The Quarry Master: A Grumpy Alien Boss Romantic Comedy

by Amanda Milo

  Knowing Isla, my mate would have met my dam right in the eye. “I’ll endeavor to seduce your son as often as he’ll let me, ma’am.”

  I would have pretended that I hadn’t heard that, and my dam would nod gravely. “You had better.”

  “Creator save me,” I’d groan as I gazed skyward.

  Isla did inform my parents that we’d do our best to bestow a new pup on them a solar from now. They looked thrilled at the prospect, which is ridiculous because it isn’t as if my brothers don’t have their own mates now, and they’re all set to deliver litters one after the other to our parents within a few sunspans.

  “You both are greedy,” I’d grumbled to them, brushing my claws through Isla’s mane. “Let my mate rest!”

  “Come, my yeoneen,” my sire said to my dam, nipping at her shoulder hard enough to make her purr. “These stone walls are three handspans thick. Nearly soundproof. Let’s leave this pair to rest while we go relive our own pup-making days, shall we?”

  I groaned and covered my ears, and Isla laughed.

  She tiredly bumped the back of her hand to my arm. “Promise me that’ll be us in a few years.” She’d glanced down at our son’s head, his tiny little head. “I want to make him shudder just like you did.” She’d grinned wearily but evilly.

  I’d kissed her brow, fighting to repress a smile. “Oh, we’ll never stop reliving our pup-making days. I vow to you that.”

  Isla raised her face to mine, love shining in her eyes. “Good. Now could you be a dear and get me some ice chips? I’m still amazed that you guys have ice chips here just like we do back on Earth—”

  “Female,” I’d snarled through my teeth, carefully snatching her by the nape (cradling her, in truth). “I can’t believe you’re still teasing me by comparing your backwoods knuckle-dragging prehistoric planet to our society! If I didn’t love you…”

  Isla smiled up at me, her eyes soft and her lids sinking—not with desire, but fatigue. “Yeah? What are you going to do about it?”

  I’d placed a gentle kiss on her lips and puffed my nostrils’ smoke away from her face. “Nothing. Your people are primordial ooze to mine, let alone our modern advancements, but I love you anyway, even when you’re being a hellish pain.”

  My mate had sighed happily and fallen back against the support of my arm, which I’d slipped behind her. “You say the nicest things, Bash.”

  THE END

  DELETED SCENE

  “So what’s on the agenda today? Let me guess. See rock, grab rock, drop rock! Dang, it’s so repetitive, how do you not go insane—oh, wait, this is starting to explain some things.”

  “Human, I can break you,” I mutter loudly enough under my breath that she hears.

  And just as I’d hoped, she laughs. “Be careful. I might cry.” She gives me a sly, knowing look. “You’d lose all your pretty progress on your counter.”

  “As if I care what some accursed scratch marks represent,” I scoff.

  Damned inconvenient: I do.

  I sniff. “I need to drop off my lunch satchel.”

  “Okay,” Isla says agreeably, smiling as she hugs my side.

  ISLA

  Bash grinds to a complete halt.

  I push at his back. I sling my arm around his waist and slide to his front to give him my confused gaze. “Come on, Grumpy. Let’s go—oh shit.”

  Bash is stopped because there, on the wall behind his throne, is the Crying Counter. And instead of the pristine 44-day run he’s managed, it’s a big fat… zero.

  “How did that happen?” I ask hollowly.

  ***

  Bash’s scowl is so ferocious it could steam the wrinkles off a bulldog, but he’s still totally holding my hand.

  “I shouldn’t care about made-up alien ratings!” he thunders.

  “Is he still going on about the Crying Counter?” Gracie asks.

  I grimace. “Yeah, guess it’s driving him nuts. Think we can take it down—”

  “Are you crazy? This is the best thing that’s ever happened to that Rakhii. He’s actually trying to be nice. Or at least not actively trying to be mean. For your alien, that’s huge. He needs the counter.”

  “Accountability for his actions,” Beth nods. Then she frowns. “Who did he make cry this time?”

  I feel my eyebrows make a slow crawl up my forehead as I recall with perfect clarity what Bash said on this matter. Shouted, bellowed, said. “He doesn’t know.”

  “He doesn’t know?” Gracie asks, for the first time becoming something akin to concerned.

  “Nope. I think that’s probably half the reason he can’t let this go. But also because he really liked his accomplishment of 44 days.” I glance from her to Beth—and stay locked on Beth. “What’s with the guilty face?”

  Beth picks at her eyebrow. “Um… maybe nothing. But ah, let me check with my husbands and see if…”

  “Oh no,” I say.

  Gracie laughs. “What pranksters!”

  “He will kill them,” I warn. “He will kill them so dead.”

  Beth bites her lip and shuffles, starting to become anxious. “Hopefully my wonderful, intelligent, sensitive, sometimes suicidal-if-they-think-it’s-funny-enough-to-die-for pirate husbands didn’t do it.”

