No More Secrets

by Cate Beauman

  “There,” she said, using the selfie screen on her phone to fix the worst of the mess she’d made of her face. The minimal cosmetics she carried in her purse hadn’t done much to erase her puffy nose and blotchy cheeks, but at least she’d cleaned up the mascara. “Better, right?”

  Cade leaned closer, narrowing his eyes as he settled his hand under her chin, turning her face from side to side. “I’d say perfect.”

  “Thanks.” She sent him an absent smile, clearing the photo app off her screen, checking the time. Only ninety minutes to go.

  “Here.” He pulled a cheese-covered chip from the massive nacho platter, dipping it in the bowl of salsa, holding it up to her lips. “Give it a shot.”

  She bit in, loving the melty cheddar jack and spicy flavors melding on her tongue. “Mmm. It’s good.”

  “They’re damn good.” He took a sip of the thick milkshake he’d added to their order. “They’d be better with a beer, though.”

  She studied the mountain of chips, snagging one buried in layers of cheese, realizing she had a bit of an appetite after all. “So, have one.”

  He shook his head. “I can’t. Flying and alcohol don’t mix.”

  She wiped her greasy fingers on her napkin. “As one of your passengers, I appreciate your sentiments.”

  He grinned, helping himself to more of their lunch. “Beer’s always best with nachos, but vanilla milkshakes on a hot afternoon aren’t a bad second choice.”

  She went after another chip, sampling the guacamole next. “If you’d said a chocolate shake, I would agree with you one hundred percent.”

  He sent her a pained look. “It’s vanilla all the way.”

  She mournfully shook her head. “And I thought we’d decided you had good taste.”

  He laughed, tossing her a wink. “Your sense of humor’s back. I take it you’re feeling better about things?”

  She glanced toward Liam’s building, shrugging as she looked at Cade again. “Mostly because we’re hanging out close by.” But she would breathe easier when she could see for herself that her baby was okay.

  “Surely, Liam’s happy to see Kaitlyn.”

  She focused on their meal, trying to decide what she wanted to say, because she owed Cade an explanation. At some point, she would most likely be horrified that she’d bawled all over him. But for now, she could only be grateful that he was here—that he seemed to show up just when she needed someone the most. “If he is, it's hard to tell. They’ve done nothing to baby-proof the apartment. And there were no toys for her, either. I’m not even sure if they’ve kept her nursery.”

  He frowned, swallowing another sip of his milkshake. “Who’s ‘they’?”

  “Liam’s girlfriend, Jessica. They’re coworkers. They’ve been together for a while.”

  His frown deepened as he sat back in his seat. “Define ‘a while.’”

  She jerked her shoulders. “A couple of years.” And even months later, it was humiliating to admit that she’d been so clueless about her husband’s indiscretions.

  Cade nodded his understanding, reaching for another chip. “How long were you two married?”

  “It would have been two years earlier this month, but I found them in bed together on New Year’s Day, so that was the end of that.”

  He stopped chewing, holding her gaze, then started again, wiping his mouth.

  She looked away, staring off toward the building where she’d spent snatches of her time trying to build a life with a man who hadn’t wanted to build one with her. “She’s better suited to him. Jessica. They seem to want the same things—have the same ambitions and moral compasses. Liam and I had no business getting married.”

  “So, why did you? How did a smart, beautiful woman settle for someone who clearly didn’t deserve her?”

  Her left eyebrow winged up. “Well, that’s direct.”

  He shrugged. “I’m not interested in tiptoeing. If it’s none of my business, which it’s not, tell me so, and we’ll move on.”

  She fiddled with her straw, moving it around in her ice water, gathering her thoughts because she’d never spoken about this part of her relationship to anyone—her deepest shame. “I’ve asked myself the same questions a million times, and the answer is I don’t know.”

  He nodded. “At least that’s honest.”

