me, eyes on me, baby. I want you to know who’s fucking you…know whose name you’re going to scream.”

  She opens her eyes, her whole body flooding with desire. Her hands grip my back, nails digging into my flesh. She writhes beneath me, eager to touch my skin.

  “Christian!” my name leaves her lips in a hoarse scream as her orgasm rips through her body.

  “Holy fuck,” I groan and thrust my hips a few more times, reaching my own climax. I can feel the pulse of my erection as I empty into her body.

  My body collapses against hers and we lie panting, her chest heaving. Slowly, I roll off her, and head to the bathroom to dispose of the condom. Climbing back into bed, I pull her against my body, her arm laying across my stomach, her head on my chest.

  It's always been the look in her eyes that told me there was something haunting her. I promise to take all her fears away, I promise to love her. No secrets remain between us, I vow to never give up on her.

  Is this what Lincoln and Jamie have been talking about? They’ve told me, there’s always going to be one woman you can’t walk away from. One woman, you can’t breathe without, one woman you can’t live without. As my feelings for Rory grow, so do my fears of losing her.

  Standing with one hand on the door, Rory gestures “Come in, this is my place.” I lean down, placing a quick kiss on her lips. Her hands graze my cheeks with a few days’ worth of stubble upon them.

  We both turn and walk into her condo silently. My eyes bounce all around, taking in her home. Windows cover the entire back wall, from the floor to the ceiling. The view of the skyline is remarkable. I walk forward, stopping in front of the wall of windows. The Manhattan Bridge is to my right, and the Brooklyn
Bridge is to my left. Turning to Rory, “The view at night must be amazing.”

  Her steps slow behind me, her arms wrap firmly around my waist, laying her head against my back.

  “Your home is beautiful.”

  “I can’t afford a place like this on my own. My father owns the building,” she explains.

  A throat clears behind us. “Sorry to interrupt, but someone heard your voice and got rather excited their Mommy was home.”

  Brandon stands with Leah against his chest, her pacifier securely in her mouth.

  “Hello, gorgeous, I missed my baby girl,” Rory says, taking her daughter in her arms.

  Brandon walks over, extending his hand. “I’m Brandon, it’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

  Taking his hand in mine, we shake. “Nice to meet you. Glad to know you’re not her husband” Brandon and Rory exchange a look. “Christian, nice to meet you.”

  Rory walks over with Leah in her arms. “This here is Leah. My daughter.”

  Leah has her mother’s striking eyes and a head full of dark curls unlike Rory’s auburn. Leah’s complexion is olive toned, whereas Rory’s is ivory. Another thing she must have inherited from her father.

  Leaning down to Leah’s eye level, she turns her face into the side of her mother’s neck.

  “Is she shy?” I ask.

  “Usually at first, but once she warms up to you, she’ll be your best friend,” Brandon explains.

  “Do you see her often?” I ask.

  Brandon walks over to the couch, gathering a few things on the table, and places them in a duffle bag. “As often as I can with Rory and Leah living here in New York. She’s my niece slash goddaughter.”

  Pointing at him. “Is he the family you visited in Philly when you went for the weekend?”

  She nods. “Yes, him and Keith’s parents. The anniversary of Keith’s death was the same week. I went to the cemetery, as well,” her voice breaks.

  “Do you care to grab a bite to eat before I head back home?”