by T. K. Leigh
He continued soothing her sobs, wrapping his arms around her small frame. “You don’t mean that,” he said, kissing the top of her head. “I know sometimes our feelings can be a little overwhelming, but that’s what makes us human. You don’t want to shut that off, Libby. Now, let’s get you back to bed so you can try to forget all about whatever’s upsetting you, even if for just a minute.”
Cam helped her off the couch and brought her back to the bedroom, pulling her to his body, gently comforting the last of the tears away. He sighed as he heard her breathing become even, indicating that she had finally found sleep.
Over the course of the night, he held her tightly, comforting her screams and cries when she woke up. He was terrified for her having to deal with those dreams nearly every night. He wondered if what she told him was true. Could simply reliving the night of her parents’ deaths really be causing all this pain? Or was it something else? Was it someone else? As he listened to her breathing, he heard her start mumbling the name Alexander over and over again.
Cam knew he had his answer.
CHAPTER TWELVE
BROKEN
THE FOLLOWING MORNING, ALEXANDER woke up early, nursing a hangover, and checked in with Martin. He was somewhat evasive when responding to Alexander’s questions so he decided it was time to see for himself where Olivia lived. He grabbed the Mercedes and set out for a short drive to the north side of the island. The sun had begun to rise through some rather ominous-looking clouds over the horizon, and he wondered whether Olivia was up and feeling as miserable as he was.
He watched large condo towers turn into smaller stilt houses as he made his way north. Turning onto Ocean Avenue, he drove a few short blocks before finding the house that he was searching for. He nodded to Martin, indicating that it was okay for him to go. Looking over the two-story beach cottage, he saw Olivia’s Audi parked in the driveway, but there was another car, too. It was the Lexus from the night before.
Alexander pulled on the side of the sandy road between Olivia’s house and the sand dunes, punching the steering wheel, anger overwhelming his entire being. How could she move on so quickly? He became sick at the thought of someone else kissing her, touching her, making her feel good. He wanted to do that. It was his job. But, no. She pushed him away and now here he was, ready to beg for her to come back.
Putting his car in park, he watched as surfers rode some large waves into the shore, the sun trying to peek out behind black storm clouds lighting the entire beach in an orange hue that made Alexander want to see red. He felt as if his entire world had been ripped apart. His heart ached thinking about another man lying in the same bed as Olivia…not caring that he hadn’t remained faithful.
He heard a door open and close. The only other sounds were the ocean waves and the distant rumble of thunder. Watching a tall, lean man walk out of Olivia’s house, he had to control his desire to walk up and punch him for no reason other than that he was fucking the love of his life. At least, that's what Alexander assumed.
He observed Olivia’s overnight guest appear to be somewhat disheveled as he made his way from her front deck to his Lexus. It was readily apparent that he was upset about something. Then Alexander noticed the front door open and Olivia ran out.
“Cam, wait!” she shouted. “I’m sorry. I just…I just don’t do this thing very well.”
The fucker’s name is Cam, Alexander said to himself as he crouched down in his rental car, listening to their conversation, thankful that he was close enough to overhear it above the crashing waves and wind.
“Don’t do what, Libby?” Alexander heard Cam cry out. Her name is Olivia, fucker! It took all of his willpower to not run up to her at that moment and sweep her into his arms. She looked miserable.
“Because there is something going on with you, and I don’t know what the fuck to think!” Cam exclaimed and Alexander could hear the exasperation in his voice. He had sounded that way with Olivia on countless occasions himself. “Didn’t you enjoy last night?”
Red! Red! Red! All Alexander could see was red. The thought of someone else being inside of her made him wild with anger. Alexander looked at her, noticing a touch of hesitation as she gently caressed Cam's cheek.
Sighing deeply, she responded. “Of course I did. I just needed to feel something again, Cam. But I don’t know how to do the relationship thing very well. So, please, let’s just start over, okay? I’m sorry if I sounded so cold before. I was wrong. Please.”
