by T. K. Leigh
Alexander looked down, knowing that it was his fault the girl in front of him appeared so broken. He thought about telling her everything, but he just couldn’t. He couldn’t form the words that she probably needed to hear. So, instead, he remained silent as he took in her shaking form.
“Please. Move on. I beg you. Forget you ever met me. I need you to do that,” she pleaded quietly. “I can’t survive if you don’t.”
“Olivia,” Alexander whispered, his voice soft. “Is that really what you want?”
She looked up at him, the hurt in her eyes overwhelming. “Yes,” she answered, lying through her teeth.
Alexander’s heart sank, not really believing her but deciding to respect her wishes. He had no fight left in him. “Okay. I’ll go then.” He took a few steps toward the front door and opened it. “I’ll be sure to have your credit card reported as stolen so that no one else can track you.”
He turned and walked out of her house, hearing loud crying wails as he made his way down the front steps and into his rain-soaked car, angry at himself for causing her such pain. He thought about going back, but knew it would only make matters worse.
He grabbed his cell phone and dialed a number. “Martin, Burnham here. Prepare the jet. We’re leaving immediately.” He threw his phone on the seat, not caring about the torrential downpour covering him with water as he drove through the streets of Amelia Island for the last time.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION
OLIVIA STAYED CURLED UP on the hardwood floor of her beach house for most of the day, bawling her eyes out, certain that her loud wails overpowered the steady rain that pounded the shore that cold, dismal Monday in November. Her entire body hurt from lying on the hard floor, but it was a pain she welcomed with open arms. It helped dull the ache in her chest. She could still feel his hands on her, she could still smell his scent covering her body, and she could still feel the overwhelming sensation of pure ecstasy from him being inside her.
Screaming, she shot up, desperate to wash every trace of Alexander off her. She gazed out the large windows to see that night had fallen. Out on the horizon, lightening streaked through the sky, highlighting palm trees swaying steadily back and forth in the strong winds. The weather fit her mood perfectly. Dismal.
Running up the stairs to her bedroom, she nearly tripped over Nepenthe as she stripped out of her clothes, eager to burn them. They still smelled like him, too. She turned on her shower to the highest setting possible and, over the next twenty minutes, tried to scorch Alexander off her body, scrubbing frantically at every inch of herself.
After finishing her shower, she quickly got dressed, tossing her clothes into the garbage. She crawled into bed, wanting to forget the day. Sleep avoided her most of the night, Alexander’s green eyes appearing every time she closed hers.
As she watched the sun begin to rise on the horizon, she screamed, desperate to find some relief from the pain that she felt. Then she remembered that Cam would be there to go surfing soon. A sudden feeling of relief washed over her. That was her answer. Cam. He could take the pain away, just like he had done the past few days.
She jumped out of bed and ran downstairs to make a cup of coffee, hoping that Cam hadn’t already been there. Grabbing her now filled coffee mug, she ran to the front door, searching for his Jeep. She breathed a sigh of relief when it wasn’t parked out front. As she sat down, taking in the waves that the storm from the previous day had left in its wake, she heard the familiar rumble of his Wrangler driving along the sandy road.
She smiled weakly, thankful there was someone in her life that could help her forget Alexander, even if for just a little while.
“Morning, beautiful,” Cam called out, hopping out of his Jeep and walking the short distance toward where Olivia sat on her deck. He took in her disheveled appearance. Something looked off. Her eyes were swollen and puffy, and it looked like she hadn’t slept. “You okay?” he asked, a concerned look on his face.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just didn’t sleep last night.”
“Anything I can do to help?” he asked.
She wanted to tell him all about Alexander unexpectedly showing up, but she just couldn’t. She wanted to tell him that she fell apart when Alexander pressed his body against her, making her feel things that she had pushed away those last few months, but the words never came. Instead, she simply smiled. “No. I’ll get over it.”
He leaned down and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead. “I’m going to go catch some waves. See you in a little bit?”