  I nod with great feeling. “Let’s hope.”

  ***

  They did it.

  Beth’s diabolical crew of crazy sky pirates zeroed out Bash’s counter just to screw with him.

  And luckily for Beth, she doesn’t have to screw up the courage and confess this to Bash because her husbands are proud of what they’ve done, of this funny, funny joke they’ve pulled.

  Bash listens to them with a stony expression nobody can read, not even me.

  And to everyone’s shock, he doesn’t explode.

  He doesn’t do anything violent at all. Not even a snarl. Not even a puff of smoke.

  Are we worried? YEAH. But… I tell myself this is a good sign. Heck, I tell everyone it’s a good sign. Bash is really showing personal growth. He’s shouting less. He’s less aggressive. He’s basically becoming the model Rakhii.

  That night, Bash leaves our bed, telling me to go back to sleep. Thinking he had to pee or get a drink or whatnot, I let myself drift off to sleep. I only sort of thought that he’d been gone a while when he slid back under the covers with me.

  The next day, rather than going straight to the quarry to start work, Bash walks hand in hand with me, leading me to… the spot Beth’s pirates parked their ship. It’s the scariest vehicle you’ll ever see, because it looks like a giant shark has beached itself on land. It’s dark and sharp-angled with a deadly nose that shoots explosives and lasers and this thing is huge. It’s easy to see how they can stand to live in it. It’s a flying town, not a mere plane. When I see what’s been done to it, my hand almost flies up to cover my mouth—but my hand is arrested and can’t do that, because Bash is gripping it triumphantly in his. When I glance up at him, he’s wearing a grin so delightfully evil it rivals the Grinch’s.

  Beth’s family spills out for the day, a couple of her five husbands yawning as they descend the gangplank, the biggest of them carrying Beth’s baby girl, and the ones called Prow and Oquillion squabbling over who gets to walk Beth to work—but they all stop when they see us waiting for them.

  Beth’s gaze swings from Bash to me. I see the question in them. I widen my eyes at her.

  All of her guys look wary, and all of them have their eyes trained on Bash.

  Bash returns their gaze with cool challenge. Then he adds a tip of his horns.

  Everyone’s head turns to follow his indication… and five pirates explode in laughter.

  There, burned—as in Rakhii-fire-burned—on the shiny metal siding of their ship is the image that Bash must have seen more than a couple of times.

  Neon pink paint was colored inside of it.

  It’s a fuzzy pink platypus.

  Bash’s voice rings out, sounding like he’s in surprisingly good humor now that
he feels he’s gotten even for them tampering with his Crying Counter. “You,” he tells the still-laughing pirate crew, “are jerks.”

  NOTE FROM AMANDA

  When Bash’s book began in 2018, it was just a short story, a cute little novella with a timid human that Bash had to learn not to scare, because he liked her.

  I know it took an age, but this final version was hopefully worth the wait. If you’ve been waiting for Bash and Isla all this time (and mentioning him in your reviews, cheering me on!♥ YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!!!), thank you for your patience! If you were completely new to the series: Welcome! I hope you had a thoroughly enjoyable romp with this cast! =D I had so much fun writing them. <3

  There are about thirty pages that were cut out of the family dinner & mating ceremony that I wanted to get into this book. I would have loved to add them as deleted scenes at the very least, but that didn’t happen. Instead, I’ll close this note with my favorite excerpt, and hopefully leave you with a smile and happy thoughts!

  I hope you’re doing well, and that wherever you are, this story caught you up and transported you to a place you enjoyed being.

  Wishing you the very best,

  *SO MANY HUGS!!!*

  Amanda ♥

  Newsletter: http://eepurl.com/cR_CNf

  https://www.bookbub.com/authors/amanda-milo

  https://amandamilo.com/

  https://www.facebook.com/AmandaMiloAuthor/

  Deleted Excerpt of “MEETING THE FAMILY”

  (This scene takes place while Bash and Isla are still in the kitchen (along with his mother, father, and siblings), and all the introductions have been made.)

  Eight groans start to echo around the cave.

  “—AND I don’t want to hear a word of complaint,” Jyzu speaks over them, her voice forceful and somehow silencing their protests without actually raising her voice. “All of you get in here and sit down. You’ll have Isla thinking we’ve raised the lot of you with no manners at all.”

  I pat Bash’s forearm and smile. “Nah, Bash has excellent manners. You’ve got at least one success here.”

  “Yanak pies,” the candy-colored brother, Kitmalo, states.

  Bash’s chin drops on top of my head, and by Kitmalo’s paling scales, I’d guess he’s getting glared at hard.

  “Isla,” Reiko, one of Bash’s other brothers purrs, obeying his mother and moving into the cave, and—consequently—moving closer to me. “So that’s this little beauty’s name.” His eyes travel up and down my body in a way that expresses appreciation. “Shame you’re essentially becoming my sister. When I have fantasies of you and me later, it’s going to make enjoying them so, so wrong.”

