Shadowboxer: Tapped Out Book 1

by Quinn, Cari

  Then I was getting the hell out of Dodge.

  Footsteps thudding on the cracked tiles made me stiffen. I started to turn, but I was too slow.

  Fox caged me against the counter with a hand on either side of my hips and spoke close to my ear. “Pick a fight with me, and I’ll tell her what we did tonight. In graphic detail.”

  I whirled around, my mouth dropping open in sheer outrage. “She’s a minor, you sick bastard.”

  He laughed. “I bet she’s done way worse.”

  “Damn you, take that back.” My hand came up toward his face before I realized what I was doing.

  Fox had the quickest reflexes of anyone I knew who wasn’t me. He stopped me cold an inch from his stubbled cheek. “Cool it, hothead. You need to get some rest.” He sniffed the air and glanced at the stove. His too-pretty-to-be-real eyes crinkled at the corners. “And maybe have a snack?”

  I didn’t want to laugh, but the hope in his question was too adorable to resist. Damn, my emotions were all over the place tonight. “You’re not having a snack. Go home.”

  “The brownies are almost done,” Carly declared from a few feet away. “If you guys can stop bitching at each other long enough to eat.”

  He inched closer to me and sniffed my hair instead of the brownies. “Mmm, I’d like to eat you. You smell like a grape jelly donut.”

  My face heated as I looked at my sister. “Fox was just leaving.”

  Her brows drew together. “Fox? I thought his name was Tray?” Then she tucked her hands in the pockets of her bathrobe and giggled. “Though he so is.”

  “See? Told you.” I snapped the band of his boxers against his drum tight abs and grinned.

  In retrospect, that was probably a bit too intimate of a gesture for someone who was profoundly not his girlfriend. Oops.

  Carly’s lips parted. “Whoa. Whoa.”

  For his part, Fox didn’t look too concerned. He stepped back and fumbled on the dinky kitchen table for something. Then he approached me while pulling the cap off a marker with his teeth.

  So not hot at all. Barely even lukewarm.

  Before I could protest, he grabbed my wrist and pushed up his jacket to bare my inner arm. He wrote down his number and then, as I gawked, added a very prominent heart. With an arrow through it.

  He handed me the marker. “I’ll see you later.”

  “I—why—I’m not—”

  He leaned down and kissed me, shutting my mouth with his in a very effective manner. My only complaint this time? That he stepped back way too soon.

  Even after he said his goodbyes to Carly and left, I couldn’t stop staring at my arm in a dazed, dumbfounded way. Had all that really just happened?

  “That’s his coat, isn’t it?” Carly walked over to me and poked at the leather bunched over my shoulders like it was still alive. “Looks expensive.”

  “I’m sure it was,” I said vaguely, still fixated on my arm.

  What was I supposed to do with his number? He couldn’t think I would actually call him to chat. Maybe he thought I’d dial him up for a booty call?

  Absolutely not.

  Well…maybe. It depended how fast I could get my hands on one of those sex toys. I wondered if Kizzy might be up yet. She was a morning riser.

  I smothered a groan. I’d officially lost my mind.

  “You’re completely obvious. I knew you two were together the instant you came through the door. He had that look in his eye,” Carly continued, evidently unaware of my mental hysterics. “Like you were his.”

  I snapped my attention back to Carly as I replayed Fox’s earlier statements in my head.

  Mia.

  Mine.

  I’d ignored the growl in his voice when he uttered those words in the alley outside the bar. People said all sorts of things when they came. One guy had called me “Mother Maria” while I’d been sucking him off. It didn’t mean anything.

  I wouldn’t let it.

  “It’s not like that, Car.” I turned to check on the brownies.

  “How dumb do you think I am? I can tell you guys were together tonight.” She slapped her hand next to mine on the controls on the stove. I hadn’t managed to turn the dial yet. “Sex together.”

  “What do you know about it?”

  “Nothing yet. I’m hoping you’ll fill me in.” She waggled her brows and crossed her arms over her gaping robe.

