Knocking Boots

by Willow Winters

  “It doesn’t really matter because I shouldn’t have listened to her. I should have asked you. I thought it was over. And I’m sorry. But I want you, and I care for you….” His words are genuine and sincere.

  “Wait. Wait.” I stop him and try to remember every thought I had last night. How he doesn’t have to be with me because I’m pregnant. How he can be in the baby’s life or not.

  “I want to tell you something first… I…” I have to suck in a deep breath and stare at the ceiling to tell him. “I’m pregnant,” I say. Even though I thought I cried all the tears earlier, my eyes well up.

  Charlie blinks a few times. “What?”

  “I swear I didn’t think I could…” I can’t breathe as Charlie stands, his brow knit and he comes around the sofa, closer to my bed. My heart pounds.

  “When did you find out?” he questions and in the million ways I imagined telling him that was never a question he asked. “Yesterday. I promise I didn’t know that it would happen when I said no condom… I swear,” I practically stutter as Charlie gets closer, his gaze intense and the air around him seeming to bend everything else, blurring it.

  “I just came from the doctor and it’s obviously early and…” I don’t know what to say when he looks at me like that. With that sharp piercing gaze.

  “Do you love me?” he questions me, now only inches away. The heat from his body wraps around me. My fingers dig into the comforter to ground me as I crane my neck to look up at him. He towers over me and my heart beats loudly in my ears.

  “Of course I do.” Tears prick my eyes. I almost add, it’s okay if you don’t love me back. I’m so close, so desperate to be okay with whatever he wants because he makes me so happy and he’s the only piece in the puzzle of life that’s missing for me. I’ll take him anyway I can get. Please don’t leave me. I want to beg him. I’m shamelessly in love with him and he’s all I want.

  “Good. Lay down sweetheart,” Charlie whispers, cupping my chin and kissing me just once, soft and sweet. A fluttering in my chest tells me it’s okay. With both of my hands wrapped around his, I lift my lips, stealing another kiss.

  Before I can do as he wishes, he lowers his lips to my ear and confesses, “I want to make love to you.”

  There are so many questions, so many decisions to make, but right now, that’s all I want. I want him to make love to me. I want nothing more than for him to love me.

  Charlie

  It’s not the sunlight that wakes me. It’s not my alarm clock, or the nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach. It’s the instant knowledge that she’s in my arms.

  Maybe I was dreaming of her, I don’t know. But in one second, I knew it was real, she was here and I had to wake up. I had to be awake to take her in and make sure I still had her.

  I lost her once, and I’ll never lose her again.

  Never.

  She shifts slightly, her soft body going a bit stiff. I can feel the warmth from her, but there’s space between us.

  Too much space.

  Especially knowing… she loves me. My heart clenches as I wrap my arm around her and pull her closer to me. Nestling her ass right where it belongs, up against me. I lean forward, planting a kiss on her slender neck and waiting for her to turn to face me.

  The sheets rustle as she shifts slightly and then rolls fully in my arms so we’re face to face. Those beautiful lips of hers turn up slightly, but it’s a sad smile.

  “Charlie,” she starts, her eyes falling to the pillow as she pushes her messy hair out of her face.

  “Whatever you want to hear, I’ll say it.” My voice is flat and hard, leaving no room for negotiation. Her eyes dart up to mine with a flash of something, something that’s gone before I can recognize it.

  “What?” Her eyes search mine as she takes in a slow breath.

  I try to steady my own breathing, wanting nothing more than to take her right here and now, but her eyes are holding me in place. They see through me, willing me to give her more.

  “I want you,” I breathe my answer. I’ve never wanted someone or something so damn much. Nothing more than I want her right here, right now.

  “For what?” there’s a vulnerability in her eyes as she swallows thickly and adds, “Why? Not because you feel obligated--”

  “Stop. No, that’s not why. Don’t ever think that,” I answer quickly, not wanting her to ever get that idea in her head.

