“I’m confused,” Derek said, “why is this the worst that you’ve ever fucked up?”
Hunter cringed. “When she was getting ready to leave, I may have said something along the lines of her not looking any different than she did before.”
“Shit,” Derek swore. “How long had she spent getting ready?”
“Two hours?”
I pulled my lips between my teeth, crossing my arms over my chest as I leaned back. There was no fucking way I was laughing. He was right. He had really fucked up. “Suddenly, I don’t feel like the only asshole in the room.”
✯✯✯✯✯
“Why the fuck are you guys dragging me to the hardware store?”
“You need to do some manly shit,” Derek said, pulling out a shopping cart.
“And that’s going shopping with two other guys,” I said, raising my eyebrows at him.
“Well…” He cleared his throat and shoved the cart down the first aisle, leaving Hunter and I to follow. “You can’t just sit around the house for the next week. You need a project, something Florrie will appreciate.”
“Yeah, because if I build her a deck off the back of the porch, that’ll totally make her love me again.”
“Hey, it can’t hurt.”
“You’d be better off building her a gun range behind your house,” Hunter said, picking up cordless drill and checking it out.
“Yeah, because I need a place where she could ‘accidentally’ shoot me.”
“Hey, I’m just saying, you need to appeal to her feminine side.”
“She doesn’t have a feminine side,” Derek pointed out.
“She does too. And that’s my girlfriend you’re talking about.”
“You know, I’ll never in my fucking life want to go back to referring to anyone as my girlfriend,” Derek said. “It reminds me of being in high school, and trust me, that was not a good time for me.”
“I thought you were Mr. Popularity?” Hunter asked.
“That’s where you’re wrong. I was a troublemaker. Chicks only wanted me because I was dangerous.”
Hunter snorted beside me, and even I cracked a smile.
“What? I was. I had a lot of women back then, but they didn’t want me for me. They wanted me because I was the bad boy.”
“Right,” Hunter laughed. “It’s okay, man. You can admit that you seduced a lot of women. We all know that you weren’t really a bad boy.”
“Fuck you, I was the baddest of the bad.”
“So bad they called him Leroy Brown,” I added with a grin.
“Whatever,” Derek huffed. “Don’t believe me, but it’s true.”
“We know, man.” Hunter cuffed him on the shoulder in commiseration. “Besides, it doesn’t matter. We’re trying to help Knight’s mini-me get his woman back.”
I glared and shoved past them. “Whatever. I’m not Knight’s mini-me. I’m not anything like him.”
“Excuse me,” a feminine voice came from behind me. I turned around to see the woman from the bar standing behind me. “I met you the other day…at the bar?”
“Yeah. Alec,” I said, holding out my hand.
“Amanda. It’s nice to have a name to go with the face.”
I stood there uncomfortably, not really where to go from here. I wasn’t trying to hit on her, so I wasn’t really sure what to say.
“Look, I know that you’re probably here doing your own thing, but I was wondering if you could help me with something.”
“Sure, what do you need?”
Derek coughed loudly, clapping me on the shoulder. “Uh, could I talk to you for a minute?”
I glared at him, but stepped away from the woman. “What?”
“What are you doing?”
“Um…” I glanced around me. “I think I’m here because you dragged me here. I figured you would know.”
“I’m talking about the chick,” he said, smiling over my shoulder at Amanda, waving at her casually.
“It’s called having a conversation.”
“But why are you having a conversation?”
“Well, shit, Derek. When someone walks up to you and starts talking, what do you do?”
His eyes bugged out and he chuffed out a laugh. “If it’s a woman? I run the other fucking way as fast as I can.”
“And why would I do that? She’s asking for help, not for me to eat her pussy.”
“Technically,” Hunter cut in, “we don’t know that. Derek cut in before we could hear her request.”
“Thanks, man,” I nodded.
He shrugged. “No problem.”
“Look, I’m only here because you dragged me here. And the sooner that I find out what she wants, the sooner we can get the fuck out of here.” I turned back around and walked to Amanda. “Sorry about that. What did you need?”
“Um… I was just wondering if you knew anything about paint. I’m painting my apartment this afternoon, but I have no clue what I’m supposed to use.”
“Sure, I can help you with that.”
I spent the next twenty minutes going over all the shit she would need and helping her choose the type of paint she was going to use. She was nice and never once tried to hit on me. And the best part was, I felt fucking useful for the first time in over a month. She thanked me for the help and I left her at the paint counter to get her paint mixed. I walked back to where the guys were standing, arms crossed over their chests with menacing glares on their faces.
“What the fuck is your problem now?” I asked, walking up to them. “Did I take up too much of your time? Did you need to get back to another ass-whooping from Lucy? Or maybe you were supposed to fly in and save Claire,” I directed at Derek.
“Hey, I’ll have you know that I haven’t played Superman in at least six months.”
“Whatever. Can we just finish up and get out of here?”
“Fine, but next time you leave us for a chick, it better be Florrie.”
“I hope you assholes are planning on helping me build this deck, since it was your idea.”
“Uh-”
“Well…”
“No,” I pointed to both of them. “You made me come here. You’re going to fucking help.”
