All the Impossible Things

by Lindsay Lackey

  Anthony had a lopsided grin. He took his glasses from his nose and polished them with the hem of his shirt. “Good to see you, Red.”

  The twins squealed and squirmed, ready to be released to the level of wagging tails and tongues. Bags were shifted and wheels went pluuuhh against the hardwood as Jackson dragged suitcases toward the guest room.

  The twins were definitely not interested in taking a nap. Everyone gathered in the living room for a while. Nicole and Anthony stationed themselves on the floor, acting as roadblocks between the twins and the pile of Christmas presents. Red rebuilt the train track and switched on the electric train, effectively distracting the boys. Nicole gave her a grateful smile. Red kept her attention on the boys as the adults talked, occasionally sneaking glances at Nicole.

  She was nice. Maybe having a foster sibling would be different this time. Maybe Nicole wouldn’t turn Jackson and Celine against Red. Maybe she really would treat Red like a sister.

  Later, Red and Nicole helped Celine finish up dinner preparations. They were having an early dinner before that night’s Christmas Eve church service. Celine and Nicole chatted, moving around each other in a familiar dance. When Nicole was called out of the kitchen for a diaper changing, Red stepped in to take her place. She and Celine worked in comfortable silence, each knowing their part of the kitchen choreography.

  “If they don’t sleep tonight, I am going to lock myself in the barn and sleep with the horses,” Nicole moaned when she came back, dropping onto a stool at the counter.

  Celine smiled. “They just need food in their bellies.”

  Nicole rested her head on her hands. “I hope they’ll be okay for the Christmas Eve service tonight.”

  “They’ll be angels. Put this on the table?” Celine lifted a giant bowl of sweet potatoes and Nicole took it and disappeared into the dining room.

  “Red, will you take this, please?” Celine asked. She reached across the counter with a basket of rolls. Suddenly, she cried out, dropping the basket, and gripping her side.

  Red jumped off the barstool where she’d been sitting to stir sugar into the pitcher of tea, and tried to catch the flying rolls before they flipped off the counter. “Are you okay?”

  Celine’s face was gray and she sucked a breath in through her teeth. After a moment, she straightened again. “Yeah, yes. Sorry.” She closed her eyes a second. “I’m okay. Thanks for catching the rolls.”

  Nicole came back into the kitchen. “You should see the fort they’re building out of Christmas presents! I—” She stopped in her tracks. “Cee? What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing, I’m fine.” Celine waved the question away. Some color was returning to her cheeks.

  Nicole and Red exchanged a look and Red shrugged, unsure if she should betray Celine by admitting what had happened. She picked up the basket of rolls and hurried into the dining room. Before long, the two women followed her with the rest of the food, calling the men and boys to the table. Red took her seat next to Celine’s.

  “I’m okay,” Celine whispered, noticing Red’s concern.

  Red nodded, wanting to believe her. But when she took her hand for the prayer, Celine’s fingers were as cold as ice.

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  Celine was quiet at dinner and barely ate anything, but otherwise seemed fine. Or at least better than she’d been in the kitchen. When Celine caught Red looking at her nervously for the third time, she leaned toward her.

  “I’m okay,” she reassured. “Just not very hungry.”

  Red tried to believe her.

  “So, Red, what should I know about you?” Anthony asked during dessert. “Do you like any sports or play an instrument?”

  She swallowed her bite of pumpkin pie. “I like the animals.”

  Jackson laughed. “You should see her with Tuck! That tortoise is nuts about this girl!”

  “That’s what I hear!” Nicole took a bite off Noah’s plate. “Dad told me he got lost and you found him in the middle of a blizzard.” She gave Red an impressed look. “Sounds like an amazing story.”

  Red blushed. “I found him, but Celine found me.”

  When Celine had emerged from the snow and darkness that night, Red wept with relief. Celine stared at the two of them—girl and tortoise—for a moment, like she couldn’t believe her eyes, then bundled Red into her arms. “I’m here,” she’d whispered, over and over in Red’s ear. “I’m right here.”

  Later, when Jackson asked how on earth Celine had run straight to Red through the storm, she’d just given Red a small smile and shrugged.