  “You don’t understand,” her voice wavers and she shakes her head slightly, the wind brushing the hair from her face. “You want this, just what we have right now.” She says the words like it’s a bad thing.

  “Of course I do.”

  “I want you anyway I can have you. Like this, with a baby, with no baby. I’m so willing to… I don’t know how to explain it but it… It doesn’t… I don’t want to force you into something or be with someone… who…”

  I cup her head with the back of my hand, waiting for her look at me. “Grace. I can’t tell you what I will want a year from now. Shit, I don’t even know what I'll want a month from now, but I'll want you in my life. I want you.”

  “I want you, but I want a family, too. I just wish it hadn’t happened like this and the last time I saw you…” Her voice carries the same no-bullshit attitude as mine and she holds my gaze.

  My heart beats loud in my chest and I swallow thickly, still holding her gaze.

  I lick my lips, feeling my pulse race as I splay my hand on her lower back and pull her close to me. “I was a fool and I’m sorry. But I’m here now; I’m not leaving and I don’t want you to walk away from me.”

  “I don’t want to walk away.” Grace huffs a sad laugh, shaking her head. “But you know me. And I know you,” she swallows, her voice cracking. “And if it’s not what you want... then we can work something else out and I’ll survive.” Tears form in her eyes and I shush her, rubbing her back and kissing her forehead.

  She doesn’t stop, she lets it all out. “I love you and if this stays the way it is… I know I’ll let it be whatever you want it to be. I’ll let time go by. I’ll let you never commit to me. I’ll be sacrificing something I may never be able to have, and I’ll regret it. And Charlie, I want this baby. I’m so damn sorry, but I want a family too,” she wipes her nose with the back of her hand and then under her eyes with her fingers, all the while shaking her head. “I love you, but I want a family. I want a loving family. I don’t want to trap you or…”

  I pull her back some by her shoulders so she can look at me as I say, “I want a wife, I want a baby. I want to fill my house with pictures of my kids and clutter from all those little toys.”

  She’s still wiping away tears as I add, “Come move in with me. Let’s try this for real.” It’s not fucking around or a game, or pretend or a stupid drunken deal. I want to put my all into this, for her and for our future.

  “Not for any other reason than to see if we can make this work?” she asks me. Right then and right there, I know how the rest of my life is going to be. She’s going to be right by my side if I can help it. I know with everything in me that we will make it work. Because she wants this and so do I. It’s easy between us. It always was. I was the reason we were apart. If I give her this, it’s over. I’m done for. She’ll have me wrapped around her finger and knocking her up again in no time. I search her eyes and all I see there is love.

  It’s what I feel for her, too.

  “I already know we work Grace. You’re my sweetheart.” I answer her with the only truth I know. “I want to be with you and that’s the only answer there is. I love you, Grace.”

  Grace

  Unwrapping a stack of plates, I move from the living room into the open-concept kitchen. The theme of this room must be gray, because the appliances, the countertops, and even the cabinets are gray and smooth. I set the plates down and open all the cabinets, searching for the place where the plates belong.

  I find them in the last cabinet I open, far away from Charlie’s stove and refrigerator. Pickin
g up my plates, I sigh as I move them into the cupboard. This is the third area of Charlie’s house I've found to be disorganized while in the process of moving my stuff in. Thankfully, he’s fine with me moving everything around. Like, actually good with it. He didn’t just say it to appease me, which is what I was afraid of. Most of the house was empty, with all of my things in here now, it’s... well it’s still a bit bare. We’ll make this house a home though. Charlie tells me that every night.

  With a pleasant warmth running through me, I shut the cabinet door softly and count the days again. It’s been almost a month. I’m exhausted, which is apparently normal for the first trimester, but more than that, I’m still in awe that this is really my life.

  I got the Prince Charming I longed for. My hand slips to my lower belly. Together, we’ll have a family.

