Notting Hill in the Snow

by Jules Wake

  ‘I’m really sorry to bother you, Miss Smith.’ The secretary’s hesitant voice brought me back to the present. ‘I can’t get hold of anyone else.’ Like a fox scenting dinner, all my senses went on alert; I even think I stood on tiptoe.

  ‘It’s just … no one’s picked Grace up. We finish early on the last day of term. School officially closed at two-thirty. I wouldn’t have called but we can’t get hold of anyone … Mr Williams isn’t answering his phone, there’s no answer at the house and Mrs Williams’ mobile is permanently engaged.’

  I looked at my watch; it was nearly four o’clock. Late by normal pick-up standards.

  ‘I … I’m … er …’ My voice dried up, silenced by uncertainty. Don’t get involved, Viola. It’s over. You have to leave them alone.

  ‘Miss Smith?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘I didn’t like to call … not when Mrs Williams is …’ her pause said it all ‘… but … well, the head says the next call is to –’ she lowered her voice and whispered, ‘social services.’

  ‘Social services?’ I squeaked, horrified.

  ‘I know; it sounds drastic … but it’s procedure.’

  ‘I’ll be right there. I’m not far,’ I said, dropping to my knees and latching my viola case. Grabbing it and my coat, still talking to her, I waved a goodbye to Mum, mouthed I’d call later and dashed out of the door. ‘See you in five.’

  Taking off at a run with my coat flapping and my viola case swinging, I couldn’t get the image of Grace sitting swinging her legs underneath the clock in the office out of my head.

  I could barely speak when I burst through the doors and the secretary buzzed me straight through with a grateful smile. I glanced beyond her to where Grace was sitting, exactly as I’d imagined, her expression inscrutable.

  ‘Hey, sweet pea. Fancy seeing you here,’ I said breathlessly, trying to be upbeat. Mary Poppins would have been proud of me.

  ‘Are you going to take me home?’ she asked in a cool, almost disinterested tone that was far too adult by half.

  ‘That’s the plan. Have you still got a key in your bag?’

  She nodded.

  ‘OK,’ I said, still trying to pretend everything was fine as I held out a hand. ‘Shall we go?’

  ‘Don’t you have to go to work?’ There was a little quiver to her lips. ‘Will you have to leave me on my own?’

  I sucked in a quiet painful breath. ‘Absolutely not,’ I said stoutly. ‘But I’m not working tonight. So hot chocolate all round.’

  ‘What if you had to go to work?’ she persisted, eyeing me gravely.

  ‘I’d have taken you to my mum’s or my cousin’s house. Do you remember Bella and her two little girls? They love Frozen just like you – I’d have arranged for you to go there and watch it with them. Come on, let’s pop your coat on. It’s really cold out there. I think it’s going to snow again.’

  Reassured, Grace lifted her head, her eyes sharpening. ‘If it does, can we build Olaf? Like we did with Mr Snow.’

  I hesitated. It would have been so easy to say yes but too much had changed; there was no way I could lie to her. ‘Let’s see if it snows first. Shall we go?’ I raised a hand in farewell to the office secretary.

  ‘Thank you, Miss Smith … Viola. I’ve left a message with Mr Williams telling him you’ve picked up Grace and that she’s safe. He has your mobile number, doesn’t he?’

  ‘Yes.’ Unless he’d been stronger than me and deleted my number.

  As soon as we left the school Grace tucked her hand into mine and I squeezed it, conscious of her unconditional trust as we set off back to her house in the gloomy twilight.

  The roads were busy with the start of rush hour traffic, car headlights like moonbeams reflected on the slick, wet roads, their tyres hissing like malevolent snakes as they passed us. I realised Grace’s grip had tightened as if she were worried I might let go.

  ‘How was your day?’ I asked brightly, trying to disguise the heaviness of my heart. Why hadn’t she been picked up? An hour and a half sitting waiting. I wanted to hug her tight; I’d missed her so much and this uncharacteristic quietness really worried me.

  ‘OK.’

  ‘What did you do?’ I asked in a sparkly voice, still rocking the Julie Andrews impersonation.

  ‘We watched a DVD.’

  ‘What did you watch?’

  She shrugged. ‘Can’t remember.’