  Whether she was honest or not didn’t seem to change much of anything. Ultimately, her daughter was the one paying for her poor choices—something she would never forgive herself for. “We were together for three years. We met here in the city at one of the governor’s functions—and dated for about six months before I ended up moving home to the island. The distance didn’t seem like it would be a problem. We were always so busy with our jobs, living our own lives. We mostly got together when we could, which seemed to work for us. We figured a short plane ride wouldn’t change that.”

  Cade folded his hands behind his head, holding her gaze, giving her the gift of his undivided attention. “But it did.”

  She nodded. “After I got back to Sanderson and started settling into the slower pace, I realized I was twenty-nine and had nothing but a sizable savings account to show for it—none of the things I’d always wanted. I’d been so wrapped up in my career—work I didn’t even like. Suddenly, my life felt empty. Liam knew I was getting itchy for more, so he proposed.”

  Cade nodded again.

  “I think somewhere along the way I convinced myself that things would be different once we exchanged rings—that he would want to spend more time on the island and stop waffling about starting a family.” She laughed humorlessly, shaking her head, because she’d been so damn delusional. “I never thought I’d be here like this—divorced and a single mother—but when I look at the big picture, I can’t understand why the end result still surprises me. We never had the same goals or dreams. Deep down, I knew marriage wouldn’t change that, but I jumped in anyway.” She shrugged. “Ultimately, the blame isn’t all his. He’s always been the same. I’m the one who changed on him—complicating a casual relationship.”

  He dipped a chip in the salsa. “What did you envision for yourself?”

  “The whole white-picket-fence thing.” She rolled her eyes, understanding that very few people actually got the white-picket-fence dream. “The pretty house, the adorable dog, the supportive spouse, giving my kids what I had.”

  He raised his brow. “Kids?”

  She nodded, smiling. “I wanted two with an option for three. Nice and close together in age so that they would grow up a part of each other’s lives. I wanted to give Kaitlyn what Nate, Molly, and I share. We were in school together—had the same teachers, knew each other’s friends. Our childhood was close to perfect.”

  “So, you’ll give Kaitlyn something different, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be perfect for her.”

  She nibbled her lip, considering Cade’s words, never quite seeing things like that before. Over the last several months, she’d focused on her failures—everything she wouldn’t be able to provide for her daughter.

  “The wheels are turning,” he said, grinning.

  “Maybe.” She chuckled. “Definitely. You’re pretty brilliant, Cade Paxton.”

  He crossed his arms on the table, leaning forward. “Mostly, I’m just curious.”

  “About?”

  “You.”

  She frowned. “I’ve said more to you than I do most, so what can you possibly be curious about?”

  “What’s next for you? Where do you plan to go from here?”

  “That’s easy. I’m putting my life back together. I’m giving my daughter everything I can. I’m learning to be okay with my reality instead of wasting my time mourning what I wanted for her to have—for me to have.”

  He nodded. “I like your answer.”

  She grinned. “Me, too.” Then her smile faded. “But I’m sorry about today—that we didn’t make it to the design center. You’ve been more than patient with me.”

  He shrugged. “We�
�ll have to head back this way sooner rather than later.”

  “Callie’s not working on Tuesday. I can see if she’ll watch Kaitlyn. But we would have to be back in time for classes at Arts and Eats.”

  “Tuesday,” he said, pulling out his phone. “We’re cutting it close to the Fourth.”

  She winced. “I know. The island will be as busy as it gets. The fireworks are always amazing, which draws a huge crowd.”

  “Tuesday,” he said again, looking at his screen. “I’m flying one of the extra morning flights to Boston and back, but we could leave around ten thirty.”

  She nodded. “I’ll talk to Callie when we get home.”

  “Sounds good.” He shoved his phone away. “I’m sure you know this already, but according to the time, we’re down to the thirty-minute mark.”

  She glanced at her watch, surprised that the time was passing far faster than she imagined it would. “I guess we are.”

  “I assume you’d like to start heading over.”

  She smiled, batting her lashes at him. “You assume correctly.”

  He raised his hand, signaling for the check when their waitress passed.

