Close to Home

by Nolon King

  Every step filled him with ice. The guys had said they’d see him there, but would they? Or would they abandon him like he’d abandoned Corban?

  Levi felt even worse, now that he understood how his brother must’ve felt these past months.

  Now they were in the same boat, except that they weren’t, because Corban had been in it longer, and he was trying to row in a different direction than Levi was, and … the stupid metaphor fell apart, like everything else in his life.

  Levi had always tried to do the right things, and deserved for good things to happen. Good things like Kari. He couldn’t remember the first moment he felt something for her as more than a friend, but he knew in his gut from the first second he did, that Corban beat him to it.

  Why should she like Corban more than him? What made his brother so special? Or Levi so … so ordinary?

  Levi stopped at the edge of the school parking lot and looked out upon An Almond Summer. It was impressive what the school managed to assemble: five rows of games and booths, a surprisingly large rollercoaster with a long line waiting to get on, and a giant moon bounce for the middle grade kids.

  The bright blue sky, the scents of sweet caramel corn and spicy nachos, the determinedly-happy chatter — it made him feel sick to his stomach.

  Right now, he felt like a monster lurking among humans, because while he had no interest in throwing baseballs at galvanized milk cans that were impossible to topple, there was a game that he wanted to play.

  Levi was hunting for Kari.

  He still wasn’t sure what he would do once he found her, only that he would know the second he saw her, and it would be exactly what they both deserved.

  Levi hadn’t just lost something with this whole Virgin thing, it had been stolen from him. And while he couldn’t prove it, Corban was the obvious candidate for thief. He was the one who’d snooped on their father’s tablet and claimed to have found a cache of sick fantasies. It made sense that, when he couldn’t get Levi to believe their father was such a pervert, he would’ve gone looking for more evidence. He must’ve found the same pink box.

  But instead of giving Dad the benefit of the doubt and pretending he hadn’t read them, Corban had fucking published them for the world to see. He apparently didn’t care if he ruined his entire family’s lives.

  It felt like Levi’s punishment, for not believing his brother.

  But he would deal with Corban later. Right now his brother was at home, locked in his room like a little fucking baby. Which meant if Kari was at the carnival, she was here alone, and Levi could have her all to himself.

  She couldn’t deny him forever. Not here, in front of everyone.

  His life was unraveling, and Levi needed something to hold onto. Why not grab it by the throat?

  It was interesting, how fast love could wither to fury. Although he’d been annoyed by her melodrama in the past, Levi could barely stand his mother right now. He’d respected his father more, but that just made his betrayal hurt that much more. He was deeply attracted to Kari. He understood how Corban could love her so much that he’d doom his own family to save her father from prison.

  So it didn’t matter if Corban was the one revealing family secrets, it was still Kari’s fault.

  But even as Levi finally spied her across the carnival, alone and staring off into nowhere, her tongue stained blue by her snow cone, he felt angry, aroused, and entirely lost.

  He had surrendered to something that had lurked inside him for a long time, something animalistic and ugly. It wanted to hurt someone as deeply as he hurt now.

  It wanted revenge.

  It wanted vindication.

  It would take whatever it could get.

  Before he knew it, Levi stood two feet from Kari.

  She turned from the sky to meet his eyes. It felt like a dare.

  Then Levi said, “So what’s a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?”

  “Not now, Levi.”

  “Should I make an appointment?”

  “If you’re going to be an asshole.”

  “Why would I want to be an asshole?”

  She looked at Levi, her eyes as exhausted as her body. “I don’t know. Why would you want to be an asshole?”

  A pair of freshmen paused their walk just close enough to listen to the exchange. They were joined by a trio of seniors.

  “I was just wondering why you were here,” Levi continued.

  “I have every right to be here.”

  Levi nodded. “I agree. And I was hoping to find you.”

  “Here I am. So when are you gonna tell me what you want?”

  “I know what you did.”

  Kari looked at the growing circle around them, then met Levi’s cool gaze with pleading eyes.

  Please. You can’t.

  But he could.

  Kari planted her feet, crossed her arms, and held his stare. Defiant. “I didn’t do anything.”

  Levi whispered, in a rolling growl just low enough for her to hear, “You had your chance.” Then, louder and mostly to the crowd, he fired the first shot. “Why doesn’t your dad just admit what he did so that we can all get on with it?”

  She said, “I could explain this again, but I can’t comprehend it for you, so what’s the point?”

  A laugh at Levi’s expense, a twittering from somewhere behind him.

  She was going to pay for that. “Nice of you to fuck my brother. I was sick of hearing him beat off to that pic of you in a bikini.”

  She flinched. That got her. “You’re a coward, bringing Corban into this.”

  “You’re the one who brought my brother into this.”

  “And how is that?”

  “Because it should’ve been us.” They both knew the truth.

  “I would never have been with you,” she said. “Ever.”

  “Why are you playing so hard to get when you’re so hard to want?”

  More laughs, but these were for him. He was winning.

