Chasing Strength: A Harper Family Romance

by Stopper, Nancy

  But he didn’t seem fazed by her question. “I’ve been following your brother’s run up to the state tournament. It’s pretty exciting.”

  She had nearly forgotten that Justin’s team was doing so well. She should have been out there cheering him and his team on like he had supported her all these years. But talking about Justin’s team had brought a smile to Chris’s face.

  As they finished dinner, Chris seemed more relaxed than when he’d arrived. Certainly more so than after the road rage incident. They worked harmoniously to clear the table and wash the dishes, making her dream again of the two of them having a future together.

  When in the heck had she become such a romantic? Where was the jaded, angry girl who poured out her pain into her thrillers and found comfort in the bottom of a bottle? At this rate, she’d have to become a romance writer because all she was seeing was flowers and hearts.

  But as she dried and put away the final dish, a strain grew between them. He also wasn’t touching her or hugging her. Usually when they were together, he found ways to be near her, to wrap his arms around her, to press his body against hers. But other than holding her hand when they’d talked at dinner, he hadn’t reached out to her.

  Maybe he was waiting for her. Was he worried about the last time they’d been together? He shouldn’t be—that was the hottest sex she’d ever had.

  Without words, she led him into the living room and nudged him onto the couch and then straddled his lap. With a knee on either side of him, she lowered herself onto his thighs. His hands came to her waist as she dropped her head, trailing her lips down his cheek before joining their mouths.

  He hesitated at first and then his body relaxed, and he tangled his tongue with hers. She tried to pour everything she felt into that kiss, her hands clinging to his shoulders as she explored him with her mouth. She slid her mouth along his jaw, his day-old scruff brushing deliciously on her swollen lips. As she did, her hands traveled down his chest, tracing the cut of his abs on the way to the hem of his shirt.

  Before she could pull his shirt off, he covered her hands with his and rested his hands on her hips. “I’m sorry, babe. I’m just not feeling it tonight.”

  Her heart sank. Had she done something wrong? Had she said the wrong thing? She lowered her head to his chest, the heavy thud of his heart beating against her cheek. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push you. I just wanted to show you how I felt.”

  “It’s not you, it’s me. I promise,” he said into her hair after he rested his cheek on her head.

  She melted into him, and for a long time, neither of them said anything. From time to time, the hands on her hips clenched. Like he was struggling with control.

  Eventually, he lifted her off his lap and set her on the couch beside him. “I’m sorry. I need to go.” He eyed the door but wouldn’t look at her. “I’m just… I’m sorry.”

  Before she could scramble to her feet, he strode across the room and out the door. She rushed to the porch in time to see him climb onto his motorcycle, shove his helmet on his head, rev the engine twice, and then drive away.

  Leaving her more confused than ever.

  * * *

  Chris rounded the corner onto the road out of town. He didn’t know where he was going, just that he had to ride. He had to get away from Alexis before he hurt her any more than he already had.

  When she’d invited him over, he thought he was ready to see her again. Dinner had been nice enough. But then she started kissing him, and it took all his strength not to lose himself in her embrace. To carry her off to her bedroom and bury himself so deep inside her that he couldn’t think. Couldn’t feel. Couldn’t imagine the future without her in it.

  That wasn’t fair to her. Until he healed himself, he was no good to her. Assuming he wasn’t beyond help.

  After spending just a few minutes with her today, he was sure of one thing. He wanted to be someone who deserved her—who helped her be the person she was destined to be.

  He increased the throttle on the wide-open road through the mountains, leaning into the curves, feeling the rumble beneath him. Riding a motorcycle had initially been something to share with his father, but it had become more therapeutic than anything else recently. Zach was right when he’d said that Chris never took anyone on his bike. But he hadn’t hesitated to invite Alexis to join him.

  She had ruined riding for him in the best way. Because his body itched to feel her wrapped around him. His mind was filled with the memory of her laughter when he pulled her body flush against his, to the way she held tighter to him as he rounded the curves.