“Damn it, Libby! All I did was ask if I could see you tonight and you flipped out, asking why I would ever want to spend time with you! Why are you doing this? You’re pushing me away. Don’t do that. Please. Just…” Cam dropped his voice to an almost whisper. “Just let me in. I beg you.” He brought his thumb up to Olivia’s cheek, wiping a tear that had begun to fall.
“I don’t think I can. I already gave my heart away once and, the thing is, I never really got it back. Not all of it, anyway. I’m broken and I don’t think I’ll ever really be able to let you in. Not all the way.”
Cam pulled Olivia into his arms, gently kissing the top of her head, trying to soothe her sobs. “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I’ll take whatever it is you can give me. If you can’t give me all your heart, you don’t have to. Just give me something. I just want to be able to spend more time with you. Okay?”
Olivia pulled out of his embrace and looked into his gentle silver eyes moist with emotion. She slowly nodded. “I guess I don’t understand why you want to spend time with me so badly, knowing that I can’t give you what you probably want.”
He leaned down and kissed her forehead. “I don’t care about that, Libby. Maybe today you can’t give me what I want. And maybe not next week or even next month. But maybe, just maybe, you’ll wake up one day and finally see what’s right in front of you.” He brushed her lips with his, kissing her gently. “And knowing that you may open your heart to me eventually is good enough for me. You deserve to be with someone who makes you happy, someone who won't hurt you.” Clutching her hands in his, he took a deep breath. “I don’t know what it is about you, Libby, but I can’t stay away from you. Please. Don’t push me away.”
She searched his eyes for the answer she needed.
“Don’t say anything right now. I’m going to go to work. Let’s forget about tonight. Take some time to yourself, and I’ll see you tomorrow morning like old times. Surfing. Then you can tell me what you think you want. Okay?”
Alexander watched with bated breath as Olivia pulled her bottom lip into her teeth, contemplating Cam's words. Tell him to fuck off!
“Okay. I can do that.” Olivia looked down at her feet, something that made Alexander’s heart race. She always did that. Then she looked out at the horizon before settling her eyes on the Mercedes parked where the SUV was the night before.
“Are you okay, Libby?” Cam asked after seeing her intake a quick breath as if something caught her off-guard. He turned his head to follow Olivia’s gaze and noticed a nice red Mercedes convertible sitting on the road, the driver clearly interested in looking at the storm bringing crashing waves to the shore.
“Yes. I’m fine,” she responded. Cam looked at her with a questioning look as she straightened her back, keeping herself turned in the direction of the Mercedes.
“Okay, beautiful.” He grabbed Olivia’s hand and planted delicate kisses on her knuckles. “I’ll be thinking about you all day.”
She blushed, returning his gaze.
“Until tomorrow, angel,” he said, his voice husky as he pulled Olivia into a tight embrace, kissing her deeply on the mouth.
She half-heartedly returned the kiss and Alexander could feel her lack of enthusiasm. Good, he thought to himself.
Cam pulled out of the kiss, noticing Olivia’s hesitation. Sighing, he walked down the front steps of her deck and retreated into his car.
Olivia stood frozen in place, watching the ocean waves, unsure of what to do next, knowing Alexander had seen
their entire exchange.
Once the Lexus pulled down the road, Alexander jumped out of his Mercedes. Olivia immediately turned to head back into her house, desperately wanting to forget that he was even there. She needed to forget about him, which was becoming difficult since he had shown up on her little island.
“Olivia, love!” Alexander shouted, leaping up the stairs and onto her front deck, grabbing her arm. Shivers ran up and down her spine from the contact. He spun her around, making her face him. “Please. I beg you. I just want to talk,” he said quietly, his eyes pleading with her as thunder sounded in the distance.
Crossing her arms, she gazed into his deep green eyes that held so much pain. She knew she had caused that pain, but she couldn’t be with him. Those five little words still replayed in her memory each and every day. They haunted her dreams at night. It will destroy me, too.