  ‘A Christmas film?’ I persisted.

  Another shrug.

  ‘Are you looking forward to the holidays? To Christmas?’

  She shook her head in quick, vehement denial, her small mouth pursed as she looked up at me with guarded suspicion.

  ‘Why not?’ I asked.

  She gave yet another listless shrug.

  Christmas was supposed to be magical, full of sparkle and happiness, especially when you were seven. I looked down at her closed, shuttered face, feeling helpless.

  The house was in complete darkness as we climbed the front steps. When I switched on the lights the first thing I noticed was the huge Christmas tree, dwarfing the grand staircase, decked out in co-ordinating blue and silver balls.

  ‘New tree,’ I said, addressing the fir in the room.

  Grace inclined her head and made no comment but as we walked past, heading for our usual sanctuary of the kitchen, I saw her reach out and touch a bauble tucked away towards the back, almost out of sight. Something squeezed my heart. It was the glass decoration I’d given her.

  ‘Would you like something to eat? Shall I make some tea?’

  Grace nodded.

  ‘Or you could wait for Mummy and Daddy?’

  She shook her head. ‘They have grown-up dinner together.’

  It was a sharp reminder that things had gone back to a previous status quo that I knew nothing of. This was reinforced by the new contents of the fridge: cartons of goji berry juice, glass bottles of wheatgrass, packs of lactose-free cheese and jars of tahini paste and kimchi. None of which was either snack or child-friendly.

  ‘How about beans on toast?’ I asked Grace, closing the fridge door. It felt like a beans on toast sort of day.

  When she didn’t respond I turned to find her standing forlornly in the kitchen looking out of the patio window or rather at the empty space beside it.

  ‘Where’s …’ I stopped myself. ‘Where’s the tin opener?’

  The tree had gone.

  ‘Mummy didn’t like it.’

  I couldn’t pretend I didn’t know what she was talking about.

  ‘That’s a shame,’ I said, laying a hand on her shoulder, feeling the tension in the muscles beneath her skin, my voice pleasant as I clenched my other hand in a tight fist, willing myself not to say a word.

  Grace sniffed. ‘She said it was …’ she frowned ‘… naff.’

  My throat was so tight I couldn’t speak. ‘She said my sparkly tinsel was tasteless and grass. And what would people think if they saw it in her house? I liked my tree. Did you like it, Viola?’ Silent tears were trickling down her face.

  ‘Oh, sweet pea.’ I scooped her up and hugged her as she wound her thin arms around me, burying her face in my neck. I could feel the warmth of her tears on my skin.

  ‘M-m-u-u-mmy took it down. P-put all the d-decorations in a b-box. F-for the charity shop.’ She lifted her chin. ‘Daddy said they were yours and we had to give them back. Then she got really cross and said, “I might have guessed”. But some of them are ours. Mine and Daddy’s. We bought them. Remember? The Santa ones. At the stall in the market.’

  I pinched my lips tight together as images of that perfect sparkling Saturday – walking in the snow, brunch, tree-hunting and putting the tree up – flashed in my brain like a favourite movie.

  ‘Maybe,’ I said, struggling to hold it together, ‘you could put your decorations up in your bedroom or even have a little tree in there?’

  ‘Then Daddy wouldn’t see it,’ said Grace sadly, patting my face. ‘He liked our tree. I think
he was sad when Mummy took it down.’

  As I spooned Grace’s beans onto her toast, my mobile rang.

  I grabbed it without looking, my heart pinching, knowing it would be Nate.

  ‘Hi, just a sec,’ I said in a stupid attempt at delay, putting the phone down and setting the plate in front of Grace along with the glass of orange juice I’d just poured, knowing that hearing the timbre of his voice would hurt. ‘There you go. Be careful, the beans are very hot.’

  I picked up my phone. ‘Hi!’ I said in my best sparkly, we’re just friends and speaking to you is quite normal voice.

  ‘Viola, I take it that’s my daughter you’re speaking to.’ He sounded stern and distant.

  I closed my eyes briefly and focused on my next breath before speaking. ‘Yes. I’m really sorry. I didn’t know what else to do. The office sounded desperate and it was already so late. I couldn’t leave …’ My words spilled out, tumbling over one another before I realised that Grace was listening avidly. ‘I couldn’t not.’