  “I don’t know. I heard Red’s voice on the wind, I guess,” she’d said.

  Pushing away his empty dessert plate, Jackson clapped his hands together once, a childlike look of happiness on his face. “Okay! You know what time it is!”

  Nicole laughed, wiping smears of pumpkin pie off Noah’s cheeks. “We have time before church?”

  Jackson stood, lifting Jack out of his booster seat. “There’s always time for presents!”

  “Peh-zents!” chirped Noah, pushing his mother’s hand away.

  “Okay, little man.” Nicole snuck in one last wipe of Noah’s face, then lifted him out of his seat. He squirmed from her grip before she could get his rubber bib off and dashed toward the living room. She shook her head. “Prepare yourself for chaos, Red.”

  They all followed the twins into the living room. It was getting dark outside, even though it was just after four o’clock, and the room glowed with the warm white lights of the Christmas tree. Jackson, still holding Jack, snagged Noah before he could rip into a large present near the edge of the pile.

  “Whoa, buddy. That one is for Red. Come here and let me take that bib off you.”

  Anthony stepped forward and took Jack out of Jackson’s arm. “Boys, remember what we talked about. We’re only opening one present each tonight.”

  Nicole draped her arm around Red’s shoulder affectionately. “Christmas Eve tradition,” she said. “Everybody opens one present before church. Just one.” She lifted her voice at the last part, eyebrows raised toward the twins. Then, shaking her head, she smiled at Red and whispered, “Good luck with that.”

  Red grinned and glanced at Celine, who was leaning against the doorway. She had one arm wrapped around her stomach and the other massaging her shoulder. Her expression was a little vague and her eyes glassy.

  “Come on, Red! Pick out the one you want to open.” Jackson finally wrestled the bib off Noah. Nicole took it from him and knelt between her boys in front of the tree.

  Celine blinked, then caught Red’s eye and smiled encouragingly. “Go on,” she said. “Any present you want.”

  Anthony and Jackson were helping the boys pick out a gift each.

  “Small ones, please,” Nicole said, shaking her head at a large, oblong package Noah was reaching toward. “And hopefully something quiet they can take to church?”

  Red bit her lip, looking over the stack of gifts. There were so many. Anthony and Nicole had added some before dinner, and she had a feeling Jackson must have snuck a few more in, as well. She’d never seen so many gifts under a Christmas tree before, especially so many that had her name on them. She felt like crying and laughing at the same time.

  “Cee, I don’t have my phone,” Jackson said. “Are you filming this?”

  He looked over his shoulder as Red reached around him, bypassing the biggest box with her name on it and going for a smaller, book-shaped gift. Jackson wrenched around suddenly, nearly knocking Red over as he thrust Noah into her arms.

  “Celine!”

  Red stumbled, and the startled Noah—angry at having been ripped away so unexpectedly from his gift—began instantly to cry. His shriek was hot in Red’s ears. She twisted to see Jackson grabbing for Celine, who had crumpled forward. He caught her, and her head lolled against his chest.

  “I’m gonna be sick.” Her voice was thin and hoarse.

  Nicole was standing now, too. She followed as Jackso
n rushed Celine out of the room toward the bathroom down the hall. Red was a bag of sand, heavy and useless. A moment later, the sound of retching bounced off the wooden floors and plaster walls. It was a violent, tearing sound that turned Red’s insides to ice.

  Anthony took the shrieking Noah from Red’s arms. He thrashed until his father put him on the floor near the gifts again.

  Down the hall, the noises continued. Horrible, wrenching sounds that made Red’s whole body shake.

  Nicole was back in the doorway a few minutes later, her eyes wild and her voice tight. “Anthony, call 911.”

  She was gone again.

  Anthony pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed. There was a clatter of Christmas ornaments knocking together, and Anthony reached for Jack, who’d just tumbled over boxes and fallen face-first into the tree. He lifted the now-crying Jack by one arm.

