by Pua Ramona
Leila giggles and says “Your mama let us in. Her and little mama were heading out for the day, so she said to tell you not to worry and to have a day to yourself.”
“Okay, so why are you guys here?” I ask as I rub my eyes, flinching at how tender they are from crying so hard.
She laughs again “I came by to drop off some muffins, coffee, and cupcakes for my bestie.”
I feel my heart smile a little and say “I love you Leila.” Her eyes start tearing up and I wipe a few of them away “I’ll be okay Lei.”
She moves in and puts her forehead on mine “I know. I just hate that you’ve been dealing with this by yourself for so long” she says. We stay quiet for a little bit then she asks “What happened with Eli? He texted me early this morning asking me to check on you?” My eyes fly to hers immediately but I don’t say anything as tears start running down my face. She doesn’t say anything at first, and then after a few minutes she whispers to me, “He doesn’t deserve you.” I feel myself die a little inside because I want him to deserve me. She gently grabs my hand and looks at me with so much pain in her eyes “When you’re hurting, I’m hurting for you too, Sina. Anytime you need to cry, talk or just need someone to sit with you, please know that I’ll drop everything to be here for you. Emma needs you, we all need you” she says with heavy tears as she grabs my face. “You are worth everything Sina, remember that.”
I’m so drained, I feel like I don't belong here anymore. I just want to sleep, so that's what I do. I just sleep with an empty heart. But I know I have to get it together because my baby girl needs me.
Chapter Fourteen
Eli
Me: I’m a piece of shit.
Lei: What did you do?
Lei: Why didn’t you just pick someone else? Dammit, why didn’t you just stay with Becca? Sina deserves so much more than whatever bullshit you pulled on her, she’s not your plaything Eli. Stay away from her, I mean it.
Me: Is she okay?
Leila: She’s none of your business. You did this, so you don’t get to ask that.
Me: Just please let me know that she’s okay.
Lei: She’s hurt Eli, but you knew that already.
Me: I need to see her Lei; she has to know that I didn’t mean to hurt her.
Leila: No. Just no.
Me: I love her Lei.
Leila: HAHAHAHAHA! NO THE HELL YOU DON’T!! YOU LOVE YOURSELF ELI. If you “loved her” then she wouldn’t be at her mother’s place crying herself back to sleep. If you “loved her” she should have been smiling when I went to see her yesterday. So, no you don’t freaking love her.
Leila: What you do with whoever is none of my business, but what you do with Sina is my business Eli. I love you, but she deserves to be loved by someone who doesn’t throw tantrums when he doesn’t get his way. And she sure as hell deserves a man that will love her unconditionally. Someone that will move heaven and earth for her. Now stop texting me I’m busy. Ttyw. ← That means, Talk to you whenever.
That was 6 hours ago. I tried calling Lei, but she ignored every single one of my calls. She’s even changed her voicemail to “Sorry I missed your call, but if this is the heartbreaker of all hearts especially my besties I will talk to you whenever. K. Deuces.” Seriously? What makes this even worse is that I’m not sure if Sina has actually said anything to Lei. Because if she did, then that means Reese knows.
After I got home early this morning from the lake, I couldn’t even get myself to sleep for a few hours. So I took a shower, got ready and decided to come in to work an hour early. It doesn’t matter how much I try distracting myself, I can’t get my mind off of her. The more I think about her, the bigger the hole in my heart gets. I mean, I can’t and don’t blame her for feeling whatever way she’s feeling because the fact is, I fucked up. Not just a little, but a whole fucking lot. How the fuck did I not pay attention to just HER? I mean okay I fucked up by saying Becca’s damn name, but it was her the whole time. I was seeing Sina no one else. I can sit here and make excuses for my sorry ass, but the damage has been done. The way I treated her, the shit I said. My God the look on her beautiful face. I don’t think I can ever forget how broken she looked when she walked away. Shit, after all the warnings that I’ve gotten not only from Reese and Lei, but from her family too, I still managed to fuck it up. I stand up and start pacing around the office, how the hell am I going to fix this?