  ‘God, don’t apologise. I should be apologising. I’m so sorry. And mortified that they had to call you. Thank you so much for going. I’ve only just picked up the message from the school office; otherwise I’d have been in touch before. Elaine was supposed to be picking Grace up. I’ve no idea where she is. She’s not answering her phone. Anyway, I was ringing to say I’m on my way, but are you going to be all right? Getting to work?’

  ‘It’s fine, luckily I’m not working tonight.’

  Nate sighed. ‘I’m very grateful. I’ll be there as soon as I can, probably another hour. Again, I’m really sorry.’

  ‘Don’t worry. Grace and I are having a … lovely time.’ I smiled at her, conscious that she was sitting very still, listening to every word.

  Except, if I were completely honest, we weren’t having a lovely time because we were both on our best behaviour. She was back to being that too careful small adult and I was guarding every word I said, fearful of betraying too many things: being critical of Elaine, revealing how I felt about Nate, being furious on Grace’s behalf.

  After tea I checked my watch; there were still another forty-five minutes before Nate would be home. ‘What do you want to do?’ I asked. ‘Some colouring?’

  ‘Can we watch Frozen?’

  ‘Of course you can.’

  ‘No –’ there it was again, that adult watchfulness ‘– will you watch it with me? In the snug?’

  ‘Go set it up and I’ll just load the dishwasher.’

  *

  Grace was draped comfortably over me like a sprawling indolent cat completely at ease, lying on her stomach across my lap, one elbow digging into one of my thighs, when we heard the door slam upstairs. Nate had made good time.

  She didn’t move, totally absorbed, even though she must have seen the DVD a thousand times before, but I felt her stiffen as we both heard the clip clop of high heels coming down the stairs.

  When the footsteps hit the kitchen she wriggled off the sofa and stood up, awkward and stiff, making tiny movements, almost as if not sure which way to run.

  Elaine came in, the lights catching the blonde highlights in her hair, wearing a gorgeous dress which emphasised her beautiful figure and the colour complementing the big Cameron Diaz blue eyes.

  ‘Oh my goodness, thank heaven. Grace, you’re home. Daddy’s just sent me a text. I completely …’

  Then she caught sight of me. ‘Oh! Violet.’ She looked around the room. ‘Where’s Nate?’

  ‘He’s on his way back from work.’

  She looked delighted at that news, clearly pleased that he wasn’t here hanging out with me.

  ‘I had to go into the London office, small problem in the New York office with a deal we’ve been working on for months. They needed me to step in and sort a few things out. Honestly, I’ve only been gone a couple of days and they can’t cope without me.’

  ‘So …’ her smooth forehead didn’t shift even though I could tell she trying to do one of those frowny make-me-understand-this-curious-situation smiles ‘… what are you doing here?’

  Then she added after a five-second beat, ‘Not that it isn’t lovely to see you.’ She ha-ha-ha ed. Had someone once told her that her tinkling laugh was attractive or something? ‘Grace, can you turn that off?’ Her quickfire bite and glare in the direction of the television had me clenching my fists again.

  ‘I picked Grace up from school,’ I said, being super pleasant back to her. ‘The office phoned me in a panic. No one had collected her.’

  ‘Oh …’ she winced ‘… that’s … sort of my fault. I got the call … and, well, you know what it’s like. Suddenly you’re running on adrenaline and caffeine again. It looked as if this merger was about to go tits up. We’ve been negotiating with the West Coast since this morning; you can imagine the time difference played havoc. I thought at one point we’d lost it. But –’ she gave me a relieved smile ‘– everything’s back on track. There was a lot of money at stake.’ She grinned suddenly, her face transforming. She looked genuinely happy. ‘But that’s why they pay me the big bucks.’ With another grin she crossed to the kettle. ‘Too early to celebrate and I’m already running on pure caffeine but I don’t suppose another will hurt. Today was one of those days that will go down in company history. Do you want one?’ She indicated the cafetière she’d taken out of the cupboard.

  I shook my head. ‘I’d better head off.’