  She might have grown up not feeling like she fit in the world, but she had made a good life for herself and was more comfortable in her skin than she realized. She just needed someone to help her see herself the way others saw her—dancing with her hands above her head and her eyes closed as if she didn’t care who watched.

  He’d been drawn to her from that first moment he’d seen her and had been kidding himself when he’d thought he could stay detached.

  Chris slowed his bike as he approached a pull-off on the top of a hill. His tires crunched on the gravel as he came to a stop in the deserted parking lot. After hanging his helmet from the handlebars, he stepped up to the railing overlooking the valley, leafy, green trees and the plush grass that filled the pastures that extended beyond the tree line, shadows long from the setting sun. Spring was in full bloom and the world had rejuvenated itself after the long winter. Maybe it was about time he did the same.

  He clenched his fists by his sides, threw his head back, and a howl of anguish erupted from him. The sound echoed in the wide-open space. He poured every bit of pain and grief into the cry that ripped from his throat. He wanted to pound on something, anything, to feel the pain physically that plagued him mentally.

  After he couldn’t scream anymore, he sank to the ground. For the first time since he’d buried Robin, he cried huge, heavy tears. “I miss you so much, Robin. Some days I want to crawl into the ground beside you.”

  Tears streamed down his cheeks, and he mourned the life he’d thought he’d have... and the man he’d become instead. An image of Robin’s battered and beaten body mingled with Alexis’s smiling face until his sister’s faded and left only Alexis, the smile transforming to concern.

  He didn’t know how long he huddled there, but by the time he picked himself up off the ground, the sky was dark, and the moon had risen over the trees. He took one last look over the valley and then returned to his bike, pointing it back toward Cedar Hill and the potential of a future he hadn’t thought would ever happen for him.

  Chapter 22

  Alexis’s fingers flew over the keyboard as she pounded out page after page. After tossing and turning for hours, unable to shut off her mind, she gave up all attempts at sleep and headed to her office. If she couldn’t rest, at least she could write. It wouldn’t be the first time she had worked into the wee hours. She wrote some of her best scenes after midnight, when the darkness surrounded her and filled her mind with images of things that went bump in the night.

  But she had to wrench the words out tonight, her thoughts a jumble of images of Chris—the hurt in his eyes when he’d apologized on the way out the door, the intensity of his gaze as he made love to her, and the easy smile he shared with her as they talked about anything and everything.

  She didn’t know how to help him. When he’d left, she’d been worried about him driving when he was so upset. She’d dashed off a text almost as soon as he’d rounded the corner, asking him to let her know he was okay.

  His response came almost two hours later. He said he just had to get away and apologized again. That was all. And not much in the few days since.

  She stretched her arms above her head, twisted her spine, and glanced out the window. The sun had come up sometime while she was daydreaming.

  As if on cue, Bandit scampered into the room and barked. She took care of the pooch and made herself some breakfast. She might as wel
l take advantage of her forward progress right now. She’d reached the climax of her story, when everything the villain had hidden was exposed.

  Her phone rang and her editor’s face flashed on the screen. Ohhh, right—they had a phone call scheduled this morning.

  She swiped the screen. “Hey, Mark. Perfect timing. I was just heading into the office.”

  “Is now a good time to talk?”

  “Perfect. What’s up?”

  “I have some good news. A lot of good news, actually. We just requested a second run of Silent Predator.”

  Holy crap. She sank into her office chair. Everyone in the publishing industry knew what a second run meant—that sales were great and readers wanted more. This was more than she had ever dreamed of when she started writing. Authors didn’t break into the market at her age. They certainly didn’t land major publishers and multi-book deals. But she’d managed to present the right story at the right time and find the perfect niche market. “That’s great. I can’t believe it.”

  “You deserve it. But that’s not all. Are you sitting down?”