  “Yes, I need an ambulance … My mother-in-law is sick. I’m not sure, actually. They just—” He patted Jack’s back, trying to quiet him. Noah, meanwhile, had started tearing into several packages at once. “Red? Can you help?” Anthony pleaded.

  Red sucked in a breath, focusing on the twins. “Here,” she said, reaching for Jack.

  Anthony gave her a grateful look and hurried from the room, speaking urgently into the phone.

  Jack wasn’t happy in Red’s arms and cried for his father. When Red held him tighter, he began to scream. She pulled her head back, trying to get him to look at her. His little face was contorted and shone with fury, and he pushed his fists against her shoulders, trying to get away.

  “Let’s go outside!” Her voice sounded cartoonish. With her free hand, she pulled on Noah’s sleeve. He lifted a small truck he’d managed to unwrap, his face bright with glee.

  “Twuck!”

  Down the hall, the sound of retching was now punctuated with sobs. Red blinked back her own tears.

  “Yes, a truck. Come on! Let’s show it to the chickens!”

  Noah was thrilled. He bolted toward the back door, and Red ran after him, Jack still struggling in her arms. She had to get away from the sounds coming from the bathroom. She had to get out. Now.

  Red balanced on one foot to keep the dogs from getting inside and held the door open for Noah. He slipped under her raised knee and took off toward the barn. His quicksilver body drew the dogs’ attention away from the door long enough for Red and Jack to get outside.

  She pulled the door closed, and immediately the world stilled. Jack’s screams silenced as abruptly as they’d started, and he laid his head on her shoulder. His breath came in hot little waves against her neck. The air smelled like snow. Out here, she could no longer hear the agonized sounds coming from down the hall. Out here, she could close her eyes and pretend everything was okay.

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  Noah banged his truck against the new barn door. The dogs yapped and bounced around him. Both boys were shivering already, and Red knew she should have grabbed their coats, but there hadn’t been time. At least the barn would be warm.

  The air inside smelled like sweet hay. Noah beelined for the chicken coop. His curls flopped around his ears, and, smiling, he pointed a fat, dimpled finger. Jack was still nestled against Red. He curled into her, tucking his hands between his chest and hers when she tried to show him the chickens. His breathing was ragged and wet sounding.

  “Come on,” she said, hiking him up. Gandalf was at her side, peering at her with worried brown eyes.

  Noah pressed his face against the rings of chicken wire, sticking his nose and lips through one of the holes. When he lost interest in the birds, he turned to the goats, who were inside because of the cold. He drove his truck over hay bales and along the rough floorboards. Red showed Jack how to hold long strands of hay out for Billie and Goat to nibble. Gruff was uninterested and stayed in the back corner with Lancelot and Merlin, watching them with a grumpy expression. Jack stayed cuddled against Red as she fed the goats. His skin was tacky with the sweat of crying and his ringlets stuck to her neck.

  What was happening in the house? How long would it take an ambulance to arrive?

  She pushed the questions from her mind. Tried to focus on keeping a two-year-old boy’s fingers far away from sharp goat teeth. Tried to keep the anxious spinning in her chest from leaking out into the air.

  Noah grew bored with the truck after a while, abandoning it to Billie, who nibbled at it curiously. His feet thumped over the wooden planks of the barn floor toward the mountain of hay bales stacked against the back wall. Jack finally squirmed down and followed his brother.

  Red trailed them, only half watching as they started to scramble onto the bales. The sound of Celine sick and in pain echoed in Red’s mind.

  I should have told Jackson. She sat on one of the bales, offering Jack a finger to steady himself with as he climbed. Guilt and fear roiled in her. She should have told Jackson that Celine had dropped the rolls, that something was wrong. But maybe it wouldn’t have made a difference.

  The barn creaked softly in the gathering wind. Red focused on her breathing. She’ll be okay. She’ll be okay.

  “Mousy!” Noah squealed.

  A new panic cut through Red. She looked up to where Noah was pointing. There, atop the stack of hay, stood the most enormous rat Red had ever seen.

  She leaped to her feet, stumbled back. The twins started climbing with renewed excitement, heading straight for the silvery rodent. If this was the thing Marvin had seen, then he was right—it was huge. It eyed the boys warily, its whiskers twitching. When she tried to shoo it, it hissed at her. What kind of a rat hissed? Fear twisted in her like a screw.