  Sooner or later, I’m going to break down and reorganize the kitchen, the bathroom, and the laundry room. I would do it now, but I don’t want to freak Charlie out… although Ann says when I start nesting, I won’t have much of a choice.

  Back to the living room, I pick up the now-empty box that previously held the plates. Breaking it down, I fold it flat so it will be easier to take out to the recycling later.

  My phone buzzes in the back pocket of my jeans and I pull it out to check the message. It’s a text from Charlie, saying he'll be home soon… and that I better not be lifting anything heavy. The last part makes me laugh. I might be tired, but it’s not like I’m suddenly frail and can’t lift a couple of dishes.

  My phone vibrates in my hand. I check it again, and then grin. It’s a picture of Eric, Charlie’s new bar manager, standing on his hands on top of the bar. Eric is supposed to manage the bar in Charlie’s stead, but Charlie’s having a hard time letting go.

  I guess it’s safe to leave Mac’s in this guy’s hands… right? he texts.

  I’m pretty sure. You wouldn’t have hired him otherwise. I respond.

  Okay. On my way home.

  I check the time, and realize it’s midnight, long past my bedtime. I got wrapped up with unpacking, but I’ll still be expected at work in the morning.

  At my new position. In my new office. Oh, and a Diane-free office at that. She got fired. When Sarah informed me, I didn’t even bother asking why. I just told her I’d divide her assignments accordingly. Good riddance. Ann agrees. When I told Ann what happened at Mac’s that night, she flipped on Diane.

  I drift into Charlie’s bedroom, shaking off the negativity — our bedroom, I suppose I should call it. Only good vibes from here on out. For both Charlie and me. Taking a seat on the edge of the bed and feeling a yawn come over me, I look down at my grubby t-shirt and cotton shorts. It’ll only take a moment to change out of these and into a button down of Charlie’s to greet him in when he comes home. It only takes a moment and I’m glad I did. The cotton smells just like him.

  It’s been a hell of a month. I moved all my things into Charlie’s two-story McMansion. It’s out in the rural area, and I absolutely love it. Charlie and some of his guy friends helped move all the big stuff so it only took one day.

  I’m surprised there weren’t raised eyebrows and red alarm bells from his family and friends. And judging by the comments from his sisters and mother, when we finally tell them we’re pregnant, at that safe twelve-week mark, I think they’re going to be overjoyed. I love my mother, but a big family is different. I didn’t know how much love could be amplified.

  The metallic chime of the security system alerts me that somebody opened the front door. I huddle under the covers, waiting for him. He’s going to shower before he joins me, and I’ll probably drift asleep. But he always kisses me first thing.

  When he comes around the corner, I can’t control the smile that breaks out across my face. He looks so handsome, in his old Mac’s t-shirt and low slung jeans with a peek of that sexy “V” showing.

  He’s all mine. My sexy southern bartender to knock boots with.

  “Looks like you went through a good number of boxes in the living room,” he says, jerking his thumb over his shoulder as he comes into the room.

  “I made a decent dent,” I sigh.

  He comes over to the bed, eyeing me. He swoops down and kisses me. The faint smell of beer follows him.

  “You look like you could fall right asleep.” he comments and then does just want I knew he would. Plants a kiss right on my lips.

  “I don’t know,” I only answer once he breaks the kiss. “Maybe?” Right after the word is spoken, I involuntarily yawn.

  “I guess that answers my question,” he says with a rough chuckle, winking at me and heading to the master bath.

  “No, wait,” I say, tugging his arm. “Tell me something. I don’t want to fall asleep without talking a little bit.”

  He looks at me for a long moment, then shakes his head.

  “What?” I ask.

  “I was going to wait until you’re more awake, but…”

  He reaches in his back pocket and pulls out a Ring Pop. Scrunching my face curiously, I watch as he gets off the bed, kneeling on the floor.

  “What are you doing?” I ask with a stupid grin on my face. A Ring Pop?

  “Asking you to marry me, if you don’t mind.”