  Cripes, had she flashed boob at Fox? Unlike her older sister, Carly actually had breasts. Nice ones I would’ve been jealous of had I not thought tits were basically a pain in the ass.

  “So? Spill it. Is he amazing? He has to be amazing with a body like that. Even his hips swivel just right when he walks. I bet he fucks like a stallion.”

  What the what? Was that really my baby sister talking that way?

  “Your brownies are done. Probably the biscuits too.” I pressed a hand to my temple. It throbbed like a bitch all of a sudden. I needed ibuprofen, and I needed my bed. “You’ll still be here in a couple of hours?”

  “Yeah. I’ll be here for a while.” She laid a hand on my cheek. “You feel hot. Are you okay?”

  Tears from the unexpected comfort of having her with me again swam into my eyes. I ruthlessly battled them back. No more tears today. “I’m fine.” I pulled her close. “I love you.”

  “I love you to the moon and back,” she responded as she always did, reminding me so much of our mother. Right then, the memory was reassuring, not painful.

  The pain would return. It always did. Now I’d settle for comfortably numb. Or even better, comfortably unconscious.

  “Go get some sleep.” Carly gave me a light shove.

  I nodded and obeyed her, too tired to do anything else. My bed was calling me like a lover. A loud and lusty one.

  I had just made it to my bedroom when I heard her voice again.

  “Fox must’ve worn you right out,” she called before I shut the door behind me.

  “Jesus.” I turned and dropped my forehead to the cool wood.

  What had happened to my baby sister?

  What had happened to me?

  Seventeen

  Work sucked.

  I probably wasn’t the first person to think of quitting within a few hours of starting a new job, but then again, I also enjoyed getting pounded on a regular basis. So I didn’t have the most typical reactions.

  In theory, it wasn’t a bad job. There was some unloading of shipments, some tabulating of inventory. Some dispensing of alcohol. Some listening to drunk fuckers try to hit on my fellow bartenders and laughing as they struck out.

  Some watching Mia work with my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth and my dick as hard as a brick in my pants. Yet again.

  In that, my responses were painfully normal.

  From the way she was acting toward me, no one would’ve ever guessed we’d had sex the night before. Very good sex. Or that I’d made her come multiple times in my damn tub. I was no expert, but I was pretty sure Mia didn’t stack up multiples on a weekly basis, not from the way she’d reacted. She’d come like a person who hadn’t in a very long time. Explosively.

  I’d never forget her wild spasms around my fingers, her hot slickness coating them. Even now, I had to curl my hand into a fist to try to dispel the memories.

  Today she was ignoring me like we were strangers, despite the faint imprint of my phone number still visible on her inner arm. Her reddened inner arm. I bet she’d scrubbed herself raw trying to get it off.

  Even that didn’t improve my mood. I was too pissed.

  She didn’t want a boyfriend. I got that. I’d never been one to search desperately for love myself, so I could handle her hands off routine. As long as we weren’t really hands off. As long as she didn’t think she was going to walk out of there without spending the night with me when I knew she was fighting some big ass brawler chick tomorrow.

  But she tried. Oh, she fucking tried.

  I finished work a couple of hours before she did. I wisely waite
d around the corner from Vinnie’s, certain she’d bypass the front door in hopes of avoiding me. I just hadn’t counted on her taking the back exit instead of the side. The only reason I saw her at all was because she caught a light at the corner, and she had her bright green, practically glow-in-the-dark backpack thrown over her shoulder.

  I’d never been ditched before. I couldn’t say I enjoyed the feeling.

  Jogging up the block, I hung back until just before the light changed. She’d begun to walk when I grabbed her elbow. “Well, hello. Nice to see you again. Lovely evening, isn’t it?”

  She didn’t even brace. Nope, her first reaction was a long-suffering sigh. “My sister is at my place, Fox. You can’t come over.”

  “Because at, what, seventeen, eighteen years old she doesn’t know what sex is, right? That’s what you want me to believe?”

  “It’s not appropriate for her to see a guy hanging around. I don’t want her to get the wrong idea.”