Olivia nodded as she watched him run away toward the shoreline, wondering if she could really replace Alexander with Cam. She had to. It wasn’t an option. She made it quite clear to Alexander that she felt nothing for him. It wasn’t the truth, but it had to be done.
“Penny for your thoughts?” a voice said several minutes later.
She turned and smiled at Cam. “What are you doing back so soon?” she asked, taking in his naked chest as he stood in front of her with his wetsuit unzipped and hanging off his hips, that delicious little V showing. Her heart raced as she thought of Sunday night and his rather talented tongue. For a brief moment, she forgot all about Alexander and the heartache she felt from pushing him away. Again.
“I missed you. Why surf when I can spend time with a beautiful woman?”
Olivia blushed as Cam sat down in the wicker chair next to her, staring her deep in the eyes. “Have you given any thought to what we talked about yesterday, doll face?”
She exhaled loudly, placing her coffee mug on the small lounge table in front of her. In fact, she hadn’t really given much thought at all to what she wanted with Cam. She knew that, once she slept with him, things would change. But she wasn’t sure she wanted that. Maybe all she really wanted was someone to make her feel something other than the dull pain.
“Come on, Libby. Talk to me. You’ve got that look again, and it’s taking all my willpower to not take you into that house and bury myself inside you.” His voice was husky and sexy. Olivia thought about how much she would really enjoy that. She desperately wanted to erase all traces of Alexander from her life and she needed Cam to help her. “But I’m not going to do that,” he admitted, bringing Olivia back from her thoughts.
“Why?” she asked, the hurt apparent across her face.
“Because, Libby. You use sex as a coping mechanism. You use it so you don’t have to deal with your real emotions. And, as fucking great as it was, I can’t, in good conscience, sleep with you again, knowing that it’s only stunting your emotional development.”
Olivia stood up quickly. “You know what? Fuck you. You don’t know anything about me, Dr. Cameron,” she hissed snidely. “So take your psychobabble bullshit somewhere else, okay?” She stormed across the deck toward her front door, the pain of pushing Alexander away threatening to return. She needed Cam to dull that pain and now he was telling her he didn’t want that role. He saw right through what she was doing and she hated him for it.
“Jesus Christ, Olivia. Calm down!” he exclaimed, shooting up and grabbing her arm before she could retreat into the house, locking away the world and all its problems as she wallowed in her own misery. “I like you, Libby. A lot. And I want to help you feel again. And, holy shit, do I ever want to feel your body spasm as I make you come. But I think we rushed into things. I genuinely care about you. I want to sleep with you for the right reasons and not the wrong reasons.” He took a step closer, brushing a wayward curl behind her ear. “I’m scared to lose you,” he said quietly.
Olivia stood there, staring at her feet, the warmth from Cam's body sending tiny shivers up and down her spine at his sweet words. “I’m not yours to lose, Cam.” A tear fell down her cheek. God, she was sick of only feeling pain. When would it all end?
“Olivia, please. I want you to be mine, but I also know you have problems that you need to start addressing. I couldn’t live with myself if I don’t at least recognize that. It’s going to
take all my willpower to not sleep with you right now. I want to help you…as a friend who really wants to get into your pants again.” He winked. “We need for you to find a more healthy coping mechanism than sex. That would be a step in the right direction. Please, Olivia. For me.” He grabbed her hand, caressing her knuckles. “And for you.”
“I need to make a phone call,” she said dryly.
“But you don’t have a phone. Who are you calling?”
“You’re the doctor who told me I need to find a healthy coping mechanism. I’m following your fucking advice,” she explained.
Cam raised his eyebrows at her, looking for further explanation.
“Are men really that obtuse? Music. I need a piano.”
A smile spread across his face.
~~~~~~~~~~
After landing back in Boston, Alexander went about his normal routine. Get up. Shower. Walk the dog. Eat. Work. Go home. The last vestige of his military training: When it all goes to shit, remember the routine. So that’s what he did. He resumed his routine, trying to block Olivia from his memory.