  And just like that, Bash is no longer hugging me from behind.

  He’s lunging around me to deal a death blow to his sibling.

  Bash’s dad blocks his offspring from certain annihilation just in time. He slams one big, big hand on Bash’s shoulder—and I can’t miss that he sinks his claws into Bash’s skin, goes right through the fabric of his shirt, and warns, “Don’t let them get a rise out of you, Bubashuu. Concentrate on your female, not their prodding.”

  “Yeah, Bash,” Sterigmos snickers. “Don’t mind us if we’re prodding your female—”

  That’s all the teasing Bash can take.

  Bash’s dad’s claws rip Bash’s skin when he leaps for his brother, taking him down to the floor where he begins to rearrange the other Rakhii’s face.

  “Welcome to the family!” Xoknith calls to me heartily, a huge grin stretching his scaly mouth.

  Books & Audiobooks by Amanda…

  If you’re wondering who some of these characters were as you were cruising along, allow me to help! =D

  STOLEN by an Alien

  Arokh and Angie’s story ebook: https://amzn.to/2A6sH9T

  This book is also available in Audio, narrated by the talented Nick Cracknell: https://adbl.co/2N7WXHF

  RESCUED by an Alien

  Zadeon and Callie’s story ebook: http://amzn.to/2EZEitg

  Audiobook voiced by Nick Cracknell: https://adbl.co/2Nx8WxR

  (WARNING: This one has some Dark times. This couple’s love is beautiful though, and they get their Happily Ever After.)

  WON by an Alien

  Brax, Tara, and Tac’Mot’s story is here: http://amzn.to/2FeuFGl

  Audiobook narrated by Teddy Hamilton and Callie Dalton: https://amzn.to/2zUkHWu

  (If you had to classify this one, it’s almost Reverse Harem. This is an MFM book, which means there are two (alien) guys and one woman but it’s not *quite* menage, because Brax is a Rakhii, and you know this means he doesn’t share his female. Slight problem: his female is bonded to Tac’Mot.)

  CRAVED by an Alien

  Dohrein and Gracie’s story: https://amzn.to/2Qn4lwo

  Audiobook voiced by Nick Cracknell: https://adbl.co/2s6gN96

  Blind Fall

  The standalone story that answers the question you’ve all been asking me: “Is the guide dog okay?” Spoiler: She’s MORE than okay. ♥)

  This is Breslin and Sanna’s story. If you read this one, I hope you have fun!

  https://amzn.to/2PvoaAm

  Audiobook narrated by Teddy Hamilton and Callie Dalton: https://amzn.to/2WImX17

  Beth’s Stable

  Five pirates and a baby. (Also: five pirates with a pregnant woman until Beth delivers said baby.) A reverse harem romance for movie-lovers. Just trust me. ;)

  https://amzn.to/2ZFxyLx

  Side projects *Not* related to the Stolen series:

  Humorous ALIEN Romances:

  Contaminated: https://amzn.to/36RFbhS

  Erreck and Nancy’s story, which features Simmi as a lovably gruff secondary character.

  Contagion: https://amzn.to/2ElEVuk

  Simmi’s standalone, germphobic HEA story

  HUMANS IN ALIEN CAPTIVITY BOOKS:

  The Pet Project: https://amzn.to/2UAU3ff

  The Pet Project: Unnatural Selection https://amzn.to/2URRAxl

  The Pet Project: JoAyyn https://amzn.to/2ybVHfV

  Valos of Sonhadra Series

  Alluvial, Book 1: https://amzn.to/2OhfX33

  Tempest, Book 2, written by Poppy Rhys: https://amzn.to/2uPfihv

  Galvanizing Sol, Book 3, by Amanda Milo & Poppy Rhys: https://amzn.to/2AgxDZE

  About the Author

  Amanda Milo is a collector of the randomest trivia. Did you know that Kiwi fruit plants have separate genders? You need both in order to make Kiwi fruits happen. Isn’t that cool??

  She’s concerned about river otter bite pressure—she hasn’t had a chance to test this out, but frankly, this is the part that’s holding her back from appropriating and testing the relocation (aka wildlife theft) of a small family of adorable river otters.

  ...To the bathtub. (They’re basically like slick-furred rubber duckies, but with lots of teeth, right? Right.)

  Extended contemplation of this plan has led to the permission to adopt more ferrets, which makes her very happy. So does her extensive, wacky-patterned, thigh-high sock collection—though ferrets, it must be noted, do not play well with pretty socks. The crazy, clawed thieves!

  She invites you to hang out with her in the Amanda Milo’s Minions Facebook group. (She didn’t name the group! XD Readers have great senses of humor!)

  Thank you for picking up this book. Amanda hopes that you had a lovely time. ♥