Pieces of Me

by Pua Ramona

  He holds my face in his papery hands and says,“You stop fighting when this boy takes his last breath.” I let go of Eli’s hand and wrap my arms around my grandfather and cry with my whole soul. “Sometimes we have to break in order for us to rebuild something beautiful.” He kisses me on my head and stands up. He reaches for Eli’s hand and he prays for him. The thing about my grandfather is that he’s one hundred percent old school Fa’asamoa way and I respect him for it, and for still teaching us after Daddy passed away. He never judges us on how we live our lives, even when others do. No matter what we do and how we do it, he never stops loving us. It's why Mama never wanted to leave our home, because our grandfather loved her unconditionally, even when she didn’t know a lot about the culture. The only thing he asks of us is to at least make it to church occasionally. He never asks for anything else, he just wants us to be proud of our roots. And I respect him for being the one to point out exactly where I was lacking. “I’ll leave you so you can spend time with the boy” he says.

  He winks and says, “When that boy wakes up, you tell him that I expect to see the both of you in church. Church is on Sunday, just in case you forgot.”

  I laugh and say, “I love you Grandpa Tali.”

  He pinches my arm and says “I feel it every day Little Sina.” I get up to walk with him, but he stops me. “Your Auntie Claire’s out in the waiting room with your mother and the boy’s mother”

  “The boy has a name,” I say.

  He rolls his eyes. “He’s a boy because he’s too lazy to wake up. Only boys sleep like they don’t have feaus to do.” I laugh out loud.

  I kiss him and say, “You’re magic Grandpa.” He smiles and then he’s gone. I take a deep breath and my heart finally feels at peace. I’m not going to give up on him. Stop fighting when he takes his last breath. Inhale. Exhale. I walk over to the bed and climb in. It still hurts to move, my ribs are slowly healing, and my face is okay looking now, I guess. I kiss him on his lips. “Okay babe, I know I asked for more time, but I’m asking you for more. I’m not ready to let you go.” I wrap my arm around him. “I love you Eli.”

  Chapter Sixty-Five

  Eli

  Fuck! My whole damn body is killing me, my throat is dry as hell. and my head feels like I’ve got a bad fucking hangover. I try moving but it hurts, but I need to take a fucking piss.

  “It’s been eight days, love; I’m going to keep asking for more time.”

  Sina? But she’s in a coma. What the fuck? Am I dead? Or am I in her head? Wait! That just sounds fucking dumb you idiot. I can smell her scent, sunshine and vanilla, with a little coconut. She smells like heaven.

  “Please, come back to me. I need you to wake up” she whispers. So I am me, I’m just sleeping. Right?

  “Sweetie, I’m going to go grab me something from the cafeteria. Do you want me to bring anything back for you?”

  Mama? What the hell is going on.

  “No thank you Mama.”

  She called her Mama. I feel my heart beating a slow and steady rhythm.

  “You need to eat something Sina” I hear Mama say.

  “I’ll eat when he wakes up,” Sina tells her with a stubborn edge to her voice.

  “Sweetie, it’s been eight days since you’ve had anything to eat. Let me grab you something okay? Just eat a little bit, please?” Mama begs her.

  “No thank you Mama, I’ll wait for him to wake up so we can eat together” Sina insists and I feel her hands tighten around mine.

  I hear Mama sigh before she says, “Okay sweetie. I’ll be back.”

  So that’s why I can’t move. Half of her body is on mine. I can feel her hand on my chest and I can hear her sniffling. She’s crying.

  “I love you Eli, more than you’ll ever know.” She stays quiet for a few minutes, but it feels longer than that. She starts humming. My heart is beating like crazy. She’s the only one that makes me feel like this. I need to let her know that I can hear her. She sings and I swear to god, my heart just jumped.

  “Wise men say, only fools rush in. But I can’t help falling in love with you.” I love her. “Like a river flows, surely to the sea. Darling, so it goes something are meant to be. Take my hand, take my whole life too. For I can’t help falling in love with you.” She stops singing and cries quietly. It hurts to move, but I have to let her know that I’m not going anywhere. If I could just move my hand right now.