Hunter sighed, rubbing his hand over his face. “We’d better stop at the florist on the way home.”
“Why?” Derek asked.
“Because Lucy’s been asking me for a year to build her a deck.”
✯✯✯✯✯
“It looks good, man.”
Derek stood with his arms crossed, staring at the deck in front of us. We had gone a little overboard. Hell, we went a lot overboard. After seeing what the guys had in mind, I decided that I wanted something a little bigger for us, something that would jut out into the yard and give us a nice place to grill and hang out with our friends. I spent the extra money to get a router to make some nice finials for the banister, and did some decorative shit all along the railing. It didn’t take nearly as long as I thought it would to build the actual deck, but that could have been because Hunter enticed a bunch of the guys over with beer. That was built in no time. The rest of the stuff I worked on over the week, and I was pretty pleased with how it turned out.
“Yeah, it does look good,” Hunter nodded. “Lucy’s gonna want this same design, so expect my call.”
“But…will it work?” I asked, not sure that this would really scream I love you. Please don’t leave me.
“She’ll love it. I mean, it’s not going to fix things between you, but when she sees the effort you’ve gone to, there’s no way that she won’t soften toward you.”
“Fuck, I hope so. I mean, something’s gotta give.”
“This is it,” Hunter nodded. “I mean, you’re looking to the future with her. This screams that you’re trying to make this a home for the two of you. You’re solid.”
I blew out a breath and started cleaning up the remaining tools, shoving them into the shed that I had delivered to the property in the middle of the week. Wh
en I heard the tires on the gravel, I rushed to finish up, and wiped my hands on my jeans and I ran around to the front of the house. Derek and Hunter came up on either side of me, looking just as nervous as I felt.
Derek leaned in closer, “This is gonna work.”
I nodded and took a deep breath. When Florrie stepped out of the truck, I felt like the wind was knocked out of me. She was so fucking beautiful, and I was missing out on all of that. Every day, she was training with Craig and Rocco, away from me, and it was all my doing. I was the one that chose to leave the team. I had put even more distance between us when I should have been clinging to every last shred of time I had with her. God, if I had only realized then what I knew now.
Craig got out and walked up to me, holding out his hand. I glanced at him warily. We didn’t shake hands. Of course, we had always been on the same team and saw each other all the time. Now everything was weird between us. I hesitantly reached out and took his hand. When nothing happened but a handshake, I knew that this was his olive branch, telling me that we would be fine.
“Goddamn, my ass hurts,” Rocco grumbled as he stepped out of the truck. “I swear to God, next time I say I want a break, pull over the truck or I’ll shoot you.”
“You should have gotten out at that last rest area,” Craig smirked.
“I was asleep,” he said slowly. “You should have fucking woken me up.”
“Well, next time you won’t fall asleep, will you?”
Florrie pulled her bag out and headed toward the house, toward me. “Hey,” I said in way of greeting. God, I wanted to hold her.
“Hey. How’s the head?”
“Good,” I choked out with a nod. “Real good. No problems.”
“So, you’re going back to work then?”
“Yeah, on Monday.”
She nodded and kicked at the grass, not really looking at me. I felt Hunter move closer to me.
“Now would be a good idea to break this uncomfortable shit up with your present.”
“Uh, I have a surprise for you,” I said, trying for a grin, but it faltered when she just stared back at me.
“Okay.”
“Uh, it’s around back, if you want to take a look.”
She nodded, tossing her bag down on the ground. She shoved past me and headed around the side of the house.
“That was fucking painful,” Derek groaned. “I think we’re going to have to give you classes on how to talk to a woman.”
“Shut the fuck up.”
“No, he’s right man,” Craig said, following behind us as we walked behind Florrie. “You’re not gonna win her back with Hey as your opening line.”
I ignored them and walked faster to catch up with Florrie. She was staring at the deck, her hand covering her mouth. I could see a glimmer of tears in her eyes, but I had no fucking clue what it meant.
“See?” Derek whispered. “What did I tell you? Fucking magic, right there.”
“This is so awesome,” Rocco said, walking around us to check out the deck. “Totally killer, man. You must have put in some time on this.”
“Well, it’s not like I could go to work.”
“When can I expect you over at my house?” Craig asked, shoving me slightly. “Reese will flip her shit when she sees this.”
I smiled, happy for the praise, but the one person I hadn’t heard was anything from Florrie. She turned to me, shaking her head slightly. “I can’t believe this.”
I smiled, so fucking happy that she liked it.
“Is this supposed to replace what you took from me?”
My smile dropped and my heart sank. I had put a lot of work into this, trying to figure out exactly what she would want so that she could enjoy this. And she fucking hated it.
“It’s not supposed to replace anything,” I finally said after giving myself a moment.
“Then what is this? A consolation prize? An apology? I know I hurt you down to your fucking soul, but here’s a deck?”
“Florrie, I was thinking that it would be nice to sit out here in the summer. You know, hang out with our friends and-”
“Do you think I really give a shit about any of that?” she shouted. “Do you really think that I want to hang out with you? I’m so fucking pissed at you. I can’t even begin to think about grilling out and spending summer nights out here. I’m thinking about getting through the day and how I can stand to be in the same fucking room as you, and you’re thinking about our next barbecue! Are you really that fucking stupid?”