  “Yeah. Is this a good news, bad news thing?” It would take a lot to bring her down from the cloud she was floating on right now, but her stomach churned anyway.

  “No bad news today—it’s all good. We’ve been pitching Silent Predator to some production companies and… we got a bite.”

  “What? What does that mean?”

  “That means there’s a good chance I’ll be seeing you walking down the red carpet at the premier of a movie based on your book. Congratulations, Alexis.”

  Holy shit! Thankfully he’d warned her to have a seat because there was no way her knees would support her. “Oh, my God.” Her words came out on a whisper, as if saying them out loud would reveal it was all a dream. There was no way this was real.

  “There are a lot of details to be worked out, but we have a preliminary agreement and the attorneys are working the contracts.”

  Mark kept talking, but the words didn’t make sense to her. She hadn’t heard anything after movie.

  “Alexis?”

  “Yeah, sorry. I, uh, I gotta go. Thanks for the great news, Mark.”

  “You did all the hard work, Alexis. I just helped make you shine. I’ll be in touch.”

  Alexis dropped her phone on the desk, leapt out of her chair, and screamed so loud that Bandit came running. She jumped up and down. “Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod.” Bandit leapt and yipped with her, her own personal cheering section.

  There was no way she could write any more today. She couldn’t focus on her manuscript with all of this good news rattling around in her head.

  She had to tell someone. She snatched her phone up and swiped to call Serena.

  After three rings, a sleepy voice answered on the other end. “Alexis? What’s wrong?”

  Oh, shit. Serena had been asleep.

  “Alexis?”

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. I thought you’d be up by now. Not that I have any idea what time it is? But I know it’s morning because the sun is up and—”

  “Alexis, what’s going on? You’re babbling.”

  “I just.” She sucked in a breath. Her heart raced and she could hardly breathe as the enormity of Mark’s phone call sank in. “I got a call from my editor. He, uh, he said they’ve ordered a second run of Silent Predator.”

  “Congratulations. I know you worked hard on that book. I’m happy for you.”

  Okay, so she wasn’t excited as Alexis, but most people didn’t understand what a big deal this was. Yet even Serena would understand her other good news. “And it’s going to be made into a movie.”

  Alexis held her breath while the words sank in. “Holy crap, Alexis.” A bang echoed through the phone. “Ow. I just hit my head on the headboard. A movie? That’s awesome. I’m so proud of you.”

  “Thanks. I can’t believe this is really my life. This just doesn’t happen. Not for first books. I mean, it’s not like it’s Fifty Shades or anything.”

  “Don’t start doing that.”

  “Doing what?”

  “Discounting everything you’ve done to get to this point. You worked hard to write that book, pitch it to an agent and a publisher. Do you not remember how you would call me crying because your editor sent you a manuscript full of red ink? But you handled it, and you deserve this.”

  She deserved this. Alexis repeated those words in her head over and over. It was easy to slip back into the habit of self-doubt when something good happened to her. She was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the bad news that inevitably followed the good.

  But these days, she doubted herself less. That was something she had Chris to thank for. The time they’d spent together, and the way he’d made her feel about herself, had done wonders for her self-esteem.

  She knew her next phone call.

  “Listen, sis. I gotta go.”

  “You got it. Congratulations again. I love you.”

  “You, too.” Alexis clicked off and immediately dialed a number she now knew by heart.

  She heard four rings. Chris’s number went to voice mail and she hung up. She called again. If he was screening, maybe he’d know this was important. When she received his voice mail again, she clicked off. She didn’t want to squeeze everything she had to say in a two-minute message.

  She checked the time. It was almost ten. He should be in the office by now. Maybe he was in a meeting or out in the field. At least she could drop him a quick text. “I have great news to share. Call when you get a chance.”

  She stared at the phone a moment, waiting for the “Delivered” to change to “Read,” but the status remained the same. He must be tied up. He’d call when he could. She was sure of that.