  “Eli?” Oh shit! I guess I am moving my hand.

  “Baby, squeeze my hand if you can hear me.” She says and the hope in her voice makes my heart soar.

  I don’t have the energy, but the need to let my girl know that I am here is overwhelming. So I do as she asks and I try to squeeze her hand a second time. You would’ve thought that she’d won the lottery or some shit. But to hear the relief in her voice made it worth it. Now I need to wake the fuck up properly so I can look into my girls eyes.

  “Open your eyes my love” she whispers.

  My eyelids are heavy, but I need to see her face. I need to make sure this is real.

  “Sina?” I rasp. Instantly her lips are on mine and the pain that I feel everywhere, goes numb. I don’t feel any of it anymore. The only thing I feel is her wrapped around me and her heart beating next to mine. The first thing I see when I open my eyes is the prettiest pair of brown eyes in the whole fucking world.

  “Hi beautiful.” I croak. Shit my throat is dry as fuck.

  Her forehead rests on mine and she says, “I love you. I love you. I love you.” She still has bruises and cuts on her face, but she is beautiful. Her eyes are so puffy from crying that it makes me feel like shit to know she’s been crying over me again.

  I lift my hand and tuck a piece of her hair behind her ear slowly, before I run my fingers down her face.

  “I missed you, I missed you so freaking much” she cries. I move her closer to me because I need to fucking taste her. I need to kiss her. Our lips touch and I kiss her with everything that is my entire being.

  “I love you” I whisper.

  She kisses me again and says, “I’m going to get the doctor.”

  “No. Give me a few more minutes. I just want to hold you, okay?” I tell her. Her tears are non-stop as she lays her head on my chest, threading her arm around my waist. I kiss the top of her head.

  “You came back” she cries softly.

  “You wouldn’t let me go.”I say into her hair, breathing in the vanilla scent that is her.

  “I love you Eli.” She says and everything feels right in the world.

  “I love you too Baby.” I tell her and we settle in together on the bed.

  I get more than a few minutes with my love before the guys walk in and start acting like girls. Luka moves Sina out of the way because they need to make sure that I’m really awake.

  He grabs my face with his shovel sized hands and says, “Uso! You’re really up? Is this real?”

  “Don’t ever do that shit to us again. You had us crying and shit” Daniel says with mock authority.

  “Next time you want to play hero, make sure you’re wearing a bulletproof vest at least'' Reese says as he pats my shoulder.

  “Can you assholes get off me?” I say rolling my eyes at the three of them. Before they move away, they each lean down to and kiss my head. “What the fuck man? Don’t ever do that shit again” I shudder and they all laugh.

  “Mr. Hunter, glad to have you back.” The Doctor says as he walks into my room. Sina must’ve fetched him when we were having our emotional guy moment.

  “It’s good to be back Doc.” He chuckles at me before switching to full doctor mode. It takes him and the nurse a little while to make sure that everything is functioning the way it’s supposed to. “Well, everything looks good young man. Do you need something for the pain?” he asks as writes something down on his chart.

  I know the pain medicine will make me sleepy again and I’ve only just woken up so I say, “I’m okay right now. I want to visit with my family before I pass out a
gain.”

  “Alright, well one of the nurses will be here to give you something to help with the pain when you’re ready. Try not to do too much, your body’s been through a lot of trauma. So just take your time” he says before he hands my chart to the nurse and turns to leave the room.

  “We’ll make sure he doesn’t go out catching any more bullets Doc,” Luka says and the guys chuckle in unison. Assholes.

  “Hey sweetie” Mama cries as she comes through the doorway with bags of food in her arms.

  I smile at the sight of her, knowing she has been coming back in here to force Sina to eat something while I was still out of it. “I’m okay Mama. I’m okay” I tell her.