  “Don’t touch it!” she barked.

  But they were climbing straight for it. She grabbed the first tool her hands found—a heavy metal rake. Lifting it above her head, she whirled around, aiming for the rat and his glinting black eyes.

  “GO AWAY!”

  Her scream let loose a whoosh of air, and the entire mountain of hay trembled. The curls on the twins’ heads flattened under the force of the gust, and Noah’s fingers lost their grip. Red watched in horror as he fell. She couldn’t move, couldn’t react. Noah slammed into Jack, who was below him. There was a sickening crack of bone against wood when the boys hit the floor. The rat gave a single trilling squeak and disappeared into the shadows as the rake fell from Red’s hands.

  Nicole was suddenly there. Red hadn’t heard her come in, but the barn door was open, and Nicole was running toward her children, her feet thunk thunking across the floorboards. The boys, both of them this time, fractured the air with their screams.

  “No! No no no,” Nicole breathed, trying to scoop them up. Jack fought her, more scared than hurt, but Noah was screaming in his mom’s arms. “What were you doing?” Nicole snapped, looking up at Red.

  Red stood, helpless, numb with horror.

  “Noah? Sweetie, shh, let me see your head.” Nicole brushed back his curls, looking for signs of damage.

  “Shh, buddy, you’re okay. Jack, did you get a bonk, too?” Nicole pulled Jack closer. Amazingly, he was calming down. His eyes were glued to his brother, who was still screaming.

  Anthony appeared. “What happened?”

  Nicole stood, Noah in one arm, and Jack’s hand grasped tightly in her free hand. Her eyes were rimmed with red. “The boys fell. Noah hit his head. Hard.” She looked toward Red but not exactly at her.

  Anthony hurried over and lifted Jack, and they started toward the house. Anthony said over his shoulder to Red, “The ambulance is here.”

  She watched them go, her hands and feet still tingling with shame. Was she supposed to follow them? Would Nicole want her anywhere near her family now? Even if she didn’t, Red wanted to see Celine, to make sure she was okay.

  Running from the barn, she circled around the house, following the sound of barking dogs. An ambulance was parked in the driveway, its lights flashing painfully bright in the dim light. Three paramedics lifted a gurney with Celine on it d
own the porch steps. Red slid to a halt in the gravel. Celine was alarmingly white and the sunrise was gone from her hair. Her head lolled from side to side, eyes half-closed.

  Memories crowded against Red’s skull. Her mother, the day Red and Gamma found her slumped over the side of the bathtub, pills scattered like seeds around her. Gamma, unconscious on the floor when Red came downstairs for breakfast one morning.

  Red couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe.

  Jackson followed the paramedics as they loaded Celine into the ambulance. He had a coat halfway up one arm. As they got her settled, he spun, his eyes searching the front of the house. Nicole stepped out onto the porch, followed by a fourth paramedic. Neither of them saw Red standing near the garden gate. Nicole looked like a robot. Her movements were jerky.

  “Nic, I’m going with them,” Jackson called across the driveway.

  Her eyes jumped to him. “Of course. We’ll meet you there.”

  “Stay here,” he said, then saw Red. His expression twisted, like it hurt him to look at her. “I’ll call when I know something,” he said to Nicole. Then he climbed into the ambulance with his wife.

  Red wanted to run after them, but she couldn’t make her feet move. Her hair whipped around her face in a frenzy. She clenched her fists, held her breath.

  The fourth paramedic shut the back doors with a sharp clatch, then got into the front seat. A siren bwoop bwooped as the vehicle turned down the driveway and picked up speed toward the dirt road.

  Red watched it until the twinkling lights were snuffed out by the gathering night. When she looked back at the house, the porch was empty and the front door closed.

  She was alone.

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  An hour later, the phone rang. Red crept into the kitchen and found Nicole leaning against the counter, listening intently.

  “Okay. How long?”

  Silence.

  “What do you need?”

  A longer silence. She lifted her head, saw Red.