Pieces of Me

by Pua Ramona

  The rest of us are all scattered around, lost in different stories and gossip. I look over to where the guys are and see that Emma has passed out on Micah’s lap. He looks over at me and gives me a sad smile. I’m bothered that he isn’t telling me whatever it is that’s making him sad. I see him pull out his phone and his face doesn't look too happy. He says something to the guys and lays Emma’s head on his shoulder and walks over to where I’m sitting.

  “Hey Sis, I’m going to head home, I’m not feeling too good. Do you want me to take Emma with me?” he asks.

  I know this isn’t the right time to ask so I give him a tight hug and say, “Thank you.”

  He kisses the top of my head and says, “I’m fine.”

  I give him a sad look and say, “No you’re not.” I hug him one more time, and give Emma a quick kiss as she snores.

  Micah chuckles and says, “She’s just like you Sis.”

  I smile at him and say, “I love you.”

  He leaves with Emma and I sigh. I close my eyes and when I open them Eli is looking at me. I smile at him and give him a little wave and he waves back with a smile of his own.

  I take a deep breath and hear Leila ask, “Are you okay sweetie?”

  I look at her and give her a hug, “Thank you for coming.”

  She smiles at me and says, “Thank you for inviting us.” I know she’s sad because I’m leaving and she’s been quiet lately because of it. I don’t call her out on it because I’m feeling the same way. I wish we could stay, but we can’t. New York is now my home, and I need space from everything that’s going on right now. I lean my head on her shoulder and say, “I’m going to miss you Leila”

  She laces her fingers through mine and says, “Don’t forget about me.”

  I feel tears in my eyes and tell her, “That will never happen, you’re my bestie.” I know she’s crying because I can feel her tears on my arm. “I love you Leila”

  She wraps her arms around me and says, “I love you too Sina.” I see my sister and Megan sitting next to us and they both look sad as well. Leila moves a little to make room for them.

  Mona looks at me and says, “How long are you going to stay away this time?”

  I roll my eyes and say, “We’ll be back for the holidays.”

  My sister looks at me with a sad smile and asks, “Are you serious? Will you really come back?”

  I pull her in for a hug and say, “I promise.” I give her my pinky and she starts crying quietly, locking hers with mine.

  “Thank you for coming back home Sis,” Megan says. I feel my heart break a little. I’m ready to leave here but not to leave my sister.

  “I’ll factime you every day until we come back for the holidays.”

  She sucks in a little bit of air and says “I’ll be waiting for you.” And I feel my tears on my cheeks.

  Mona is sitting next to Leila and I reach over to grab her hand. “I’ll facetime you too, Sis. Thank you for keeping Daniel in his place and out of trouble.” She gives me a sad smile and I see her tears fall. “I love you Mona.”

  She holds my hand tighter and says, “I love you so fucking much Sis. Just make sure to come back home.” I smile at her and we sit there listening to everyone around us.

  It isn’t too long until we hear Luka call for us. “You guys want some s’mores or nah?” We look at each other then look back at Luka with our eyes rolling, who doesn’t want s’mores? We make our way to where everyone is and I see Eli laughing at something funny that June-Bug’s telling him and it makes my heart happy to see that Eli is getting to know my family. He looks over to where we’re standing and gives me a smile that is only for me. My stomach flips and my face feels warm.

  “You love him don’t you?” I’m startled by Reese who’s crept up beside me.

  I give him a sad smile, “You can’t help who your heart falls in love with.”

  He wraps an arm around my shoulder and says, “I get it. I just want you to be happy.”

  I thread an arm around his waist and say, “I love you Reese, and thank you for loving me.”

  I hear Reese clear his throat as he says, “I love you too Sina. I’m glad you came back, just make sure to stay in touch this time, yeah?”

  I hug him for a few more seconds before Luka calls over, “Sis, jam session. Are you in?”