  I waited until we’d cleared the crosswalk before I snatched hold of her hip and pressed my mouth to the cool line of her jaw. “Like I fucked you against the alley wall last night? That when you were in my tub, you came over and over again while my fingers pumped deep inside of you?”

  When she made a noise in her throat, I nipped her neck. I hoped she was aching half as much as I was.

  “Is that what you mean?” I pressed.

  “About that.” She picked up her pace, walking so fast that her icy breath chugged out like a warning signal.

  I didn’t need one. I already knew I wouldn’t like what she had to say. “Yeah?”

  “We won’t be doing that again.”

  My shoulders hunched and I gathered my fingers into loose fists more from habit than true anger. She was just scared. Just nervous about what was happening between us. I got that. I hadn’t expected this either. But I wasn’t running away, and I wasn’t acting like a jerk.

  Yet. I reserved the right to start at any time.

  She had issues, ones deeper and darker than I could probably even guess. She’d almost had a breakdown at her sister’s arrival last night, so obviously, she had stuff going on. I wasn’t trying to add additional problems to her life.

  Strike that. Apparently, I was, since my wanting to spend time with her was a personal affront.

  Yeah, well, I had a succinct response to that.

  “You know what, Mia? Fuck you.” I roared it at the sky. “Just fuck you.”

  She didn’t even slow down in her hurried flight up the street. She was walking so fast her thin sneakers barely touched the cold sidewalk. I bet her toes had frozen together.

  I didn’t care. Not even a little.

  Rather than chase after her, I stopped and turned around. We’d already run this scene before. I wasn’t easily deterred, but I also wasn’t so desperate that I’d let her continue to mop up the ring with my face.

  Fine. If she really didn’t give a shit about me, I’d go home and beat off or beat myself into unconsciousness with my weight bag. I’d blare Oblivion’s new CD and zone out. Maybe I’d drink myself to sleep. One way or another, I would get myself to a place where I didn’t care about Mia or Ame or whoever the hell she was.

  Then she called my name.

  “Tray.”

  And like a goddamn sucker—or a guy with a brick in his pants—I turned around.

  We stared at each other across the distance of a few feet. Flyaway strands of her hair clung in icy chunks to her cheeks. She kept rubbing her bare fingers together, probably to generate warmth. Naturally, she hadn’t zipped up my coat. But she was still wearing it.

  She was still all wrapped up in me, whether she wanted to be or not.

  I tucked my chapped hands in the pockets of my hoodie and waited. If she didn’t say something damn impressive, I was out of there. Even masochists had limits.

  “You really think I can invite you over when my sister’s there?”

  That was not what I meant by impressive.

  I started walking back toward Vinnie’s. She could sing my name to the tune of the “Star Spangled Banner”, and I wasn’t turning toward her again.

  So what did she do?

  She called me. Fucking called me. With the number I’d given her.

  I could’ve ignored it. If I had, my sanity probably would’ve had a better chance at remaining intact. But where was the fun in that?

  Without saying hello, I lifted my phone to my ear. And waited.

  “Tray, don’t be stubborn.”

  “You’re wasting my minutes.”

  She snorted, obviously not the least bit concerned about appearing ladylike. Hell if I didn’t admire her for that. I admired her for too much, including not giving in to me. It probably made me seem like a world-class dickhead—I probably was one—but I couldn’t remember a woman ever turning me down before. Even in jest.

  “Sure thing, richie rich. Don’t want to screw up your budget plan.”

  “No, you’d rather screw with my head. You want me. You don’t want me. You know what? Maybe you’re not worth the trouble.”

  I knew it was the wrong thing to say the instant the words were out. But I couldn’t take them back.

  She sucked in a sharp breath. Then the phone clicked off.

  I rubbed my eyes and cursed. The wound I’d just given her wouldn’t leave a mark, but it would scar just the same.

  Goddammit.

  Without thinking twice, I charged after her. Panic clogged my throat when she didn’t appear in the swarm of people still roaming the block even at this late hour, but then I caught sight of her coat.

  My coat.