He had his answer. He tried to make her want him, to need him, but she didn’t. It was time to move on. As he poured himself a scotch to dull the pain, the door buzzer sounded.
“Chelsea,” Alexander said breathlessly as the door slid open.
“Alex. I heard you were back in town,” she said quietly, looking around the penthouse for any indication as to whether he had a guest or not.
“You heard right,” he responded, running his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry. I meant to ca…”
“It’s okay, Alex,” she interrupted. “I was just wondering if you’ve thought about what I said on the phone…”
“I have,” he said nervously.
Chelsea raised her eyebrows, wanting an answer.
Taking a deep breath, he closed the distance between them, pulling her body against his. “I’m sorry I was such a fool, Chelsea,” he breathed against her neck. “I should never have ignored what was right in front of me. I want to make it up to you. I want to do this right.”
Chelsea searched his eyes. “So, you want…”
“Yes, Chelsea. I want something more, too. Let me take you to dinner. A real date.”
A smile crept across her face. “I’d like that, Alex,” she responded.
He placed a kiss on her forehead before grabbing her hand and leaving the apartment, eager to forget that he ever found his Olivia all those months ago.
~~~~~~~~~~
It felt like Christmas came early later that week when a large truck pulled up outside of Olivia’s cottage. Within ten minutes, a piano sat in the spare bedroom downstairs, waiting to be played. Olivia wondered why she hadn’t thought about buying a piano before.
Earlier that week, Cam drove her to a piano showroom in Jacksonville where she purchased a Kawai console piano. Thankfully, on that shopping trip, Olivia remembered her stash of cash from home. Cam raised an eyebrow when she pulled out stacks of hundred dollar bills to pay the six thousand plus sum for the piano.
“I told you. I don’t want to be found. No paper trail.”
“It’s not that. It’s just…I don’t know. You don’t work, yet you just pull out six grand in cash like it’s nothing. I mean, I do well for myself, but what did you do? Rob a bank or something?” he asked semi-jokingly.
Olivia shrugged. “Mom was loaded. She left me with more money than I can even fathom spending in a lifetime. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. I’d give up the money in a second if it meant my mom would still be alive.”
As she sat in front of her piano, recalling Cam's reaction earlier that week, a warmth spread through her core. After her admission, he pulled her body into his, kissing her full on the mouth right in the middle of the piano showroom. “God, Libby. You get more and more attractive every minute I spend with you.”
She wished she had the same enthusiasm for him as he appeared to have for her. To her, Cam was just someone who could dull the pain. Nothing more.
Just as Olivia placed her fingers delicately on the cool ivory that breezy Thursday morning, she heard a gentle knock on the door. She smiled weakly when she saw Cam standing on her deck wearing his wetsuit. “Morning, beautiful,” he crooned, a sparkle in his intense silver eyes. “Everything okay?”
Olivia shrugged, turning away, leaving the door open for him to follow her. “As okay as it’ll ever be, I suppose.”
Cam stopped, wishing he could get her to come out of the shell she seemed to be in. “Don’t do that, Libby.”
She turned around from the coffee maker, thrusting a cup of coffee into his hands. “Do what?” she spat.
He narrowed his eyes at her. “You know what,” he said quietly, taking a long drink from his mug. “You’re doing it again. You’re trying to push me away.”
Olivia sighed. “Please, Cam. I just want to be alone right now. I want to sit at my piano and play until my fingers bleed. You said yourself that I needed a healthy coping mechanism. So unless you want to sprawl me out on my bed and fuck me, I suggest you leave me be.”
Setting his coffee mug on the kitchen island, he placed his hand on the small of Olivia’s back, pulling her body toward his and gently pushing his erection between her legs. “Has anyone ever told you how exasperating you can be sometimes?” he whispered in a sultry voice, the warmth of his breath hot against her skin. “And, for the record, I’d love to fuck you, but I refuse to be your enabler.”