  The next few hours she caught up on her laundry and ticked her way down her list of to-dos that she ignored when she was knee deep in a manuscript. It felt good to check things off and see her list shrink.

  It didn’t dawn on her until well after four o’clock that Chris hadn’t replied.

  When her phone buzzed, she picked it up, ready to share her good news with Chris, but Jessica’s face flashed across the screen. Disappointed, Alexis swiped to answer.

  Jessica didn’t give her a chance to even say hello. “Hey, chickie. I’m in the mood for some dancing. You up for it?”

  Alexis hoped that she’d celebrate with Chris tonight… alone… but he hadn’t called or texted. The last time she and Jessica headed to FitzGerald’s, she was celebrating a great writing day. This was monumentally huger than that. If Chris couldn’t celebrate, then Alexis would party with Jessica, because there was no way that she wasn’t treating herself to some fun. “Am I ever. We can toast to my book becoming a movie.”

  Jessica screamed so loud that Alexis had to hold the phone away from her ear. “Are you kidding me, girl? You have to lead with that. We are definitely going to celebrate. No driving for you tonight—I’ll pick you up.”

  Jessica clicked off and Alexis laughed. Leave it to her friend to remind her not to take life so seriously.

  Two hours later, Alexis wobbled on her high heels as she strolled across the gravel in FitzGerald’s parking lot. She burst through the door like she had the world at her feet and resisted the urge to scream, “Drinks for everyone!” But the bar looked as it did every day, couples and singles laughing and talking. Why weren’t they flocking to her side to congratulate her? Didn’t they know that something unbelievable had happened to her today?

  Jessica nudged her to the last empty high-top table in the corner of the room. The vibe in the bar was electric. Just like Alexis’s mood.

  Sydney, one of the regular waitresses, hugged Jessica and then Alexis. With all the time she spent at FitzGeralds, many of the employees had become friends. “Hey, girls, what can I get ya? You want your usual?”

  She liked the clear head and the energy she gained when she wasn’t buzzed or hungover, but dammit, she was here to celebrate. “Absolutely.”r />
  “Me, too,” Jessica added, and Sydney hurried to the bar, skirting a roaming hand as she passed the table of rowdy twenty-something men beside them.

  Alexis almost laughed… and then she stopped. There was nothing funny about guys pawing at unsuspecting, non-consenting women. She’d been in that position more times than she cared to admit. Most times, she had been too drunk to realize that the way she was treated by men was wrong.

  Never again. She would never go back to being that Alexis again.

  A few minutes later, Sydney returned with Alexis’s Madras and Jessica’s Cosmo. Jessica raised her glass. “To my kick-ass friend whose book is going to be made into a fucking movie!”

  “Woo hoo! I can’t believe it.” Alexis clinked her glass with Jessica’s and then took a sip. The sweet liquid went down smooth. So did the second sip… and the third. Then the sips turned to gulps and she finished off that drink. The alcohol had her head spinning. She grabbed Jessica’s hand and dragged her toward the dance floor. “Time to dance.”

  When Alexis reached the middle of the room, she threw her hands into the air. The music was rocking, and the deep thrum of the base vibrated her entire body. Her body heated up as she moved. She closed her eyes and moved with the music, her hips swaying from side to side. She’d always loved dancing. It gave her a way to express with her body what she couldn’t verbalize.

  Tonight was about celebrating—celebrating the good news from her editor and the confidence she’d gained. She had never really felt she deserved anything in life. Boy, had things changed.

  As the music slowed, Alexis headed back to the table where she found a fresh Madras waiting for her. Sydney knew how to earn her tips. Alexis fanned her face to cool off and sucked down her drink. It didn’t take long before the glass was empty.

  After that, the drinks disappeared quickly. She lost track of how many glasses Sydney brought as she cleared the empties along the way. Two of the guys from the next table scooted over to their table—Jessica was currently hanging off one of them while the other propped his elbow on the table, his gaze fixed on Alexis.