  She smiles through her tears and says “That girl is something amazing Son. She never left the hospital after her doctor released her. She came straight here and she never left.” My heart’s never known unconditional true love from someone other than my parents until today. Sina should’ve gone home when they released her, because she needed to rest especially after what she’s been through. I wasn’t sure how she was mentally and emotionally, but I knew her body needed the rest it needed to heal. “The doctors and nurses were so sure that you weren’t going to wake up, but Sina never gave up. She talked, laughed, cried, sang, and prayed for you the whole time. She never gave up on you, and if you don’t marry her someone else will.” She kisses the top of my head and says “Good women like her are hard to find nowadays. Do right by her and she’ll love you in many ways that no other woman can or will.”

  I know Mama is right. “Mama, do you still have Grandma’s ring?” I ask her.

  She says, “She left that ring for you to give to the right woman. Is she the right one?”

  “She’s the food to my soul Mama. When I’m around her, she makes me want more. Things that I’ve never wanted before, I want them with just her. I want her to be my wife, the mother to our children. I want to be the man that will give her whatever her heart desires, I want to be the man that she talks, laughs, sings, and dances with. I want to be the man that she prays with morning, noon, and night. When she has bad days she’ll know that I’ll drop what I’m doing to make sure that I put a smile back on her beautiful face. I know that if I fall short, she’ll be there to catch me. I want to build a beautiful life with her, and if I’m lucky I’ll do it all over again in the next lifetime because she was made for me to love, and she was made to love me. She’s it for me Mama.” I tell her, baring my soul for her to see.

  Mama has a big goofy smile on her face. “Do I hear wedding bells?” she asks.

  I chuckle, “If she says yes to being my wife, then we’ve got a wedding.”

  “I’m going to go home so I can grab you some fresh clothes, and to grab that ring. I’ll be back in a little while, it’s good to have you back son” she says with tears in her eyes. “I love you Elijah.”

  “I love you too Mama.” I tell her feeling my throat get tight with emotion.

  It takes almost two hours for everyone to leave. I know that they’re all worried about me, and I love every single one of them for being here with Mama and for staying at my bedside when things were bad. But the only person that I wanted to spend all my time with isn’t here. The last one’s left are the girls Megan, Mona, Lei, and Becca.

  “Do you need anything before we leave?” Lei asks.

  I shook my head no. “Nah, I’m good” I say.

  “Okay, well we’re going to head out so you can get some rest, not that you need it after sleeping for days, but you do.” Lei says with a laugh.

  As they make to walk out the door, I grab Megan’s hand. “Can I talk to you really quick?” I ask her.

  “Because I love you now, yeah sure you can,” she says.

  I chuckle, “Your sarcasm is leaking through your pores again Megan.”

  She laughs dryly. “Thank you for not leaving me.” I say as she holds my hand in hers.

  “You’re family, and family always sticks together.” She says with a wink. “I still can’t stand your ass though” And I fucking laugh despite the pain it causes me.

  “I hate you too Sis.” I snort as she punches me in the arm lightly with no real feeling behind it.

  “Hey, do you know where your sister’s at?” I ask.

  She smiles at me and I feel a little relief flood my system before she opens her mouth to speak. “I’m going to go let her know that everyone’s gone. She said she was going to the chapel for a little bit.” Yeah, I am definitely crazy about my sweet girl. “Ew, fix your face” Megan says scrunching her nose and making a gag face..

  “What’s wrong with my face?” I say arching my brow.

  “You have that stupid love look on it and it looks creepy” she says and I give her the finger. She walks out and says “Stick it up your ass and spin, Bro.”

  I laugh so hard that I almost split my stitches. “Little shit” I try yelling, but she skips out of the door. I take a moment to breathe. Life is fucking good. “Thank you for all my blessings.” I say aloud to the Big Man. I don’t deserve the people that I am lucky enough to have in my life, but I’m so fucking glad that God thinks me worthy of having them.

  “Hey you” she says as she opens the door.

  My heart grows bigger.