  I look over to where Luka’s sitting and shout “Heck yeah!!”, with a big smile on my face. I take Reese by his hand and we make our way to where everyone is sitting around the bonfire. Reese goes over to sit where Leila and the girls are and I take a seat between my brothers. Luka starts strumming his guitar and all I feel at that very second is how much I miss Daddy.

  I’m not sure what Luka’s playing until I hear June-Bug humming. I feel a piece of my heart breaking. It’s one of Daddy’s favorite Samoan songs Moe I le po masina. I look over to see if Mama is paying attention and see that she’s already in tears with a sad smile on her face. I am happy that I came home, because seeing my family has made me feel closer to Daddy. I look up and see that the night sky is clear, the stars are bright and the moon is full. And I know everything is going to be okay, because I can feel Daddy all around us. My eyes are closed as I sit here listening to my aiga singing. It’s one of the things that kept us close throughout our childhoods, our jam sessions. I sigh and smile when I feel the breeze all around me. I look up and whisper “I love you Daddy.” I can feel eyes on me, so I look over to where Eli is sitting and see tears in his eyes. I hold my hand over my heart and give him my last smile. He does the same, and I feel my heart crack a little because he knows that I’m saying goodbye.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Eli

  I sat there with my heart in her hands and I knew she was saying goodbye. My emotions were taking over and I couldn’t stop my heart from breaking into fucking pieces so I let it happen. I sat there and said “I love you forever.” I knew she knew what I’d said, because she had tears running down her face. I hate myself for making her fucking cry, but I needed her to know where I stood and that she owned my heart. Even after she leaves back to New York, she’ll always have my heart. I don’t want to let her go, but I have to for now. Reese and I haven’t really spoken to each other and I don’t blame him, but I fucking miss him. He stands up from where he was sitting with Lei and walks over to me. I’m not sure how to start a conversation so when he sits down I nudge his shoulder.

  He looks at me with sad eyes and says, “I’m sorry man. I was fucking pissed off at you for hurting her again, but I get it.”

  I give him a little head nod and say, “Becca doesn’t want the baby.”

  He gives me a what the fuck look and says “What?” I take a deep breath and tell him everything that Becca and I have talked about. He doesn’t say anything after I tell him, but he grabs my shoulder and says, “We’ll be here to help you bro.”

  I look at him and say, “Thanks man.”

  Reese looks at me and asks “Are you scared?”

  “To fucking death”, I chuckle.

  We both laugh and Reese says, “Are you okay?” I know he’s talking about Sina and not Becca. I close my eyes and look over to where she’s sitting.

  “I can’t tell her to stay because she deserves better than what I can give her right now. But I would be lying if I said that my heart wasn’t fucking breaking.”

  He looks at me and says confidently, “She’s going to be alright bro. She’s strong and one of the special ones.”

  I clear my throat and tell him with absolute certainty, “She’s my Leila.”

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Sina

  Five months later...

  It’s been five months since we’ve been back in New York. It took a little while for us to get back to our lives. Emma’s still having a hard time being away from everyone and it breaks my heart every time I hear her sniffles, or when she’s on facetime with her uncles, aunties, and especially when she’s talking to Mama. The night we left she begged me to let her stay
in Washington with everyone, but I couldn’t because I would have been so lost without her. I didn’t realize how hard it was going to be the second time I left home. I didn’t think I was going to cry, but when we made our way to our gate my heart was heavy. I didn’t expect to see pretty much everyone there to see us off, but a little part of me was hoping he would show up. I wasn’t disappointed because I knew he had his own life now with more important responsibilities and I couldn’t be upset about that. I haven’t talked to him since the last time I said goodbye to him at our family get together. He texted me a few times, but I never responded back because it hurt too much and it still does now. I keep myself busy so that way I don’t have time to think about him. But when I do, all I do is cry myself to sleep and I hate it. Which is why I am so grateful to have Marino here with us, it makes it a little easier for me to be normal.