Olivia’s body was aflame with desire, her mind consumed by the thought of Cam being inside her to dull the heartache. She pushed her body even further into his, wrapping her arms around his neck and running her fingers through his hair. “Cam,” she exhaled breathlessly. “Either fuck me or let me get back to playing my piano.” She dragged her tongue against his neck, causing the hair follicles on his body to stand on end.
“Damn, Libby.” He stepped back, needing his distance from her before he did the one thing that would hurt her. “I’ll let you get back to your music.”
Olivia frowned. “What’s it going to take to get you to crack?”
“A lot more than just a pretty smile, although yours is spectacular.” He winked before walking out the front door toward the shoreline.
Returning her attention to the piano, she poured her heart and soul into the ivory keys, willing it to dull the pain. After playing all morning, the heartache was still there, all the songs reminding her of Alexander. She wished she could just erase him from her mind. And her heart.
~~~~~~~~~~
Over the next several weeks, Olivia remained glued to her piano, seeking comfort among the white and black keys. Comfort that never came. She thought about Alexander, wondering whether he had moved on. She hoped he had. As much as the thought of his lips touching someone else made her want to scream, she needed him to move on.
Cam's visits were the only thing she looked forward to, although she would never admit it. She remained distant and aloof, still trying to get him to break down and sleep with her to take away the ever-present pain. He remained strong, but Olivia could tell it was only a matter of time before he cracked.
“Happy Thanksgiving,” he said one morning as he walked into Olivia’s kitchen after she opened the door for him.
“It’s Thanksgiving?” she asked, a confused look on her face. “I guess I completely lost track of time.” She shrugged, returning to the guest bedroom and the only friend she felt she had in the world. Her piano.
“Yes, it’s Thanksgiving, and I’m not going to let you spend the holiday alone,” he said, following her into the guest room and closing the cover on the piano. “Come out with me tonight. It’s ‘Open Mic’ night and I think you could really benefit from playing in public again.”
Olivia eyed him suspiciously.
“Come on, Libby. Just the other day, you said how much you missed performing in front of an audience. This is the perfect opportunity. Even if you don’t want to get up on stage, at least come o
ut with me and the guys tonight. It’ll be fun. I promise.”
Olivia searched his eyes. “I don’t know. I’m not so sure it’s a good idea.”
“Libby, you need to get over whatever it is that’s keeping you down. Staying locked up and playing piano all day is not the way to do that. You’re closing up again. Please. Come back to me.”
Exhaling loudly, she took a sip of her coffee as her eyes remained glued to Cam's. “Fine,” she said, caving in to his request. “But I’m not getting up on stage.”
“You don’t have to,” Cam said quickly, putting his empty mug in the dishwasher. “Gotta run, gorgeous.” He kissed her cheek sweetly. “Pick you up at eight.” He planted a more affectionate kiss on her neck, leaving her body wanting some form of release as she watched him walk out the door.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
GONE
THAT EVENING, CAM WAS at her house a few minutes before eight. “You’re on time,” Olivia said, opening the door. “You’re always on time.”
“I hate being late,” he replied, holding his hand out for her. She grabbed it and he led her down to his car.
He glanced over at Olivia as she sat there, her eyes void of any emotion. The spark was gone. He raised her hand to his lips, kissing it gently, reminding her of all the times that Alexander used to do the same thing. She still couldn’t get him out of her head, no matter how hard she tried. “You look beautiful tonight, Libby.”
She returned a half-hearted smile, sick of how empty she felt. Nothing worked. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw Alexander’s green eyes and felt his hands all over her body. She felt lifeless without his touch, her heart aching at the thought of never feeling his hands on her again. She wanted to stop feeling that pain.
They headed west toward the downtown area and pulled in front of a local bar. Olivia scowled when they walked up to the old building. From the outside, it appeared rather rundown.