  “Hey beautiful”, I say as she climbs into the bed and holds me. I love that she does it without me asking her to lay with me, like it's a natural thing for her to do. Not even five minutes pass and she’s sound asleep. I know then that we are going to be more than okay. We have an amazing family, and we have each other. That’s all that matters. I’m still in pain but having Sina with me helps to ease it. Her hand is flat against my chest, resting over my heart. I place mine over hers that night, I sleep without dreaming, because my dreams are of her and she is my reality. Her.

  Chapter Sixty-Six

  Sina

  It’s been a couple of weeks since Eli was released from the hospital and within those weeks we became an official couple and I couldn’t be any happier. I was on cloud nine. Emma and I are still staying with him. We were going to go back to my parent’s place, but he insisted. “I have a lot of room for you and Emma. I love having you both here, so please stay” he’d said. He didn’t have to ask me twice, because I didn’t want to leave either. Emma was getting used to having her own room at Eli’s and she loved it. Emma loved her dad, but she also loved Eli the same way she loved Michael. She looked at Eli as if he hung the moon and stars in the sky just for her. We were both still healing, but we tried to spend as much time as we could with each other.

  “Mama, can you help me with my zipper please?” Emma asks. We are finally having Micah’s memorial service today and it doesn’t hurt as bad as I thought it would, because I know he’s more than okay where he is now. I just miss him a lot.

  “There you go baby girl. You look beautiful.” I tell her as I zip her up and smooth down her hair.

  She smiles, “Thank you Mama” and hugs me. “Mama, can I ask you something?”

  “You can ask me anything you want,” I say and we both take a seat on her bed.

  “Are we going back home to New York after Uncle Micah’s funeral?” she asks. I’ve been wanting to talk to Eli about this but the timing is never right, plus I didn’t want to put any pressure on him.

  “I don’t know honey. Do you like it here?” I ask her.

  Emma tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear. “I love New York Mama, because it’s my first home and I have friends there. But I love it here more because we have everyone and it feels like a real home.” She started counting off her little fingers. “Grandma, Mama Hunter, Grandpa T, Auntie Claire, Auntie Megan, Auntie Mona, Auntie Leila, Auntie Becca, Uncle Luka, Uncle D, Rino too. Then I have my dad and Eli who makes me feel safe. Mama, we’re happier here, but if we go back home to New York I won’t be upset. I just wanted you to know that whatever you choose it’s okay with me. As long as we’re together” she says.

  I kiss her temple and say, “We’ll figure things o
ut when we’re done with everything else that we have going on right now, okay Baby?”

  “Okay Mama.” She says as she hugs me once more before she hops up from the bed. “I’m going to go look for my sweater then I’ll be ready.”

  “Okay sweetie.” I tell her, wondering when she got to be so wise.

  Before she walks out of the door I call out to her, “I love you Emma.”

  “I love you forever Mama, even when the sun doesn't shine” she says as she walks out of her room. She’s pretty smart for an eight-year-old little girl. Sometimes I wish that she didn’t have to see everything that was going on, but I have to accept it because it’s life. As much as I’ve tried to shelter her from certain things, she’s too smart for her own good. She doesn’t know a lot about the whole Jackson drama, but that’s another story she’ll have to learn when she’s a little older. You can never be too careful, even with the ones who are supposed to keep you safe and love you.

  I want her to understand that sometimes it’s the people closest to you that you never expect to hurt you, that are more than likely the ones who will actually do it. I need to make sure that if anything like that ever happens to her, that she trusts me enough to talk to me. And that whatever it is, that I will always, always listen to her words and believe her no matter what. She’s my life and I am willing to give up mine to protect her. I take a deep breath and walk back to Eli’s room.

  “You okay beautiful?” he asks as I lean against the doorframe.

  I smile. “Yeah, just a little overwhelmed I think.” He’s watching me through the mirror as he rolls his other sleeve up, turning to look at me.

  “Talk to me Babe” he says. “Are you nervous about seeing his family?” he asks.

  I take a deep breath. “Yeah. I haven’t heard from anyone and it makes me feel like they don’t believe that Jackson would do such a thing.” I sigh. “I don’t know, maybe I’m just nervous. Am I being silly?” I ask him.