Before I can think any further the door flies open and dammit to fucking hell Micah’s looking at me like he’s ready to kill me. I put my hands up hoping he knows what it means, but no he comes in fucking swinging. “What the fuck did you do to her? Did I not fucking tell you to not hurt her you asshole?” he says as he connects his fucking punches.
I punch him back and hit his mouth. “Chill bro” I growl.
He looks at me shaking his head. “Fuck you,” he snaps and hits me in the fucking face two more times. Then he throws one last punch right in my gut and fuck does it hurt “You don’t deserve her and never fucking will.”
“Enough!” We don’t realize we have an audience until the sound of my mothers voice cracks like a whip through the room. Of course my mother decides to stop by on the day I’m getting my ass handed to me by a huge linebacker. Shit! Great my damn lip is busted open again, I look over to where Mama is standing and notice that Reese is standing behind her with his hands folded across his chest with a pissed off look on his face. Fuck my life. Micah pulls his shirt off so he can clean his mouth with it and I see the same tattoo that Sina has on her arm. Except where hers is solely a web of patterns, he has all his siblings' names woven throughout his piece. It must be a family thing. I see my mother place three bags of what I'm sure is food on top of Reese’s desk but whatever, I want to know why she’s even here.
She walks over to Micah and starts to clean his cut up. Micah gives my mom the same smile that Sina wears when she’s being genuine. “Hey Mrs. Hunter. How have you been?” He asks.
She gives him the biggest smile as she says “I’m doing good, how are you? I haven’t seen you around the hospital lately?” What the hell? Why would she see Micah at the hospital?
Micah clears his throat and says “I’m not seeing the doctor anymore Mrs Hunter.”
Mama stands there looking at him with sad eyes and asks “Have you told your family sweetie?”
I watch Micah’s shoulders drop and he leans his head back against the wall. “Not yet and I’m not sure if I’m going to tell them,” he says.
Mama grabs his hand and they both walk over to the couch that’s by the door. “Sweetie, you know you’re going to have to tell them, especially your Mama. If you don’t then I will Son” she tells him with sadness in her tone.
Reese finally moves to his chair, rolling it a little closer. “Micah, what’s going on?” he asks.
Micah sits forward and leans his elbows on his knees and takes a deep breath “Nothing Uso. I’m good” he answers.
Reese leans forward mirroring his pose and asks again “Is everything okay with Sina?” and my fist automatically flies to my chest.
Micah doesn't answer, so I ask “Is she okay?”
He looks at me and says “You don’t have the right to know, so don’t ask about her man.” Well, shit. I hear Mama clear her throat as she looks at me and fixes me with her steady gaze.
“One problem at a time. And you and I have a lot to talk about Young Man” she says. Shit. She knows. I put both hands in my pockets and just stand there like a loser, because that’s what I am right now. I look over at Reese and he’s not happy with me either. No one says anything for a few minutes then I watch as Mama reaches over for Micah’s hand and asks him “How long do you have?” as tears start running down her cheeks. What the hell? Is he a patient at the hospital?
Micah drops his head in his hands and says “Less than a year Mrs H.”
Mama starts crying and Micah pulls her in and tells her “No worries Mrs. H, don't cry for me,” with a sad smile on his face.
Mama shakes her head, “Are you sure there’s nothing they can do? A second opinion?”
“Yeah, even with a second opinion.” Micah smiles at her and squeezes again before letting go.
“What about treatment?” She sniffles.
He shakes his head “No, I won’t be bed ridden Mrs. Hunter. I’d rather go through the motions and be there for my family than having different types of medicine keep me in bed, when I can just spend the rest of my time with my family. And I’m not going to tell them either, at least not right now” he says. We sit there quietly because we, well I don’t know what to say because I don’t know what’s going on and I sure as hell aren’t going to assume either.