“Please, Olivia. I don’t know who I am without you…” Alexander said quietly, taking a step closer and lightly caressing her bare arm. He leaned down. “I know you can still feel it,” he whispered, his breath hot against her neck. “I feel it, too. Don’t deny your body…or your heart.” A large rain drop fell on the deck followed by several more.
His words broke Olivia apart. “No, Alexander. I’m not doing this. I told you why I left. I’ll only hurt you. So, please, forget about me. I beg you.” She whipped around quickly, frantically seeking the comfort of the four walls of her beach house.
“Just answer me one question, Olivia,” Alexander said loudly over the rain that had begun to drench them both. His tone gave her pause. She slowly turned around to face him.
Taking a step toward her, he gently brushed her damp hair back, caressing the scar on her forehead. “Does he make you come the way I do?” he asked, his voice husky with desire for the woman standing in front of him.
Olivia’s head shot up.
“Does he know how to make your body react with just a simple touch?” He ran his fingers down her arm, making her entire body want to melt into his. “Does he drive you wild when he’s inside you?” Placing his hand on the small of her back, he pulled her against him. Lightening coursed through her soul from feeling Alexander’s body flush with hers again. He leaned down, his lips feathering soft kisses along her neck. “Is he strong enough to be with you? Does he make you feel whole?”
Olivia scrambled to get out of his embrace, needing to distance herself from him. She looked down at her feet, not wanting to look into the same green eyes that found her in her dreams each and every night.
“Olivia, look at me.”
She raised her head quickly, her body betraying her by so eagerly obeying Alexander’s demand.
“Do you really want to live life without me in it?!” he cried out.
Olivia’s chin trembled as she thought about what life without Alexander had been like. She hated every second of it, but she couldn’t be with him. It would only end badly for all involved. “I can’t, Alexander,” she quivered. “I wish I could, but I just can’t.”
“Why, Olivia? Please. Tell me why and I’ll leave you alone. Why him and not me?”
She stared into his eyes as they fought back tears. “You want to know why?” she spat out. “Because I’ll never love him. I can walk away from Cam anytime because I don’t feel anything for him. And I just don’t want to feel, Alexander. I’m done feeling. It hurts too much. My entire life, everyone I’ve ever cared about has been ripped from my world. You said it yourself. I’ll just destroy you, too. So, please, go home. Find someone else and forget that I ever walked into your life that night back in August. Please. I beg you. I’ll never be able to get over my past.” Olivia brought her hand up to wipe at the tears that were flowing down her cheeks.
“That’s not your decision to make, love.”
She melted at his term of endearment. Alexander placed his hand on the small of her back again, pulling her body toward his. She gasped at his erection pressed against her stomach. “I want you to feel, Olivia,” he whispered. “I want to you to feel me. Don’t deny your body what it needs.” He leaned down, planting gentle kisses on her neck. “I’ve missed the smell and feel of your skin, love.”
She stilled, not wanting to get pulled back into his web. “Do. Not. Call. Me. That.” She pushed against him, ridding herself of his embrace and heading toward her front door.
“Please, Olivia…” Alexander begged.
“I’ve kept my end of the bargain, Alex,” she hissed, spinning around, her eyes blazing. “I told you why him. So leave.” She lowered her voice. “Please, Alex. You need to forget about me.” He was so close and Olivia could feel her resolve starting to melt. She secretly wanted to jump on him, kiss him deeply, and feel him inside of her. But she couldn’t do that. She needed to forget about him. The attraction scared her to death and she knew that she would only end up shattered in the end. She knew she couldn’t deal with that pain.
He pulled back, looking at her. “Tell me you don’t want me in your life and I’ll go. I want to hear you say the words, Olivia. Tell me you don’t care about me. That you’ve moved on. That you’re happy. Say the words, and I’ll leave right now and forget all about you.” A tear fell down his cheek as a lump formed in his throat from the thought of losing his Olivia once more. “Say the words, love, and you’ll never have to see my face again.”