  He was offered a higher position here with his work, so he’s been living here for about three months. He has his own place, but it seems like he lives with us. Emma and I don’t mind when he’s here, it’s like having a piece of home with us. Marino helps a lot with Emma and the little bit of heavy lifting that I have around the house. When I told the girls that he was moving here, they all said we should just get married since they all approved of him. I laughed it off and told them no way. I know Marino wants more than just a friendship, but it wouldn’t be fair to him because my heart belonged to someone else. He is an amazing man, he’s just not for me.

  “Hey gorgeous.” I look over my shoulder and see Marino walking to meet me in the kitchen. Oh and did I mention that he still gives me little sparks of butterflies? Yeah, talk about mixed emotions. I can't stop myself from smiling, the more time I spent with him the more my feelings got confused.

  “Hey handsome,” I say. He winds his arms around my waist and I know he sniffs me because I hear it. “You’re so weird,” I giggle.

  He looks at me and says “What? I can’t help that I love the way you smell.” I feel my face getting warm so I hide my face in his chest. “Aww, did I make you blush?”, he teases. I dig my face deeper into his chest and shake my head no. He chuckles and says “I love making you blush.” He grabs me by the chin and lifts my face so he can see me. “Hey,” he says softly.

  I know my face is getting redder “Hey.” I say back.

  He looks down at me then he leans in and kisses me on the cheek. I close my eyes and sigh. He steps back and asks, “Have you eaten yet?”

  I smile at him and say, “ I’ve ordered some Chinese for dinner.”

  He smiles and says, “I’ll be back. I’m going to go take a shower then we’ll have a t.v. dinner. How does that sound?”

  “Sounds good, I’ll get the plates and forks ready. What do you want to drink?”

  “I’ll have root beer” he says before he disappears in the hallway.

  “Emma, sweetie are you ready for dinner?” I hear her running down the stairs

  “Yes Mama. What are we having?”

  “We’re having Chinese and I made sure to order extra eggrolls for you baby girl.”

  She smiles at me and says, “Thank you Mama.” She helps me by grabbing napkins and cups for us. “Are we eating in the family room?” she asks.

  “Yup.”

  Emma smiles and says, “I love t.v. dinners.” We make our way to the family room and start setting everything up. We both settle in our spots as Marino walks into the room.

  “Hey honey girl”, he says to Emma.

  Emma blushes and says, “Hi Rino”, as leans down and kisses her forehead.

  He takes the open spot between us, “I’m starving” he says.

  I shake my head at him. “We have to do prayer first.” He gives me his smile and my heart flips. I reach for Emma’s and Marino’s hands and we pray; “Fa’afetai Iesu foa’i mai mea’ai e ai iai matou le fanau. Amene.”

  I try to pull my hand back but Marino holds on to it and adds on, “Thank you for blessing me with these two beautiful ladies. Amen.” He looks at me with so much emotions in his eyes, before he starts filling his plate with everything. I take a deep breath and say a prayer in my head asking God to please help me with my feelings, because I’m not sure if it’s possible to love two people the same time. I reach to grab myself an eggroll the same time he does and I feel a little tingle in my fingers as our hands brush against each other. I look to see if he felt what I just felt and see that he’s smiling that same smile he’s had for me since we first met. Fuck my life.

  We clean up and decide to watch a movie before Emma goes to bed. We settle on West Side Story because it’s one of Emma’s favorite movies, but she falls asleep before it finishes. I try to move her, but Marino beats me to it, “I got her Babe, just relax.”

  I give Emma's head a kiss, “Night babygirl. Mama loves you.” And Marino carries her to her room. I get up to use the bathroom when my phone starts going off. I reach for it and see that it’s my sister calling.

  “Hello.”

  “Hey Sis, are you busy?” she asks.

  “No, I was just going to the bathroom” I say.