Reese clears his throat and asks “Micah, are you sick?” I know what he wants to ask, but he‘s already struggling with the word sick.
Micah looks over at Reese and says “Leukemia.”
Reese’s head falls into his hands and he doesn’t say anything. Mama tries to hold it in, but I can still hear her crying. I can’t even look at Micah because I am officially a piece of shit. I’m over here acting like I’m going through some shit, when this man who’s dying is still giving his all to protect his family. For the first time in my life, I have never felt so shitty. I mean, what do you even say to someone who’s on limited time? Oh by the way, I’m sorry I broke your sister’s heart. I’m so lost in my thoughts and my own self-pity that I don’t even see Micah move.
He gets up and grabs his shirt “This stays here, nobody finds out aight?” he says looking between Reese and I.
Reese gets out of his chair and stands next to him “Anything you need - I’m here bro.”
Micah pulls Reese in for a brotherly hug. “Be my extra eyes Uso, if I can’t be where I’m needed I’m asking you as a brother to step in and keep Sina and my family safe. Megan too, she’s a handful, but she’ll need another brother when I can’t be there. I know Luka and Daniel are there, but we’re stronger in numbers” he says.
Reese takes a step back and I can see that he’s going through his own emotions as well. “You have my word.” He says.
Micah turns to say bye to Mama.
“You take care of yourself sweetie. If you need anything at all you know where to find me.” She cries and holds her arms out for him.
He gives Mama another bear hug before walking towards the door. He stops as he reaches the threshold, turns to look at me and says “She’s my heart Eli.” Then he walks out of the office, leaving us all standing at the empty spot he leaves behind.
“What did you do to that girl, Son?” Mama frowns at me.
I close my eyes and say “I didn’t treat her the right way Mama. I don’t know if I can love her the right way either” I feel her tugging at my arm and I turn to look at her.
“What is the right way Elijah?” She says. I feel a sharp pain in my chest as I say “The way dad loved you.”
And I feel another piece of me die in front of my mother.
Chapter Fifteen
Sina
Waking up early the next day, I feel okay. Not great, but okay is better than how I usually feel when I open my eyes each morning. It’s time for me to heal. I allowed myself to be broken all day yesterday, so today and for the rest of my life I’m allowing my heart to heal. I don’t have any plans so I decide to take Emma to Pixies for cupcakes and hot chocolate. Going to the dresser, I pull out a pair of black yoga pants and a red tank top before I take a shower, making sure to wash out my hair, along with all the depression that drowned me yesterday. I get dressed, throw my hair up into a messy bun and am surprised with how good it looks. Yessss good hair day for the win. I grab my gold hoop earrings and make sure I wear my glasses, because, you know I’m blind.
I go to see if Emma is up and to my surprise she’s up and already dressed. “What are you doing up so early baby girl?” I ask her, feeling a smile on my face.
She looks up at me and says “I heard you in the shower so I got up and did the same. Can we have a day date, Mama?”
I grab her little hand and say “Yes, sweet girl. Would you like to go visit Auntie Leila at her book store?”
Emma looks at me with her eyes wide, “Oh my goodness, I didn’t know she owned a bookstore. Can we go please?”
I laugh at her awe over Lei having a bookstore and say, “Let’s go get cupcakes and book wasted.”
Emma giggles “Mama you’re silly.” I make sure to leave a note in case someone wonders where we are. It’s pretty warm out, so when we get into the car I roll the windows down and Emma asks “Mama, can we listen to Common Kings please?”
Smiling at her request I ask, “Which one sweetie?” She grabs my phone and “On the low” starts playing through the sound system. It isn’t a far drive to Pixies so Emma and I sing the whole way there. We pull up to Pixies and there’s a couple of people here.
“Ooh Mama this is sooo pretty” Emma coos.
I smile at her and say“It really is huh?”
She unbuckles her seatbelt and waits for me to go open her door for her. “After you princess cupcakes!” I laugh at her.
She looks up at me and says “Age before beauty Mama”, with the sassiest look on her face.