  My mouth falls open and my heart thumps loud and fast. I stare at him, and he looks back at me, the hint of a smile on his face. But also nervousness. Holy shit. No he’s not really. Goosebumps break out over my body.

  “You’re kidding,” I accuse.

  “I’m not. I’m just waiting for a sign that you want to hear the words.”

  “I… I…” I try to answer with my lungs refusing to work.

  My throat closes up, and tears threaten. I am officially speechless. I manage a nod.

  “Yes? You want to hear them?”

  I nod again.

  “I love you, Grace Campbell. I don’t want to lose you ever again. I want to build a life with you. I want us to have a family, together.”

  Yes. Those are exactly the words I want to hear. That thudding in my chest gets harder and I watch him pull a small black velvet box from his back pocket, the opposite one that the Ring Pop was in.

  My eyes prick with tears and I sit up straighter.

  He pauses. I press my fingers to my lips. I can’t believe this is really happening.

  “It’s been in my back pocket for almost a week now, Grace. I wanted it to be perfect. I want everything to be perfect for you. For us.”

  “Charlie,” all I can say is his name.

  “Grace, will you marry me?” Charlie asks, looking at me with those soulful green eyes.

  I launch myself off the bed, tackling him. My kisses land more on his face than his mouth, but Charlie doesn’t seem to mind.

  When the kisses taper off, he slides the diamond onto my finger, the ring sparkling and shining bright. It’s a large diamond, I don’t know how many carats, but it sits perfect on my finger.

  Charlie chuckles. “You approve?”

  “I love it,” I answer, brushing the tears from my face.

  “So tell me what I want to hear.”

  “The kissing and tackling weren’t evidence enough?” I tease.

  “Not for me,” he says, his eyes sparkle and the smile on his face widens. “Not when it’s something this important.”

  I lean in and kiss him tenderly. “Yes, Charlie. I want to marry you.”

  “Good. Because I want to do this with you forever. I’m all in.”

  “Forever?” I question.

  “Forever,” he repeats.

  “I love you, Grace.”

  “I love you too, Charlie.”

  Epilogue

  Charlie

  The sound of keys tapping rattles through the house. Grace is busy at work again. I roll in the bed onto my side and stare at the digital red numbers, 4:33 a.m.

  The bed groans as I shift my weight and crawl out of bed. My sweetheart’s been getting into this habit lately. It started before the wedding when she kne
w she’d be taking time off.

  And now she’s at it again.

  Ever since she was promoted and in charge of her own team, she works nonstop. Well, mostly. But just like me, we make time for each other.

  My wedding band clinks on the doorknob as I open the bedroom door wider and follow the soft clicks of her laptop in the office.

  I lean against the doorframe, resting my head there and watching her for a moment.

  She’s made my house a home. Leaving work is now enjoyable, knowing that I’m coming home to her beautiful smile.

  The faint light from her computer bathes her in a glow. My lips creep up into a smile. No, that glow is from something else.

  As my eyes travel to her swollen belly, the tapping of her laptop stops.

  Her gorgeous blue eyes stare back at me as she asks, “Did I wake you?” A wrinkle sets in the middle of her forehead as she frowns and gets up to come over to me. Her belly almost pushes against the desk, but she turns in time. She’s only now getting used to the weight of our little boy.

  Six months pregnant, a little over a month after marriage, almost a year since I first laid eyes on her, and I couldn’t love her more.

  Our baby boy is healthy, and the doctors don’t expect any complications. It’s funny how she was so nervous and anxious, but the moment she got pregnant, she relaxed and I became the one who was worrying about everything.

  I open my arms as she slowly walks to me, the lack of sleep seeming to hit her as she reaches me.

  Her soft body molds to mine as I hold her and kiss her hair. The smell of her shampoo tickles my nose as I smile. “I missed you I think,” my words reflect my sleepy state. “I can’t sleep when you’re not in bed.”

  She lifts her head to look at me, “I just wanted to get this one done before the baby comes.”