  I hear her breathing heavily and before I can ask what’s wrong she says; “I’m calling to tell you that you need to come home right now.” She starts to cry and I grip my phone tighter,

  “What’s going on Megan? Is Mama okay?”

  She sobs and says, “Mama’s fine. I’ll fill you in when you get here, but you have to come home now.”

  I end the call and head for the bedroom to pack a bag.

  “What’s wrong Babe?” Marino asks as he comes out of Emma’s room.

  I look at him with worry etched into my face and say, “We need to go home right now. My sister just called me crying and said I had to come home but she won't tell me why.”

  “Is your mother okay?”, he asks.

  “Yeah, Mama’s fine. She said she’d fill me in when I get there. So I don’t know what’s going on.”

  He grabs me gently by the waist and says, “Breathe babe, please breathe.” I wrap my arms around his neck and do as he asks. “You go start packing and I’ll book our tickets okay? It’ll be okay? I just need you to keep breathing for me.”

  I take another deep lungful of air and say, “Thank you for taking care of us.” He smiles and leans in to kiss my forehead.

  “Now go pack so we can leave” he says.

  I don’t know what’s going on and I’m scared to find out what it is that had Megan sounding so upset. And I am definitely not ready to head back home yet, because I have been keeping a secret from everyone. The only ones who know are Emma and Marino. I close my eyes and say a little prayer of my own;

  “God, if you can hear me now, all I ask is that you don’t let go of my hand. Amen.”

  I take another breath and hope that whatever news that is waiting for me back home isn’t anything life changing. Because I don’t think I can handle another heartbreak.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Eli

  It’s been five months since she flew back to New York. Five months since I’ve seen her or heard her voice. It’s been five months since I felt her heart beat and I fucking missed her. My heart fucking ached for her. I kept myself busy with work, helping Mama with anything she needed doing, and kept myself busy with Becca and our baby. She was almost six months pregnant, and her belly was showing big time. Becca and I have gotten closer since we found out she was having our baby. I had her move in with me because she wasn’t coping well on her own and it meant I didn’t have to worry about her. The trauma of my past with Chrissy meant I needed to know Becca was doing okay. She’s changed a lot since she found out she was expecting. I didn’t think she was going to be any different, but I was wrong. She’s easier to be around and fun to be with. She isn’t the evil bitch that she was before, and I owe it all to my baby that’s growing in her belly.

  Mama still isn’t a big fan, but she respects Becca because she’s having her grandchild. I know Mama wishes it was Sina because I overheard her when
she was on the phone talking to Rita. I had to tell Mama that Becca wasn’t a bad person, she just needed direction. Becca and I have dinner with Mama every Sunday now and Mama even stepped up by spending more time with her. Becca knew Mama’s feelings and she respected them. I even volunteered to help out at Pixie’s so I could spend more of my time with Reese and Lei. We make sure to have family dinners every other day. Reese doesn’t have a soft spot for Becca, but he is nice to her out of respect for me.

  Lei still doesn’t like her. I don’t expect her to be best friends with Becca, because I know her loyalty is with Sina and I’m not mad at her for that. There are times when Lei is on her phone with Sina, but she never shares what they talk about. I mean it bothers the fuck out of me, but it’s none of my business. Reese only mentions Sina when we’re at the Hut having drinks with the guys. Speaking of the guys, we’ve gotten closer since their family gathering. The guys always make sure to invite Mama and I over for family cookouts or dinner.

  Mama and Miss Rita have gotten close as well, and it makes me happy that they have each other. Miss Rita has become someone who I looked at as a mother. She’s always checking up on me, she’s even nice to Becca. Sometimes it’s hard for me to be around her because she reminds me of her daughter, but I love Miss Rita because she’s accepted me even when I broke her daughter’s heart. I’m lost in my thoughts when I feel my phone buzzing, I check it and see that it’s a text from Mama.

  Mama: I need you to meet me at the hospital ASAP!