  ‘Oh God, listen to me. I haven’t even said thank you to you. I’m still buzzing. What a day! But thank you. It’s such a good job you were on hand.’ She beamed at me. ‘You must make sure Nate reimburses you for your time and doesn’t take advantage.’ She tipped in two large spoonfuls of fragrant coffee grounds before turning to me, her eyes softening. ‘Perhaps you should think about becoming a nanny. You’re very good at …’ she looked up now, her eyes a little too guileless ‘… coming to our rescue.’

  ‘I did it for Grace,’ I said as pleasantly as I could manage.

  ‘And Nate, no doubt.’ She lifted an eyebrow, still all smiles, but I had no doubt what she was getting at.

  ‘No,’ I insisted, ‘just Grace.’

  Then I realised that Grace was watching us, like a pair of combatants about to do battle. I sent her a reassuring smile, to which she responded with a very uncertain frown.

  ‘Anyway, I ought to be going –’ I gave Grace another smile ‘– now I’ve had my Frozen fix.’ I winked at her.

  There was a sound upstairs.

  ‘Daddy’s home,’ said Grace as she went running towards the stairs. ‘Daddy, Daddy.’

  I heard her stockinged feet pad up the steps.

  Elaine’s mouth tightened fractionally and then she turned to me, a pleading look on her face that took me aback. ‘Viola, I really am very grateful for all your help, please don’t think I’m not but … I know how … oh, this is awkward.’

  She came over to my side, bringing a waft of Jo Malone lime, basil and mandarin, and perched on the sofa arm. ‘I know … Nate is gorgeous and I really don’t blame you … but we really want to make this work.’ Her voice broke a little. ‘I’m trying but it’s hard … especially when I’ve made …’ she held out her hands, palms upwards ‘… so many mistakes. You have to understand, Nate and I, we’ve had our problems, but at the end of the day … there’s too much here for us to throw away.’ Now there was a touch of shame in her demeanour and I felt guilty. ‘I’ve not been the best wife or mother but …’ she gave me an earnest look ‘… you have to give Nate and me space to rebuild things. For Grace’s sake more than anything.’ The beseeching look she gave me made me feel hot with shame.

  She was right. I needed to butt out and leave them to sort things out.

  I swallowed and gave her a wan smile. ‘I’m on Grace’s side. I understand.’

  ‘Thank you, Viola.’ Her sad smile tugged at my heart and then she looked up as Nate walked into the room, her eyes shadowed with chagrin.

  ‘Where were you?’ he
asked.

  ‘Sorry, darling. I’m terrible … but New York called. It was such a mess. Whitby was desperate and if I hadn’t gone we’d have lost the deal. Everything.’

  ‘You were supposed to pick up Grace.’ There was a tic in his cheek and I could see the tightness in his jaw.

  ‘Oh, Nate –’ Elaine stood up and faced him ‘– do we have to do this now?’

  ‘Our daughter was left waiting for an hour and a half. If it hadn’t been for Viola, the school would have called social services.’

  ‘Don’t be so silly; they wouldn’t have done that.’

  ‘Yes, they would.’

  Elaine rolled her eyes. ‘It was unprecedented circumstances. Seriously, deals like that are once in a lifetime opportunities. Besides, as soon as we’ve got a nanny we won’t need to worry.’

  ‘Won’t we?’ Nate’s tone was dangerous and low.

  ‘You’re overreacting, darling. All’s well that ends well. This was an absolute emergency. We would have lost the deal and nearly a year’s work would have gone up in smoke. It’s hardly the end of the world.’

  Nate’s eyes widened and I thought of Grace, looking lost and defeated in the school office.

  Elaine shook her head in frustration and huffed. ‘I hate to remind you, but you’ve managed childcare arrangements perfectly well without me for the last eleven months. Just because I’m home, do you seriously expect me to drop everything? I am still working for the New York office.’

  ‘You’re supposed to be on vacation,’ Nate’s voice ground out, fury shimmering in the quiet, restrained words. ‘And we agreed this morning that you would pick Grace up. I told you school finished early today.’

  ‘I got caught up. It was important. No one else could sort it out. I had to be there.’ She lifted her chin with a defiant look. ‘It’s not as if someone else couldn’t pick Grace up. And –’ she looked my way ‘– they did.’