Olivia stood staring at him while rain pummeled the coast, causing her to shake from the dampness and cold air. “I’m happy, okay?!” she shouted. “I’m so fucking happy without you in my life!” She spun around, trying to get away from him. Olivia had no idea what had come over her. She didn’t mean those words, but she said them anyway.
As a last desperate act, Alexander grabbed her, pulled her body into his, and crushed his mouth against hers. His hands roamed her body. She tried to push him away, but his strength was too much. The feeling of his tongue exploring her mouth and his hands caressing her body sent tremors through her entire being. She melted into the kiss as he dipped his hand into her shorts. “You can’t possibly tell me you don’t feel this, Olivia,” he growled, inserting two fingers inside her. “Your body betrays your words. I don’t believe a fucking word you say.” He covered her mouth with his before she could even protest.
He forced her against the door, reaching for the handle with his spare hand as he continued his relentless assault against her.
She didn’t know what to think. She needed Alexander out of her life, but her body was on fire from his mouth pressed against hers, his tongue and fingers invading her. She couldn’t help but to kiss him back, running her fingers through his hair and pressing her body against his even more. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get close enough to him.
Alexander dragged her inside, pushing her up against the wall as he closed the door.
“Alex,” she whimpered.
“Tell me you don’t want this, Olivia. I need to hear you say the fucking words.” He continued thrusting his fingers inside of her. He lowered her shorts before quickly unbuttoning his own, sliding them down. He positioned himself at her wet entrance, panting from the proximity. “Tell me, Olivia,” he growled, waiting for her to respond. “Say you don’t want me.”
Olivia couldn’t form any thoughts, the feeling of his arousal on her clit overwhelming. Staring into his intense green eyes, her mouth refused to form the words that weren’t true.
“God damn it, Olivia.” He slammed into her, causing her to throw her head back in ecstasy. “Tell me Cam makes you feel like this when he’s fucking you. Tell me he drives you crazy like I do.” He continued thrusting into her, savoring the feeling of being inside her. It felt right. It felt like home.
“Lift me up, Alex,” Olivia breathed out. “I need to feel you closer,” she begged.
Alexander did as she asked and lifted her up, steadying her as she wrapped her long legs around his waist.
“Is that better?”
“God, yes,” she responded. “Faster, Alex. I need to feel you.
” She began thrusting against him, savoring the closeness that she had been missing ever since she ran. He matched her tempo. Something about Alexander being back inside her made everything seem alright again. She was climbing higher and higher toward her peak, and she could see the edge in sight. But, unlike so many other times, she didn’t know if Alexander would always be there to catch her. She didn’t know if she wanted him to catch her anymore.
Olivia’s breathing became heavy and Alexander felt a familiar clenching around him. He continued driving into her, wanting to come with her. As she screamed out his name, he let go. “Tell me every time that Cam fucks you he makes you come like that!” He thrust one last time, emptying himself inside of her as she convulsed around him. He kept her pinned to the wall for several long moments as he tried to regulate his breathing.
After she finally came down from her earth-shattering orgasm, Olivia opened her eyes and stared into Alexander’s haunting green ones…the same green eyes that she kept seeing in her dreams. Those eyes that told her she would only destroy him, too.
She desperately needed to clear her head. What the fuck just happened? She couldn’t let Alexander back in. She pushed against him, ridding herself of his grasp, tears flowing. With shaky hands, the aftershocks of her orgasm still ravaging her body, she raised her shorts and stormed upstairs, embarrassed about what had just happened.
“Olivia!” Alexander shouted, his chest heaving as he raised his shorts. “Answer me! Does Cam make you feel as good as I do? Do not run away from me!”
She turned around, bolting back downstairs, and slapped his face hard. “You want a fucking answer?!” she roared. “YES! He makes me come better than that every fucking time! His dick fills me up like I’ve never been filled before! Now get the fuck out of my house!” Tears streamed down her face as she fell to the ground, unable to muster the strength to stand anymore. “Please,” she whimpered. “Leave me alone.”