Pining & Loving
Page 25
“Yes, bossy, I did the lion’s share. I just need to do the final touches on the last panel when we get back. Then it’s off to November Jones for checking and then to the publisher.”
“Brilliant!” Aya roared. “Everything that woman writes sells like ice lollies on a hot day. I’m sure it’ll be a success. Either way, as I said before, I’m bloody proud of you.”
Gwen was pretty damn proud of herself, too. She had a job, a girlfriend, a purpose in the form of an art project that stimulated her head and heart. Her mental health was good right now, and when it worsened again, she would have a good support system in Aya, Charlotte, and Edward. Well, also November and Aya’s Bill and Jenny too now, she supposed.
They might be on their way to see her biological family, but she was very satisfied with the chosen family she and Aya had collected. It helped them both more than any blood-related people ever had.
She brushed a strand of loose hair away from Aya’s face. “I’m proud of you, too. You’re so much more confident these days.”
“Thanks. It’s my new moisturiser,” Aya said with a grin.
Gwen shot her a look. “Oh, yeah? It has nothing to do with how Jenny is telling everyone far and wide, including BBC Radio Stoke, that she owes her success to her cool role model and training coach?”
Aya showed off that dimple in another grin, one which faltered as she stared at something on the dash. “Um, treasure? Don’t kill me, but we have to stop.”
“Okay. Sure, but why? We’ve only been driving for like twenty minutes.”
“I may have been overly optimistic again.”
Gwen followed her gaze to the petrol light flashing angrily on Janet’s dash. “Really?” she grumbled. “I told you to fill it up when you went shopping yesterday.”
“Yeah. I didn’t think I’d need to. It’s fine, though. There’s a services in two miles.”
Gwen shook her head with a laugh. “Well, I suppose I could use another cup of tea.”
* * *
A little later, they sat in a café with hot drinks and the peace of mind that Janet was refuelled.
Aya ran a thumb along the side of her mug. “You know, this reminds me of when we drove to Chester that first time. When we drank mochas and bonded over pining over Susannah.”
Gwen sat back. “I hadn’t thought about that, but yeah, it was a services much like this one.”
“That’s because it was this one.”
“No, you’re wrong again, babe. That one was smaller.”
Aya took a sip of her coffee. “Nope. It was this one.”
Gwen scanned the place and reluctantly admitted to herself that Aya was right. “Weird. I totally remember it being smaller.”
Aya chuckled. “Me too, actually. Is this where I say something cheesy about everything seeming smaller before you came into my life?”
“No. It’s not,” Gwen monotoned.
Aya shrugged with a pleased expression.
“It is weird, though,” Gwen said. “We started out as strangers. Then became rivals over the same unattainable woman. Then we stopped talking. Then we became friends, and now I’m introducing you as my girlfriend to my family.”
“It’s been a journey, shug. I credit your idea about having a boost every day for a lot of it. It gave me a way to get to know you.”
“Mm.” Gwen tapped her mug. “You know, I think Bill was right about the bright sparks. You can find them in everyday life if you try. Like this extra cup of tea. Or the jolt I get when someone compliments my art.”
“Or being with me?”
Gwen stopped the movement of her fingers. “Babe, you’re not some little boost. You’re thrill and safety, support and challenge. Your love infuses every part of my life, improving everything it touches.”
“Ooh, so poetic.”
Gwen laughed. “Drink your coffee and shush.”
Aya laughed, too, before leaning in for a quick kiss. Then they settled back into silence and people-watched. A brutish man eyed them, and for a second Gwen wondered what it would be like to not have to consider homophobia when you kissed in public. She fixed the thug with a glare, and he looked down. She sipped her tea.
Aya swallowed a big gulp of coffee and said, “I think it’s healthier, you know.”
“What? Coffee?”
“No! The way we live now compared with back when we stopped here on that Chester trip.”
Gwen took another sip. “Well, of course it is. We were both miserable.”
“Let me finish,” Aya whinged. “You know how hard it is for me to put stuff into words.”
“Sorry. Carry on, sweetheart.”
“When we were crushing on Susannah, we were both trying to escape reality and pining over a fantasy.”
Gwen smiled. “More like a mirage, I think, but I get your point.”
Aya waved that away, warming to her subject. “It wasn’t about wishing to be with her, but what we wished our lives were. You used her as inspiration to create art, but always for others, never daring to make something for yourself, or not thinking you deserved to.” She paused, frowning for a second. “Me, well, I was living in the past, thinking that if I got some made-up win, I’d feel as confident as I did when I boxed.”
“We were just trying to survive,” Gwen countered. “Using fantasy to fill in the gaps where real life disappointed us.”
Aya shot her an annoyed look. “Sure, and that’s fine. In small doses. For us, it… I don’t know, it took over our existence, making us invest more time and effort in daydreams than into our lives. You know what I mean? You’re right, we were just surviving. Not living.”
“Now who’s being poetic?”
“I’m just saying that Bill talked about romanticising the little things in life, right?”
“Yes.”
“I think we need to take it a step further,” Aya said, voice rising. “Romanticise our whole damn lives. And if there’s nothing to romanticise, we should change it.”
“Easier said than done for most people, love. They need their uninspiring jobs to pay the bills. Or maybe they can’t change things because of their health.”
Aya sat forward, radiating fervour. “Then do one little thing! Start at the gym. Buy a self-help book. Date someone new. Start singing in the shower. Anything to make your life feed your soul.”
“Love being in Stoke-on-Trent instead of just dreaming of moving to Chester?” Gwen suggested.
“I know you’re joking, but yes. Stoke-on-Trent can be pretty, it can be cultural, and it has heaps of interesting history, just like Chester. We just have to search for it and appreciate it.”
Gwen tapped her fingers against her mug again, mulling that over. “So you’re saying that loving something is better than pining for something?”
“Yep. And that goes for people, too.”
Gwen thought back to when she pined over Susannah. Then to their whole lives, as they were then, and as they were now.
She smiled at Aya. “Okay. This time, you’re definitely not wrong.” Then she kissed her, long and heartfelt, romanticising over and loving every second of it.
About the Author
Emma Sterner-Radley, a Swedish romance and fantasy writer, got a degree in Library and Information Science because she wanted to work with books, and being an author was an impossible dream, right? Wrong. She's now a writer and a publisher. (But still a librarian at heart.)
She lives with her wife and two cats in England. There's no point in saying which city, as they move about once a year. She spends her time writing, reading, daydreaming, exercising, and watching whichever television show has the most lesbian/sapphic subtext at the time.
Her weaknesses are coffee, sugary snacks and small chubby creatures with tiny legs.
www.emmasternerradley.com
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Copyright © 2019 Emma Sterner-Radley
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form on by an electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.