  “You’re supposed to be identical to Corban. How’d you turn out to be such an asshole?”

  Now there were twenty people watching, at least. Someone in the crowd had their camera. From their phone to LiveLyfe in real time. A few more admirers would be enough to put him back on top, and shove her back to the bottom where she belonged.

  Because she was the reason his life was falling apart.

  “Admit that you made up that shit about my dad.”

  “I didn’t make anything up.”

  “Your father’s the murderer.”

  “No. He isn’t.”

  “You made it all up to get him out of jail.”

  “I didn’t make anything up.”

  Adam lunged in for the kill. “We’ll all celebrate the day he’s convicted. Make it an official holiday.”

  Blinking back tears, Kari spat, “You’re a tragic misappropriation of trace elements.”

  And in that moment he loved her.

  But he hated her more.

  “I’d call you a cunt, but a real pussy doesn’t feel like ice.”

  “Fuck you.”

  The crowd was laughing and gasping.

  But she wasn’t beaten yet.

  So Levi finished her.

  “You’re such a bitch, your mama killed herself to get away from you.”

  Chapter Fifty-One

  “You’re a coward, bringing Corban into this,” Kari said.

  Corban stood paralyzed by the hot dog booth. Levi was being a raging cock. Even though Corban still wasn’t speaking to Kari for her betrayal, she didn’t deserve the things he was saying.

  “Why are you playing so hard to get when you’re so hard to want?”

  The mob laughed. Corban’s skin heated with his anger, his frustration, his lust.

  “Admit that you made up that shit about my dad.”

  “I didn’t make anything up.”

  He had to do something. But all he could do was stare as his brother and the girl he loved publicly try to tear each
other apart. Yeah, he was mad at Kari. But he was angry with Levi, too.

  Maybe he didn’t have to do anything.

  Maybe they deserved what they were doing to each other.

  A chorus of gasps dragged Corban back into the present.

  He looked over at Levi just as his brother said, “You’re such a bitch, your mama killed herself to get away from you.”

  Corban shoved through the circle of onlookers to the space where Kari and Levi faced each other.

  Kari’s face was void of expression. But Corban couldn’t think of a single thing Levi could’ve said to hurt her worse. Her nostrils flared and her fists shook. Her entire body was trembling.

  He resisted the urge to take her arm and lead her away. She wasn’t his girlfriend anymore, and it wasn’t his job to comfort her.

  Corban moved to stand between them, nudging the pair farther apart with his outstretched arms. “Cut it out, Levi.”

  Levi turned to his brother, wearing a Grinch-like smile. “Hey Corban. Glad you made it.” Then he looked from Corban to Kari and back. “Did you come to get some nuts on your nuts?”

  “Fuck you, Levi.”

  “How about Kari fucks me instead? We already know she likes my body.”

  “How about you grow up and stop trying to steal my girlfriend?”

  Kari looked shocked. Shocked that he was defending her.

  Okay, he’d been cold-shouldering her for days. He had every right to be angry. But he didn’t hate her.

  Levi seemed to, though. His lip curled with disgust and he recoiled dramatically. “You’re still fucking her? After what she did?”

  Corban felt his face going cold and hard.

  This is it.

  Levi crossed his arms over his chest and waited for Corban to tear him a new one.

  But instead, Corban punched him in the gut, and as Levi gasped for air that refused to come, Corban shoved him to the ground.

  And spat on him.

  The crowd went silent, watched as Corban stepped over Levi, took Kari’s hand, and led her away without a backward glance. Elliot and Pussabo stared at Levi for a moment, then turned and followed Corban.

  Chapter Fifty-Two

  Selena seethed. When was Adam going to finally stop whining and grow a pair?

  She wanted a husband. Not another psyche to fix.

  She’d listened to him for a full minute or so without interruption, letting him spill out all the same bullshit, bitching that she wasn’t giving him what he needed and hinting that if he lost control, it would be on her. So, blackmail. He took no responsibility for his urges.

  And it was her fault. She’d so wanted the control that his neediness gave her, she’d encouraged the behavior. It was practically part of their mythos, that he was out of control and she reined him in.

  Worse, no matter how she went at him, he wouldn’t give her a straight answer. Selena felt like she was being given one piece of the puzzle and then told to figure it out.

  But she didn’t want to figure it out. She shouldn’t have to.

  Maybe finally spitting it out was the best thing Selena could do. Kick over the container with the cancerous question.

  Did you do it, Adam? Are you the Almond Park Killer?

  “You’re acting like a fucking narcissist, Selena.” He stood there glaring at her, no apology coming, despite that he’d just said the one thing he promised to never say again. “You’re being a bitch because you’re worried about your public image. And yourself. Not me, or this family.”

  “My public image has everything to do with this family, and you know it.”

  “Only because you won’t allow us to live any other way.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “It absolutely is. So if you don’t say what’s on your goddamned mind, then neither one of us is getting anywhere.”

  Fine.