  “I’ll be right with you, sir.”

  “Thanks.”

  Minutes later, they were strolling by the waterfront toward Liam’s building, the breeze much warmer than it had been earlier. Now that the worst was nearly over, she studied her familiar stomping grounds—boats cruising along the harbor and families standing in line for duck tours and water taxis. “This really has turned out to be a pretty day.”

  He nodded. “It’s gorgeous.”

  She gave him a gentle bump with her arm. “Thank you again for lunch.”

  “Thank you for being such good company.”

  She glanced at her watch again as they stopped in front of the upscale entrance. “So, it’s probably okay if I go up. I’ll only be ten minutes early—less by the time I get off the elevator.”

  He grinned. “I imagine that’s perfectly acceptable.” He settled against the wall where he’d stood earlier. “I’ll wait here.”

  She nodded, impatient to get her daughter back. “I’ll be quick.” She didn’t wait for Murray to greet her as he spoke to someone else. She let herself into the lobby, then the elevator, pressing the button for the twentieth floor. “I’m coming, Baby Girl.”

  Cade stood in the shade, people-watching while he waited for Gwen and Kaitlyn. He studied the various individuals walking along the crowded sidewalks in the mid-summer heat, always fascinated by other human beings. The tourists were obvious. Cell phones were out, and numerous selfies were being taken by the water’s edge. The residents of Bean Town weren’t hard to spot, either, as they moved through the crowds with purpose, on their way to some destination or other.

  Not all that long ago, Gwen had fit in here—the cool, urban professional. Just a couple of weeks ago, she’d tried presenting herself as such when they’d met for their initial design meetings. He smiled because City Gwen had lost her edge. “Good,” he murmured, liking her just the way she was now—feisty and strong, with plenty of sweet spots.

  He glanced at his watch, then at the glass doors, not quite sure whether it was a good or bad thing that he’d been waiting for a solid fifteen minutes. As long as Gwen didn’t come down in tears again, all would be well.

  She’d surprised him when she rushed outside, nearly beside herself after dropping Kaitlyn off. She’d needed him, touching him as he touched her, as eager for comfort as he’d been to give it.

  He’d learned a lot about the woman he thought of far too often. She’d been vulnerable and free with her words—and he’d pressed his advantage, asking her more than he should have, wanting to know her.

  He still couldn’t fathom how a confident, intelligent, beautiful woman like her had settled for such a fucker. Gwen was willing to take her fair share of the blame for the failure of her marriage, but Liam O’Leary was the biggest kind of fool.

  “Gwen.” Murray smiled, opening the door as he stood outside. “It was nice seeing you again.”

  “You, too, Murray.” She beamed, giving her attention to Cade, holding his gaze as she walked his way. “She slept the whole time.”

  He pushed off the wall, moving to meet her, helping her guide the stroller out of the foot traffic. “She didn’t wake up?”

  “No.” Gwen laughed, pressing her hand to her heart. “I’m not sure who was more relieved when I knocked on the door—me or Jessica. But Kaitlyn’s been out for the entire visit.”

  He nodded, peeking in at the baby girl who was starting to stir. “No worries, then?”

  “None.”

  “Any more visits scheduled?”

  She shook her head, her delight unmistakable. “Liam didn’t mention anything, and I didn’t press the issue.”

  He nodded a second time, happy that Gwen wouldn’t have to go through this again anytime soon. “So, it all worked out.”

  “It did.” She exhaled another laugh. “Kaitlyn isn’t going to sleep a wink tonight, and I feel like I’m going to explode.” She gestured to her breasts. “But I’ll deal with it.” She pushed the stroller closer to the building, surprising him yet again when she stood on her tiptoes, throwing her arms around him in a tight hug.

  “Whoa.” He hesitated for the briefest of seconds, then returned her embrace, holding on just as tightly, breathing in her high-end shampoo. “What’s this for?”

  She eased back enough to hold his gaze, but didn’t let him go. “Thank you, Cade.”