She stomped off into the house and slammed the door. I could feel it reverberate through my entire body. I was never one to take shit from anyone, but this was different. Florrie was in pain and needed an outlet. It was my fault that she was hurting, so it was my responsibility to take that pain for her. I fucking hated it, but for her, I would do anything, give anything just to keep her by my side.
“I fucking told you a deck wasn’t the way to go,” Hunter whispered to Derek.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Florrie
It didn’t take long for Alec to come into the house after I slammed the door. I knew he would come. He couldn’t stay away. But now wasn’t the time to start shit up with me. I was pissed and I had just gotten in from a long drive. Anything that he said to me was bound to piss me off further, and I knew it wouldn’t end well for either of us.
“You should go,” I snapped as I paced the living room.
“Florrie-”
“Don’t. I don’t want your excuses right now.”
He sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. He did that a lot lately, which was so unlike him. Alec wasn’t one to hide. He fought back, but he wasn’t fighting back now. It was like he was giving in to me, or for me.
“I just wanted to do something to make you smile.”
“And you thought a deck would make me smile? You thought, what can I do to make Florrie happy? And a deck is what you came up with?”
“Technically it was Derek’s idea,” he grumbled.
“So, you didn’t even come up with this plan on your own.”
“Look, I didn’t think it would mean much to you, but once we started building it, I started thinking about how nice it would be to spend our nights out here together. I wanted to make something that felt like a home for us. I put a lot of work into that deck to make it nice for you, because I wanted to do something to make you happy. I get that it’s not what you want, but…but I can’t give you what you want.”
“So you gave me a porch? I mean, seriously, Alec. Think about this. My kid gets taken away from me because of you, and you think building me a deck is going to make it all better?”
“It wasn’t supposed to make it all better,” he shouted. He ran his fingers through his inky hair and took a deep breath, calming himself down. “I just wanted to do something, feel useful in some way. I wanted to…give you some part of me.”
He just didn’t get it. There was nothing he could do or give me right now that would make this better.
“What do you want from me, Alec?”
He slid up against me and wrapped his arms around me. “I want you to give me some part of you, any part of you that you can. Just give me something to tell me that this isn’t over between us.”
“I can’t,” I said, shoving at his chest. Tears clogged my throat and my chest ached with need. There was so much I needed from him, but couldn’t ask him for. My heart wouldn’t let me take what I needed, and my head wasn’t on board with any kind of forgiveness yet. “You tore away something inside me, and I can’t just patch it back up. He’s gone,” I choked out. “I haven’t spoken to him since he left that day. I don’t know how he is. I don’t know if he’s happy or scared. The only thing I know is that he was relying on me and I let him down.”
Alec’s arms wrapped tighter around me, pulling me right up against him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, taking what comfort I could at the moment. I felt Alec’s body shaking against mine, not from tears, but vibrating wi
th anger. I knew he was pissed at himself, and I knew why. He was torn between what he thought was right and wanting to make me happy. There was no winning and that’s why this would never work between us. Because in the end, he would still go back and make those same decisions.
I felt his lips at my temple, trailing down my cheeks. He pressed soft kisses across my nose and down my jaw. It wasn’t sexual. His kisses were comforting, but he was doing it for him, because he knew this moment between us wouldn’t last. And I let him have it, because it was all I could give him right now. When the moment was over, I would go my own way and he would go his. Neither of us knew how to repair the damage that had been done, and the longer that I was away from him, the more I began to think that there was no way to fix us.
“Please, Nightingale. Stop fighting me.”
I let my eyes slip closed and gave myself over to him. Right now I couldn’t fight him. I just wanted his warmth and his comfort. I wanted to feel his strong arms around me, pulling me into him and making everything better. When his lips slipped over mine, I opened for him, letting him in. His hands caressed my body, making me feel his love, his desire. He was all mine and always would be.
“You have to forgive me,” he whispered. “Tell me you can forgive me.”
It was like a bucket of ice water washed over me. I pressed my fingertips over his lips and shook my head. “Not yet. I can’t.”
“Then when?” he asked as I started to pull away. “How long are you going to punish me?”
I took a few steps back, shaking my head slightly. “Until I feel like I can trust you again.”
✯✯✯✯✯
I barged into Cap’s office, supremely pissed off. Over the past month, my sadness and anger had morphed into pure, unadulterated anger. Everything pissed me off. I hated going home. I hated seeing Alec around the house, looking at me with those sad eyes, like he had any right to feel sad about anything. Hell, I even hated speaking his name. And then something would happen. He would crack just a small part of me wide open, and for just a few minutes or a few hours, I would feel something other than the anger. But it never lasted. I came out of it every time feeling a hundred times more angry than I had already been. I couldn’t help it. Every time that Alec slipped past my defenses, it took days for me to feel like I could control myself again. The anger was all I had right now. If I didn’t have those walls up anymore, Alec would slip past them and work his way through my anger, and then what would I have left?
Nightingale: A Reed Security Romance Page 24