“Where did you hear that little Miss Thang?”
She giggles and says “Uncle Micah told me to make sure I say it to you.” We stand there in the parking lot and giggle together. I sigh, it feels so damn good to be okay. I reach for Emma’s hand and she weaves her small fingers through mine “I’m so hungry for cupcakes” she says excitedly.
We skip to the door and I hold it open for my baby girl. “Age before beauty” I say sarcastically.
She walks past me and says, “You’re still older than me, Mama.”
What the heck “I’ll kick your ass Missy” I say as she continues to laugh. What a little shit. Before we make it to the counter I see Reese smiling at us.
“Good morning my two favorite girls,” he says. I look at Emma but before I can even ask if she remembers Reese she goes flying toward him with her arms out ready.
“Hi, Uncle Reese,” she says while hugging him.
Reese picks her up and says “How’s my little munchkin doing?”
She giggles and says “hungry” and he laughs at her.
Reese looks over at me and asks “Can I take her to pick out what she wants?”
I smile, “Of course.”
He starts to walk off but slows down and says, “ Leila is in the office if you want to say hi.”
“Thanks Reese.”
I go to order my coffee because I needed some badly and I hear Reese say, “You look good Sina, you should smile more often it really looks good on you.”
I freaking blush like a schoolgirl. I grab a couple of cupcakes, order my coffee but I have no patience and go ahead and start inhaling my cupcakes before I've even paid for them. Mm this is pure heaven. I stand there taking baby bites of my cupcake because I wanted to savor it. By the time my coffee came I was done with my second one. Dammit! I stand there debating if I should go for another one or just chill, but screw that I deserve six more of these magical cupcakes. I grab a napkin and make my way to an empty table. I sit there and for the first time in a very long time I feel a piece of my heart beat and it makes me smile. My phone buzzes so I grab it from my purse and I smile some more when I see who it is…
Marino: Hey gorgeous, want to grab some coffee?
Me: I beat you already, I’m at Pixie’s with Emma.
Marino: Is it okay if I meet you there?
That’s weird, did I just feel butterflies in my damn belly over Marino? No way. It was probably just gas. Guh, don’t be weird Sina.
Marino: Is that a no? ☹
I smile again like a fool.
Me: It’s a yes. I’ll see you in a little bit. ☺
Marino: See you in a few☺
I sit there and I know that everything is going to be okay, that I am going to be okay. I look to see where Reese and Emma are and I see that they’re e
ating cupcakes and reading a book together. Emma was reading to her Uncle Reese and it is the cutest damn thing I’ve seen for a while. I sit back on my chair, close my eyes and take my first real breath since I left home all those years ago. I am going to be okay. I open my eyes and see Marino walking through the door. Swoon. Wait, what the hell? Did I just say swoon? Oh my freaking dammit, I need to un-swoon myself. But he’s so handsome, ugh stop it Sina he’s not a damn rebound you little hussy. Marino sees me and smiles, I sit there watching as he walks over to my table.
“Morning beautiful”, he says as he kisses my forehead. I sigh. Damn, stupid ovaries. Butterfreakingflies. I swoon so hard. Marino’s that guy you take home to meet your parents. He’s kind, sweet, funny and very respectful. When I’m around him, he makes me feel safe. List of things I wish Eli had. But I’m not going to sit here and waste my time thinking about that asshole. Marino was here and I was going to spend time with him.
Chapter Sixteen
Eli
We are all in Lei’s office just bullshitting when Reese gets up to look at something, or someone with a big smile on his face.
“I’ll be back babe” he tells Lei as he walks out the office.
“What was that?” I ask her.
She just looks at me and says “It’s probably Sina and baby girl grabbing cupcakes and hot chocolate.” I get up so quickly that I knock the chair over that I’d been sitting in.
“Woah there, crazy” Lei says.
“Why didn’t you tell me she was stopping by Lei?” I ask her as I start to work out a plan out how to go and fix things with my girl.