  He let his hands settle around her slim waist. “Hey, I’m up for eating nachos and arguing about milkshakes anytime you want.”

  Smiling, she shook her head, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “You were my rock today—everything I needed. The last couple of hours would have been unbearable without you.”

  He winked, playing it cool when her words meant more than she could imagine. “I’m glad I could help.”

  “You’re a good friend.”

  His brow shot up. “Friends, are we? The possibility’s no longer under consideration, then?”

  She grinned. “I guess not.” She stepped away. “And I’m buying lunch next time. You keep feeding me. It’s my turn to treat you.”

  He didn’t hate that she was anticipating a next time. This was turning out to be a hell of a day. “You’re on.”

  Kaitlyn started crying.

  Cade turned his attention to the stroller as Gwen did. “Sleeping Beauty’s officially up.”

  “My sweet girl.” Gwen freed Kaitlyn from her car seat, hugging her tightly, kissing her hair, twisting them from side to side in her efforts to soothe. “Mommy missed you so much.”

  Cade studied mother and daughter—everything he wanted—listening to life screaming at him again. He hadn’t been any good to anyone for a long damn time. But he wanted to be—to keep on being everything they both needed. Because for Gwen and Kaitlyn, it was easy.

  “I know,” Gwen said, kissing her daughter’s cheek, grabbing her sweet little sun hat from the diaper bag. “You’re ready for lunch, and I’m ready to feed you.”

  “How about the park,” he suggested, glancing toward the green space up the way. “We’ll take a break so Kaitlyn can eat. Then we can play a bit before we head to the airport—get her a little exercise.”

  Gwen smiled. “All right.”

  “How about I take her?” He reached for the baby in her pretty pink plaid romper, smiling as she settled in his arms. “Hello, sweetheart. You’ll have a better view up here. We’ll keep you busy until we get to where we’re going.”

  Kaitlyn stared at him, smiling, cooing as she reached for his mouth.

  “You want to feed me, do you?” He made growling noises, snacking on her fingers with his lips.

  Her grin turned into a laugh.

  He chuckled. “Let’s have some lunch. We’ll have a go at the slides and swings when you’re done.” He looked down, realizing Gwen was staring at him. “What?”

&nbs
p; “Nothing. Other than it’s obvious that you’re the one who’s looking forward to the slides and swings.”

  He grinned. “Guilty. But Kaitlyn will have fun, too.”

  Gwen laughed. “I imagine she will. Let’s head over before our happy girl remembers how hungry she is.”

  He walked off with Gwen and the baby, pointing out boats on the harbor on their way to enjoy the next half of their unexpected afternoon.

  Cade stood next to Nate and Brad, studying the progress on the new Sanderson/Carter house being built across the street from Nate and Callie’s place. The sun dipped closer to the horizon as Cade sipped his icy-cold beer—the frosty beverage he wished he’d been drinking while he shared a plate of nachos with Gwen earlier in the afternoon.

  “Things are moving along,” he said, impressed by how much had been accomplished on the two-thousand-square-foot structure since the last time he’d come around. It had been a while—two or three weeks.

  Beers with the boys on a summer night was a rare event, but Kenzie Kloss was on call this evening, lending Brad a hand for the influx of holiday visitors expected throughout the week. And Nate was off duty until tomorrow morning. Molly and Callie were over at Carter House for a girls’ night with Gwen—a perfect opportunity for brewskis with the guys and a catch-up.

  “Molls and I are happy with the progress.” Brad walked closer to one of the newly installed windows, scrutinizing the frame. “Jeremy’s new crew isn’t fucking around. The insulation’s going in this next week. The drywall goes up after the Fourth of July.”

  Nate took a sip of his beer. “At this rate, you guys will be moving in before you know it.”

  Brad nodded, stepping back to join them. “Sometimes, it feels like this is taking forever—that life in general is taking forever. I want to marry Molls. I’m ready to call this place home—to fill it with some kids.”