  “Did you do it, Adam? Are you the Almond Park Killer?”

  Adam laughed. Shaking his head, he mumbled, “Finally.”

  “Finally what?” And now she was scared.

  But maybe she didn’t need to be. Adam’s shoulders relaxed. He almost looked calm.

  “Finally, you’re taking me seriously.”

  Crap. “Is that a yes?”

  “I thought you might be wondering, especially with that scarf bullshit the other night, but you were too cowardly to ask me then. Either that, or you were sure you’d emasculated me so completely that you forgot who I was when we first met.”

  “So you’re mad at me because I wanted to believe that you didn’t kill those four families.”

  She was terrified to hear his answer, that he might laugh again and tell her how wonderful it had felt to murder their neighbors. But if she ran now, she would never be Selena Nash, world’s leading serial killer expert, ever again.

  So she forced herself to look him in the eye and wait.

  He looked positively euphoric, the bastard.

  “What if I had? What if you could’ve stopped me?”

  “Then you would’ve become a monster, Adam. If you think that would make me love you more, you’re wrong.”

  “Well, since we’re talking about monsters …”

  Selena didn’t like this. He seemed almost … condescending. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  Sudden and bitter: “If I was a teenage boy, would you love me more?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You know what I mean.”

  She did, but that didn’t mean she was going to make it easy for him. Something inside her was clicking. The final few ticks before detonation. “What do you mean, Adam? Say it.”

  “I don’t need to say it.”

  “SAY IT!”

  “You. Sleeping with one of our son’s friends.”

  Fucking coward, still couldn’t say his name.

  Selena crossed her arms over her chest, trying for the same smug look he always wore while making a cutting joke. “I liked you better a few minutes ago when you were being an asshole. Now you’re just being an idiot.”

  “So you deny it?”

  “Of course I’m not sleeping with him. Fuck you for thinking that.”

  “Fuck you for thinking I would murder four families.”

  “Are you kidding? How many times have you sat in my office telling me about your fantasies?”

  “That’s different!”

  “How is that different?”

  “Because those are fantasies. Your office is the place where I can safely get them out. Isn’t that what you’ve always said? And besides, do those murders look anything like what I’ve described to you?”

  “Real life is different. It always is.” Her voice cracked but she went on anyway. “Just … tell me the truth. Whatever it is, we can deal with it. But I have to know.”

  “This is bullshit. I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. I thought that if you brought it up, then it would be a ten-second dialogue, because WHAT IN THE FUCK?”

  He began to pace, like he did when he was about to start ranting.

  “Adam—”

  “If I was responsible for killing those families, then wouldn’t that invalidate your bestselling bullshit? Is that what you’re worried about?”

  She shook her head, tried to figure out what she could possibly say next.

  Because the truth wouldn’t do, and anything else would just lead them both to further confusion.

  Adam was smart, and he knew her well. He could clearly see that she was holding something back. And in this moment, she wondered if letting him believe that she might be screwing Dane would be better than the truth: that their entire relationship was based on a lie.

  That she’d known he wasn’t a serial killer. That she’d been using his blood fetish to manipulate him. That the killings made her wonder if she’d driven him to murder by letting him think he was capable of that.

  He studied her, clearly unconvinced.

  Adam’s fantasies weren’t there to relieve anxiety over pre
datory emotions like fear and abuse, or memories of neglect. His fantasies were only that, and his alone. Sex was hot because he was so excited. But there was no deeper connection with him through those fantasies, not for her.

  She’d been using his libido to control him.

  So what if there was a gap between his fictions and her facts? She helped him find a way to have a normal life and be himself, right? Helped him handle his guilt. More than that, she built a beautiful life for them. For their family.

  Adam believed from the deepest parts of himself that Selena had saved him. That she taught him to control the poison inside him, when really his impulses were so much different from what she had led him to believe.

  If he stopped believing that, what would they have left?

  “I didn’t take your treatment seriously enough. I didn’t see that you were taking things to the next level. I thought that you were fetishizing the violence. How could I know that things were getting out of hand? I’m only human. It’s not like …”

  Adam was shaking his head in disgust.

  “What?”

  “Even now, even as you accuse me of murdering children, which makes me wonder how we’re ever going to sleep in the same bed again, even right now you can’t help making this all about you.”

  “How am I making this all about me?”

  “I didn’t take your treatment seriously. I didn’t see it. I thought that you were fetishizing violence. How could I possibly know? I, I, I, I. Fuck you, Selena.”

  “Don’t talk that way to me. We’re getting away from the point.”

  “Oh, we are? Should we circle back to how you’re fucking one of our son’s best friends?”

  “I’m not taking anything from anyone, including you. We’ve had sex less in the last month than we have at any time in our marriage, including after I had the twins.”

  Now it looked like he might hit her. He definitely wanted to.

  “Maybe I don’t feel like fucking someone who thinks I could do what you’re accusing me of doing.”

  “I’m not accusing you, Adam. I’m asking you. So that I can help you.”