  Mine.

  Goddammit.

  I wanted her to be mine, and that was the whole problem. Me, the guy who’d never cared about any of that stuff before, who just waited for chicks to fall into my lap before I pushed them back out again, now wanted the one thing I couldn’t have.

  Shutting my eyes for a second, I blocked it all out. None of that was important at the moment. I had to convince her I hadn’t meant what I’d said. She was worth the trouble.

  She was worth the world.

  I opened my eyes again and retraced her steps, finally catching up with her when she was almost to her building. She moved fast, and too many people still wandered around even at this late hour.

  Gotta love New York.

  She turned to go up her walk and then she stopped, momentarily going still. She picked up her pace, obviously hoping to shake me off.

  And like the puppy—or another double consonant word that rhymed with wussy—I’d become, I followed her into her building.

  Outside her door, she bowed her head, her body drooping from obvious exhaustion. The last of my anger drained away as if it had never existed.

  Succumbing to instinct, I cupped her shoulders and pressed a kiss to the back of her neck. She’d braided her hair again and tossed the tail over one shoulder. I brushed my lips over that patch of bare skin above her jacket collar while I searched for the words to make this right.

  “I didn’t mean what I said. I’m sorry.” I shut my eyes. “You’re worth everything. Let me show you, Mia.” My voice was deep and husky, the plea it held clear. I couldn’t even pretend not to care anymore.

  She had me against the mat, both shoulders down. I was tapping out.

  “You know we shouldn’t do this.” Her voice sagged, breaking at the end.

  “I know.”

  She blew out a long breath. “Then why are you here?”

  My fingers tightened around her shoulders. For as long as I could hold on, I would. “Because I can’t stay away.”

  Again, she made that soft hum in her throat, the one that made me want to burrow into her and never leave. Then she fitted her key into the lock and pushed open the door to madness.

  Music played from the old-fashioned boom box on the coffee table, though maybe music was an optimistic label for the sounds erupting from the speakers. Carly and Kizzy sat on either side of the tabl
e, about two inches from the noise, a circle of playing cards fanned out between them.

  Kizzy grabbed her beer. “Hit me, bitch.”

  Carly dealt cards with a flick of her wrist. Then she lifted a matching beer to her lips, only to have it plucked out of her hand by Mia before it made contact with her mouth.

  “Hey,” she protested as Mia marched it over to the sink. “That’s almost full.”

  “Not anymore it’s not.” Mia poured the beer down the drain. “You are not permitted to drink until you turn twenty-one. Do you understand me, Carly Ann?”

  Carly rolled her eyes and took a quick drink of Kizzy’s beer while Mia’s back was turned. “Yes, Mom.”

  Mia stiffened before her head dropped between her shoulders again. That was twice in five minutes I’d seen her in that pose and I didn’t like it. She wasn’t the type to let fatigue slow her down. And she was fighting someone twice her size tomorrow?

  Jesus.

  I’d taken a step toward her when she whirled around and threw back her shoulders. She walked over and turned off the music, then propped a hand on her hip.

  “I’m not your mother, but you will respect me while you’re under my roof. If you can’t do that, then maybe we need to rethink the plan for our living arrangements.”

  Carly frowned and lowered her gaze. “I respect you. I’m sorry.”

  “Damn.” Kizzy shook her head. “Can you be my mommy too? I wasn’t even that well-behaved in kindergarten.”

  Mia cut Kizzy a sharp look, then did a doubletake. Guess she hadn’t noticed her before, though how anyone could miss that room-dominating, wild-haired blond I’d never know. Mia’s gaze shot to me and back again as she lifted to her thumb to her mouth. Must be gnawing on her nail again. “What are you doing here?”

  “Hanging with your sis. She’s a fun chick.” Kizzy leaned forward to clink bottles then paused with hers in the air. “Jeez, Car, get a chocolate milk or something so we can toast proper.”

  Carly scrambled to her feet as Kizzy dug a hair tie out of her suitcase-sized purse. She got approximately half her hair in the ponytail then gave up and started drinking again.